//------------------------------// // Wait, What? // Story: The Six Guardians // by The Soviet Turtle //------------------------------// Martin was is pain. That’s the first thing that came to him once he woke up. He let out a silent groan as his legs were numb, covered with a feeling of pins and needles. His eyes stayed closed, his body finally waking up and his mind rebooting. ‘What happened? Why do my legs hurt? What did I do?’ Martin began to hear a voice through the darkness, a female voice, sounding eerily familiar, giving Martin’s spine a shiver. “Height, approximately 11 and a half hooves. Language, Equestrian but possible unknown dialect. A small amount of brown fur on the head, small hairs scattered over various parts of the body. Various different clothes worn, theoretically source of warmth for species due to lack of full body fur. Flat teeth along with a pair of upper and lower canines suggest an omnivore diet, Spike have you got this down?” “Got it Twi!” Another voice piped in. Martin began to open his eyes, a pair of violet eyes staring right into his. The two seemed to stay still, both blinking twice before they screamed. “AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Twilight flapped her wings and tumbled out the bed, Martin meanwhile in his panic hit his head against the bed. “Ow!” Martin raised his hands to rub his head but found both of his hands chained down in purple magic. He looked in awe at the sparkly chains along with his arms before looking up at the Alicorn and Dragon both watching him. “Seriously?” Martin said, indicating to his chained up hands. Twilight quickly coughed and regained her regal composure before talking to Martin. “Finally you’re awake. My name is Princess Twilight Sparkle, and this is my assistant Spike.” “Hey,” Spike said as he waved to Martin, parchment and feather in claw. “Okay, I- wait, where are my friends?” Martin said. “They’re in the council room, under guard,” Twilight said. “Alright, second question. Where’s my shirt?” Martin asked, noticing his lack of clothing. “On the dresser,” Twilight said. “Final question, why the chains?” Martin asked, lifting his arms up until the chains were stretched out. “Just a precaution,” Twilight said. “Little extreme for a precaution, don’t ya think?” “Not at all. What if you had woken up when nopony was here to look after you? You would probably have tried to escape or hurt yourself even more. This was the best way to make sure you would stay where you were.” Twilight defended, Martin just blinked before rubbing his eye. “I’m sorry, did you just say no…pony?” He asked. “Yes. What’s wrong with saying that?” Twilight asked. “Nothing, just when you say nopony, do you mean exclusively ponies like you or do you also mean to include me and the dragon there?” Martin asked, pointing to Spike. “My name is Spike,” Spike said, glaring at Martin. “Right, sorry, does that include me and Spike?” Martin asked again. “Hmm, I suppose it does. How would you say it?” Twilight asked another question. “Everyone. Simple and inclusive.” Martin said. “Everyone, Spike can you-,” “Already got it down Twi,” Spike said as he finished writing down to latest note. “Anyway, I think we got a bit off topic, can you please take these chains off my hands,” Martin asked. “No,” Twilight said with a deadpanned look. “Why not?” “Because we’re still waiting for somepony, and I don’t trust you,” Twilight said. “What did I do?” Martin asked, slightly irritated at this purple horse keeping him locked in bed. “You’re a completely new species I don’t think anypony has seen on the planet, you could be a threat to national security. As a Princess of Equestria, it’s my job to make sure everypony is safe.” Twilight said, glaring at this weird furless looking alien with a dialect she hadn’t heard before. “Oh yeah, some shirtless alien is a legit threat to national security. Better call the bloody army, it isn’t covered in fur or has a horn!” Martin said in a mock voice. “Humour will get you nowhere out of your chains,” Twilight said. “But you know what would if a magical pony was to break these magic chains,” Martin said, shaking his arms making the chains rattle. “I am not letting you out of those chains until I deem you are not a threat!” Twilight yelled, tired of this argument. “And just who are we waiting for? Rainbow Twinkle? Dwayne Johnson? Fucking Queen!?” “Well, Princess would be more accurate.” Martin, Twilight and Spike turned around to see two more ponies standing at the door. Both were taller than Twilight, although one was taller than the other. One was white with a Pink, Green and Blue mane that seemed to flow in the non-existent wind, wearing golden jewels on her hoofs, neck and head. The other, shorter pony was dark blue with a mane that seemed to resemble the night sky that also had a transparent effect on it, wearing black jewels on her head, hooves and neck. The white pony had a picture of a sun in its necklace while the blue one had a crescent moon on their necklace, and both had wings and horns like Twilight. “Princess Celestia! Princess Luna! I-I didn’t e-expect you to s-show up so fast.” Twilight said, straitening herself up and trying to gain a more regal composure, while Spike simply bowed. Celestia simply chuckled at her former student's antics while Luna giggled behind her hoof. “Twilight, you know you no longer have to do that,” Celestia said. Twilight let out a yelp before she blushed and rubbed the back of her head. “Sorry, force of habit.” She said, Spike simply rolling his eyes and standing back up. “So, this is what you meant when you wrote ‘Unknown potential threat’ in your letter,” Celestia said as she walked towards Martin. “Good day to you, your majesties, I would bow but unfortunately I am currently chained to a bed,” Martin said, indicating to his cuffs. “Hmm, well you did cause a bit of ruckus when you apparently yelled from the top of a mountain cliff,” Celestia said. “Hold on I did what?” Martin asked. “Yes, Young Twilight here mentioned you saying, and I quote ‘I come from a land down under’“. Luna said. “Wow…Really?” Martin said shaking his head. “Why are you surprised?” Twilight asked. “Oh, I’m not surprised. Considering that I was chased through a forest and up a mountain with nothing to eat or drink that morning, my mind would probably be a bit of a blur from the exhaustion. I wasn’t expecting that in order to cope with it, that decided the best thing to do was scream camp eighties songs.” Martin explained. “These were also in his pockets,” Twilight said, lifting two items off the dresser and showing them to her fellow princesses. “You went through my pants?” Martin asked, eyebrows raised. “It was to check if you had any weapons on you!” Twilight quickly shot back, a small blush growing due to her embarrassment. “I believe these are yours?” Luna asked, looking at the two floating items. Martin soon realised it was his phone and his wallet. “Yeah, that’s my phone and wallet. Wait, I had those the whole time? How did I not notice that?” Martin said. “You ran up a mountain screaming,” Spike said. “Touché.” “So, this is a coin holder of some kind? Mr…Martin?” Celestia said, opening the wallet and pulling out a drivers licence. “That is my wallet yes,” Martin responded. “Then what, pray tell, is this strange device? It looks like a combination of glass and metal.” Luna asked, holding his smartphone. “It’s a phone. Push the button and it should turn on.” Martin said, Luna simply touched the bottom with her hoof, the screen lighting up. “So what does this ‘phone’ do exactly?” Twilight asked. “Well when they were first made, they were simply made for taking to other people, but with that, you can talk, send messages, take photos, record and watch videos, and you can also play-“ “-music…” Martin finished, all eyes on the phone as Luna had accidentally played his most recent music. “So this is what you were trying to sing?” Celestia asked as the song still played. “More or less,” Martin answered. “I must say, this is unlike anything I have heard before,” Luna said, slightly moving to the beat. “But maybe it’s not a song, maybe it’s the call to start an invasion-Spike!” Twilight said. “What? It’s catchy?” Spike said as he danced to the music. “That’s why I have it. Now could I please get these chains off me?” Martin said. “Not until-“ “Of course, let me just give your clothes back,” Celestia said as, with a flick of her horn, the chains broke off of Martin’s hands. He rubbed his wrists before his shirt landed on top of his face. “Thanks,” Martin said, pulling his shirt off his face before putting it on. “C-Celestia! What if he plans to take over Equestria!? What if he’s a scout for a large alien fleet!? What if-“ “Twilight! Calm down, calm down.” Spike said, quickly walking over to Twilight and trying to snap her out of her mental breakdown. Twilight took some deep breaths as she was able to cool down. “Don’t fret Twilight. I know your heart is in the right place, and your worries for Equestria are justified. But I believe Martin here is not an enemy, rather just somebody who’s lost.” Celestia explained. “Yeah, defiantly not looking to take over. Too much paperwork, not enough sleep.” Martin said as he stood up, throwing his jacket on. Standing up, Martin found that he was as tall as Luna, who had ended the song and placed it back on the dresser with his wallet. “Well, I suppose we should go see your friends in the map room. They must be anxious to see how you two are faring.” Celestia said, talking to Martin and Twilight. “I…Fine, let’s go,” Twilight said, giving up convincing her teacher as she walked out the room, Spike behind her. “Although I must say, Mr. Martin, if your kind does not use magic, why were you not surprised with my telekinetic spell?” Celestia asked as Martin grabbed his phone and wallet and put them into his jacket. “Oh, it’s defiantly weird for me, but my mind has just given up on trying to make sense of this place so I’m just accepting anything completely weird to me is normal here. You can tell me you move the sun, moon and the weather with magic and there is a group of deer like magical ponies that were bugs and I would believe you.” Martin said. “Ok. My sister and I control the sun and moon with our magic, the Pegasi control the weather, and the Changelings are now our allies thanks to the efforts of King Thorax.” Celestia answered. “…I was just making a joke but I have no idea if you're bullshitting me or not.” ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ “Is she done yet?” “No.” “Is she done yet?” “No.” “Is she done yet?” “VINCE SHUT UP! You’ve been asking that the last ten minutes!” Andrew yelled. The Kiwi just gave Andrew a blank stare before shrugging and slouching into the crystal chair, Pinkie Pie hanging onto the top. She lowered her head and began to bombard Vince with questions. Andrew let out a sigh and rubbed his head, this was not how he wanted the day to go. Looking around the weird crystal castle he and his new friends had found themselves in after getting chased, captured and now being held captive by these magical ponies. He looked over the chairs, each having a mark similar to the ones he saw on some of the ponies flanks, along with a smaller chair next to the chair with a purple star on it. Applejack herself was sitting in her chair behind Andrew, and couldn’t help but look over at her friends and the other humans to see what they were doing. Vince was obviously blabbing to Pinkie, Andrew seemed to just stand at the table waiting, and Twilight was with the other one she had chased up a mountain. Arnold was sitting in a chair, although trying to hide in it would be more accurate. He crossed his arms and raised his knees to shelter himself, and just looked up at Rainbow Dash, who was simply flying around the table in a form of pacing if he was to guess. But he was soon caught looking and Rainbow got close to him, looking down on him intimidating. “What are you looking at?” She asked. Arnold simply looked away and shuffled in his spot. Rainbow Dash snorted before going back to flying. Applejack shook her head before looking over to Rarity, who seemed to have taken a likeness to Edward. “Oh, please, you flatter me, darling.” Rarity said as Edward had grabbed her hoof. “But it is not flattery dear. Your mane is magnificent! You gave away a part of your beauty to help a poor serpent. Truly generosity is in your name.” Edward said. “Well, I must say, with what little hair you have, you’ve done a splendid job while having to survive a night in that dreadful forest!” Rarity said. “Well there was not much to it my dear, I always carry emergency supplies if I ever find myself in need of a clean-up,” Edward said. Andrew simply raised an eyebrow at the sight, before he looked opposite of the table to see Richard, standing in all his glory at ease. He is doing what Andrew is doing, waiting for the purple one to return so they know what is happening next. Fluttershy sits behind him, sipping a small cup of tea she had made as they waited, simply staring at the table, also waiting. Andrew and Richard share a nod, while Applejack and Fluttershy both give each other a small smile. The room is soon disturbed as Twilight and Spike walk in, followed by Celestia, Luna and Martin. “Martin!” Andrew said, walking over to him, the two shaking hands. “Nice to see you guys again. Everyone okay?” Martin asked. “Yeah, were fine. How about you.” “Apart from my mind exploding and having one of the weirdest moments waking up in my life, I’m fine,” Martin said. “Mind exploding? From what?” Andrew asked. “AHEM.” Martin and Andrew looked over to Twilight, who looked at them with a scowl. “I believe we have some introducing to do.” She said, indicating to Luna and Celestia. “Hello. I am Princess Celestia, and this is my sister Princess Luna. As rulers of Equestria, we welcome you to our kingdom with open hooves. I apologise for anything my ponies may have done to cause you harm.” Celestia said. “Well about time! As leader of humanity, I demand reparations starting with-“ Vince’s rant was cut short as Richard grabbed him from behind and put him in a headlock with his over Vince’s mouth. “Sorry about him your highness, he isn’t the best suited for diplomacy. I’m sure we all accept your apologies.” Richard said, bowing while dragging Vince down with him. “Oh there is no need for formalities, you are not our subjects, and you are our guests,” Celestia said. “Oh guys, check your pockets and see if you’ve got anything. Turns out I had my phone and wallet on me the whole time.” Martin said, pulling out his smartphone as an example. When Richard eventually letting Vince go, the humans checked each of their pockets, and indeed found their wallets and phones. “How did we not know we had this until now?” Edward asked. “Yeah, they should’ve fallen out when I was hanging over that ditch,” Andrew said. “While we- I mean, I’m sure how your devices remained undetected is a puzzling question, the nature of your arrival is a more dominate question,” Luna said. “Yeah, kinda weird how you guys show up as soon as we start looking for the Changelings,” Spike said. “Indeed. These events may be linked somehow.” Celestia said. “Or perhaps it’s just coincidence?” Martin asked. “Maybe, but the chance of that is very unlikely,” Twilight answered. “Um, is the table supposed to glow?” Arnold asked. All eyes in the room turned to the table as it transformed from a regular crystal table into a holographic map of Equestria. The ponies looked on, waiting for what the map was going to do, while the humans were simply stunned at the magical table. “What is it doing?” Edward asked. “Just wait, It’s about to send some of us on a friendship mission.” Rarity said. “Friendship mission?” Richard asked. “Problems around Equestria that we six have to solve. The map chooses who to send and places our cutie marks where we are needed.” Twilight explained. In a magical flash, the six cutie-marks of the friendship council hung over the Everfree forest, floating in a horizontal circle. Above them, attached to a yellow circle, six flags also rotated but in the opposite direction. “What are those?” Rainbow asked, pointing to the flags that flew around the forest. “They’re…Flags?” Andrew said, slightly confused. “What in the hay does that mean?” Applejack asked back. “I think…they represent us.” Martin said. “What led you to that idea?” Celestia asked. “Let’s see. Two stars and stripes, a red leaf, the union jack, two smaller union jacks with a white and red southern cross. Yeah, pretty sure it means us.” Martin said. “But where does the…’map’ want us to go??” Richard asked. “To the Tree of Harmony,” Twilight answered. “Tree of what?” Martin asked. “The Tree of Harmony, it’s what created the Elements of Harmony to begin with, and this castle.” Twilight explained. “I’m sorry, a tree created the castle?” Andrew asked. “Dude, I don’t know anymore, I’m just gonna roll with it,” Martin said, rubbing his forehead. “It appears it is summoning you back to the Everfree to actually see the Tree,” Celestia stated. “D-Does that mean W-We H-Have to go back I-Into T-That Forest?” Arnold asked, not liking the idea. “Please no, I just finally got clean,” Edward said. “Do not worry, my sister and I shall teleport you to the Tree,” Luna said. “Indeed, you probably want to spend as little time as possible in the Everfree I assume,” Celestia said. “Yes, we are generally not fans of that forest,” Richard said. “It, and all the giant lions with wings that live there.” Martin supported. “Very well, we shall set out soon,” Luna said as her horn began to glow a deep blue. “Do you want to come with us, Spike?” Twilight asked her baby dragon. “Nah, you guys probably got it covered, I’ll just look after the castle until you get back,” Spike answered. “Alright, we shall return shortly. Is Everypony ready?” Celestia asked. “Everypony?” Edward asked. “Different dialect, you guys ready?” Martin answered, seeing all the humans nod In response, “Ready when you are.” He told Celestia. “Then we are off!” In a blink of blinding light, the six humans, six ponies and two princesses popped out of the map room, leaving Spike alone to grab a comic he stashed behind his throne and start reading, flipping to the last page he was reading and putting his feet up. “Today’s been weird. Well, weirder than usual.” ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ In a flash of white, the six humans and eight ponies all appeared in a dark cavern in the Everfree. “Ah, here we ar-“ Celestia cut herself off as she saw most of the group was dizzy, Edward and Vince holding their heads while Richard held onto Arnold who looked like he was going to throw up, Andrew was on his knees breathing while Martin simply laid down on the ground groaning. “My apologies, I suppose I should have been aware that you’re not used to teleportation.” Celestia apologised. “Oh, my head…” Edward said. “This is why you should always read the label,” Vince said. “Vince, go fuck yourself,” Martin said as he pushed himself up. “Don’t ya mean buck?” Applejack asked. “Different dialects, different words,” Martin said, getting slightly annoyed how he has said this multiple times already, but his attention and everyone else’s attention in the room was drawn to the glowing crystal tree. The humans had never seen anything like this. It looked like a dead tree, but instead of wood, pure crystal that put anything they saw to shame. The gems and shapes in the tree they didn’t know what they meant but they all had a feeling of how important this tree really was. “Welcome to the Tree of Harmony humans,” Luna said. “Holy hell…” Martin said, lost for words. “My god…it looks amazing,” Edward said. “Pretty impressive, right?” Rainbow bragged. “Y-Y-Yeah, it’s something,” Arnold said. “So…Now we are here, what do we do?” Andrew asked. HOLD ON, JUST STAND STILL FOR A SECOND, I’M ALMOST DONE CLEANING UP THE PLACE. Everyone jumped up in terror as the deep, booming voice echoed in the cave, some dirt falling from the ceiling. “What the hay was that!?” Rainbow said. “You didn’t mention anything about it talking!” Martin said. “It doesn’t talk, it just….it just…” Twilight said, her brain going into critical thinking as she tried to find the logic behind the voice. “Sister, is that who I think it is?” Luna asked. “Possibly, it certainly sounds a lot like-“ A beam of pure light shot out from the middle of the tree, blinding everyone in the cave. More beams began to shot out from the tree as the whole cavern filled up with light. “Not this blinding light shit again!” Martin yelled as he was engulfed in the light. The cavern filling up with light until once again, it was abandoned except for the Tree of Harmony. The group found themselves…somewhere. None of them could really describe it. They seemed to be floating but they each stood on their legs, the walls seemed to be continuously moving, almost like they were in a liquid rainbow bubble. “Now where are we?” Andrew asked. “I’m not sure….” Richard said. “My word, look at the colours.” Rarity said, pointing to the lucid colours changing size and shape, merging with each other. “A..a..a…a” Arnold stuttered, unable to say a word at the sight. “Celestia, Luna, do you have any idea where we are?” Twilight asked. “I’m afraid not Twilight, although this place does look familiar,” Celestia said. “MY BABIES!” Suddenly from out of nowhere, an alicorn appeared, pulling Celestia and Luna into a bear hug. She was only a few hooves taller than Celestia, had a coat of white and black that seemed to mix together perfectly, with a large rainbow and ethereal mane and tail that seemed to blow in the breeze even if there was no wind in this void. “It’s so good to see you. How have you been? You haven’t seen me in a while, why don’t you visit me?” She said in a tone many could only describe as godly with hints of a feminine tone mixed with it. “Mother!?” Celestia asked as the mystery alicorn nuzzled her cheek. “What!?” Everypony yelled in shock, the humans just stood confused. “Mother, please stop, you're embarrassing us in front of our subjects,” Luna said as the alicorn mother kissed her cheek like crazy. “Oh, I’m not allowed to give my daughters love? They are my subjects too.” The alicorn said as she continued to embarrass the princesses of night and day. The others simply watched as their minds had been blown away. “This ain’t what as was expecting when ah woke up this morning.” Applejack said. “I’m with you there,” Andrew said. “AHHH, isn’t that sweet, a mother reconnecting with her daughters?” Pinkie Pie said, Vince just shrugged and went ‘meh’. Martin was just confused, deciding not to dwell on the sight before him as it would bring more questions than answers, but he did notice Twilights breathing. She was huffing and puffing, her mind on the verge of tipping over. “Hey, you okay there?” Martin asked, snapping Twilight out of her daze. “N-No, what I’m looking at doesn’t make sense!” She answered back. “Hey, hey now, relax,” Martin said. “Relax? How can I relax? How can you relax!?” Twilight snapped back. “By keeping calm. We can get answers to the questions we have later, but right now overthinking and exaggerating isn’t going to help. Just take some deep breathes, and settle your mind.” Martin answered. Twilight looked at him before taking a deep breath, cooling herself down. “Ok…I’m okay, I’m okay,” Twilight said. “Good, now we just gotta wait for her to stop and ask her what is going on,” Martin said, as the alicorn finally placed the two princesses down. “Sooo, how have things been going on in Equestria? Celestia, have you let Discord out yet?” “Y-Yes, he is. The element of kindness was able to reform him from his chaotic ways.” Celestia said. “Ah, good for him. So when can I expect grandchildren?” “MOM!” Celestia said, breaking the royal tongue. Luna giggled into her hoof which her mother quickly caught on. “And how is your group of friends doing Luna, have you finally finished that strike you’ve tried so hard to beat. I heard you have a crush on your healer too.” “MOTHER!” The mother alicorn giggled as she teased her daughters, both princesses trying to hide their rosy cheeks. She soon turned her attention to the other twelve beings in her realm and coughed before addressing them all. “Greetings mortals. Welcome to my realm. I am the mother and goddess of all ponies, of the night and the sky, of friendship and love. I am Concordia, but you can just call me Harmony to keep it simple.” “…So you’re a goddess?” Martin asked. “Well yeah, couldn’t you tell? I got the rainbow room and my mane done and everything, how am I not a goddess?” “Forgive us for being a bit sceptical, none of us have actually seen a god before,” Richard said. “How come nopony has heard about you? Why didn’t you tell ponies we had an actual goddess?” Twilight asked. “Simple really, I only let Celly and Lulu know about me, I’m not a whole fan of worshippers and religion and such. I’m just fine in my humble cloud mansions with all the wealth, food and power I could want with all the other gods.” “Define ‘humble’,” Martin said. “S-S-So, um, pardon me but why did you summon u-us?” Arnold asked. “Yes, we are all curious as to why you summoned these humans from there dimensions,” Luna said. “Oh yeah, I knew I was forgetting something.” “A goddess forgetting something? Are you sure you’re a divine being?” Vince said, pointing accusingly at the floating alicorn, right before a rainbow arrow was impaled through his chest. “Yes, now shut up while I explain.” “Vinnie! Are you okay!?” Pinkie Pie asked, slightly scared, right before the arrow disappeared from Vince’s body leaving no scar. “Yeah…that was weird,” Vince said, making sure he wasn’t bleeding. “Anyway. As you know, you six are the embodiments of the elements of harmony. You have saved Equestria and my little ponies from countless foes and again and again. I cannot thank you enough for that, which is why I gave you such a nice castle since that Tirek asshole destroyed your treehouse.” “You did that!?” Twilight asked. “Yes, plus, it allowed me to help send you six across Equestria and beyond, solving friendship issues wherever they arise. That’s what the whole map was for.” “So you’re the one that sends us on Friendship missions?” Rainbow asked. “The hell is a friendship mission?” Andrew asked. “It’s when we six have ta go somewhere in Equestria and resolve an issue ponies or others might be having. Usually, we help resolve whatever’s going down over there.” Applejack explained. “Yes, again that was me. You six have saved and helped more ponies then anypony else I know. But even though you’ve beaten baddies again and again before I had to come in and totally destroy them for messing with my ponies, you’re not perfect.” “Oh, yeah, how about when we took on a whole army of Changelings during the wedding?” Rainbow boasted, crossing her hooves. “Yes, and remember when a mad unicorn almost completely altered history and Changelings kidnap you all getting saved by said mad unicorn?” “Umm…” Rainbow said, slowly floating back down to the ground in embarrassment. “It is for that reason I decided to take action. You six are the protectors of Equestria, but who is there to protect you? I know the Royal Guards try, but they don’t stand a chance against the titans you stand up to almost annually. And it is pretty clear that if you six disappear, Equestria has a very small chance of survival. That is why I have brought you, six humans, here. From today, I pronounce each of you as guardians of the elements.” A silence filled the room, no pony or human spoke for a while. The information something none where prepared for. But then someone spoke up. “I’m sorry, what!?” All eyes turned to Martin as he looked at the Goddess with a frown, his fists clenching as his brain connected the dots. “What!? First of all, relying on just six ponies as your constant saving grace against dictators and titans is just a terrible defence strategy. Your only hope is six ponies, that’s it!? Next, you decide to fix that problem you grab six humans at random, with no knowledge of who they are, what they do, or how good they are at fighting!? Are you fucking serious!? Do you have any idea how fucked this whole thing is!? Our families are probably worried sick, our friends, our goddamn lives! And you took that all away from us on the whim that your shitty defence strategy against evil just needed another layer!?” Martin yelled, taking deep breathes as he stared up at the pony goddess. “Do you know who you're talking to little mortal?” “I don’t care who I’m fucking talking to! I don’t care what powers you have! This, what you’re doing, is complete bullshit!” Martin said. He puffed and huffed deep breathes, the ponies and humans staring in marvel at him for defying a goddess. Harmony herself stared Martin down before she rolled her eyes and coughed, clearing her throat as she stared him down. “You’ve got some spunk there. Not many ponies would dare say that in front or to my daughters, let alone me. So while I admire you for that, I’m afraid I’ve left nothing to chance little human. I chose you six based on two main qualities. Your ancestral past, how each of you have different warriors and soldiers in your bloodlines from around your planet, and the more important fact, each of you was destined to die today anyway.” “You’re lying.” Martin shot back, his resolution slowly falling as the adrenaline was drained. “No, No I am not. Whether or not you six like it, you would have gone from Earth one way or another. Some by accidents, others by crime, each one of you was going to die.” Martin stepped back, and stepped back again before he fumbled and well onto his butt. He took deep breathes, his determination replaced with anxiety and panic. Twilight looked in sympathy. The others around her each trying to calm or help the others who were each handling the situation differently. But how exactly do you react to the fact you died? That no matter what you did, you were going to leave your life and family behind. Twilight may not have been impressed by Martin, but she wasn’t heartless. She trotted up to Martin who was holding his head, muttering to himself. Without a word she put a hoof on his shoulder, making Martin turn his attention to Twilight. They looked at each other, a brief pause between the two before Martin sighed and let go of his head, it was just simply hanging. “Are you going to be okay?” Twilight asked. “Yeah…I’ll be fine…” Martin said, and silence returned between the two. “P-Perhaps you should explain the ancestral warriors you talked about mother,” Celestia said, hoping to pass through the awkward mood that had been set in the void. “Sure, hopefully, this little mortal knows not to fuck with a goddess now.” Martin glared at her before he got back on his feet. “So what makes us so qualified then?” He asked. “I’m glad you asked! Each of you has a very impressive resume. Let’s start with…Arnold!” Arnold jumped as the goddess announced his name, collecting himself before he responded, “Y-Yes.” “You have a very interesting family history. It seems your great-grandfather fought in the French army in the First World War, and then he moved to Canada after the war, where your grandfather was born and fought as a fighter pilot in the Second World War.” “Y-Yeah…Dad’s told me the stories…” Arnold said, meekly. “Well they should, from what I’ve seen there are no short feats. Up next is…Edward. Hmm, if I remember, your families had a history of serving in the British army, usually private or corporals.” “Yes, my Grandfather fought in the SAS during World War Two and my Great-Grandfather was a tanker, and so on and on as far as I know,” Edward explained. “Ah, but it looks like you have a very important ancestor indeed. A knight to be exact. One Sir William Wallace.” “What?” Edward asked. “Yep, you're the descendent of a man with a sword in a skirt.” “Looks like your Braveheart dude,” Andrew said. Ah, Andrew. If I’m correct, your family’s been farming in the North-West for some time, ever since they moved north after that war between Mexico and America.” “Yeah, that’s correct,” Andrew said. “Well, did you also know that some of your ancestors were warriors of the Aztec Empire? While others migrated over from Italy, who themselves were descendants of the Romans?” “Wow…really?” He asked. “Indeed, isn’t history fun? Richard, you are probably aware that your ancestors were from Singapore and Korea. But, what you might not know is that one of your ancestors was a child of Admiral Yi?” “No, I had no idea,” Richard said, slightly stunned by the fact. “Who’s Admiral Yi?” Vince asked. “He basically saved Korea from a Japanese Invasion in the 16th century,” Martin answered. “And finally, we come down to the two of you. Now I don’t have to explain the obvious one-“ “That our ancestors were ANZAC’s, yeah we both know,” Vince said, cutting her off again, getting shot with another rainbow arrow. “Ow,” Vince said. “Don’t interrupt me. Yes, it is true both of you have had family that fought at Gallipoli, but there’s more. Vince, as well as Welsh and Scottish history, you also have some Maori blood inside you.” “Cool,” Vince said, laying on his back and relaxing at as the rainbow arrow disappeared again. “And I just have some Irish heritage as well, I know,” Martin said. “Of course, but do you know that you and Richard share some ancestral ties?” “What?” Both humans asked. “Yep! You two got some long distance ties.” “How exactly?” Richard asked. “Yeah, this seems a bit farfetched,” Martin said. “Well, do you know that one warlord that conquered Asia, Genghis Khan?” “Yes…” Martin said. “He’s both of your ancestors.” The two humans looked at each other sceptically before looking back at Harmony. “I can understand if Richards related, but how exactly does Genghis Khan’s DNA get to Ireland before being convicted to Australia?” Martin said. “Hmm, just gotta remember…let’s see…Mongol Empire…Islamic Caliphate…the Moors…Spanish Armada…landing in Ireland…Yep, your both descendants of the ‘Great Khan’. That’s not even it because your family has fought together, both of your grandfathers on your mother’s side.” “Then that means…both our grandfathers fought in…” “Vietnam.” Martin finished Richards’s sentence. “So yeah, Romans, Aztecs, Mongols, Scotsman, Admiral Yi, and soldiers from the most destructive wars your race has ever had. You guys got some fighting blood in ya.” “Ok, so these guys have got a bunch of fighters in their families, we get it. But what do we do now then?” Rainbow asked. “Yes, if you don’t mind us asking, what exactly do you intend to do?” Rarity asked. “Well, now I believe it’s time for…the dating game! Discord!” In a flash of light Discord suddenly appeared, and with a click of his fingers, warped reality. The void around them instantly turned into a studio. The humans were now stuck in giant glass balls, stuck in a giant gumball machine, while the mane six we in two different rows of seats on a set of what looked like a cheesy game show. Discord standing on a big love heart, while wearing a red suit with a red bow tie and a rose sticking out of the breast pocket. Celestia and Luna found themselves in the front row seats next to their mother who was waving two flags, one with ‘ponies’ written on it, the other with ‘humans’ written on it, wearing a shirt that simply said ‘SPORTS!’ “Hello and welcome to ‘Choose your human!’ Today we have six lovely ponies who will be selecting from six lucky humans to be there guardians!” Discord said in a talk show host voice, pairs of hooves started clapping and applauding in the audience area, confusing Luna and Celestia. “WOOO! Go, Team!” “Mother, what are you doing?” Luna asked. “I’m just cheering on like anypony else would.” “Do you know what’s going on?” Celestia asked. “OH yeah, Discord just helping me play matchmaker with the Elements of Harmony.” “WHAT!?” Both royal sisters asked. “Guys, what the hell are we in?” Andrew asked, banging on the plastic bubble he was inside. “I think I giant…gumball machine,” Richard said. “Hey cool, it’s bouncy!” Vince said as he jumped in the air, laid back and simply bounced around his ball while trying to sleep. “Guys…you might not want to look down,” Edward said. “Too late mate, too late,” Martin said, seeing the giant, swirling slid down to the bottom. “The rules are simply my ponies! The first three ponies pull the crank, and a human will be dropped out of the gumball machine. During their ‘trip’, I’ll give you a little background on them so you can get to know them.” “Discord, what are you doing?” Twilight asked, irritated “What, whose Discord? I’m clearly Drew Carey.” Discord said, pulling a paper mask on a Popsicle stick out and putting it to his face. “Discord, can you tell us what you’re doing?” Fluttershy asked this time. “Oh, just returning a favour, nothing to concern your pretty little heads about.” Discord explained, softly petting Fluttershy’s head. “OH! OH! OH! Can I go first Discord!?” Pinkie asked, her eyes sparkled. “Of course, my pink little prankster, go ahead and take your chances!” “WHEEEEE!” Pinkie said as she zoomed over to the switch, leaving a smoke version of herself at the seat she sat on. With a simple hop, she grabbed the switch with her mouth and pulled it down hard. “Guys…something shaking,” Andrew said as the machine started to come to life. “…Shit.” Martin said as he realised what was about to happen. All six balls were shot up into the air and pushed and shaken around as the humans were thrown about. After a few seconds, the shaking stopped and a hole opened at the bottom, Vince’s ball falling straight through it. The hole closed up instantly and the balls all settled at the bottom again, Vince sliding down while the boys got back on their feet. “Everyone ok?” Richard asked. “No…not really,” Edward said, fixing a part of his hair. “Oww,” Arnold said. “Five more goes at this…I fucking hat gods.” Martin said. “I hope these things clean easy, otherwise I’m getting thrown around in vomit,” Andrew said, holding his stomach. “Alright! And our first lucky lady has chosen her first lucky human, would you like to hear about him?” Discord asked Pinkie. “YEP!” “Well, your human is…Vince!” “YAAH! I got Vinnie!” Pinkie said, throwing her hooves in the hair. “Indeed you did, hailing from the land of Hobbits and little birds with no wings, this young man enjoys spending time doing…nothing, it seems.” Discord said, reading off a paper card. He raised an eyebrow, looking at both sides and finding nothing. He looked at Harmony and lifted the paper up. “Anything else?” “Nah, just roll with it!” “Ok, looks like his trips almost done. Introducing…Vince!” Discord said as out of the slide, Vince came out sliding on his back, hands behind his head as he opened one eye. “Did I miss something?” he asked, right before Pinkie grabbed him in a bear hug, and then reappeared next to Harmony. “Yay! I get Vinnie!” Pinkie said. “So I’m Pinkie’s guardian? That’s cool.” Vince said, simply laying back in the chair. “Alright, who wants to go next?” Discord asked. The five ponies looked at each other before Rainbow shrugged. “Ok, why not?” “Really Rainbow, you’re okay with this?” Twilight asked. “Well, we're gonna get one, either way, may as well see if I can get lucky.” She said as she flew over to the switch. She quickly flipped it, making the balls shake around and another human fall down the slid. “’Get lucky?’” Rarity asked. “Yeah, if I’m getting a guardian, I kinda want the big guy with the boots, or maybe the weird guy that yelled at Harmony. They look like they can do some fighting.” Rainbow said as she stood at the end of the slide. She rubbed her hooves together, Discord smiling behind her as he read the card. “Well, Rainbow it looks like you’ve got…” Arnold came tumbling out of the slide, falling flat on his face. He slowly pushed himself up, holding his mouth closed as his cheeks turned green. “Arnold! The little Canadian hailing from Montreal! Enjoy your guardian Miss Dash!” Arnold shook his head, looking up to see Rainbow Dash looking down at him with crossed hooves. “Oh…ok.” She said simply, the two soon teleporting next to Pinkie and Vince. “Who wants to go next?” Discord said. “I suppose I shall try.” Rarity said as she got up her seat and daintily walked towards the seat. “Wonder what Discord’s got planned after this.” Applejack said. “Oh, it shouldn’t be anything too bad…” Fluttershy said. “Go ahead and spin the wheel!” Discord said. “Wrong gameshow!” Vince yelled from the benches. Rarity simply ignored the yells and gripped the crank with her magic before tugging it down. The machine began to shake again as another human ball fell through the hole and tumbled down the slide. “Well done Rarity, because you have just got yourself, Edward! A young, plucky Englishman, I’m sure you’ll enjoy slowly drinking soup together at a fancy party or something.” Discord said as Edward fell out of the slide. He flipped his hair over, trying to fix it before a blue glow surrounded it and his hairstyle returned to normal. “Thank you, madam,” Edward said. “The pleasure is mine darling.” Rarity said before they too re-appeared in the audience seats. “Well then ladies and gentlecolts, it looks like we’ve come to the final three mares! One Twilight Sparkle, Applejack and the beautiful Fluttershy. Since these are the last three, we are going to change the game up a little bit. Instead of one switch, you’ll get three choices!” Discord said as he snapped his fingers, the switch changed into three different glass panels. “So can we have a volunteer please?” Discord asked. “I-I’ll go next,” Fluttershy said, raising her hoof. “Wonderful! Come on down Miss Fluttershy and we’ll give you your question. OH, almost forgot, let’s bring the humans down.” Discord said as he snapped his claw once again, the giant machine slide quickly compressed itself, dropping the humans down similar to the giant drop rides at amusement parks. The machine soon came to a stop, transforming into a crane game somehow. “Alright, now we are prepared for the next game.” “BLLLAAAAAWWWW!!!” “Oh god, it’s everywhere!” “Just ignore that.” Discord said, his magic quickly cleaning the mess in Andrew’s ball up. “Now Miss Fluttershy, have we got a question for you. Here we have three animals, pick one like the most.” Discord said as the panels flipped revealing three different animals, a Kangaroo on the left panel, a jaguar on the middle, and a Merlion on the right. “Oh…they all look interesting…” Fluttershy said as she looked at the animals. “Take all the time you need, we can wait.” Discord said with a smile. Fluttershy put her hoof on her chin as she looked at each animal, all very different looking, and all animals she had never seen before. She looked at each panel for a while before she made a decision. “The one on the right. The Merlion.” Fluttershy said. “Interesting choice, but none the less a good one. Congrats, you have selected Richard!” The giant claw lowered and grabbed the ball Richard was in, slowly lifting in and carrying it over to the stage. “Richard here is from the good old Northwest. Born to military parents, with family ancestry going back to Korea and Singapore, and he’s all yours!” Discord said as the ball opened, Richard falling to the ground. He rubbed his back as he got back on his feet. “Oh my, are you okay?” Fluttershy asked as she walked up to him. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Richard simply said before the two were teleported to the audience seats. “Alright, now we're down to the last two, and since we’re almost finished, let’s end this with a simple game. May one of the last two mares please step up?” Discord asked. Twilight and Applejack looked at each other, unsure as to who should go up. “Do you want me to go up Applejack?” Twilight asked. “No, no, Ah’ll go.” Applejack said as she got up and walked over to the stage. “Thank you, now for this last choice, it’ll be quite simple Applejack. A coin toss.” Discord said, pulling a bit out of his jacket. “Really? A coin toss?” Applejack asked. “Yep, Just a coin toss. Heads you get the Aussie, tails you get the American, seems fair?” Discord asked. “Ah…guess.” Applejack said, just wanting to get this thing over with. “Alright, here we go!” Discord said as he flicked the coin up into the air. The coin flew through the air before descending back down to Discord’s paw, although being Discord the coin stopped just above his paw and continued to spin in place. He let out a yawn and looked at the watch he spawned on his other arm as the coin kept spinning. “Any second now…” He said, staring closely at the watch. “Discord,” Fluttershy said from the audience. “Fine, joke was dying anyway…” Discord said as the coin finally landed in Discord’s palm. He looked at the coin and smirked before the crane grabbed one of the balls once again. “And…It was a tails! Congrats, you’ve got Andrew, from the city of Seattle, comes from a family of farmers, so he should be some help if you need it.” Discord said as the ball opened, Andrew landing on his feet. The two couldn’t even talk before they disappeared off stage and Twilight was teleported to their place. “Princess Twilight Sparkle, may I present you with someone from the Land Down Under, a place filled with poisonous snakes, spiders, scorpions, blue-ringed octopus, jellyfish, crocodiles, and three types of killer sharks, introducing Martin!” Discord said as Martin was dropped onto stage. “That’s out show folks! Come back next time where there isn’t the next time because the show’s just been cancelled, thank you, and good night.” Discord said, tearing up his paper cards and throwing his jacket off before disappearing in a flash. “…That was weird.” Vince simply said. Harmony’s horn glowed brightly, the whole studio they sat in disappeared as they returned to the Rainbow void. “Ok, now that we have assigned a human to a pony each, I believe we are good to go!” “You know, we’ll probably need weapons if we’re supposed to be guardians,” Martin said. “Oh don’t worry, I’m working on it. Besides, they just beat a villain, they rarely attack after someone else has attacked Equestria, so you should be fine. If you need them, just come back to me and I’ll set you up.” “S-So now w-w-what do we do?” Arnold asked. “Well you guys can all go back, I’ll let you set up who should stay with who and that, but I’m just gonna talk to my daughters for a little bit.” “K, See ya later weird Pony Goddess,” Vince said. “Bye Harmony!” Pinkie Pie said, waving her hoof so fast it became a blur. “Wait, I still have some ques-“Twilight was cut off as Harmony’s horn glowed and the whole group disappeared in a flash. “Mother, what did you mean you’re playing matchmaker?” Luna asked. “Luna’s right, this seems a bit odd, even for you.” Celestia followed. “Oh come on, you can’t deny those girls haven’t been putting themselves out there. They’ve saved Equestria countless times yet it seems no decent stallions are interested in them.” “So you decide to kidnap aliens in order to fix the problem?” Celestia asked. “Look, girls, this is just a little experiment of mine. I haven’t just done this on a whim, I’ve put some thought into it. Now, all we have to do is wait and see what happens. Besides, if anything does come up, those humans will defiantly be usual in protecting them so something like last time doesn’t happen.” “…Fine, I suppose we won’t push the matter further.” Luna said. “It was nice to see you again mother, even if the circumstances were unusual,” Celestia said. “It was lovely to see you two again. Remember, if you ever need some advice, don’t be afraid to come back and ask for help. Now then, you should get back, hopefully, the country hasn’t fallen apart while you were away.” “Yes, we can only be hopeful,” Celestia said, giggling slightly. The three alicorns soon came together in a group hug. “I love you mother.” Celestia and Luna said. “I love you too my babies.” With a heartfelt goodbye, both Celestia and Luna disappeared in a flash of magic, leaving Harmony alone in her void. Discord soon popped in from nowhere, holding a box of popcorn. “Ah, that was sweet. Now then, I believe you owe me something?” Discord asked. “Of course.” A book soon floated over to Harmony title ‘Celly’s diary’. She quickly scanned the pages before using her magic copied two pages and handed them over to Discord. “Thank you kindly.” Discord said, reading the two pages. “Discord, I know you helped me to get some info from my daughter, but let me warn you that if you break her heart again, I will personally come down, tear your dick and balls off while Draco slowly cooks you, and then I’ll throw you into an eternal pit of torture where you will take it up the ass for the rest of time.” Discord gulped as he looked at harmony, her innocent grin hiding the very dark and twisted side of the goddess that he knew to never, EVER mess with. “Y-Y-Yes Ma’am!” He said quickly, right before vanishing back to his own dimension. Harmony simply giggled before she teleported back to the other gods. “Ah, young love.” ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The six ponies and humans all appeared back in the cave, they each took some time to get their bearings right but they did recover faster than the last few times they teleported. “-tions.” Twilight finished. “When I woke up today, I was not expecting to be in a giant gumball machine,” Martin said. “You didn’t?” Vince asked. “So…ah guess we’re stuck with each other.” Applejack said. “It seems so,” Richard said. In a flash, Celestia and Luna both appeared. “Well, this has been an interesting day,” Luna said. “Yes, quite a lot has happened and we have learned a great deal. Although I’m afraid that Luna and I must head back to Canterlot to lower the sun and raise the moon.” “It was a pleasure to meet you all,” Luna said. “Farewell, and welcome to Equestria,” Celestia said, the two teleporting all the way back to Canterlot. “So…what now?” Rainbow asked. “You know what this calls for!?” Pinkie Pie yelled. “What?” Vince asked. “A PARTY!!!” ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The moon slowly rose in the night sky as noise erupted from Ponyville Castle. Inside the map room, confetti, party hats and snacks covered the room with a banner that hung overhead saying ‘Welcome to Ponyville Human Party’. Pinkie Pie was bouncing up and down, offering snacks to everyone in the room, while Vince sat in one of the chairs with his hood on, dozing off with his feet on the table. Rarity and Edward were talking to each other, Rarity’s fashion design and Edwards’s interior design bouncing off each delving into interesting ideas and in-jokes. Rainbow, Applejack and Twilight all stood next to each other and talked, about new events in town, new things in their life, or just what they thought of their new guardians. Andrew and Arnold did something similar, although they stood next to the food bar, talking to each other about themselves and just what they thought of their new ponies. “This has been a weird couple of days.” Richard said. “You can say that again,” Martin said, walking over with two mugs of apple cider. He handed one to Richard who accepted it. “Thanks,” Richard said. “No worries, cheers,” Martin said, the two clinked their mugs together before taking a sip of their alcohol. “Bloody hell that’s good,” Martin said. “Damn, looks like Andrew gets to stay where they make this stuff,” Richard said. “Lucky Bastard,” Martin said the two chuckling before silence fell between them. “Well, whatever happens, here’s to the best of luck,” Martin said, holding his mug up. “To the best of luck,” Richard said, the two hitting their mugs once again before they began to drink, unsure of what the future held.