“Cuh ya pah meh ‘e milh?”
When the mare sitting across from him gave him a bewildered look, unable to understand him past the mouthful of chocolate cake in his mouth, Piggy waved a hoof at a nearby pitcher of milk. Understanding dawned on her face as she reached out and grasped it, placing it next to him. Giving her a quick “hanh ya,” in reply, he didn’t bother pouring any into a glass, simply grabbing the mug and emptying it directly into his mouth.
Instantly, the ice-cold milk washed over his taste buds, and the flavor of it mixed with the chocolate frosting was enough to make him moan in rapture, chugging it down in large mouthfuls. Nor did he stop there, tilting the pitcher further and further upwards, drinking its contents in great swallows until finally he’d consumed it all. Slamming the pitcher back down, he let out a sigh of contentment as he rubbed his bulging belly. Then, pausing only long enough to let out a loud belch, he reached for a nearby tray of spiced potato wedges, licking his lips. The only thing better than eating dessert is eating dessert first! he giggled to himself.
Of course, he would have liked to have had a bigger dessert to celebrate his finally getting to eat a decent meal, but his mother had taught him not to be greedy. One triple-layer chocolate cake was enough to start with; the other desserts could wait until he’d had some proper food. I bet Mom will be so proud of how grown-up I’m acting!, he nodded to himself as he up-ended the tray, sending its cargo sliding toward his open mouth.
“You really do live up to your name, you know that?”
“Hm?” Lowering the tray even though he’d only gotten half of the potato wedges in his mouth, Piggy looked in the direction of the familiar female voice, sure that it had been directed towards him. As he glanced over at its owner, he almost choked as he saw who it was. Finally managed to swallow the mouthful of food, he panted for air. “You…”
Cloudbank gave him a condescending smirk. “Hiya, Piggy.”
He grimaced at the sight of the pink-and-white pegasus mare, still remembering that awful prank she had pulled on him yesterday for no reason. “Go away,” he frowned sourly. “I don’t wanna talk to you.” His eyes slid over to the other mare next to her, another pegasus, though this one was brown-and-black. She was a cutie too, but she was standing close enough to that pink-and-white nag to make him suspicious. He didn’t want anything to do with anypony who was friends with a bully like her.
“Well, we need to talk to you,” replied the mare. “Your mom was a bigshot, right? Did she tell you anyth-”
Piggy turned away from her in mid-sentence, causing her to let out an indignant squawk that was music to his ears as he started to shovel food back into his mouth. “Oh, so now you want my help?” he drawled between bites. “Well too bad. I gave you the chance to get in good with me before, but instead you did…whatever that was you did to me, something with that magic you got from the Night Nag or whatever her name is.” He knew that wasn’t the name of her whatchamacallit – “goddess” or something – but he threw that out there just to needle her. “So now, you can shove off.”
To his delight, the barb seemed to get under her skin, her eyes narrowing as she glowered at him. “Her name is the Night Mare, and you had better remember it. It’s thanks to her that you’re able to stuff your face like that.”
They were starting to make a scene, with several nearby ponies murmuring to each other as they listened to the conversation, but Piggy didn’t care. It was good to let everypony know that anyone who messed with the Banks would always come crawling back later! “Oh yeah? I’ll have to remember to send her a Hearth’s Warming card later,” he jeered, making sure to grab a muffin from a nearby basket and tossing it into his mouth whole as he did so. “I’ll make sure to write on it that if she ever wants to cook for me again, I’ll hire her.” He burst out laughing at his own joke, not noticing the way he sent bits of muffin flying from his mouth as he did so. The way her face turned red in response was priceless!
A moment later his laughter cut off as the scythe she’d been carrying suddenly leaped off her back of its own accord. The pink-and-white mare took a single step towards him, her wings flaring, and the scythe moved alongside her. “I’m going to give you one chance to apologize,” she hissed, and the sound made Piggy lean back in fright. “Otherwise,” she continued, “my friend Severance here is going to cut off your-”
“Nuts?” interjected a new voice.
Blinking, Piggy glanced over his shoulder, and was startled to find that other mare, the brown-and-black one, sitting in the seat next to him. When did she get there? “Wh-what?” his voice had gone up an octave, certain that he was about to be ambushed.
The mare pushed a bowl of assorted peanuts, almonds, walnuts, cashews, and pistachios toward him. “Do you want some nuts? They’re really good.” As if to demonstrate their flavor, she lifted a few in a hoof and popped them in her mouth. “Mmm…” She gave a low moan of appreciation at the flavor, closing her eyes as she chewed languidly for a few moments before slowly swallowing. Slowly opening, her eyes were half-lidded as she licked her lips. “Delicious.”
“Y-yeah.” Piggy was captivated by the display, and it took him a second to remember the dangerous mare on his other side.
Twisting his head around, he saw that she was staring at the mare on the other side of him, a confused look on her face. “Drafty?” she asked, her voice uncertain.
A brown hoof reached under his chin and turned his head back around so that he was looking at that “Drafty” mare. “Aw, Mr. Bank, are you ignoring me?” she asked with a pout.
“Huh? N-no. Not at all!” He shook his head forcefully before grabbing a hooffull of nuts and shoving them into his mouth, making a show out of eating them so she’d know that he was paying attention to her. Mares always liked that, he knew.
“Yay!” giggled Drafty, clapping her fore-hooves together before giving him a sultry smile. “Did I mention how cute it is the way you chew with your mouth open?”
Now it was his turn to blush, giving an embarrassed guffaw before he got ahold of himself. “Well, you know what they say, you can judge a stallion by the size of his appetites.” He waggled his eyebrows at her as he said the last word, hoping she’d get the double entendre.
He was sure she did by the way she giggled again in reply. “Oh, you’re such a naughty boy!” she gushed, before standing up. “You look a little hot. How about I fan you?” Without waiting for his answer, she spread her wings and slowly moved them, sending a gentle breeze his way.
As a matter of fact, he had been a little warm. Closing his eyes, he took a moment to luxuriate in the sensation of the air cooling him off. He heard whispers from some of the other ponies around him, and quite a few bouts of muffled laughter, and couldn’t help but grin. They’re all impressed by how awesome I am, he knew. That pink-and-white nag must be beside herself! Unable to resist, he looked back over his shoulder and cracked one eye open. Sure enough, she was still there. She’d stowed that scythe on her back again and was looking at him with an unreadable expression, which made the corners of Piggy’s mouth turn even further upward. Read it and weep, honey. Looks like your friend here isn’t as dumb as you were.
He was feeling absolutely on top of the world as he turned back to his new girl. “A little more,” he directed her, and she immediately obeyed, flapping her wings slightly harder. Certain that he was the luckiest little pony in all of Equestria, Piggy looked around the table for something else to munch on. Forget only having one dessert! he decided. Being this fortunate calls for at least four!
But Drafty was one step ahead of him. “Do you like grapes?” she asked, already having taken the stem of a particularly large bunch in between her teeth. Again, she didn’t wait for an answer, leaning forward to offer the grapes to him.
He didn’t refuse, eating a grape directly off of the end of the bunch as she brought it to his mouth. A girl is fanning me and feeding me grapes! he whooped internally, knowing that this was the sort of situation that every stallion had dreamed of. Mom, if you could see me now! “Keep those coming, beautiful,” he said, wishing only that there was a nice couch that he could lie on.
Drafty looked down at the compliment, suddenly bashful. “Anything you say, Mister Bank.”
The sight was so adorable that he almost squealed. “Please,” he chuckled, knowing he had to keep it suave. “Call me Piggy.”
She giggled again, and he was really beginning to like the way she sounded when she did. “Anything you say, Piggy,” she corrected herself as she leaned in with the grapes again.
As he took another bite from the bunch, something suddenly occurred to him. Wait a second. She’s holding them in her mouth. That means…when I get to the last of the grapes we’ll be…we’ll be…k-…k-, k-, ki-…kissing!!! Just the thought was enough to leave him red as a tomato, suddenly feeling faint.
“Hey, Piggy?”
“Huh?” He only barely heard her voice, completely preoccupied with his realization.
“I was wondering if you could do me,” Drafty paused for a fraction of a heartbeat before continuing, “a favor.”
By now his head was almost spinning, but Piggy somehow managed to nod. “S-sure thing, beautiful. You name it and Piggy Bank can get it done.”
“Well…” She twisted shyly, as though embarrassed. “After you fix up Vanhoover, I was wondering if you could help me find a job.”
“Oh, trust me, I can absolutely find you a job,” he grinned, unable to stop from running his eyes over her flank. “There are a bunch of positions I can think of for you.” He laughed, pleased with how witty he was.
She seemed to think so too, judging by how she laughed. “That’s really sweet of you, but I was kind of hoping you’d help me with my dream. You see, I’ve always wanted to work in a bank here in town.”
“A bank?” Piggy frowned at that. It was the first thing she’d said that didn’t fit with what he wanted from her. “You’d be wasted in a bank, beautiful. You’d be much happier as my personal secretary.”
“Aw,” she pouted again, and stopped lowering the grapes towards him, even as her wings slowed down. “But I really wanted to work in a bank.” She looked down, dejected.
Worried that he was about to lose a sure thing, Piggy hurriedly waved his hooves. “No, no! You can absolutely work in a bank!” He let out a sigh of relief as she perked up again. “Trust me, my mom owns all of the banks in Vanhoover, and I’m going to be taking over really soon. Why else would we have them be part of our name?”
Mollified, Drafty started flapping her wings harder, leaning forward to offer him more grapes. “Aw, thank you so much, Piggy! And, if you don’t mind, could you tell me more about the banks here in town? I want to know everything.”
Twenty minutes later, Cloudbank watched as Drafty tossed the half-finished bunch of grapes aside, waving off Piggy’s protests by saying that she had to use the bathroom as she trotted away. Recognizing her cue, Cloudbank got up to follow her, moving alongside her girlfriend as soon as they were out of Piggy’s sight. “What was all that?” she asked, incredulous but unable to keep from grinning.
Drafty smirked. “What? You were the one who said we should ask that guy if he knew anything about the banks here in town. Turns out he did, and now we know it too.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t expect you to put on an entire show like that!” Cloudbank couldn’t help but laugh as she spoke. Watching Drafty manipulate that fat little earth stallion had been hilarious, and she hadn’t been the only one who thought so; everypony around her had been desperately trying to stifle their laughter at how easily Drafty had been playing Piggy.
Drafty gave her mane a toss, pleased with herself. “Well, what can I say? You told me how he treated you before, so I figured I could use that to get what we needed and give him a little payback at the same time. Besides," she tossed a wink Cloudbank’s way, "when a guy’s that hungry, it’s not hard to have him eating out of your hoof.”