Behind her, Discord gasped. "It's more horrible than I'd ever imagined! Oh, the grotesquerie! Oh, the degradation!"
"Umm..." Hovering in the way-too-blue sky, Dash blinked at what she could only call a cartoon version of Ponyville: the houses even more colorful and rounded than usual; the flowers and trees sort of dancing in place to music Dash couldn't hear; ponies strolling along the streets, the stallions with top hats and the mares wearing some other fancy sort of headgear—not bonnets, but a different word she'd only ever heard Rarity use. "Not seeing any horror here..."
She felt him shiver on her back. "This town's always been a comic book, but now? It's like some wholesome little foal devoured a box of crayons and a crate of cotton candy, then vomited the entire sticky-sweet mess everywhere!"
Dash shook her head. "Not a foal." A flap sent her gliding away from her cloud house. "This is the land of daydreams, right?" She gestured to the well-dressed folks below. "So who d'you think's gonna be dreaming about this?" Raising her eyes, she found Carousel Boutique sticking up a little too prominently in the center of town. "The question is: what're we s'posed to do? I mean, I couldn't wake Twilight or AJ all the way up in real Ponyville, so maybe...maybe we have to push them out from this side?"
"Of course!" Discord popped into the air in front of her like some large, misshapen hummingbird. "So we do what we do best: you crash, and I burn!" He rubbed his front paws together.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" As much as she wanted to grab him, she was pretty sure he wouldn't like the reminder that it was her fault he was all shrunken now. "These're still our friends! Let's not bust up their fantasy worlds if we don't have to."
He huffed a puff of dark green steam. "Fine. But if Rarity tries to put a little ruffled suit on me, I won't be responsible for my actions."
Nodding, Dash drifted closer to the boutique, and with the other buildings out of the way, she could see a line of ponies stretching out the shop's front door. As she watched, the back door opened, and a stallion in a tuxedo came trotting out. "Next!" she heard Rarity's voice call from inside, and the waiting ponies all shuffled forward.
Beside her, Discord vented more green steam. "If this is her daydream, then we really need to get her a special somepony..."
Very carefully not thinking about the words 'special somepony,' Dash aimed for the side window and peered in. Rarity stood in the center of the main showroom, a mare in front of her; Rarity's horn flared, and one of those big dresses that always made Dash think of cake surrounded the mare. The mare bowed to Rarity and trotted off, Rarity calling, "Next!" once more.
Discord was making a gagging noise in Dash's ear now. "I always suspected you ponies were boring at a cellular level, but this—"
"No." Dash couldn't stop a shiver. "This isn't— Rarity's not—" Taking a breath, she tried to find words for the prickly feeling that was plucking all up and down her wings. "Hades is doing this somehow. He's not letting them have their regular daydreams: he's, like, distracting them with busywork, letting them shift their brains down to idle so they're not any more awake here than they are out in the real world."
"A distraction?" Discord stroked his wisp of a beard. "So they won't notice whatever Cousin's up to?"
"Come on." Pushing the window open, Dash slid into the boutique, Rarity making another big gown appear around another mare. "Hey, Rares! How's it going?"
"Hmmm?" Rarity didn't quite have the same far-away look on her face as Dash had seen on the others earlier, but it was pretty close to that. "Oh, good morning, Rainbow." The tiniest trace of a spark glittered in her eye. "Have you come for a fitting?"
Completely on reflex, the biggest possible "No!" came bursting out of Dash's mouth.
"Oh." Rarity's spark guttered out, and she turned blank-faced toward the front door. "Then if you'll excuse me, I have customers who—"
"Wait!" Dash clutched at the fragment of an idea. "I mean, I'd like a fancy dress, sure—who wouldn't, right? But this?" She waved at Rarity's horn. "Where's the fun in that? What about the cutting and the stitching and the personal touches that make everypony who sees it know that it came from the heart, mind, and hooves of the greatest designer and dressmaker in Equestria!" Reaching over, she found a pyramid of cloth rolls next to her and grabbed the top three: gold and silver and copper-colored. "I want a real Rarity dress, not some weird conjured-up thing you barely had to think about!"
Rarity's jaw had been dropping further and further, her eyes going wider and wider, and now she stepped forward more like a sleepwalker than anything else. "Yes," she murmured, her entire attention on the rolls of cloth Dash had set on the floor. "Snipping the thread with one's teeth. Running one's frog along the bolts to know they're the proper length. The incomparable rustle and brush of the fabric." She reached out, touched one of the rolls—
And vanished without a sound, just gone like she'd never even been there.
All the other ponies, the ones waiting in line and the one in the fancy dress just stepping out the back door, every one of them did the same thing, and Dash glanced sideways quickly to make sure Discord was still with her.
He was, but he was staring at her with eyes almost as big as marbles in his tiny face. "How...how did you—?" His expression crumpled into something more annoyed, and he folded his arms. "Stealing my shtick? Really? Is that what it's come to?"
"What?" Dash waved a hoof. "Hey, I just figured that might wake her up, snap her back to reality or whatever! 'Cause Rarity's like me: she only wants stuff to be easy when she's worked for it. Yeah, maybe we'll daydream about not needing to earn it, but that's not what gets us up and outta bed every morning. We want the challenge and the—"
"Yes, yes, yes." When Discord sighed this time, Dash smelled rotten milk. "That was all very rousing and pep-talky, what you did to our marshmallowy little seamstress, but I'm talking about this!" He swooped over and landed on the stacked rolls of cloth. "One instant, there was nothing at all beside you, and the next instant, you're turning the fabric of space-time into actual fabric!" He spun to face her. "And worst of all, none of it's in my shade! Where's the orange plaid?"
"Wait." Gingerly, Dash poked the rolls. "These weren't here?"
"Trust me." He gave the cloth a long, snaky lick. "When something's been nothing, I can taste it."
That weird rustling passed over Dash's wings again. "It's Hades. Last night, he said he was giving me daydream powers or something, didn't he?"
Discord cleared his throat. "Perhaps you recall a few moments ago when you shrank me down to less than a pipsqueak?" A yellow arrow appeared in the air pointing down at him, the words 'Objects Should Be Larger Than They Appear' flashing along it. "That's the power he gave you, Chaingrow Mash. And you've already used it."
"Yeah, but—" Focusing, Dash imagined a set of patio furniture exactly the right size for him, and when he heaved another sigh and dropped back to drape himself over the chaise lounge beside the little table with the umbrella that hadn't been there a second before, Dash caught her breath. "It looks like I can still do stuff," she finally decided to say.
"Please." Reaching over, Discord took the half coconut with the curly straw sticking out of it that had appeared with the table and took a sip. "Your delusions are no more entertaining now than they've been for as long as I've—" He stopped, pulled down the sunglasses he hadn't been wearing till right then, and stared at his drink. "Apple juice? But I always conjure mango-papaya!"
Dash had been feeling the grin spreading across her snout, and when his gaze came up to meet hers, she couldn't help winking. "Looks like it's two of us against one of him." She gave a little shrug. "Well, okay, maybe one-and-a-half of us..."
"Now, now." Claws clutching the coconut, Discord swallowed, a clattering sound rattling down his neck like pebbles through a rainspout. "Let's not all fly into a panic at once. Because Hades leaving you with the ability to change things here would make less than no sense."
"Yeah?" Whatever worry Dash had been feeling about Hades kidnapping Fluttershy—and she hadn't been feeling all that worried, she told herself quickly—but that one little bit of it that had been congealing in Dash's gut like a lump of flight camp oatmeal, it was now dissolving quicker than dew on a summer morning. "Seems to me some guy I know used to say there's no fun in making sense." Imagining herself wearing her Wonderbolt flight suit, she reached for her goggles, found them right where they should've been, and pulled them into place. "Now, let's go get Fluttershy."
A huff of breath drew her attention back to Discord. "Fine." He set the coconut onto the table and snapped the goggles of his own minature Wonderbolt suit over his eyes. "But this color doesn't go with my complexion at all."
Flexing her wings, Dash turned for the window, bent her knees to jump through—
And a not-quite-familiar voice behind her bellowed, "Not so fast, Masked Marauder!" The world twitched, and Dash found herself facing a brick wall, the light suddenly all dim and shadowy.
"Oh, what now?" Discord muttered, and Dash snapped her head around to see a pony encased in blood-red battle armor, the figure standing with a pastern casually curled around the haft of a warhammer that sparked and hissed with blue-white magic.
The armor's faceplate slid open, and Pinkie's unmistakable blue eyes gazed coolly out. "I should've known," she more sneered than said. "Anytime there's big trouble in Ponytropolis, it'll be you behind it. I'd give that anonymous tipster a reward for telling me where to find you, but, well, y'know, anonymous." She giggled, and for half an instant, she looked the way Pinkie was supposed to look. Then everything about her hardened, and some little cannon things sprang out from her armored shoulders, more magic crackling from them. "And that's how they'll mark your tombstone, Marauder: A. Nonymous!"
Again, sheer reflex kicked in, Dash spinning away as bolts of lightning burst from the cannons. Something like thunder made her ears wince, the stink of hot asphalt smacking her across the nose, and she almost froze to see the pavement where she'd been standing buckle under the electrical onslaught from Pinkie's cannons.
"Yow!" she heard Discord squeal from somewhere, and a brownish streak whooshed out of the semi-darkness and into her mane. "Watch where you're pointing those things!"
"Oh, I will," Pinkie growled, a sound Dash had never even imagined she would hear. "I'll watch them turn you fiends into strawberry jam!"
The cannons swiveled toward her, and multiple plans flashed through Dash's mind: swooping past Pinkie to draw her fire across the face of the brick wall so it would tumble down on top of her; start whirling in place to get a cyclone going that would throw Pinkie off balance; maybe spin up a quick frontal system or a fog bank or a lightning storm of her own—
But then she remembered where she was and what was going on. Focusing, she imagined the beams of Pinkie's cannons boiling out and let them slam directly into her. "Oh, no!" she cried, flipping around and flopping to the ground. "You got me!" Grabbing her throat, she made as many gagging noises as she could manage. "To think that my career of villainy should end like this! Woe is me! Woe, I say!"
"Woe?" Pinkie repeated with several blinks.
"Woe!" Dash gave one last choke and sprawled herself across the alley with her tongue lolling out.
"Whoa!" Hopping up and down, Pinkie gave a squeak. "Hooray! Uhh, I mean—" She cleared her throat and went on in her harsher voice, "The weed of crime bears bitter fruit, malefactor! And that's why the Pink Knight always triumphs in the end." Turning away, she vanished as suddenly as Rarity had, but Dash still waited a few seconds before she sat up.
A miniature dust devil sprang from between her ears, Discord looking more rattled than she'd ever seen him. "What in Perdition's name was that?" He stopped and tapped his chin. "Say, what do you suppose ever happened to Perdition? She and I used to be so close..."
"Daydreams." Dash rolled to her hooves. "I guess Pinkie's got some whole 'masked avenger of the night' thing going on in one of hers." She couldn't keep from narrowing her eyes. "And I'll bet it was Hades who turned her loose on us." Flaring her wings again, she leaped into a hover. "Come on! We've gotta find him before he pushes us into another—"
"Shhh!" somepony hissed behind her, and everything shifted once more, the alley filling with wooden bookshelves reaching up to a vaulted ceiling and stretching off to the horizon in all directions. Dash was hovering in an open area, though, a few sofas and tables around her, and drifting around with a sigh, she was completely unsurprised to see—
"Starlight?" Dash couldn't keep from gasping in complete surprise.
At a desk with a Librarian sign attached to the front sat Starlight Glimmer, her mane tied back in a tight bun, little half glasses perched on her snout, and a fairly severe look aimed in Dash's direction. "Shhh!" she said again, touching a hoof to her lips before turning her attention back to the book she was reading.
Dash thumped onto the carpet and stood staring there for what felt like a couple minutes. Finally, though, she managed to shake herself and glance at Discord.
He was glancing at her, his claws holding a little card with a question mark glowing on it.
Giving a shrug, Dash peered down the rows of bookshelves, but she couldn't see any doors or windows—or even any walls, for that matter. Asking Starlight if she could show them the exit might work, but the itches along Dash's wings made her think not. This was a daydream, after all, and if it was like the others, she needed to wake the dreamer up from it in order to get out. So maybe...
She motioned for Discord to follow and padded as quietly as she could up to the desk. "Excuse me, ma'am," she said in a loudish whisper—she'd never been sure what the right volume was for asking questions in a library. "I was hoping you could help me with some information?"
Her wince all ready in case Starlight just sushed her again, Dash let out a little puff of relief when Starlight instead looked up with a smile. "Of course," she said, and her voice was just a little quieter than regular talking. "Librarians are always glad to assist."
"Great." Dash considered a couple quick plans, then decided to say, "I'm looking for information about Princess Twilight Sparkle."
Starlight's smile brightened. "Oh, an excellent subject!" Her horn glowed, and a neat stack of maybe a dozen books dropped gently into the desk beside her. "Are you interested in her early, friendless years in Canterlot? Her successful friend-making when she ran the Ponyville library? The way she befriended the entire world after becoming the Princess of Friendship but still manages to make every single pony she meets feel worthwhile and important? The multiple times she's saved both the realm and the world?"
"Well, now!" Discord buzzed over to the stack and settled on top of it with a plop. "Anything here about her love life?"
Dash could barely stop herself from reaching out to squash him like a bug, and the frown curling Starlight's muzzle made Dash pretty sure she was thinking the same thing. So— "Wow!" she said, drawing Starlight's gaze again. "Princess Twilight sounds pretty darn amazing."
That got Starlight's smile back. "Oh, she is. Powerful, smart, always ready, willing, and able to help." Her smile got a little wistful, and she sighed. "Truly amazing..."
Discord rolled his eyes so loudly, Dash was pretty sure she could hear it. Ignoring him, she tapped Starlight's desk and said, "So what if I said I was mostly interested in Princess Twilight's student?"
"Her...student?" The smile faded from Starlight's face.
"Yeah. Starlight Glimmer." Dash waved a hoof. "You wanna talk about amazing? She went from being a total bad guy to being a total good guy, y'know? And every time it got too hard and she got a little lost and tripped and fell and did something maybe a little bit stupid, she always saw she'd made a mistake, picked herself back up, said she was sorry, and started back the right way again." Pushing her goggles up, Dash met Starlight's wide eyes. "That's what I call amazing."
"Rainbow?" Starlight's words barely reached Dash's ears. "You...you really think that?"
"Everypony does." Not sure if it'd hurt or help, Dash still touched Starlight's foreleg. "And that's the thing. Equestria's already got a Twilight Sparkle. What we need is a Starlight Glimmer."
"I—" Starlight said, and then she was gone, nothing but empty air under Dash's hoof.
This time, Dash didn't wait; scooping up Discord, she leaped into the air just as the whole giant library vanished around them. Wrenching out the cork on all the nervous energy she'd been pushing down, she pumped her wings for the blue sky spreading itself above her and didn't stop till they were pretty high over the cartoon Ponyville. "Now!" She pulled into a hover and shook Discord just a little. "You've gotta do what I just did!"
"What?" He stared up at her as button-eyed as a rag doll.
"Get everypony outta their daydreams!"
"Me? But you're the one with the keys to this place!" He waved his arms. "I don't know anything about—!"
"Ho, dragon!" a deep voice called from below, and Dash looked down to see a tall, muscular, purple, two-legged figure wearing armor and a cape: some weird, grown-up, daydream version of Spike, she figured. He had a big jousting lance resting over one shoulder and was shading his eyes with his other hand to peer up at them. "Or wait. Are you a dragon? I'm kind of looking for a dragon, see..."
Dash couldn't help staring for half a heartbeat, then she forced her mind back into gear and focused again on Discord. "Look! If we let Hades have his way, we'll be popping one by one through everypony's daydreams all over town, and he'll finish building his brick wall around Fluttershy or whatever so she'll be trapped here forever!"
"But—"
"No buts!" She shook him again. "You know the ponies in Ponyville by now, and you just need to help them hit the mark! Sometimes it's a straight shot like the way Pinkie just wanted to be the hero and beat the bad guy, and sometimes it takes a little digging like the way Rarity thought she wanted to take it easy but really wanted to work and the way Starlight thought she wanted to be Twilight but really wanted to be herself! Just listen and think and act, and you'll do great!"
His lower lip quivering, Discord started melting like a candle.
"Don't you dare!" She tried to squish him back together, but he was too mooshy. "We're still a team, but if we don't split up, Hades'll win! And yeah, I'm just a dumb cloud jockey and you're just a giant bucket of annoying, but we're the only ones here, and we've each gotta do what only we can! That means I use whatever powers Hades gave me to find him and Fluttershy, and you use whatever brain you maybe have to get everypony out of here so you and Twilight and Starlight and Princess Luna and the rest can maybe figure out a way to come back and help!"
All of Discord's dripping goo froze, and with the grossest slurping sound ever, he reformed back into his tiny self. "I'll have you know, Sprainbow Brash, that I am a giant steamer trunk of annoying!" He wriggled out of her grip and zoomed directly into her face. "Mark my words, though: if Hades succeeds in absconding with Fluttershy, there will be a strongly worded letter about this tomorrow in the Ponyville Picayune Pioneer!"
His lips sprayed those last three words damp and stinging across Dash's muzzle, but before she could yell at him about it, he was swooping away toward Spike and calling, "A dragon, you say? Well, friend, I think I might just be able to help you out with that!"
For another instant, she stayed hovering there, her mind and stomach churning, then she swung away and shot off toward Fluttershy's cottage. Sure, it probably didn't matter which way she went—this was all daydreams, after all—but she needed every bit of help she could get at this point.
The rustic little house hove into view, and for once in her life, Dash didn't stop herself from focusing all her thoughts on her sweet, quiet, gentle, oldest and dearest friend. The sky around her seemed to shudder, chunks of it peeling away like really old wallpaper, and Dash barreled through the gaps, ready for whatever was waiting for her on the other side.