Liam woke up feeling woozy; something felt distinctly off about today. Feeling the ground he was sure that it was open dirt even though he definitely remembered going to sleep in his own bed. The light was low but he could make out shapes around him, almost like a dense forest as he lifted himself into a sitting position. He caught sight of some movement only feet away from his position.
"Who's there?" He asked hesitantly as the figure groaned.
"Liam? That you?" The response was in a recognisable voice.
"Ned?" He called. "What's happening?" Looking round as the light began to build up; the trees appeared to be rather thin and lacking leaves, as though some rare breed of bamboo was being cultivated.
"I don't have much to go on," Ned had managed to get to his feet, "But I think this might be what all those disappearances lead to." Liam jumped to his feet now and looked round far more uneasily, wondering just where this was and why people kept vanishing into it.
"Last I remember," He said in an effort to steady himself, "I was in bed trying to get to sleep against the noise of the traffic."
"Yeah," Ned remarked, "Those residences really shouldn't have been built right on the edge of a ring road."
"What's the gabbin' over?" Groaned a third voice. They turned to see another figure in pyjamas stirring with annoyance.
"Will?" Ned checked. "This is no time for sleeping in. We're outside, for some reason." The figure known as Will sat up begrudgingly and looked round.
"Someone needs t'get their mower out." He remarked. "That grass looks like it 'asn't been cut in years." Looking again as the light improved Liam and Ned realised that the plants surrounding them were some kind of giant grass blades, totally inconsistent with bamboo.
"What are we gonna do?" Liam asked. "We can't just sit here. It won't do to be caught outside in our PJs." It was at this moment that the light brightened considerably and they turned to see a spectacular sunrise framed by the a range of hills framing a valley. In the greater sunlight they found that they were in amongst a considerable number of houses. One nearby rose really high and struck them by the vibrant colours.
"Gordon Bennett!" Will groaned. "W'o paints a castle in those colours?"
"Could be a mansion." Liam suggested. Just then he felt a groaning coming from his belly.
"Well, it might be worth looking into." Ned suggested. "Perhaps someone could explain where we are."
"Ned, you can't just walk into a place of that calibre unannounced." At this point Liam caught a whiff of something he recognised after only seconds of thought. 'Danish pastry'.
"Come on, Liam." Will argued. "We gotta get some breakfast; I'm starvin' and surely even a nob wouldn't begrudge us a bite." He shivered slightly. "Asides, it's bloomin' taters out 'ere."
"Well, come on then." Ned remarked as he began walking, the other two jogging to catch up. Their progress was made more difficult by the lack of footwear, the sensation of the unpaved ground wasn't uncomfortable but was still awkward.
After fifteen minutes of walking they finally reached the side of building they were aiming for, now skirting the wall to find an entrance until they came upon an opening that looked more like a crack than a proper way in.
"Oh, we can't go in here." Liam argued. "It'd be paramount to unauthorised entry."
"What's it matter when I'm at risk of losin' my toes t'frostbite?" Will replied, prompting a groan from Ned.
"Don't exaggerate, Will. It's more like a late Spring morning. It'll warm up as the sun rises."
"That's all very well, Ned." Will moaned some more. "But we're still in 'shade 'ere. May's well go in to ge' warm and see if 'here's any nosh goin'." He then pushed his way past the two and walked right into the building.
"I guess if he's going in, we're going in." Ned stated after half a minute of awkward silence. "Anyway it's gotta be better than having to face a herd of elephants." Liam thought about that last remark for a moment before agreeing.
"Those sure sound like some pretty big ones. Quite a large herd, I suspect." With that they went right in, not bothering to look where the heavy footfalls were coming from.
Inside, Liam and Ned found themselves struggling a bit to figure which way Will had gone. To the left a dark narrow passage carried a faint musty smell, to the right a slightly wider passage bore a dated scent of polish, leaving a wooden ramp rising up into a series of zigzagging gantries. Initially hesitant in their ascent their confidence increased upon receiving the whiff of freshly baked bread. After five minutes of navigating the labyrinth of wooden pathways they caught sight of Will gnawing on what appeared to be a piece of a very large croissant.
"Urgh, Will." Liam groaned. "Have you no taste? That thing's been on the floor." He indicated to where a few smaller croissant piece lay.
"Yer can't be too choosy in these conditions, mate." Will answered. "There's a bit'o' Danish over there." He gestured to where such a pastry lay. "I'll say this for these people, they don't skimp on portions. Them pastries must've been as big as tables."
"Come on, Liam." Ned conceded to Will's point. "Help yourself. Just close your eyes and think of England." Liam was slow to take anything but the overall quantity was significant. As they were finishing up they thought they heard some footsteps along the passages below, but failed to catch sight of anyone when they looked.
"Well, we'd better see who's in charge here." Liam mentioned once they'd filled themselves up as best they could. "See what we can offer in exchange for food and shelter, and maybe get a health check after eating off the floor." He spoke the last part in a slightly queasy manner. They made for a doorway through which bright light glowed. Coming out into a large space with a few very large, practically gigantic, items of furniture with great big and high-up windows illuminating the entire earthy but bright décor. As they took the view of the edifice in Liam remarked. "Oh, what a nice, airy room."
"Wha'?" Will didn't quite get his statement but caught on after a few moments. "Yeah, well, let's carry on." He began making his way to what appeared to be a grand gate with Liam following on, but they noticed Ned was strolling in another direction. "Come on, Ned!"
"Wait a minute." Ned answered off-handedly as he stepped in front of a pile of paper sheets. "I like a good read. 'How to Serve Humanity'; looks like a work-in-progress." He noted the apparent lack of binding as he hauled at the page to read further. "'Sheppard's Pie: First peel two Sheppards'." He paused at this rather strange description. "'Mix with currants and custard'? It can't be." He staggered over to the others as his mind formed a conclusion from everything he'd seen that made no sense. "It possibly can't be." Just then a great thundering boom reverberated through the floor.
"What was that?" Liam asked, nervously. A few more booms sounded, less intense than the others, before a feminine voice of significant volume came through.
"Fee Fi Fiddly Dum. I can smell some little human." As they listened Will gave a cry like one who'd just figured out the answer to a game of charades.
"It's a giant." He told the others, prompting Ned to give him a gesture out of habit that effectively said 'Of course, I should've known'. Whereupon they all yelped and dashed to the nearest hiding place, a cup with no handle just beside a table leg.
"Come out, little guys." The voice spoke again. "Pinkie's feeling peckish." Ned tucked himself between the cup and the leg of the table, finding that he hadn't any assistance to help him in with the other two. A huge giggle resonated through the air as they apprehensively peeked towards the door that was clear to them now. It swung open and there, standing as big as St Paul's Cathedral, was a bright pink pony who stepped into the room, speaking with every step. "Hello. Anyone I know." Just then she glanced down right at them, her cheerful face descending into a slight frown. "What'cha doin' in my custard cup?" Before any answer could be formed she promptly lay down along side their position. "Come on out. You're hardly dressed for breakfast." She flipped them onto the floor as she titled their hiding place with her hoof. "Honestly, the way you're carrying on, anypony would think you hadn't anything else to wear." Her eyes lifted from the floor and seemed to dilate in an unusual way before she made a sound of understanding, looking back down she noticed them trying to dash back for the mousehole. She cut them off with her other forehoof. "Hey, you're new here, aren't you." She swept them up on her hoof as she lifted herself back into a standing position. "I'm pretty sure I've never seen your faces."
"N...No." Liam squeaked nervously, wondering just how this giant pony was thinking, not to mention how she seemed to bear an intelligence he'd never have associated with horses.
"Oh, well then." Pinkie began swinging round to go back out into the corridor. "Allow me to give you a proper Pinkie Pie welcome for all you cute little treats." Before any of them knew what was going on she reached what appeared to be a bedroom and plopped them down on a coffee table. All of a sudden the sound of a brass band resonated through the room and Pinkie began a number of earth-shaking jigs across the room, deliberately offering them a panoramic view of her gigantic figure as she sang. "Welcome, welcome, welcome. A fine welcome to you. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I say how do you do? Welcome, welcome, welcome; I say hip, hip, hurray! Welcome, welcome, welcome, to Equestria today!" She pulled a peashooter out of her mane and appeared to flick it in their direction, causing a shower of confetti as big as printing paper, and then tossed into the air a fairy cake that landed almost right on top of them, but still managed to land the right way up. "Oh. I got the wrong-sized confetti and cake and still got them mixed up." She giggled a bit. "Oh well, now it's happened. Hop on to the cake, little guys. We can both enjoy it while I enjoy you. And don't bother making a run for it, you'd get nabbed by somepony sooner or later anyway." Her casual attitude seemed completely at odds with what she was expecting of them.
"But... ponies are supposed to be..." Liam tried to present a voice of reason. Pinkie thundered over with one mighty hop, her face looming over them in a cheerful but unknowingly menacing manner.
"Yes?" She asked.
"This is ridiculous!" Will declared. "Yer can't be a pony." Pinkie looked all over herself.
"Funny." She replied. "Last I checked I was a pony. Still, even if I wasn't you can still hang out in my tummy."
"No way we can!" Will answered. "It's too dangerous." Pinkie giggled at this.
"Not for you little humans." She stated matter-of-factly. "However you come here you get a very special enchantment in the process. First, you become immune to digestion, and then you each gain a mouth-watering flavour." She began to make an exaggerated chop-smacking.
"I don't want to appear paranoid or anything." Ned said as he took a deep breath. "But how can we possibly be all right inside a living animal's stomach."
"Duh. It's magic." She answered. "Look, I'll prove it." She swung her head over a bare part of the coffee table and stuck her hoof right into the back of her mouth, upon taking it back out she first heaved as though she'd puke but then let out a great burp. To their surprise a bipedal figure coated in her saliva slid right across the table. As it stood up they saw it was a woman.
"Really, Pinkie." She remarked as she stood up. "Can't you let a girl prepare herself before regurgitating her?" Pinkie just giggled again.
"Sorry, Mary. I had to get someone experienced to reassure these guys." Mary caught sight of them, looked between them, Pinkie and the cupcake, and walked over initially motioning a greeting before she caught sight of something as they cringed self-consciously.
"You're not seriously eating them for breakfast right now." Mary's statement was in the tone of a mother telling her child to wash their hands. "Especially on top of that." Pinkie pouted at this.
"Awww. I hoped to sample their taste before anypony else could." Mary walked around the trio and stood between them and Pinkie.
"You could still," She offered, "But first they need a wash. It wouldn't do for a pony to eat someone who's got dirt in their toes." At this Pinkie started and looked closer at her latest guests. "And secondly you must choose a proper breakfast. Try a slice of toast for them to ride." Pinkie Pie's face lit up once again.
"Okie Dokie Lokie. I'll be right back." She began to pronk over to the stairs and made her way down, none of those standing on the table could maintain a steady footing until she was out of sight.
"Sorry if she frightened you." Mary apologised to them. "She just gets carried away when she finds anything delicious."
"Excuse me." Liam addressed her indignantly. "We thought you could put her off, especially that remark about our dirty feet."
"How can I put her off eating anyone indefinitely? I had spent the whole night in her after all."
"You?" Will couldn't seriously believe that she'd actually come flying out of Pinkie's mouth. "You must be perverted."
"Oi!" Mary got right into his face at this point. "Anyone here makes another remark like that and I'll suggest to her that she apply a spread on top of you." There was a moment of silence as they couldn't comprehend how readily this lady accepted the possibility of being pony food. "Truth be told I had shared what she'd eaten while inside her a few times, especially when she's been throwing a party."
"Come off it." Ned told her. "You're just pulling our legs."
"Perhaps a little." Mary admitted. "But Pinkie has eaten me several times before. I could go back in with you if it'd make you feel comfortable." At this point they lost their footing and Pinkie Pie came prancing back balancing a plate of toast and a cup of water on her back. To the three lads it could well have been the same cup they'd hid in when they first heard giant Pinkie approach.
"Here we are." She declared, setting the two items down and sweeping the cake away, earning her a glare from Mary when it seemed to vanish. "Hey, I do have some control. Now then, boys, let little Mary help you up and get yourselves all scrubbed." It took some effort, especially when it came to the issue of their pyjamas, but with assistance from Pinkie's gigantic hoof Mary managed to get them in.
"Don't take too long." She called out to them. "That toast won't keep warm for very long."
It turned out they didn't have much choice anyway. Mary sat back on the toast while she waited for them and mentioned how it felt every thirty seconds until Pinkie Pie couldn't face the prospect of eating it cold, prompting her to fish the newcomers out and plop them down right next to Mary. They barely had time to pick themselves up before she lifted the toast up towards her salivating maw.
"You know it could get soggy the way you served them." Mary ribbed a bit, earning a quick laugh before Pinkie replied.
"Don't worry about it, Mary. I've had worse breakfasts than four slightly soggy humans on toast." With that she shoved the entire slice into her mouth. Within every one of them was tossed hither and thither and the giant mare chewed it into mush, periodically getting someone crunched. After the initial alarm from the boys they soon noticed that the impact of her teeth left no damage and actually felt like a chiropractor giving them a massage. Mary tried to say something about being proven right but, at that moment, Pinkie emitted a deafening yummy sound. By the time the ringing in their ears stopped she started swallowing.
Down they all went, engulfed, squeezed and massaged by the giant pony's throat muscles. Until they landed upon the soft lining of her stomach; looking round they noticed a multitude of oddities. Somehow street lighting had been installed, a row of pre-fabricated houses stretched across one side of the stomach and, even weirder, the opposite side bore a well-equipped sports field.
"Welcome to Ville de la Pinkie." Mary announced as she picked herself up. "The only human village in Equestria that's inside somepony."