Royal Courtroom, Canterlot Castle
“Please be seated,” a royal guard pony said as the ponies and humans sat down in a conspicuous waiting room.
“I don’t understand. Couldn’t they have let us sleep a little longer before dragging us out here? Complained Mclaughn, whilst slumping in his seat.
The humans had touched down and debriefed last night only to be summoned to the courtroom early that next morning.
“Yeah” Ramirez replied while crossing his arms. “I don’t see why they couldn’t wait until at least noon. We just saved an entire village, what more do they expect from us?”
Parker’s head drooped to his chest, careless of the discussion around him.
“Well, you see,” quirked Smith, “I bet that they couldn’t wait to hand out our rewards.”
“I don’t think that is why we are here” Summers replied while looking around the room “Besides, I don’t know what you guys a whining about, I got plenty of sleep last night.”
The three other awake team member shifted in their seats to glare at the oblivious private. Apparently, Summers was the only one that managed to fall asleep on the chariot on the trip back and had to be magically carried to his bed because of his refusal to get up.
Parker jolted as the heavy oak door beside them boomed open. A white pegasus in elaborate gold armor stepped through and looked on the bleary-eyed humans before crisply reciting what he had probably said hundreds of times before, “The court will see you now. Follow me, please.”
Without another word, he turned back to the door. The five friends looked to each other before Smith shrugged and followed the pegasus. After a moment’s hesitation, the others joined in.
Despite the sizable crowd of ponies of all classes packing the courtroom, that was not the first thing that caught the group’s attention. While the waiting room had been tastefully decorated with few items other than portraits of influential or historical legal minds, the courtroom itself chose to do just the opposite and capture some of Equestria’s most critical moments in stained glass and arches.
Nestled in the front of the room in between the central arch was a large podium where the Canterlot nobles and royalty sat whispering amongst themselves. Above that was a smaller box, almost like a balcony, where the Princesses, if attending, would have a commanding view of the court below. Today, neither Princess occupied this seat, and it was draped with an Equestrian flag instead.
A smaller table with enough seating for several ponies faced the podium. Behind this desk and towards the doorway was a fenced-off area where normal ponies and the press could sit and listen. The crowd in the back quietly murmured as the white pegasus showed the humans to their seats at the small table facing the podium. Apparently something was up.
At the center of the larger podium stood a well dressed unicorn that Ramirez had come to hate, Prince Blueblood. To the left of Blueblood sat two more well dressed ponies; a unicorn the humans knew as Fancy Pants, a fairly famous upper class pony. Next to him also sat a grey earth pony with a horseshoe for a cutie mark that the humans had yet to recognize. To the right of Blueblood was Jet Set and Upper Crust, who were also upper class ponies that the humans recognized. Behind the small desk sat the Equestrian Rangers and further behind them sat the press and many Canterlot locals
“Ladies and gentleponies, this session of the Royal Court is now in session.” Prince Blueblood announced. He looked toward the humans, who shifted a little under his steely glare.
“Don’t worry gentlepo-- Oh! Forgive me, gentlemen. This is not a criminal court case. I’m sure you’re wondering why you have been summoned today?”
The boys looked around confusedly. “Well, yes, Your Highness.” Ramirez replied to the obvious question.
Prince Blueblood cleared his throat and pulled up a sheet of paper.
“As you know, Princess Twilight Sparkle told us a fair deal about what she learned from you. She described to us about the government in your native land. Well, in Equestria, we do things differently. True, the princesses guide the country and set policy, but we of the Royal Court serve to enact laws and regulations to enforce those policies. Since this is the Royal Court, you can assume we are here for a legislative reason, specifically your weapons.” The ponies in the back of the courtroom began muttering and taking down notes for the papers: this apparently was going to be a big deal.
Prince Blueblood continued. “As you and Equestria’s scientists have stated before, your ‘guns’ are some of the most sophisticated, and potentially dangerous tools that exist in this world. While these weapons in your hands have been a tremendous benefit during the changeling insurrection six months ago, they seem to be of very little use now.”
The humans could hardly believe their ears. Obviously flustered and now fully alert, Ramirez stood up and replied to the arrogant prince “Your Highness, I’m not sure about how updated you are on current events, but I would like to say in our defense that these weapons are still being used to protect pony lives. Just yesterday, we eliminated a pack of timberwolves that were devouring ponies from nearby townships.”
Hushed whispers echoed through the now silent room at Ramirez’s cocky tone to the powerful pony before him.
“As a matter of fact” replied Blueblood with at a smirk on his face “I did read that report. And while you have my congratulations about eliminating that threat, it only clarifies my point. While you did bring your weapons to that mission, in the end, it took Equestrian dynamite to finish the threat,” Blueblood paused as he magically lifted up a crisp sheet of paper, “I’m sure you recognize your report, Ramirez. I quote: ‘Upon finding the den site, we held the timberwolves back long enough for Parker to set the dynamite charges to best destroy the cave. Due to their magical connection to the den, our shots did little more than disrupt the magic binding their bodies. Upon the destruction of their home, the timberwolves disintegrated into kindling.’”
Blueblood looked up from the page, “Is this correct?”
“Well, you forgot to include the next part where he said, ‘and so the villagers lived happily ever after. The End’,” Smith cracked a small grin.
Blueblood’s jaw clenched a little as some members of the crowd and a couple of the ponies behind him chuckled at his expense. He quickly regained the situation, “Ignoring the unconventional recording methods, is this an accurate portrayal of what happened in the White Tail Woods?”
“Well, yes. But-” Ramirez attempted to answer.
“AAAAAaaand your equipment proved to be ineffective against the timberwolves from the start?” Blueblood quickly interrupted
“They weren’t completely ineffective” Parker replied enabling Ramirez to gather his bearings “They enabled us to fight off timberwolves long enough to escape before they reassembled themselves.”
“So you mean to say that weren’t key to completing the mission in any way?”
“No your highness, they at least enabled us to survive the mission.” Mclaughn took turn to tell him.
“Ok then, besides your weapons being extremely advanced yet doing very little against monsters in the area, I and many other ponies have noticed that these weapons are also so much more dangerous than the Equestrian Militia standard-issue spear.” Blueblood paused to let the crowd murmur in response to this declaration. It was hard to deny this since many of the ponies there had heard of the terrifying feats of the Equestrian Rangers accomplished with their “alien weaponry”.
“On the note of Equestrian military, the Court would like to now invite Captain Shining Armor to the stand.” The humans were slightly surprised at this and turned around to see Shining Armor rise from a bench and trot over to a small platform by the podium. How could they have missed their favorite guards pony? Immediately the rest of the ponies in the room began murmuring and turning to take pictures of the Captain.
The Captain glanced over to the sitting humans with a look bordering between sympathy and concern before turning his attention back to the stand.
“Captain Shining Armor, since you fought against the changeling insurrection with the humans, I trust that you have seen how they work in battle?”
“Yes, I have.”
“And Captain, would you consider these humans and their weapons to be dangerous?”
“Yes, but they would never-”
“Captain, please answer the question I asked, not the question you think I asked,” Blueblood said calmly as he leaned forwards.
Shining Armor let out a resigned sigh avoiding eye contact with the humans, “Yes. I do.”
“I am also aware that you have seen the extent of the damage of their weapons, would you care to share what you saw with us?”
“Your Highness, with all due respect, I am afraid that that content is quite graphic and would be very disturbing to the public if I showed it here.”
“I understand Captain. I can assure you that there are no foals in the chamber. Can you please show us what you’ve seen?” Blueblood’s tone made it clear that it was no request.
Reluctantly, Shining Armor lit his horn and broadcasted a magical screen which showed changeling casualties from the war six months prior. A drab urban background with fires and scattered bodies filled the screen before focusing on a series of changeling corpses with blood seeping out of slices and punctures through their shells. A nasally, bored voice, probably from the medical staff that recorded this in the first place, started reporting on the analysis of the wounds,
“As you can see, changeling chitin is highly resilient to conventional bladed weapons. Most impacts did little more than make minor surface lacerations. The exception would be where the blade managed to slip past the natural and worn armor and chitin to strike the softer joints,” the screen focused on a battered body with blood clotting in a pool around it, “Most of the consistent dispatching blows came from spears where the force could be concentrated onto one pressure point or polearms where significant force could be built up in a swing.”
A few sounds of disgust could be heard through the audience, but none turned to leave.
The image in the magical screen shook as the pony reporting moved to another collection of bodies. It was quite apparent from the positions that these bodies met a different fate. Some lay bent at odd angles while others just lay in crumpled heaps as if taking a macabre nap. These lacked the gashes and bloody pooling that the previous corpses did. The screen focused on one body in particular. Small holes peppered the body’s side and neck.
“What the chitin did not prove resilient to was the human weapons. The projectiles moved at such a high speed that, unless it struck some armor first, it was guaranteed to penetrate. Upon penetration, the projectile would spread its energy in a conical fashion, rupturing tissue until either exiting the body or stopping completely. The best example of this energy dissipations is the exit wounds.”
A muddy brown hoof reached out and rolled the stiff body over. Where the other side had small holes, maybe no bigger than a large nail head, this side had gaping, hoof sized holes with pulped organs and shredded chunks of flesh with blood still seeping around them wound..
Upon seeing that, a large collective gasp filled the room. Some ponies in the audience began getting nauseous. A few ran out to the bathroom to throw up. Blueblood then used his gavel to call for order. Shining Armor dissipated the viewer and began speaking up to defend the humans.
“Your Highness, while these images do indeed show the dangerous potential of these weapons, I would still say that the humans are extremely responsible and--”
“THANK YOU, Captain for your expertise on the danger of the human weapons.” Blueblood interrupted.
“Your highness. If our guns are too dangerous or scary for you ponies, what do you propose to do about it?” Summers asked.
“A very good question, young man. I and the Court propose that we keep your weapons secured in the Royal Armory until the Court or the princesses deem them to be absolutely necessary for defense.” The courtroom went into uproar about this statement.
Some ponies defended the humans, claiming that they could protect neither Equestria nor her ponies without their weapons. Others argued that the guns were not needed at all times and that it would be a good idea to keep the humans in check. Even the nobles in the court were divided at this statement.
“Your Highness, I thought we convened to simply discuss placing a tax on their ammunition which has been paid for by taxbits up to now!” Fancy Pants said with frustration evident in his tone.
“I, for one, believe that this is a step in the right direction. We know that their weapons have also caused plenty of collateral damage to many a landmark and storefront in Los Pegasus, Las Pegasus, and the Crystal Empire!” Upper Crust retorted.
“What about their food? Princess Twilight said that the humans also use their weapons to hunt for meat since they have an omnivorous diet!” the grey counsel pony argued.
“Well I heard that they were working on some ‘big project’ back in Ponyville to create a bigger gun that shoots larger ammunition. Bigger equals more destruction!” Jet Set retorted.
“ORDER IN THE COURT!” the white pegasus in gold armour screamed while slamming the butt of his spear against the floor as to get everypony to quiet down.
After the arguing quited down Blueblood asserted “an additional reason behind this proposal was due to an incident that took place in Ponyville three weeks ago.”
Blueblood magically lifted another piece of paper and read aloud the report of the said “incident”.
All five of the humans gulped. They tuned out Blueblood’s dry recitation of the event. Their own memory served them well enough.
Twilight’s castle, three weeks earlier:
“Reckon we still have to deal with them, don’t we?” Applejack asked.
All of the Mane Six were in a big hug pile while Starlight was with two fillies nearby. Outside, a massive crowd of ponies who had been harassing the Mane Six all day argued and loitered around the doorway to the castle. Ever since Twilight published their friendship journal, a huge storm of ponies descended on Ponyville with the express purpose of bothering them. None of the six were appreciating all of the attention. However, the two fillies who were with Starlight took the journal’s words to heart, and this pleased the six. Now they were in a hug pile to celebrate their friendship.
“Stay in the friendship moment, Applejack. They can wait a little longer.” Twilight replied pleasantly.
“Well I can’t!” Ramirez shouted angrily.
He and the rest of the Equestrian Rangers were leaning against a wall nearby. Since Ramirez and his team lived with Twilight and her friends, they also had to deal with the crazy ponies that spent all day harassing their friends.
Ramirez was especially angry because many of the ponies outside voiced their distaste for Rarity and made her cry. He spent nearly three hours trying to comfort her in her boutique while ponies lined up to boycott the business which she had worked so hard to build. The protesters around her boutique were enough that he had to carry Rarity in a laundry bag to the castle to keep her hidden away from all the hecklers.
Smith was stuck working endless hours along with the rest of the Apple family when the “Sweet Apple Admirers” came and began squatting around Sweet Apple Acres. Even though he wanted to get rid of them, Applejack insisted that they just keep being hospitable and they might go away.
McLaughn had to protect Fluttershy from a bunch of ponies who kept picking on her for having to learn assertiveness over time. While the ponies kept angrily yelling stupid questions at Fluttershy, he made sure that they kept their distance.
Parker and Summers were travelling around all around Ponyville with Twilight and Starlight, witnessing all of the mayhem that was going on over the Mane Six.
“Sarge is right! This is ridiculous! These guys are almost as bad as Antifa!” Summers exclaimed.
“Yeah! And what if they don’t leave like the ‘sweet apple lazybums’ back at the farm?!” Smith replied.
“Y’all thinking what I’m thinking?” Parker asked, hand on his Cycloneshock.
“YES!” the other four guys collectively yelled. They each unholstered their pistols and began walking toward the door. Starlight immediately tried to stop them.
“Guys! This doesn’t seem like a great idea! Think this through!!!”
“Starlight, we aren’t going to hurt any ponies, but they have got to go!” McLaughn stated as all five humans walked out the door to see the huge riot in progress.
“PONIES! LEAVE NOW AND GO HOME! QUIT HARASSING THE ELEMENTS!!” Ramirez yelled above all of the arguing. Nopony listened except Lyra, who was in the audience. She slowly trotted up to meet the humans.
“I’m so sorry guys. I guess I got too caught up in the book to realize that I was hurting my friends.” She looked down and shuffled her hooves in despair.
“That’s ok Lyra, just get inside the castle, because it’s about to get loud out here.” Parker told her. She noticed the guns in their hands and immediately got a scared look on her face.
“Don’t worry. We swear that we are not going to hurt anypony.” Ramirez told her while stroking her mane. She then ran inside the castle.
“Ready guys?” Ramirez asked. The guys all nodded. After they cocked their guns, they began shooting into the air. The loud gunshots were followed by the screaming of ponies, and the crowds immediately began to disperse when they noticed the humans standing on the doorstep firing their weapons. After about twenty seconds, the area around the castle was clear.
The guys walked back into the castle to see the ponies fearfully back away from them slightly except Twilight, who instead stomped forward with her face twisted into the scowl to beat all scowls.
“What were you THINKING?!”
After Prince Blueblood finished the report, he turned back to the humans.
“Well? Do you confirm or deny these this account?” He locked his eyes on the humans.
“We were just trying to protect our friends from all of the hecklers! In fact, that’s Summers’ and Parker’s jobs!” Ramirez replied desperately.
“Answer my question.”
Ramirez sighed defeatedly, “Yes. The ponies were either mad at us or scared of us. They wouldn’t talk to us for four days! We issued a public apology stating our intentions and hoping to make amends with the populace!”
“We also made sure that we didn’t hurt anypony!” Summers added.
“Yet many of those ponies are now traumatized by you and your weapons! Which is why after the court makes the decision to lock away your weapons, you will comply!” Blueblood responded.
“But you can’t! What about the defense of ourselves and others? Where we come from, ownership of weapons is not a privilege, but a right!” McLaughn argued.
“Well this is not the human world, and ponies, which you are not, are only allowed to have lethal weapons if they are in the military!” Blueblood retorted.
“Respectfully, sir, but they ARE in the military! They were just doing their jobs!” Shining Armor tried to defend the humans.
“Captain, while they are on the battlefield, they may use their equipment as they see fit. But in the streets of Ponyville, they do not need to go around creating the atmosphere of a warzone! The court will now vote on this proposal!”
“I am in favor of the military arms proposal!” Jet Set announced, raising his hoof in the air.
“As am I!” Upper Crust added in while also raising her hoof.
“We seem to have a majority vote here, Captain Shining Armor!” Blueblood told the captain.
“I’d say not! I vote as a prince against this proposal!” Shining Armor responded, using his position as prince of the Crystal Empire to tip the vote. The courtroom gasped at this sudden new development, while the humans held their mouths, knowing that further interaction would only earn them more trouble.
“Very well then, Your Highness. If you wish to play that way, we have two votes left! Duke Fancy Pants and Count Caesar may either end the vote in a draw or vote to enable the proposal!” Blueblood shot back.
All eyes in the room were now on the two aforementioned ponies.
Both ponies seemed like they would rather be anywhere else now. On one hoof, they both appreciated the stories of the humans’ bravery in battle and sympathized with their apparent need of their weapons to keep up their exploits. On the other hoof, however, they could not simply overlook the Ponyville incident. Fancy Pants swallowed nervously as he decided on his vote.
“Umm…. I vote that we should….. We should-”
“Hello everypony!” A cheery yet calming voice rang from the back of the room. Everyone turned to see none other than Princess Celestia standing in the doorway with two guards on either side of her.
“PRINCESS!” the whole room erupted. All of the cameras and reporters soon fixated on her.
“Celestia! Thank goodness you’re here! I was just about to defuse the five time bombs that have been sitting in Equestria for six months now!” Blueblood called out to her.
“Aww. Nephew, now why would you do something like that to these five bold and handsome creatures who have put themselves in harm’s way to protect us?” Celestia responded, calmly brushing past the humans and over to the Court podium.
“Wait, handsome?” Smith looked around confusedly.
“Because, Your Highness, despite looks and valor, they’re dangerous! Look at what happened in Ponyville!”
“Calm down, my dearest nephew. There is no need to raise your voice at me.” Celestia replied with a raised brow.
Blueblood’s face blushed with shame and embarrassment as the whole room burst out laughing only to be quickly quieted by the court orderly.
Celestia cleared her throat and continued “From what I’ve heard, the Equestria Rangers made sure that they did not physically harm anypony during that-,” the princess paused to search for a proper word, “-debacle. It is true, Princess Twilight and her friends did not approve of the tactics that were used, but nonetheless, the Equestria Rangers did their duty as protectors of the Princess of Friendship. Besides, not a month ago, you yourself had your personal detachment of royal guards assault a crowd protesters when they protested to your building a private luxury resort in the middle of a nature reserve.” Celestia responded.
Members of the crowd in the spectator section booed in response as the court orderly continued his now vain attempts of silencing them .
“But Celestia! That site was perfect, and those nosy animal-rights ponies just wouldn’t go away!” protested an obviously embarrassed Blueblood amidst the noise.
“Well, at least the humans showed some restraint when they dispersed the crowd in Ponyville,” Celestia responded, “Now, where were you at this moment?”
“Oh yes! Auntie, we were waiting on Duke Fancy Pants’ and Count Ceasar’s votes. Will you be intervening?”
“No, after my input, I am quite sure I can trust the Court can handle this without my help.” Everyone in the room quickly turned to see the two ponies whispering to each other before turning back to the audience.
“After hearing the arguments and seeing the evidence from both sides in addition to Princess Celestia’s defense, I, Duke Fancy Pants, vote to deny the proposal!”
Blueblood glared daggers at him. Finally, the gray counsel pony took his turn to vote. “I, Count Caesar, too vote to deny the proposal.” The whole room began cheering. Princess Celestia turned to face the humans.
“Thank you so much, Princess!” Parker told her.
“Aww, boys, don’t worry about it. Though, if anything, let this be a valuable lesson on how to be considerate of ponies who you don’t agree with,” Celestia told them.
“Of course princess. We promise to do better next time!” McLaughn told her.
Celestia felt a slight magical tug on her tail and turned to see that Blueblood was trying to get her attention, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an angry nephew to take care of.”
As she turned to talk to Blueblood, Shining Armor made his way to the humans. Rubbing the back of his mane, he apologized, “Look, I’m sorry guys. I didn’t think they called me here to make it look like you guys were undisciplined or untrustworthy”
“Don’t even worry about it, no harm was done and we sort of deserved it” Ramirez replied sheepishly. “Right guys?”
The rest of the humans nodded solemnly.
“Anyway, why was Blueblood concerned about it? It isn’t like he was directly affected.” Ramirez inquired.
“Well since you're asking me,” said Shining Armor looking behind at where the “other prince” and Celestia quietly conversing. “It appears he was trying to get ahead by obtaining your weapons to study when you were not using them; he probably would care less about regulating them.” Shining Armor theorized.
The five friends looked at each other before Smith gave an exaggerated shrug.
“I thought we had already given y’all a spare blaster and plenty of rounds to work with.” claimed Parker questionably.
“Indeed, you have and” replied Shining Armor lowering his voice “we even have an entire dedicated military facility to studying and developing them but it appears Prince “Control-It-All” doesn’t know about it considering that he usually doesn’t have a good reason to get involved with the military…..”
“Shining Armour!” Blueblood called out having finished his conversation with Celestia. “Grab a chariot, we are leaving!”
“.....and it appears somepony just found out.” finished Shining Armor as he turned to leave.
Hayseed Swamps
Reeds, reeds everywhere. Besides the loud clicking of cicadas and the croaking of frogs, the swamp seemed to be peaceful, if a bit dank and gloomy. The damp environment allowed for many strange and unusual creatures and plants to thrive here. Here, nature was in balance.
However, the croaking and chirping soon subsided, and a herd of pigs burst out of the trees, running away from what at first seemed like an unusually strong gust of wind. However, lightning bolts began to crackle and spark from the same direction that the wind was coming from. The winds and lightning intensified until a large blue sphere appeared. Out of that sphere could be heard the revving of motors and the chatter of machines.
Soon, a drab truck drove out with its all-terrain tires churning at the damp ground, its forest camo paint job blended nicely with the woods except for a Rival Nemesis blaster mounted on a roof turret. A human manning this turret swept his gaze back and forth, scanning for enemies. Inside the humvee sat at least four other humans. Soon, this humvee was followed by another….
And another…..
And another….
And another until a train of about twenty vehicles and a large force of men standing out in the swampland. Out of the lead vehicle, Commander Stevens and Captain Finn jumped out. Unfortunately for Finn, he landed right in a waist large mud puddle.
“Goddammit!” He exclaimed as he angrily waded over to the nearest dry spot spewing out random vulgarities. Finn joined Stevens who was scanning the surroundings.
“Hmm… I don’t see any of the boys here. I suppose we’ll just try and drive around until we find-” Finn’s monologue was interrupted when Stevens raised a fist sign for him to be quiet.
Stevens glared ahead into the brush. Finn whispered “What is it?”
Steven turned to him and said “Nothing, it is just easier for me to think when you are quiet”.
Finn turned red with fury while Stevens continued to take in his surroundings.
“Where do you think we are?” asked Stevens.
Tyler rolled his eyes, “A swamp”
“Right, now if I were a group of young men like ourselves having spent the last six months on this planet, would I still be in this swamp?”
“No?”
“NO, of course they wouldn’t, then why would we be ‘looking’ for the boys in the swamp in the first place?!” asked Stevens.
Finn couldn’t answer, of course they wouldn’t, the only reason their own group was stuck here was because the portal dumped them there.
“We need to figure out where we are and how to get out of this swamp and start from there” concluded Stevens. “Send up a drone and get a good look at where we are,” commanded Stevens to a nearby soldier.
While a technician went off to unpack the drone, Stevens turned back to observe the now still swamp. He stiffened as dull pops echoed through the wet air. “Gunfire,” He said laconically.
“AH HA, they are here, I was right!” a smug grin worked its way onto Finn’s face.
The shots sounded repetitive, almost as if they were coming from a shooting range.
One of the soldiers went over to Stevens.
“Sir, those gunshots aren’t from us. It sounds like it was coming from the east.” the soldier told the commander while looking at his compass.
“Are we sure those things even work here?” Finn asked.
“Previous experience says ‘yes,’” Stevens turned back to the other man, “That’s unusual, nonetheless, it is the best lead we have now. Huh, we are in a magical pony land. Maybe everything is this easy here. Gear up men, we move east!” Stevens exclaimed while climbing back into his humvee.