The Road Trip of A-Holes!

by Sense of Humor


Let's Carpe some Diem!

"I must admit," Gamora began, never risking a glance behind her at the bound Terrax, already being hauled away to some unknown prison. "you are lot more courageous and...serious than I give you credit for." She paused, a thoughtful look appearing. "Are you always like this? "

Maud blinked, the gesture making her question clear without the need for words. Gamora shrugged almost apologetically. "It's just...slightly odd to have serious aid after living with a bunch of morons for so long. If I'd gone up against Terrax with Rocket or Drax, or even Peter, it could've taken all day. They can be very distracting, though mostly to themselves. Do you relate to that at all?"

"Not in the slightest, but I can try to imagine things from your perspective." She offered. There was a brief moment of silence as she tried to put herself in the green biped's shoes, but she gave up with a bored sigh. "I thought you all were a team. Shouldn't you already be used to how they handle things?"

"Well, one can be used to something and still hate it. I'm used to jokes, but I hate smiling. I'm used to running, but I hate running away. The list goes on." They found themselves stalking down the front steps of the high temple, reaching the flat grey bottom in half a minute. The planet itself was almost devoid of color, taking on the same hues as the citizens dressed. Gamora eyed the dull surroundings halfheartedly. "And it's horrible."

"So you hate them."

"Yes. Not enough to kill or leave them, but they are infuriating." She paused a little a reluctantly added. "Peter was once the most childish being I'd ever met. Now...well, he's still childish. But he's still more mature than the others, as I mentioned."

Maud blinked as she thought over her words. "Quill isn't like you or the other teammates you have. I'm not sure if you learned much from your visit to Equestria, but we've had an incident not too long ago. Beings very much like Peter helped us, and stopped the threat. Does he know about them?'

She shrugged. "Never heard of them myself. Quill is a terran, but he hasn't been on his home world in years. hasn't even come near it's sector for that matter."

Maud slowed ever so slightly as she studied a pebble so far beneath her, but she trotted back into even pace. "That sounds lonesome. He never wanted to go back?"

"He has his reasons...I understand why he stayed away even more than he does, I think." Gamora didn't even try to explain herself, and quickly sought to change the subject before Maud asked anything. "Anyway...I hate how the leaders of every world we visited have quite a height on them. Even your princesses were...quite tall."

"It's an Alicorn trait. They grow taller with each century that they pass through." Maud explained. "If you had measuring tape and one of the princesses next to me, you could probably find out just how old they are yourself."

"So, does that mean the blue princess is younger than the other?"

The pony hummed, considering how best to paraphrase the explanation. " It's a long story, but to put it shortly...they should be the same age. Long before our current time, many centuries in the past, the blue princess...Luna, was briefly corrupted by something unknown and became a dark entity. Her sister had her banished to our moon for many centuries, and it stumped her growth during that time. Eventually Luna broke free of her prison and returned to Equus to plunge us into eternal night. " Maud sighed, and one of Gamora's stray thoughts pondered over how much the small horse actually spoke in one sitting." Luckily, my sister and a few friends of hers helped to release her from her dark impulses, and now she is what you saw."

"...That seems...wrong. I know you're not the most hard-hearted race but...Luna spread terror and threatened countless lives.' Gamora halted in place, surprised and just the slightest bit outraged. "And they just reformed her? What if she had been faking the whole time? And Celestia just forgot the things Luna did?"

Maud nodded immediately, her voice sounding content despite what her face looked like. "That's how family works som--"

"It oesn't sound like family. Celestia shouldn't trust Luna after seeing what she'd done. She was banished for a reason. " The woman criticized openly. Maud didn't attempt to interrupt her, so she didn't think she was striking any bad cords. " There's no reason for them to be getting along so well now."

"Even if they didn't get along, they'd still be sisters. " said Maud. "Nothing can change that.

Gamora looked at her sharply, wanting to say something but ultimately remaining silent as something played behind her eyes.


"Nothing can change that, Gamora!" she said, trying to look taller than her and failing. It would take some time for the girl's metallic, dull shin bone to adjust to her neural commands. "I can beat you the next time we are brought against one another. I've practiced for weeks!"

Eight year old Gamora barely batted an eye at the smaller girl and her strange appendage. "You've been taking out your anger on lifeless dolls. Father says that anger must only be released when a hit is made."

The girl narrowed her eyes. "W-Well...Father says I'm stronger anyways, when I practice enough."

"Right." Gamora spat wryly and pointed at the girl's leg. "Is that why you have that?"

The girl looked as if she'd taken a hit to the jaw, and Gamora winced for some reason. It was another weakness, one she hadn't accounted for. She tried not to notice the girl as she stood there and ironically tried not to look hurt herself. "...*sigh*..." Gamora finally faced her, trying to soften her expression. "You wanna know a secret?"

After uneasy silence, she continued. "I'm too used to striking above the torso, to disorient my oponent. I risk everything Below the abdomen as a result,so...maybe next time, you know where to hit."

The girl looked deeply surprised, and perhaps a ltitle confused. "I...Okay. Thank you, Gamora."

"Don't thank me yet." Gamora walked off. "I'm breaking out of my old habits."


"They really do eat people's trash? They can't be me! They're savages!"

Derpy frowned. It wasn't easy to explain to a talking raccoon how regular raccoons worked, especially given how easily offended Rocket could be. He gagged when she told him that they usually walked on all fours and he glowered when she said they made chittering noises to communicate rather than real words. Derpy was always the type of pony to put herself in other's shoes--she'd hate it too if someone told her she was apart of a race of dumb animals used for riding and herding cops or something outrageous like that.

"Well, if you think that's bad," Derpy tried to ease the slight tension by pointing at Groot, who had found a seat on her shoulders and was trying to braid a flower into her hair. "We actually some plant life like him. But nothing bipedal. Mostly these giant wolves made out of timber. Y'know, timberwolves."

"I am Groot!" Groot laughed.

Rocket nodded. "Yes, Groot! Her world is pretty screwed up isn't it? More than it already is, if you get free tattoos on yer' butts like you say." His own laughing slowed the more he thought about it. "Then again...giant wolves made out of trees does sound pretty bad@ss. You could make a buck or two if you turned it into a movie. Or a bomb."

"I don't think a movie about a mean donkey would be good." Derpy quickly reasoned, then mumbled. "Whatever a movie is..."

"Mean Donkey? ...Oh. Heh." The furry dude rolled his eyes, but the smirk on his muzzle told that she amused him for some reason. Raccoons were so weird. "You know Drax, I think you and Chicken Wings over here are gonna be good friends. You certainly think the same."

Drax huffed at the raccoon, sharpening his knife for the third time since they'd safely landed. In fact, he might have been sharpening his knife before they even picked up the ponies. Drax was clearly someone who took their belongings...personally, to say the least. "It's not nice to call someone a chicken, Rocket."

Groot nodded a little too excitedly and tugged on a strand of Derpy's hair a little too hard. "Ah!" He petted the mare's left ear softly, almost hugging it with it a pout. "I am Groot."

Rocket didn't care, as one might expect. "I don't mean anything bad by it. I always call people names. Drax--don't you call Quill pathetic and spineless and lilly-livered and other sh!t like that?"

The burly being agreed nonchalantly, but kept his voice low as whispered to Derpy. " But that is because he is."

"Drax, how many times have I told you--OW! My friggin' toe! Why is that even there?" Peter poked his head up from the square shaped opening in the middle of the floor, wearing grime,sweat and a highly annoyed look. "You are the worst whisperer ever, man. Really." The human looked back into the shadowed area he was attempting to travel through, and then at a toolbox on a desk. "Yo. Trix cereal. Can you hand me the flashlight in that box?"

Trixie, who was idly sitting underneath the desk and inspecting the grooves of her hooves, looked up at the nickname and narrowed her eyes. " Hmm?"

Out of the three new guests they'd had aboard the ship, she seemed like the most reluctant to interact...save for arguing with Rocket a bunch of times. Quill wasn't exactly the happy go lucky dude that tried to make friends with everyone, but this pony was like some kind of grumpy cat. "The flashlight." He explained more, matching her own frowning expression and pointing above her. "It's a kinda big, dark colored and cylindrical, yeah? On the end, there's a--"

"Ugh! Trixie knows what a flashlight is!" She huffed dismissively. "She wasn't born yesterday, you know."

"Good. Now get it, pretty please."

"Can't somepony else get it for you?"

"No, if there was, I'd ask that pony. But I'm stuck with you, so..." Quill impatiently tapped his foot as she just stared at him and didn't move a single muscle. "Come on. I don't feel like climbing out of this hole, only to get right back in it."

The unicorn finally gave an abrupt sigh and used her magic to envelop the box in an Aura. The human pretended to look impressed by the small feat in order to test her--her demeanor slowly melted into show-off mode, as he'd guessed. The toolbox flew around in the air for a moment before coming to a complete yet safe halt on the floor in front of Quill. He smirked widely as the pony reminded of him of a certain crook of a guy, one that could've passed for a unicorn if you just went by his big red fin. "Nice trick, Trix."

And just like that, the previous personality returned. "This thing's heavy. How many tools do you need?" Trixie rummaged through the box openly, until she pulled up something small and rectangular. "What's this doohickey?"

Quill reached forward and it snatched it up immediately. "Careful with that doohickey, little missy. It's my walkman. And no, it's not meant to walk--it's just a name."

"A stupid name. " Nevertheless, Trixie didn't make any move to go underneath the desk again. "What's it do?"

"It's a device that plays music. Prerecorded songs and stuff like that. " Quill held up to his eye-level with a fond smirk. Good memories always came with this thing. "I've had this bad boy since I was a little kid. Still holds up perfectly."

He rummaged around in the took box more until he found the object he desired at the moment. He groaned loudly and held up a pretty broken looking flashlight for a certain raccoon to see. "Rocket. This is the fifth flashlight, man! You placed it at the bottom of the toolbox?!"

"Piss off! Nobody has time to wait for all the tools to be put inside first, man! "

Quill sighed, his attention reluctantly going back to Trixie as he tossed it off to the side. "He broke every other one, I tell ya. Though he usually uses the parts to make lethal weapons or illegal stuff. " He smiled hopefully at the new guest on his ship. "But maybe--"

Trixie immediately cut him off with a shake of her head. "No, I don't think so. Trixie is not just a personal flashlight for someone to use!"

A bit desperate, he tried flattery again. "Well, you would be the best flashlight if you just--"

"Nope! Uh-uh. Sorry, but you'll just find to some other way to...eh?" The unicorn flinched a tiny body waddled towards her with arms outstretched, making her take a cautious step back. "Uh, what are you doing?"

"I am Groot!" The tiny plant pointed at her with one hand, and held out a purple flower with the other.

"You said that the first fifty times already." She impatiently rolled her eyes. "Why does he keep saying that?"

"Apparently it's the only thing he can say. Something to do with his species." Derpy shrugged, clearly more fascinated by the intricate braid the tiny being had made, entangled with a small, yellow flower. "He's pretty easy to understand once you get to know him! He's adorable too!"

"I am Groot!"

"Yeah, well tell him I don't want any weird hippie braids like yours!"

"You know..." Quill crossed his arms and leaned back against the rim of the shaft entrance. "You could always escape him by helping me out. I promise I won't braid your hair. Scout's honor."

Trixie glowered at him, and then at the persistent little guy trying to reach for her silver mane. It was short lived however, as she brushed past Groot and gestured for the smug human to move. "I can't get through the opening with you in the way, now can I?"

Quill gladly stepped aside and ducked to avoid hitting his head. When the pony's horn lit up with a perfect glow, he went back to his original work spot and reached inbetween the wall of wires to pull out the magnumcoolant. "Some offense, but uh...whats up the attitude?"

"Having one's home destroyed right before you're ripped off your own world doesn't put you in a happy mood." Trixie reasoned sarcastically. "Do you know what it's like to be taken so suddenly and things taken from you so suddenly?"

Quill blinked at the question, smirked and nodded. "Oh you better believe it. Why do you think I'm out here? I got abducted by pirates."

Trixie's expression softened into something unreadable as she peered at his face. After a bit of uncomfortable silence, she spoke up with mild interest. "Abducted by pirates? The crossbones kind?"

He shook his head. "Nooot exactly."