//------------------------------// // Chapter 1 // Story: Glimpses of Regret // by SC_Orion //------------------------------// "No..." Twilight's chest pounded with her heartbeat. Her legs wobbled and felt weak, and she felt sick in her stomach. She lifted her hind right leg and stepped back, then shifted her weight back. Her step was silent. Her throat tightened and she swallowed a growing knot, but it didn't help. Her throat ached from pain. Her eyes burned, and she felt physically weak. She couldn't watch, but at the same time, she couldn't look away. She knew what was happening, but she couldn't process it. She couldn't believe it. She felt like her legs were going to give out. Her whole body trembled in fear. Her heart pounded in her chest. Breathing was hard. She lifted her left hind leg and quietly slid it back and placed it back on the floor. She lifted her left foreleg and stepped back, then her right foreleg. "N-no..." she whispered again, her voice drowned out by the sounds coming from the bed. Rainbow was in bed with another mare, their legs were interlocked and they exchanged short, passionate kisses. Rainbow was on top, and the other mare, a unicorn, was beneath her, moaning softly and leaning her head away from Rainbow, looking out the window. Rainbow leaned down and kissed and licked her neck, drawing more soft moans and coos out of the unicorn. Twilight felt like the air had been ripped from her lungs. Like the floor had been taken out from underneath her. There was nothing for her to stand on, to hold onto, she was falling, and alone. Standing in the doorway, hidden by the darkness of the night, in the shadows. Neither Rainbow nor the mare noticed her, and she stood there, struggling with what she saw, knowing, but not able to believe or come to terms with it. She felt like she had been stabbed by an icy cold dagger, right through the chest. The coldness spread like a virus, infecting her whole body, stealing the warmth from her. Rainbow nipped at the unicorn's neck, drawing a gasp from her, then pressed down harder against her. They both shared a moan. Twilight took another small step back. She glanced at Rainbow's eyes, and found them to look empty, yet filled at the same time- filled with passion and desire, directed towards another mare. "N-n-no..." she choked out. She struggled to support her head with her neck, and her eyes burned with tears. She bared her teeth and a faint, broken, desperate whimper escaped her lips. She felt like her heart would give out if she saw any more. She clenched her eyes shut. Heat spilled out of her eyelids and slowly rolled down her cheeks and muzzle, tickling her as it trailed along, then cooling from the cool air. More sounds of delight came from the bed, and Twilight could make out the ones coming from Rainbow. Her breath caught in her throat, and she felt like she was suffocating. She couldn't breathe. A long moan came from Rainbow, and the unicorn cooed. She felt like somepony had ripped her heart out and left a gaping hole in her chest. The void left her feeling empty. She stood there, her head bowed, crying, trembling, unable to move. Seconds passed, and she felt like an eternity slowly crept by. The moment refused to end. Her mind refused to wake up from what had to be a dream- a nightmare. "W-why..." she whispered, her voice empty and soft, devoid of joy and life. The moans and coos gradually ceased, being replaced by heavy breathing. Twilight barely managed to force her eyes open. She didn't have the strength or the will to lift her head up, but she managed to lift her eyes to the bed. Rainbow was still on top of the unicorn, and they were cuddling. Both of them were smiling, and they looked happy. The stinging in her eyes intensified. She took a deep, shuddering breath, and slowly exhaled. Her cheeks were dampened by the tears overflowing her eyes, leaving visible damp trails in her coat. "A-am... I-I n-not... nuf?" she asked, her voice crackling and silent. Seconds passed, and she instinctually took another step back. Rainbow nuzzled the unicorn's neck, then laid her head on her side on the unicorn's chest and looked at the wall. Twilight froze. She couldn't breathe again. If she moved, Rainbow would see her. She stood as still as she could. She trembled uncontrollably, and her hind legs wobbled. Rainbow's eyes were glossed over. Twilight swallowed and sniffled. She shuddered and shook. Rainbow frowned a bit, then her smile faded. She looked right at Twilight. For a moment, she just stared at her, then her expression shifted. Fear and horror filled her eyes, vanquishing the glossiness which previously dominated them. "T-Twilight!?" Rainbow squeaked. Twilight took a step back at the sound of Rainbow calling her name. "Twilight..." Rainbow said at length. Twilight took another step back, then another, and she closed her eyes and shook her head. Rainbow glanced down at the unicorn, who didn't seem to realize what was happening. Rainbow grimaced and looked back at Twilight, then pushed herself up and hesitantly hopped down from the bed. She shifted her weight uncomfortably and stood there. She flicked her tail once and licked her lips. "U-um... T-Twilight..." She glanced back at herself and grimaced at how disheveled she was. Even after flicking her tail, some strands of her tail still clung to her. "U-um... I-I... uh... T-Twilight..." Twilight shook her head and refused to look at Rainbow's disheveled, unkempt body. She took another step back and backed up against the wall. She squeaked and her hind legs gave out, causing her to collapse to the floor on her haunches. Rainbow hesitantly took a step towards Twilight. "N-no..." Twilight replied hastily. "D-don't..." "Twilight... I..." Rainbow trailed off, stopping where she was. Twilight stared at Rainbow, her eyes looking empty and broken. The normal curiosity and joy hadn't just faded, it had been stolen. "Twilight..." Rainbow said softly, her heart aching from the sight. She took another step towards Twilight. Twilight shook her head, clenched her eyes, and swallowed. She took a deep, shuddering breath, then bolted up and down the hallway. "Twilight!" Rainbow called. She bit her lip hard enough to draw blood, and her lip throbbed. Her eyes burned. Twilight ran towards the door. She opened her eyes and didn't stop, not to dry her eyes so she could see clearly, and not to open the door. She opened the door with her magic and bolted out into the night, pain and fear driving her on. "T-Twilight!" Rainbow called again. She took another step towards the door, then another, and then broke out into a run, heading out of the room, down the hallway, and after Twilight. "Wait!" she called. Twilight refused her heed her call, despite hearing it. She sobbed as she ran. Her only companions were despair, the memory replaying itself in her head, and the sounds of her hooves hitting the cobblestone street. The only other pony around was the pony chasing her. She could hear Rainbow's hooves, and the sound drew closer like she was catching up. Fear overwhelmed her and drove her to run faster. Her legs shook, even as she ran, and her entire body trembled. She whimpered and coughed as she exhaled, choking on the pain and the knot in her throat. "Twilight! S-stop!" Rainbow shouted, running full speed after Twilight. The alicorn still managed to maintain her lead somehow, despite Rainbow being more physically inclined. She felt warmth roll down her cheeks, then it cooled, the warmth stolen by the cold mountain air. "T-Twilight..." she whimpered. 'W-why d-did I...' Condemnation slammed into her. Rainbow felt like the air had been ripped from her lungs, and her willpower disintegrated. Her legs refused to keep running, and she gradually slowed to a trot, then to a walk, then she shuffled forward. "W-why..?" she pleaded. "T-Twilight... I-I'm s-sorry..." she choked out, clenching her eyes shut. She collapsed onto her haunches and she hung her head limply. Nopony was around to see her breakdown or see what she had done. Nopony except Twilight, and Twilight was long gone, vanished into the night. Her forehooves gave out, and she collapsed onto the street and sobbed, lacking the willpower to stop herself. Twilight ran. Her hooves ached. Her head, legs, and chest all throbbed from pain. She couldn't even see for all the tears rendering her vision blurry, but she still ran as fast as she could. It was the only thing that helped, it managed to distract her, but not enough. She panicked, and her heart raced as she mindlessly galloped through Canterlot. 'S-she... w-why?' she pleaded. A begging, broken whimper escaped her lips from her tight, aching throat. 'W-why... why... why...' the thought repeated in her mind. Every kiss, every lick, ever nip, every moan, every brush, it all replayed itself in her mind. She tried to stop thinking about it, she tried to clear her mind, but nothing worked. Not thinking about her friends, nor magic theory. The memory haunted her, refusing to let go of her mind, refusing to give her a moment's rest. Eventually, her legs burned, and her eyes dried. The knot in her throat remained. She shivered, cold and afraid. She gradually slowed down, then stopped. She studied her surroundings, hoping it would distract her, or that she'd recognize where she was, but she was neither distracted nor familiar with where she was. She stood there, looking around, lost, betrayed, looking like a filly lost in a crowd, unable to find her parents or anyone she recognized. She hastily turned around and continued looking at her surroundings, her head sweeping around, and her eyes darting about, taking in the details. Her ears swiveled around, searching for any signs of life, or any signs of her pursuer, but all was silent. 'S-she ch-cheated on me... h-her f-first time...' Twilight clenched her eyes shut as the thought mercilessly rammed into her, crippling her and leveling her emotional integrity. She buried her head in her forehooves and she cried out into the night from the pain she endured. Her body shuddered with each sob, and the street took her tears and spread them out. She hyperventilated as she reeled from the trauma. Minutes faded, perhaps hours. She lost track of the time, and it didn't matter to her what time it was. Her cries and sobs eventually faded, and her breathing regained some semblance of normalcy, but the pain stayed with her, keeping her company. The memory replayed itself in her mind, stronger than before. She felt sick to her stomach. She closed her eyes, only for it to be more vivid. Every sound, every action. She forced her eyes open and stared unblinkingly, emotionlessly ahead. The memory was forever carved into her brain and her sight. 'W-why? Wh-what... did... I do wrong?' she continued to ask herself. The only answer she received was the memory replaying itself in her mind, Rainbow's first time with anypony. They weren't going to be able to share it, since Rainbow had been with another mare now. She clenched her eyes shut as more heat welled up in her eyes. The tears rolled down her muzzle and soaked her face and forehooves. Despite her unrelenting tears, she was silent, and her breathing wasn't labored. The knot in her throat grew and ached worse, and she shivered more, spurred on by the cold night. She laid there in silence, but eventually, the tears left her when she had nothing left to give them. More time passed, and she watched as the moon gradually slid across the sky, propelled on by Luna's magic. She wanted to stay there, all night. To just lay there until it was all over. She wanted to wake up from the nightmare, but it was too vivid, and Luna was nowhere to be seen. She didn't have the will to stand up or move at all. She just barely kept breathing, and only because it was something her body did without thinking. Rainbow's mind felt blurry and foggy. Each step was a challenge as she shuffled back to Twilight's house in Canterlot. Pain gripped her, and every step felt harder than the last, but she continued on. 'I-I'm so, so sorry, Twilight...' replayed in her mind without ceasing. She didn't even want to return to the house, knowing that it was Twilight's. She had violated Twilight's trust in her and completely broken it. She didn't want to admit how badly she screwed up, but she couldn't not admit it when it stared her in the face and stuck with her in her mind. It was all overshadowed by the way Twilight looked at her, and how Twilight fled so desperately to get away. She felt like it was just all a dream, it was surreal. It couldn't be real, and yet she couldn't deny that it was real. 'I-I... I'm sorry... I... screwed up...' She couldn't keep moving as she admitted it. Her legs refused to obey her. She clenched her eyes shut, then reluctantly opened them and looked at the door, which she left open. The marble mansion stood proudly but seemed to stare at her with disapproval, almost as condemning as the look of horror on Twilight's face had been. There was a flash of green coming from behind the house, but she didn't care about it. It didn't matter, whatever it was wasn't worth investigating. She had nowhere else to go for the night. She clenched her eyes shut, then resumed shuffling to the door. Once inside, she shut the door, then collapsed on her haunches and pressed her head against the door. She wanted to slam her head into the door again and again until it all went away, but she didn't have the strength. She took a deep, shuddering breath, then stood up. She swallowed down a knot in her throat and slowly turned around. The hallway was silent with nothing to distract her from what she did. She reluctantly shuffled down the hallway, heading to the bedroom. As she passed the walls, she could almost picture what could have been there, pictures of them together, smiling, laughing. Maybe even foals with them, hugging them, blowing out candles as they celebrated their birthdays. Her eyes burned again, and her ears pinned back against her head. She could almost see the pictures, but as the wall became blurry, it all just faded away. The three emotions she felt were guilt, pain, and regret. She looked away from the wall and slowly staggered down the hallway until she reached the bedroom door. She leaned against the wall and took a deep breath, then swallowed. She hesitantly looked inside the room and looked at the bed, afraid of what she would see. The bed was a mess, and her lover was gone. A pang of emptiness struck her, knowing that she was all alone in Twilight's house- what was going to be their house. She stood there, staring at the unkempt bed, her nose wrinkling from the reminder of her failure. She clenched her eyes shut, then pulled away from the bedroom. 'I-I'm sorry...' She staggered into the living room, then approached the couch and collapsed on it. She buried her head in the armrest and pressed her head against it, hoping it would alleviate her pain, but it did not. She took a deep, shuddering breath, hoping to calm herself down enough to sleep. The couch smelled like Twilight, bringing memories to the forefront of her mind. How happy Twilight was to be with her, the moments they shared together, every hug, every nuzzle, and the look on Twilight's face before she ran away. She whimpered and let out a choked sob. And she cried, knowing she had thrown it all away. "I-I'm s-sorry Twilight..." she whimpered. "W-what... am I supposed t-to do?" she pleaded. 'I-I... I... Ishould... t-try to... find... Twilight...' The thought didn't help her feel any better, only causing dread to well up inside of her. She whimpered again. The pain had faded away, leaving only an empty feeling deep within Twilight. She weakly carried herself along, not even knowing where she was going, only knowing that she was going somewhere. The memory refused to cease playing in her mind, despite hours having passed. The pain associated with it remained, but she didn't feel it. She didn't feel the pain, or the hurt, or the cold, only emptiness, hollowness, and a soul-crushing loneliness. She said nothing as she walked alone. Questions no longer plagued her mind, and silence reigned supreme as she shuffled down the streets. There was too much going on, too much trauma for her to handle, and so her mind went blank, still replaying the memory, over and over, without an end. Eventually, she realized she had come to a stop. She stared down at the stone beneath her hooves, not really wanting to look up from it. There wasn't anything worth seeing, and it wasn't worth putting the effort into it. She blinked slowly, then wearily glanced upward. Canterlot Castle greeted her eyes, standing before her like a jewel, pristine and unscathed. A wave of exhaustion washed over her, and her hind legs gave out. She didn't even try to catch herself as she fell to her haunches. She closed her eyes and breathed calmly for several minutes, then she shivered from the cold air. She fluffed her wings, then gradually looked up and let her eyes wander over the castle's marble construction, edges plated with gold, and the caps painted purple and gold in a swirling design. She found her gaze drawn to two of the towers with balconies. Without even thinking, she stood up and extended her wings. She listened to the sound of powerful wingbeats breaking the night as her wings carried her through the air, towards one of the balconies, and she studied the ground beneath her absently. The garden no longer looked welcoming, nor calm, nor peaceful, only empty. She swallowed and clenched her eyes shut. She felt the chilly night air nipping at her coat, sapping her warmth, and flowing through her mane and tail. The wind caressed her feathers, flowing around and in between them. The feeling would have been relaxing, perhaps comforting, any other time, but tonight, it was just a memory of all the times she had flown with Rainbow. She whimpered and shuddered with a single traumatized sniffle, her body heaving. The aching, burning knot in her throat returned. Before she realized it, and yet after far longer than she wanted, she felt the cold marble beneath her hooves once more. She took a deep breath and reluctantly staggered forward. Every step was a struggle, and seconds would pass between her lifting up her hooves for a step. She reluctantly looked at the balcony door as she came to a stop. She couldn't tell whether it was Celestia's or Luna's balcony. She swallowed and sat down on her haunches, then bowed her head against the door, resting against it. She sniffled again and slowly lifted a hoof to knock. A few weak claps came from her hoof as she knocked on the door, then her hoof slid back to the floor, no longer having the strength nor the will to continue. She whimpered desperately as seconds passed, and she closed her eyes. For all she knew, nopony heard her. She could have been on Luna's balcony, and Luna might not have even been there. She could have been on Celestia's balcony, and she could be sleeping so soundly that her weak knocks didn't reach her ears. Her knocks could have been so weak that even if either of them were there and awake, they didn't notice them. Or, so faint that they didn't think a thing about it. For all she knew, she would end up sitting there all night, cold and at a loss of what to do, since she didn't have anything left, save for the memory replaying itself in her mind, and the pain it brought. Twilight heard a click and barely found the strength to support her head and lift it up before the door opened, revealing a tall, dark figure standing in the door. Princess Luna's ethereal mane and tail flowed calmly, and her eyes widened slightly in surprise. "Twilight..?" Twilight sat there, studying Luna. She swallowed and blinked a couple of times, then sniffled and hung her head. "Twilight... what is wrong?" Luna asked softly. She took a step forward, then sat down on her haunches and leaned down a little closer to Twilight. Twilight reluctantly picked herself up, then wrapped her forelegs around Luna and buried her head in her chest, laying her horn on Luna's shoulder. She whimpered desperately, her voice breaking and weak. Luna frowned and wrapped her wings around Twilight and held her close and protectively. She stayed silent and let Twilight sob into her chest while she stared out into the night, pondering what left Twilight in such a state at such a time. She lifted her right foreleg, then pulled Twilight closer and started stroking her mane to try to reassure and calm her. Twilight continued to whimper and cry, her tears soaking both her face and Luna's chest. "Twilight... do you want me to go get my sister?" Luna asked softly. Twilight whimpered but nodded, rubbing her head against Luna's chest in the process. Luna watched Twilight for a moment and stroked her mane once more. "I will be right back... will you be okay here alone for a minute?" she asked. Twilight continued to whimper and cry, sniffling and shuddering. Luna squeezed Twilight, then reluctantly unwrapped her wings from her. "Perhaps I should bring you to Celestia instead..." she mused. She grimaced, then used her magic to teleport both of them to Celestia's bedroom. The sharp crack of magic punctuating their arrival immediately woke Celestia, who groaned softly and looked around before seeing Luna. "Luna..?" she asked. Her vision sharpened as she saw the younger, smaller alicorn against her. "Twilight..?" she asked softly. Twilight sniffled and whimpered softly. Celestia's heart ached and she found her throat tightening as soon as she heard the faint, pleading whimper. "What happened?" she asked as she hurried out of bed. She rushed over to Twilight and sat down on her haunches. "I do not know, sister... she just... showed up on my balcony... like this..." Luna stated at length, wearing a grimace. "Twilight?" Celestia said softly. "Are you okay?" Twilight only whimpered in response. She reluctantly let go of Luna and all but jumped against Celestia and buried her head against Celestia's coat. Her body shook as she struggled to breathe while sniffling. Celestia stared at Luna's darkened coat for several seconds before she blinked and wrapped a wing around Twilight. "It's alright, Twilight..." she said softly. She leaned down and wrapped herself around Twilight, holding her close to protect and comfort her. She looked at Luna, who lingered, wearing an uneasy expression. "Luna, go find out what happened." Luna hesitantly nodded, then stood up and teleported away. Celestia wrapped her forelegs around Twilight and gave her a reassuring squeeze, holding her tightly for several seconds before relenting. It didn't help, and Twilight continued to cry and whimper pleadingly. "Twilight... I need you to calm down and talk to me," she said softly. Twilight whimpered more frantically than before, and she held onto Celestia even tighter, making her grunt from the force. "Shh... Twilight... it's okay... just calm down and relax..." Celestia whispered softly. She lifted her head back up and started stroking Twilight's mane with her forehoof, hoping to ease her cries.