What If...

by TheMajorTechie

The Fried Chicken Dealer came to Twilight?

Twilight grimaced as she warily eyed the towering stacks of papers that she soon had to work through.

She sighed as she pulled the first flimsy sheet from the very top of the stack, rubbing an eye with a hoof as she pulled out her quill set.

*knock knock*

"Who's there?" Twilight called, rising from her seat to check the door.

She opened her study door. Nobody. Which meant that it'd either be the bathroom door, the closet door, the sexy dungeon door basement door, or the most likely of all: the front door.

The door sat ajar just a sliver, a slight breeze passing through it as Twilight neared.

Somepony's here... Twilight thought, preparing a shield spell for casting.

"Would you be interested in fried chicken and fried chicken accessories?" a deep, gruff, and definitely not creepy dark voice called from the shadows.


A stallion stepped from the shadows in a large trenchcoat, surprising Twilight. In response, the mare instinctively shot a dazzling laser at the strange pony, only to watch as the stallion simply absorbed the blow into his body.

The stallion wobbled ever so slightly from the blast, seemingly dazed, but otherwise unharmed. Moments later, he shook himself from the trance-like state, and refocused his attention on Twilight.

"Now," he said once more in that ever-so-deep voice, "Would you be interested in some--" he whipped open his trenchcoat, prompting Twilight to scream as she covered her eyes.

"L-LEWD!" Twilight shrieked from behind her hooves. Except... upon lowering them ever so slightly, she noticed... there was hardly anything disturbing. Just... buckets.

"--Chicken?" The pony then finished, the buckets filling with fried chicken before Twilight's very eyes.

"Uhhhhhhh..." Twilight began, confused by the entire event.

"Only five-ninety-nine," the apparition grinned through rotting teeth, "...not counting tax."

"STAHP!" Celestia shrieked as she burst through a window, "YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT THAT!"

Twilight nodded in short response to Celestia's sudden entrance and following outburst. Charging her horn for attack, she fired a barrage of spells at the stallion.

...Only to have them pass straight through him.

"Twilight." Celestia began, ignoring the wall-tentacles that flooded her field of vision, "That stallion sells drugged food."

But it was too late, for simply the smell alone was enough.

Twilight shrieked as a tap-dancing Trixie-Starlight duo entered the room on an upside-down apache helicopter of doom.