//------------------------------// // Tiara Tales: Joined Beyond The Hip // Story: Broken Cookie Cutters // by Jake Witt //------------------------------// “Ms. Diamond Ri- Tiara? Your bath is ready.” A suited pony announced. Good Sport is the new Butler after Diamond fired the last one for stalking her granddaughter. Turns out her beloved was playing matchmaker... and hired the wrong pony. She only caught wind of the problem when Forged Ring stopped covering the last guy’s tracks and payed the price. “Ms. Diamond Tiara?” Diamond Tiara snapped back into focus, slowly climbing out of her chair. She paid good money and her hips still feel like crap. “Did you set up the incense?” “There’s so much cinnamon; it smells like Hearths Warming.” “Is the tub warm enough this time?” “Cool enough to not burn and warm enough for you to have tea cakes with Princess Luna.” He smiley briefly. Diamond let out a light hearted chuckle, “When I said to exaggerate-“ The doors burst open as the heiress of the family company and Diamond’s granddaughter Ruby Locket ran into the room and landed face first into the couch, screaming in the closest pillow. “Can you change the incense to lavender?” “Yes ma’am.” Good Sport closed the doors behind him. Diamond Tiara walked to the foot of the luxurious couch and sat at the end. “Ruby, dear?” Ruby Locket groaned and turned onto her back, “I just! Can’t like! You know? EVEN!” “Ruby, it’s in befitting to act, let alone talk like one without education.” She handed her granddaughter a velvet pillow, “You have to use actual words so I can help. You have the speech pillow.” “I’m getting tired of Hockey Puck. He makes promises he fails to honor and this last one takes away my cake!” Diamond took the pillow, “Why do you even bother with him? Every Puck I know were all brutes that cared more about their honor and glory than being decent ponies.” Ruby caught the pillow, “He’s different.” “If that colt is different; why are you mad?” Ruby arced her hoof over her head, “He said he had this big chest of gold he dug up and flew in later with a decent sized chest.” “That’s it?” “Not really. We opened it up and found a ton of junk with the princess’s face on it! Books, rolls of paper, a few pictures; worthless trinkets.” “First off: which princess?” “There’s more than one?” Diamond nodded. She could never understand why or how the current generation could forget about the only two ponies that can move the sun and moon, especially when the Princess of the Night visits the same day every year. “So Princess Twilight’s face was EVERYWHERE! I mean, I know it’s her junk but she doesn’t have to put her face on everything!” Ruby crossed her arms. “It was the last straw; I just can’t even...” “Can’t even, what? The odds? The playing field? The-“ “What’s a field?” This was the heiress of the company. Before Tiara could reply, Ruby huffed. “Oh, and he also got in another fight with the mutie.” “Mutie?” Ruby caught the velvet pillow, “They’re these ugly yet really cute conjoined twins. I think their names are Sweat Milk and Gumdrop? I don’t know. I kinda know them by their collective nickname: Sugar Lump. Whatever that means?” A tear fell down Diamond Tiara’s eye, losing her two best friends around the same time is hard but forgetting them kills you more. Ruby didn’t notice as she rambled on and on about how fast Sweat Milk can fly and how his brother is the smartest pony in school. Diamond Tiara’s son is entrusting this filly to run the company in the future. What went wrong?! “I mean, yeah, I COULD perform better feats of magic if I had a horn.” Ruby tossed the pillow but it bounced off her grandma. “Okay maybe I would give him a 8 out of 10 but his brother is such a downer! And it would be creepy having him look down on me if I were to date his brother... I wonder if they have conflicting life goals?” ~Meanwhile 4 years ago~ Gumball looked down at Sweet Moves in the mirror, “I don’t think we should focus our future in sports, brother.” “Say it isn’t so!” “It is so.” “You can’t be serious!” “Hello Sweet Moves, my name is Serious.” “You just had to go there.” “I don’t go anywhere without you and you better hurry; I bought tickets.” Sweet Moves tilted his head, “What tickets?” “Two tickets to Serious Town where everyone is real with each other.” “Dude, stop.” “No, we have serious business in Serious Town. We better not be late; the boss is serious.” “Where are you going with this?” “We’re bringing our serious faces only, to where? Serious Town.” “Are you serious?!” “Who else could I be?” ~Meanwhile in the Present~ “In fact, I never see them fight. I wonder how serious their arguments can get?” Diamond smiled, “It sounds like they’re going places.” Unlike your version of the company. Ruby got up, fixing the cushions back into position, “Thank you for listening to me, Ri Ring.” “You’re welcome,” Diamond got up, “You should visit me, sometime.” “Sure.” “I’m serious; visit sometime.”