I awoke with panic. I didn't know where I was. There were hooves on me. Was some pony holding me down? I needed to get free. I started trying to get away.
"Calm down Pearl. It is okay. I am right here. It is Biblo. It is me touching you. You can trust me. No one is hurting you."
I paused and took a moment to register the voice. Yeah, that sounded like Biblo. I looked around and saw her face. She had her body curled around me.
"Are you calmer now?" She asked me while smoothing my mane. She looked like she just woke up. "Not exactly how I intended you to get back to sleeping with me, but it is good to have you up against me again. I told you I would be able to feel your attacks coming on and help you."
I looked around a little, it was night, the room was dark. When had I fallen asleep? I couldn't remember.
"Try to get back to sleep," she continued. "You had an exhausting time, and you need to get your rest. Tomorrow we get to deal with more Alicorns." She paused, and I could feel her quietly laugh. "Hopefully things will go better this time. I now have assaulted two different Alicorns. I don't really want to work my way through assaulting the rest of the pantheon. Ponies might start thinking I am a bad pony."
I was still hazy, but the thought of any pony thinking Biblo was a bad pony seemed hilarious for some reason. The thought of Biblo assaulting an Alicorn was funny too. I laughed quietly. Biblo smiled and gave me a quick smooch on the side of face before settling back down. I was asleep again as well within seconds.
***
I awoke again fully alert. There wasn't any panic, but I seemed to be missing Biblo. I stood up, looked around, and found her by full length mirror that was hanging on one of the walls. She was brushing her mane and admiring herself in the mirror. She caught sight of me in the mirror, and I could see her smile into the mirror.
Still looking herself over she spoke. "Hot Sticks came by a few minutes ago. I told him you were still sleeping, and that I would see to it you eat and were okay. Meadowbrook and those lesser Alicorns are still up in her chambers. You woke up on and off, but less frequently as it got later. How are you feeling?"
I felt alright all things considered. "I am feeling well. You look, and sound, like you are feeling well. I guess I didn't lash out in my sleep."
She kept on admiring herself, though she kept an eye on me in the reflection. "You tried once or twice early on. I was able to get you calmed down each time though. I am feeling great actually. I should still be grumbling about what happened yesterday, but I knew Meadowbrook wasn't thinking straight from when I..uh..interrupted her spell. I successfully defended you when you were in danger, which feels exhilarating. Lastly, I got to get back to being cuddled up with you for the night. I'm happy."
I smiled. "Well, you did good and were right. I guess you get bragging rights."
She gave me a mischievous grin. "Do you like what you see over here? This is the first time I have gotten to really look at myself in a mirror for a while, and I can't believe how toned and muscular I have gotten, “her eyes took on an excited look as she said this, then she launched into a hyper spree of sentences. "I was thinking of putting my hair in a braid, do you know how to braid manes and tails? I think I would look tougher with my mane in a braid. Please tell me you know how to braid! I am the warrior Crystal Mare, smiter of Alicorns, and defender of my princess! I need to look the part. Watch out world, the new and improved Biblo is here! Now with the new super-powerful punch action!"
I felt a little uncomfortable about her showing off her flank to me. But that entire realm of thought was difficult to think about. She did look very good, and it was good seeing her this confident and self-assured. Made up for the fact I really wasn't feeling so confident and self-assured lately.
Biblo noticed my discomfort and paused. "Can I get a hug?"
I nodded permission and offered up myself for a hug. She held me in her forehooves for a moment, getting a feel for my emotions. She broke it with a sigh. "I wish you could feel what I am feeling as easily sometimes. I could give you back your self-confidence by sharing some of mine...," she paused, and put a forehoof up to her muzzle. Something had occurred to her. She looked at my cutie mark for some reason and scrunched up her muzzle, then went back to thinking. She had an idea about something and was trying to work it out in her head.
"Want to talk to me about what you’re thinking?" I asked. "Maybe I can help you figure it out."
"I thought I might have something, but you being all super-resistant to magic makes it not work," she said with a huff of disappointment.
"Tell me about it anyway," I replied. " Maybe I can help figure out a way to make it work."
She started explaining. "Crystal Ponies can share whatever magic and feelings they have stored up in them to other ponies. When we do it gets stronger, like we powered it up. I can't on my own normally, I have tried before, but I need help to do it. I would need a focus stone. However, we might be able to get one of those from some pony here. I must believe it would be no problem for all these Alicorns to get me a focus stone. So, I was thinking I could share my confidence and feelings with you that way and you could feel better, but then I figured that it might not work with you because of your cutie mark. That it would end up getting blocked. If you blocked an Alicorn's magic being used on you then you definitely could block my magic being used on you."
"Maybe it would be different. You absorb from me fine. Perhaps my magic wouldn't stop it," I told her as I was thinking it over myself.
She shook her head. "I don't think so. What I absorb doesn't involve me doing anything to you. I just pick up what radiates out of you. This is different. This is me pushing what is in me into you," her ears dropped. "Plus, it is kind of a big deal to do what I really want to do. I want to not just share my feelings I want to take out your bad feelings and memories. Even if I could do it somehow with your cutie mark it isn't necessarily a good thing. There are a lot of rules to me being allowed to do it even if I can do it."
"Um, legal rules?" I asked. She nodded in response. There must be something that could be considered really bad about this. "So, what are ponies' concerns about this kind of spell."
She looked a bit ashamed. She looked down and rubbed her hooves together. "It kinda-sorta might be considered mind control. I would be taking something in your head and taking it away. I wouldn't ever think of doing something like that normally, but you have all this bad stuff there now. Stuff that is hurting you. I thought, maybe, I could just make it go away. But I am think I should be ashamed of thinking of asking you to do it. Ponies think of it like rape, except its your personality. Forget I thought about it. I was really desperate for something that could help. It was a bad idea."
I was a little stunned that she would think of doing something that ponies might think of that way. I trusted her though, she wouldn't do anything to hurt me further. I decided to ask a few more questions.
"You said there are rules. So, it is allowed sometimes?" I asked.
She gave me a look that indicated she really did want me to forget I brought it up, but she did answer. "Yes, it can be done with permission. There must be permission, it can't even be done to a criminal without their permission. With that permission it must be made completely clear what is being taken out of the pony's head. All of this must be witnessed by multiple ponies of authority, and they have to interview whoever is having their mind altered to confirm they are not being pressured or forced to do this. It is a big deal. If a Crystal Pony does this to another pony without following every rule then they face not just dungeons, but execution."
Execution? "Rapists don't even get executed. Most murderers don't even get executed. Why do they execute ponies for this?" I asked.
"It is considered a type of mind control," she said miserably. "Please, just forget I brought it up. It was a horrible thing for me to think of, please don't be mad at me. I was being stupid again. Worse than stupid, I was being a bad pony thinking of it. I'm sorry."
She was crying now. I should probably be horrified she had even suggested something like this, but I understood she was desperate for a way to make me better. I was desperate for a way too. It was tempting, really tempting. Something that could just make it all go away.
I finally came over and gave her a hug. "I am not mad at you. I am going to think about that. I might know a way to get around my cutie mark if I decide that is something I want you to do to me. I am not mad at you for thinking of it. If I choose to have you do it then it is by my choice. What happened to me wasn't my choice. How it has been impacting me since wasn't my choice. Let me learn more about it on my own, and let's keep trying other things in the meantime. I am not going to dismiss any option that might help me."
"Are you going to tell other ponies about it?" She asked with worry.
I gave her a kiss. "If you are worried about how ponies will think of you I will pass it off as my idea when asking questions. Don't worry."
She didn't look much less worried but she nodded. This was just a final option if nothing else worked. It had been just a few days. Hot Sticks said this would take a long while to get better. I grimaced and also recalled him saying it might never get better. I couldn't live like this forever.
A light knock at the door broke up that line of thought. Hot Sticks entered in. He looked us both over and said. "Well, you are looking healthy at least, Pearl. Any side new symptoms after what happened yesterday?"
I shook my head. "No, I have only been awake a few minutes though. All I have done so far is talk with Biblo, so it is hard to say for sure."
Hot Sticks looked at Biblo and spoke to her. "Is everything alright? You were in much higher spirit earlier when I came by. Is Pearl having problems you noticed?"
Biblo shook her head. "Nothing new. She woke up a few times in the night, but she is okay. I haven't gotten to get her food yet. I got caught up worrying about her. Um, do you think you could take Pearl to get something to eat without me. I need to take care of something in here."
Hot Sticks arched an eyebrow. "In here? You rarely give up time to be by Pearl's side. What do you need to do in here? Is something bothering you?"
She shook her head. "No, just need to take care of something private."
"If you need to just go to the bathroom we can wait for you, right outside. I wanted to talk with both of you about what happened yesterday," Hot Sticks replied.
Biblo turned a red with embarrassment. "No, I don't need to take care of that, not yet anyway. This is private things, that a mare might do, in her bedroom, when she is feeling certain ways."
Hot Sticks still looked confused. I was confused too. I spoke to her. "If you are feeling upset about something I could stay here a bit and comfort you."
Biblo was colored purple now. "No! No, don't need you to do that. It is really private," biting her lip she looked at Hot Sticks and rolled her eyes. She walked over to him and whispered something too low for me to hear in his ear. Hot Sticks turned a decidedly redder tint as well then too.
"Pearl," he said. "Biblo will catch up with us in a few minutes. Let's get you something to eat."
Okay. What was Biblo willing to tell Hot Sticks but not me? Did I upset her about something? Was she mad about me for something? I did as requested and followed Hot Sticks out of the room.
After putting a little distance between the room and us I asked Hot Sticks. "Did I do something to upset her?"
Hot Sticks turned red again. "No, upset is definitely not what she is feeling right now, or angry, or anything of that type."
"Then why did she tell you and not me what the issue was if it was a mare problem?" I asked.
He stopped and looked at me. "You take it to your grave that I told you if I tell you. Agree?" I nodded. "She just spent the night curled up with you. She has strong feelings about you she can't act on. What do you think she might be doing, with a few minutes safely to herself, right now?"
I had to think about it for a moment. It finally dawned on me what was being talked about, and why I was the one being left out of the loop. It was my turn to turn purple now.
"Oh."
The temple had a dining hall that was stocked at all times with various fruits and pastries. They also had staff available who would make specific orders, and were able to accommodate just about anything; hence I got sardines on request. The hall had many rectangular tables, with benches that could hold multiple ponies as seating. The Medical Guard had a few of its members eating, along with a few of the temple staff. Hot Sticks and I took an apple each and sat down at a table by ourselves.
Hot Sticks took a bite of his apple and talked about what was going to happen today. "Today you are going to be in the hooves of the Crusaders. Unfortunately, I don't know much about them. They are lesser Alicorns, and lesser Alicorns tend to be a bit of a mystery. Lesser Alicorns tend to be loners for the most part, and they don't involve themselves, unless called upon by the Twilight Princess, in the affairs of ruling the Twilight Realm. Lessers try to maintain normal pony lives despite being as powerful as the other Alicorns."
They seemed very different from the other Alicorns I had met so far. Talking to other Alicorns had a certain formality to it, even when they dropped the formalities, they were ponies used to being obeyed. Pinkie Pie had been a bit more casual, but still held a commanding presence. These Crusaders still had that sense of power about them, but felt more like normal ponies too.
Hot Sticks continued. "I do know that these three spend almost all their time together. They may be very different from the other Alicorns, but they are scarily similar to each other. Ponies personalities rub off on one another over time when they spend a great deal of time together. These three have spent thousands of years closer to each other than any of the greater Alicorns are with each other."
"So, they agree and disagree with each other on everything?" I asked.
"It's a bit more than that with them," Hot Sticks replied. "It is like dealing with one pony. If you address one, another will just as likely reply as if you addressed them. It is hard to explain, and I am doing a poor job of it. You will see for yourself."
I accepted that. "What will they be doing with me? I don't want any more pushing the limits of my cutie mark, no disrespect intended to your old mistress."
He looked saddened. "I do apologize for that. I told her about the effects of your cutie mark, but she apparently didn't comprehend how resistant to magic you are. Alicorns almost never encounter anything that can thwart their magic."
I could mentally forgive her. Psychologically I wasn't sure it would be so easy. "Biblo said Meadowbrook wasn't thinking. She already seems to have forgiven her somewhat."
Hot Sticks smiled at that and continued. "I am glad. As for what the Crusaders will do differently, I think they will do something like what Starlight Glimmer did to you when she worked magic on you."
"They are going to take my cutie mark off!?" I was horrified. When Starlight Glimmer did it, she only did it for a moment. I didn't really get time to think about what happened. Taking a cutie mark off seemed like ripping off a limb, or removing a major organ. It was part of you.
Secretly, I was also taken aback because it was part of the solution to how to make Biblo's idea work. The timing of having some pony doing it, this soon after I was wondering if I could have Starlight Glimmer do that again, was a little unnerving. I wasn't going to mention anything to Hot Sticks about that idea though. Biblo had indicated that her idea was not something most ponies would approve of, and I still needed to find out more about what it entailed. If I didn't find other options first.
"I am told they are the preeminent experts on all things cutie mark related," Hot Sticks assured me. "It would only be for a few minutes. Just for them to study it."
"Are we discussing some other Alicorn doing something to violate Pearl?!" Biblo could be heard growling. Hot Sticks and I both turned to see the pink pony walking up. She looked ready to enact further violence on Alicorns.
"Nothing she hasn't had done before without negative side effect," Hot Sticks addressed her. "This isn't like Meadowbrook. These ponies know what they are doing with cutie marks. Meadowbrook is the ultimate expert on healing, but her knowledge in this field is very limited. She was working against something she didn't understand. I am sad to admit Alicorn pride might have caused her to not admit leaving things to others."
Biblo calmed a little but still seemed ruffled. "They just better not hurt us again."
The wording struck me as odd. "Us?" I asked.
My asking that made caused her to look like she had just said something she shouldn't have revealed. With some resignation she answered me. "When I am touching you, a lot comes over. I don't get the memories or anything, but the emotion is there. When you were having your panic attacks last night I felt it like it was my own each time. I had to focus on calming you. As long as I did that it was alright. But if I didn't have that to do I think I might have reacted the same. It hurt me too."
I should have realized that would happen. She had seemed calm, extremely calm actually. I don't know how she could do that. Set the emotions aside like that and focus. Maybe it was because she was just used to feeling others’ emotions.
"Are you sure that you want to keep curled up with me?" I asked with concern. "I know you really want to, but I don't want you getting the full brunt of that out of nowhere in the night."
She would not give ground on that. "Being in contact with you is important to me. I want to know when you are hurting, so I can be there. I am going to be just as hurt seeing it happen, as feeling it happen. I am a better pony for my contact with you."
Her voice fell. "I think that if I just kept watching it would be far worse. I get angry a lot since what happened to you last week. I worry that it will consume me sometimes. I am not used to being so angry. Feeling what you feel about me, what you think of me keeps those things more who I am. I have really strong emotions, and when bad emotions start happening a lot, I need to fill myself with good things. Despite what has happened, you are still a really good pony, and me being in contact with you regularly keeps me a good pony too. It's like I am taking part of who you are and making it part of me."
"Biblo you are a good pony," I said. "I want you to be with me, but you don't need to be with me to be that."
"I do," she said. "It has been what, two weeks? Two weeks since I arrived in Starlight's Folly this clueless filly. I have gotten a lot from you since. I have never gotten so much emotions and feelings from a pony before, not in such little time anyway. And I got better for it. I got braver, more assertive, more aware in general, and more caring, all in a short period of time. All because I was taking in so much of you. It doesn't replace me, but it enhances me. I don't think it is normal. I don't know any other Crystal Ponies like me, so I can't ask. But it has made me better. Then stuff happened, and I got so angry. You don't understand how angry, and that anger is all me, not something I got from you. I don't like it. So, I focus it to protecting you, and I keep taking in all that good stuff from you."
Hot Sticks looked concerned as he spoke to Biblo. "This seems like it is unhealthy. Like you are using Pearl as a crutch for your own problems. It also seems like you are trying to lose your own identity and personality in favor of Pearl's."
She shook her head in denial. "It doesn't work like that, it is more an amalgamation," she paused as Hot Sticks and I raised an eyebrow. "Don't look at me like that! I have been reading, trying to get smarter. Anyway, I am not sure if how fast I develop changes is normal, but it isn't unnatural for this to happen to a pony like me. I am just combining what's me with Pearl's feelings and emotions and making something more. It might seem weird to you, but you aren't a pony that is largely defined by being an empath. I can't help but do this with other ponies no matter what. What I can help is who I gain the most from. I choose to be with Pearl."
A similarity popped into my mind. "It is kind of like with the Alicorns. They become more like each other because they have spent so much time together. Their personalities becoming a mix of each other."
Hot Sticks considered it. "I am not sure it is the same thing, that is a bond formed by long association. This is something more symbiotic."
"Well, aren't symbiotic bonds good?" Biblo asked defending herself. "Both parts helping the other. I am becoming a better pony and doing it in the direction I choose to, Pearl has me then protecting her. We both get to share affection for one another."
Hot Sticks still seemed doubtful. "I suppose. This is something unfamiliar to me. I would have to learn more about it from more sources, and through watching it. Don't think I am against your bond. I am just uncertain really what to make of it. I am skeptical, but that doesn't mean this is bad. You can check my feelings if you want to confirm it."
Biblo walked over and touched his foreleg with one of her hooves and held it there for a moment. Then she smiled and nodded while removing her hoof.
"No hug for Hot Sticks?" I asked.
She looked embarrassed. "I am trying to limit my hugs to other ponies. As I realized how much I was getting from you, I decided it might be a good idea to limit how much I was getting from every pony else," she got an even more embarrassed look. "Actually, I realized how much I was absorbing that way by accident with another pony. The nurse that first was taking care of me when I first got here got a good bit of hugs from me, and I am afraid I picked up some of her traits as a result. Well, one at least."
That was a bit of a tease. "So what trait is that?" I asked.
"Um, she had a lot of confidence and needs in one area. That combined with how I already felt about you..plus your feelings in that area mixed in," she took a deep breath. "Okay, I feel really sexy and really horny, and at the same time weird about feeling sexy and horny. Let's not talk about it, and please don't laugh at me for it."
I wasn't going to laugh at her. She said she had absorbed my insecurities too, which were legion now. Combine that with the complete opposite from this unnamed nurse likely added up to a muddled mess. Being a strong empath had its downsides.
Hot Sticks asked a question that hadn't occurred to me. "How did you manage not to absorb lots of personality traits from others before coming to Starlight's Folly?"
"My absorbing doesn't really work with other Crystal Ponies, I feel things still, but don't take it in the same. I did absorb a lot from my mom though. Most of her personality actually. I am exactly like my mom, or at least I was before I started absorbing from Pearl. My mom just took off one day from the hive without a care in the world to have an adventure somewhere she had only heard a little about. She is also very excitable and energetic. My dad knew about how things work with ponies like me, but I never really paid attention until I noticed things changing. If I am constantly around non-Crystal Ponies, this is going to happen to me no matter what. I can choose who I spend my time around though."
I gave her my support. "It is just like any pony. You become like the company you keep. Except the change happens faster in this case. I understand."
Hot Sticks nodded. "That feels like a more acceptable answer. I won't push you on the issue any further. We have other things to discuss, things pertinent to why we are here."
Biblo hopped up on the bench where she could have her flank touching mine, trusting I would have no objection to contact after our discussion. I had no objections, though I likely would be spending time worrying about what kinds of personality traits she might pick up from me with time. It was her choice, and she was still a mix of her and me, not some pony that would become my reflection.
We would be meeting with the Crusaders soon. That was the thing to focus on now.