Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

by Justice3442


Chapter 10: Dragon Lord Torch & Ember

Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 10: Dragon Lord Torch & Ember

-ooo-

With a flash of light so beautiful and awe-inspiring that words couldn’t bother to do it justice so I’m going to use a comma and change the focus of the sentence, Applejack, Twilight, and Magic Pants, in all her rainbowy, wavy, sparkling glory that transcended the very concept of beauty appeared in a barren wasteland.

Magic Pants’ mysteriously glorious webbing still on her face, Applejack swatted it away then spat like she was trying to get the taste of something terrible out of her mouth. “Ptla! PTLA! Ugh… Now Ah know what spider-butt tastes like,” she moaned. “And also sunshine, somehow.”

Twilight let go of Magic Pants’ back foreleg, the color of royal purple set amongst the blackest black of midnight. “You know you could have just grabbed onto Magic Pants’ leg like me.”

Applejack threw forehoof out of the air. “Hey! Ah wanted to stay at the Changeling Hive and maybe be cocooned to be fed off over the course of weeks, months, maybe years until my withered husk of a body is discarded unceremoniously into some sort of horribly, rottin’ changeling victim corpse pile!”

Twilight closed her eyes and shuttered. “Thanks for that image, AJ.”

“It’s not any worse than most anythin’ we’ve dealt with today!”

Twilight groaned. “Applejack, I know you’re having a bad time”—

“Ah, am having the worst time in the history of times, Twi.”

— “but I’ve got to say: you’re being kind of a baby about this whole thing!”

“Friends!” Magic Pants called out in a tone of concern that not only showed she cared for her dear companions, but life everywhere across all of space and time and all dimensions, whether they were pony or high-school based.

~-Elsewhere Across the Cosmos-~

"Ah!” Sunset Shimmer immediately dropped the books she was holding and came to a screeching halt in the middle of Canterlot High’s green locker flanked hallway. Her friends all stopped and looked at her in concern.

“Hey! Extreme Arm Wrestling isn’t that bad!” Rainbow Dash griped.

“Hmm, no,” Rarity replied. “Actually, I think Sunset’s response is pretty apt.”

Pinkie giggled. “XARM! XAAAAAARM!”

Sunset raised a hand to her head, shut her eyes, and sucked in air from between her teeth as if she was in great pain.

“Are you okay, Sunset Shimmer?” Fluttershy asked.

Rainbow Dash sighed. “Guys… It’s totally a legit sport!”

Applejack threw her hands into the air. “It’s jus’ two people beating each other up from across a table!”

Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes. “Hey, if curling is considered an Olympic sport, then—”

“Rainbow!” Sunset yelped out. “Just shut up a second!” Cringing, Sunset raised a second hand to her head and bent over.

“Oh, dear…” Rarity said. “It looks like it’s getting worse!”

“OH?! Should I gut the nurse?” Pinkie asked. “Sunset’s pain looks quite the curse! Not to be terse, but we may need to call a Hearse!”

“Pinkie!” a sizeable portion of the group exclaimed at once.

“Sorry!” Pinkie said sheepishly. “I was on a role with that verse!”

Sunset groaned. “I suddenly felt a great disturbance across the universe.”

“Heeeeey!” Pinkie said happily as she made finger guns at Sunset.

“Well, whatever is the matter, dear?!” Rarity asked. As she approached Sunset in concern.

Fluttershy put a resurging hand on Sunset’s shoulder. “Is something wrong in Equestria?”

“Some sort of horrible calamity?!” Applejack suggested. “Like a big villain that threatens Earth as well?!”

“Do they need to be beaten up from across a table?!” Rainbow Dash suggested.

“Yes!” Sunset exclaimed. “Yes, to all those things!”

Everyone paused momentarily to look at Sunset in alarm. That is until a shake began at the top of Pinkie’s mess of pink curls and shook her all the way down to her feet. Pinkie to a short, sharp breath. “I’m going to stock up on hairspray and lighters…” she mumbled as she peeled off from the group and began walking away much to most everyone else’s confusion.

“Wait, Pinkie!” Sunset called out. She ran after the young woman. “I’ll come with you!”

A series of concerned glances and shrugs were exchanged between the other four girls and soon they were following their friends.

~-Back from “Elsewhere Across the Cosmos”-~

 “You mustn’t fight so!” Magic Pants said. Again, with so much concern that uh… The Pope cried real Jesus tears… I guess…?

“Ah disagree!” Applejack exclaimed. “Ah disagree a lot!”

Magic Pants smiled a smile so dazzling you could go back and read, like, three of the sentences I used to describe her smile previously in the fic and use your imagination to mix them and new and creative ways!  “Perhaps some of my—“

“Ah SWEAR! If you offer friendship balm, or love goo, or contentment mist from yer glands I will choke myself to death with my own hat!”

“See, that!” Twilight exclaimed. “I know you’re upset”—

“Again, Ah’m beyond upset and more longin’ for the sweet relief of death.”

—“but REALLY! This ‘woe is me’ routine is getting old!” Twilight put on a fake southern accent. “‘Ah jus’ wanna die! Erm ready fer the great unknown-able! Jus’ feed my body ta the pigs when Ah go!”

Applejack gave Twilight a sour look. “Are ya done being an offensive stereotype, Twi?”

Twilight took a deep breath and let it out. “Sorry! I guess this whole thing is getting to me too. I know you’re struggling and it was wrong of me to just heap everything back on you…”

“Like the heaps of sick we keep on having to see?!”

“Oh, there you go again!” Twilight gripped. “I’m trying to apologize and all you can do is go on about what we’ve seen today!”

 “Ah now know what regurgitated love looks like, Twilight!” Applejack shouted.

“Oh!” Magic pants uttered glorious-synonymly awe-inspiring-synonymly. “If it’s processed love pulp you want, all you had to say was—”

“And then there’s that!” Applejack cried. “All that happens to us is we watch ponies and critters throw up before Magic Pants offers us disgusting-sounding fluids!” Applejack shook her head. “Twilight, if any good comes out of this day, it’d be a miracle!”

Luckily for Applejack, somepony who could make miracles happen was listening on the account of her radiantly standing right in front of her. “Worry, not my dear friend Applejack”—

“That’s pretty much impossible right now, f.y.i.”

—“for you shall soon be rewarded for your patience with glittering treasures!” —

“These treasures better not be liquid in any way…”

—“For I have seen it with my magic future vision of perfect clarity!” Magic Pants declared in a mysterious way, but not one that would make one think less of her, in fact, it was a way that would make one believe they’d heard this exact line years ago in some demented dèja vu scenario.

… Why’d I spread this fic out so long?

“WHAT THE BLOODY HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!”

I’ve been asking myself that for like two or three chapters now, and I’m writing this!

“AH!”

“WHAT IN TARTARUS?!”

“Behold! My father, Dragon Lord Torch!”

Oh, right… I’m supposed to be narrating… Uh… Let’s see… The ponies looked up as a booming voice called out and Magic Pants motioned upwards with a sparkly foreleg that sparkled and simultaneously cured cancer in a bunch of orphan children who also just got adopted, or something…

“Well… uh… He’s a big’un,” Applejack muttered.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Nice observation, Applejack.”

Applejack glared at Twilight. “Twi, am I wearing a saddle?”

“What? No…?”

“Then get the hay offa my back!”

Twilight sighed. “Okay, I deserved that.”

“No seriously!” The voiced boomed out. “You’re all way down there! I can’t see you! Could someone please tell me what the bloody hell is going on?”

“Right,” Applejack said. “Like we have a clue.”

“What?! You’ll have to speak up!”

“Dad?” A super-cool looking blue female dragon arrived that was totes also the sister of Magic Pants. “What’s going on? Wait… What are a bunch of ponies and a… a…” Ember’s eyes went wide as she caught sight of her sister’s glorious visage. Her cheeks puffed out as she raised a claw to her mouth.

Applejack sighed and rolled her eyes as hard as she could. “And here we go again…”

“BLUEWEEEPHPHPHPHPHSSSSSHHH…” Ember let out a spray of fine, sparkling gem shards that projectiled out of her mouth and landed in a heap in front of the ponies.

Applejack gasped, took off her hat, and began scooping into it what was the prettiest semi-digested food she had ever seen. “Land sakes, Twilight! This here throw-up has gotta be worth 100 bits easily.”

“That’s disgusting!” Twilight exclaimed. “Applejack! That just flew out of a Dragon’s mouth!”

Applejack gave Twilight a sideways glance as she continued to shovel the gem shards into her hat. “Ah wouldn’t care which orifice it flew out of!”

“Behold!” Magic pants said joke-I-keep-using-since-the-very-beginning. “The miracle of riches! Perhaps not a splendored as the magic of friendship, of which I have in such abundance the very act of speaking creates world peace on distant, war-torn worlds, but—“

“No, that’s fine!” Applejack said. “Ah take back some non-insignificant amount of complaining Ah’ve done.”

Twilight’s brow tightened in judgment. “Really? Some gross gem dust is what it takes to make you happy?”

“We don’t all live in giant castles, Twi,” Applejack quipped.

“Ember!?” Torch asked. “What’s going on down there!” Torch squinted. “I can’t see a thing without my glasses…” Torch began to grope around his giant stone throne. “Let me just… Ah…” He produced what was likely Equestria’s largest pair of horned rimmed glasses and placed them on his face. “Now what do we—” Torch was cut off as he came eyes to glasses to face with Magic Pants’ splendorific magical magnificence medley. He opened his mouth up widely to let the overwhelming feeling he felt due to her beauticious beauty and it flowed out in a heaving, sparkling wave.

‘Onomatopoeia-for-vomiting-crystals… I-guess-dry-and-tinkly-or-something?’

Directly under the gem avalanche that began to block out the sun, Applejack exclaimed in delight and held out her partially-filled hat to collect more partially-digested gems.

Twilight sighed and put up a barrier as gem shards rained down around the girls, filling the barrier with brilliant points of rainbow light.

“Aw!” Applejack said in a disappointed tone. “Tha one time Ah was gonna have fun on this trip and you have to get in my way!” she griped.

“Those gems would have killed us, AJ!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Yeah, but what a way to go!” Applejack retorted.

“Fear not, my dear friends,” Magic pants stated with her typical magniterrific-made-up-word. “For I would have survived due to the power of love and friendship making me nearly invincible.”

Applejack let out a sigh. “Ah guess even sunny days can have their dark clouds…” she lamented.

“Again! We would have died,” Twilight stressed.

Magic Pants nodded in her perfectly serenest fashion. “And I could bring you back with the power of love, life, and friendship slime!” Magic Pants leaned down and whispered silendedly, “The love slime is especially viscous!”

“Ya know what?” Applejack said as a sobering expression crossed her face and Twilight’s, “Ah think I’m good.” She placed her forehoof on Magic Pants’ glorious celestial heaven’s based cutie mark adorned flank. “Where to next?”

Twilight’s eyes widened in surprise as she too reached out to touch Magic Pant’s joke-that’s-run-it’s-course flank. “Really?! You mean, you’re willing to travel to a new place just to inevitably see some new creature throw up?!”

Applejack looked up at Magic Pants, once wishing she’d be deader than the dead horse description of Pants’ appearance. But with a heaping, dripping, soggy mess of gems loaded in her hat, the world finally looked a bit brighter!

Even if it smelled like sulfur and acid.

“I don’t see why not,” Magic Pants replied to Applejack her-description-now-thoroughly-pounded-into-a-texture-suitable-for-meatballs-ly.

Applejack’s face suddenly took on a determined countenance. “Bring it.”

“Come, friends!” Magic Pants stated new-joke-that-I’ve-already-overused-ly. With that, Magic Pants teleported. Makeup whatever description for that which impresses you.