Celestia sighed, ears folded back, and massaged her temples. "So, let me get this straight," she said, "you left Caldoric -- alone -- in the Tower of Elements, with our last method of escape and a large supply of potentially destructive devices, because he spoke 'harshly' to you. Is that correct?"
Luna nodded sharply, her normally serene face distorted slightly by an uncharacteristic scowl. "Tis the most secure locale within all of Equestria. Nothing less than the thaumic power level of an Alicorn, such as you or I, could hope to try and enter that vault. As I hear, you designed it to withstand even the greatest of breaching attempts, be they magical or physical in nature. Nothing could penetrate your enchantments upon that chamber--"
"From the outside, Luna!" Celestia interjected hastily, her ears pinning back. "It was designed to store and contain artifacts, not a living being of unknown capabilities such as him...! You yourself told me that Caldoric breached my security with a sword, and to make matters worse, you're implying quite heavily that it was one of those blades...! If I didn't know better, I'd think you'd gone mad for thinking one of them still existed after all we did so long ago! He could still get--"
Celestia's words were cut off, however, by a spike of phantom pain that shot through her horn and the various thaumic nodes throughout her frame. Her sister obviously felt it as well: somewhere, there had just been a massive, nigh-instantaneous buildup and release of powerful magic. The kind that could only be achieved through infusion into (and storage within) an arcane object of power, such as a precious gem, a staff, a cloak, or...
"The Mirror...!" Luna and Celestia shouted simultaneously as they locked eyes. Not a second later, there was a loud, rumbling crash somewhere else in the castle that could be felt even from this far away. It sounded almost like they had just taken a hit from a long-range siege engine, such as a ballista. This coincided with a sensation that Celestia had come to both recognize and dread over the years, as one of her more powerful wards suddenly failed under enormous strain.
"The Tower's been compromised...!" Celestia gasped, "He's broken out! Luna, we need to move, now." Her tone in that moment brooked no argument from her sister. And with that, the Solar Princess utilized a brief blast of magic to blow out the nearest window (a plain glass affair, thankfully,) and they both leapt out into the courtyard beyond, in search of the errant Toa.
~~~~
Elsewhere in the castle...
Jack sighed and removed his hand from in front of his helmet, and took a good hard look at the... person, to put it lightly, that stood looking back at him. The stranger was rather tall: at least seven feet, by the looks of him. Well, Jack had assumed it was male, if the voice and masculine body shape were anything to go by. The figure seemed more machine than organic, with gears and pistons barely visible underneath his black, white, and gunmetal armor wherever there was a lack of the strange dusty-grey muscle-like tissue. And that was to say nothing about his eyes or... was that his face, or a mask?
After all, it looked to be made of the same metallic substance as his armor, though it seemed to flex and shift in places, almost as if it were flesh and blood. And the eyes, they were internally aglow, almost like old sci-fi representations of robots used to have, though these had a line brighter spot in each one that appeared to serve the same function as human irises, indicating to the outside world where their owner was looking. And then there was the strange symbol emblazoned over and around his left eye...
"Alright, 'Kamen Rider,' enough staring." The stranger said, breaking Jack out of his observational reverie as he walked past. "Name's Caldoric, by the way, in case you're wondering. At least, it is while I'm stuck here. And yes, I'm a Displaced just like you. Now, can you fly or teleport? We'll have to do one or the other if we're gonna get down from this tower..."
“Yeah, flight’s an option,” Jack replied, before pressing a button on his belt.
Rocket On!
Caldoric stared as a large orange rocket manifested on Jack’s right arm, an eyebrow-like ridge on his face raising as he looked on.
“What… the heck.” He said, spreading his arms and dropping them. “I literally can’t… no, no, let’s just get on with this. What d'you want done with this thing?” He then rapped a knuckle on the Powerdizer, absentmindedly.
“It’ll be fine for now,” Jack replied before igniting the rocket and hovering a few feet in the air, “you got wings, or do you need a lift?”
“Oh, I can teleport.” Caldoric replied, then looked back at the massive vehicle beside him. “But really, if you need I can bring this with. It’s just a matter of…” He waved a hand in the general direction of the Powerdizer, and it vanished, to be replaced by a brown-edged card bearing its image that dropped into his hand.
“See?” He asked, holding it up, then turning it for Jack to see the opposite side. There was what looked like some sort of anti-spambot code on the back. “I can 'captchalogue’ just about anything, and deploy it again wherever it needs to be. So, shall we?”
“See ya at the bottom,” Jack said before flying out of a large window down to the ground. But, to his surprise, Caldoric was already there, briefly touching two fingers to his brow in a casual salute as the Kamen Rider approached.
“Hey, man, what took ya so long?” He joked, as Jack landed.
“Hey, put the two of us on bikes, and we’ll see who’s choking on who’s dust,” Jack replied before dismissing his Rocket.
Caldoric smiled and nodded. “True, but I took the cycling merit badge when I was in scouts, which included a 50-mile ride, so… can’t stop what ya can't catch, and ya can't outrun what's already here. Unless you mean motorbikes, in which case…” He rubbed the back of his head. “I’ve never ridden one.”
“If we find one for ya, I’ll give you a few pointers,” Jack replied.
“Finding a bike won't be much of a problem,” Caldoric replied, “I can sorta summon stuff from the fandoms that my current state of being was based off of… finding time will be more of an issue: we gotta get down-mountain before I'm discovered to be loose, and we ain't got time for the train.”
“CALDORIIIIIC!” cried a voice that was strangely familiar to Jack, though he'd never heard it raised in anger quite like this before. “Stop right there! And you there with him, I'm sorry he’s dragged you into this.”
They both turned to see Celestia and Luna landing nearby, both looking less than pleased.
Jack turned to Caldoric while pointing at the princesses, “Did you do something?”
Caldoric shrugged, looking a bit off-put. “Not… not that I remember. It’s been a hectic couple of days since I got my ass kicked off Earth. Lotta shit’s gone down.”
“You caused a decent-sized public disturbance earlier,” Celestia corrected, “when you were running around with Kopaka's mask? We’ll admit it was… somewhat necessary, but rather out of line. Also, we told you we can't just have you going off alone to fight -- what is he calling himself again?”
“Somnus, I think,” Luna replied, shuffling her wings. “Honestly, I think it’s a bit showy. You, there, newcomer. Who might you be, and what has our tentative ally here requested of you?” The Princess of the Night gestured at him with a wing.
“Jack Princeton, AKA Kamen Rider Fourze, good to see the local you, Luna,” Jack said, holding out his fist like he was hoping for it to be bumped.
Luna tentatively touched one of her forehooves to his fist, just as taken aback as her sister. “Thou must forgive us, we’ve not had many… pleasant exchanges, shall we say, with Caldoric to date. He’s been less than cheerful around us, or anyone else here in Equestria, if Twilight's reports are to be believed.”
“Not a fan of Equestria,” Caldoric interjected shortly, crossing his arms. “I like Mata Nui better. It’s a cooler place than the war-torn lot you’ve got here. And, by the way, we’re leaving.” With a wave of one hand and a snap of the other’s fingers, the Powerdizer reappeared on the ground nearby, next to another large vehicle, looking like a red, four-tracked tank, the latter of which he climbed on. “Let’s hit the road, Jack!”
“And don’t ya come back no more no more no more no more,” Jack chuckled as he climbed into the Powerdizer’s cockpit, “I’m in the mood for something decadent, race ya to Sugarcube Corner?”
“Sure,” came Caldoric's voice from the tank-thing, amplified over hidden speakers. “Just don't say it too loud, or the resident comedian will want to join in.”
“You’re not going anywhere, you two.” Celestia stated, as her golden magic engulfed both vehicles. Powerful as she was, it seemed like she was putting more effort into holding them than was necessary for the time being.
“Sister, are you alright?” Luna quietly asked.
“Yeah, I just haven't done this close-range of a telekinesis spell on such large objects in a while…” Celestia muttered in reply. Unfortunately, her moment of distraction offered Caldoric and Jack the chance they needed
“I’ve got the chase music covered,” said Jack as he turned on the Powerdizer’s radio.
“And I'll cut the anchor…” Caldoric added drawing a sword from his back, preparing to slash it at something. To Jack, it looked like the blade was sword-shaped a hole in reality to the stars beyond, but to the two Alicorns, it seemed to be something of importance.
With a brief arc through the air, Caldoric's sword seemed to release a wave of transparent force that shattered Celestia's hold on both vehicles and knock her back onto her rump, before both humans sped off. They left behind naught but a cloud of dust, the fading tune of the Benny Hills theme, and an exuberant cry of “follow me…!” from Caldoric.
“Luna…?” Celestia asked.
“Yes, sister dear?”
“...I think that was one of the blades you were talking about.”
~~~~
Caldoric and Jack sped along the roads of the war-ravaged city of Canterlot, which was definitely looking worse for wear.
“We’ll be going straight off the edge, by the way,” Caldoric called back to his companion. “How good's the suspension on that thing?”
“It’s a moon rover,” replied Jack.
“Fair enough,” Caldoric acknowledged, “now get ready to catch some unreal air…!” And with that, they were smashing through a guardrail and into nothingness. There was a brief sense of weightlessness, before they began to fall like stones to the harsh, unforgiving stone face below. Both vehicles landed with mighty crashes and the jangling of metal, but soldiered on without even a scratch.
“That was fun, any more coming up?” Jack asked cheerfully.
“I don't know!” Caldoric called over, his voice terse as he tried to weather the rough terrain: it seemed that his vehicle had virtually no suspension whatsoever, judging by how it rattled around. In stark contrast, the Powerdizer’s 6 wheels were mounted on large arms, allowing it to ignore smaller obstructions and easily traverse larger ones.
There was a moment of silence, before Caldoric looked back from where he was mounted on the tank-like vehicle. “Um, Jack, it looks like we have company…!” He called over to his compatriot, and pointed. Behind them, doing their best to avoid the massive clouds of dust and debris being kicked up, were Celestia and Luna, charging up a spell each. Once again, Caldoric's rattling voice drifted across the distance to Jack. “Evasive action, maybe?”
“Why do you think I’m playing Benny Hill?” Jack replied before powersliding the Powerdizer into a small copse of trees to avoid Luna's blast, “race is still on, loser buys the first round.” Luna followed after him.
“I ain't got cash here!” Caldoric shouted at Jack and Luna’s vanishing forms, before yanking on a set of hidden handles on his vehicle. This caused it to partially open underneath him, enveloping him in the vehicle's armor as the face-like “decoration” at the machine’s front lifted up and began moving like a real head. The treads began moving as four separate units now, almost like folded legs, as the whole thing abruptly swerved and ramped off an outcropping in time to dodge Celestia's spell. It spun 180° midair and continued moving backwards as a device rose from its back.
“Don't make me use this, Celestia!” Caldoric boomed at the Alicorn, as the newly-revealed turret formed a green, spiky ball of fire at one end. “I’m just out to right a wrong done to one of your people!”
“And I'm not going to let you make a mistake you’ll regret!” Celestia replied, charging up for another attack. Soon, the both of them were firing back and forth, neither giving up as they waited for the other to falter.
~~~~
Meanwhile, with Jack and Luna…
Jack whooped as he dodged another of Luna’s blasts, “This is great, I should do this with my Luna sometime.”
“Thou thinketh this to be sport, interloper?” Luna demanded of him, loosing another stun-spell. “And what mean you by the words 'my Luna'?”
“Every Equestria’s got a Luna, and since I live on the moon I happen to be good friends with the one on mine,” as he popped up on his two left wheels to avoid the shot. “Besides, you have to admit you’re enjoying this too.”
“Whilst 'tis true that I've not had a challenge like this for some time, I seek not to harm somepony who could be an ally.” She responded, settling into a glide and holding back a little more on her spellwork. “Or, rather, to one who art one already, if thy implied knowledge of Multiverse Theory holds truth within it. Frankly, thou seem'st like a more reasonable… being, than Caldoric has been.”
“Yeah, I’ve got some work to do with that one,” Jack cryptically replied. “By the way, fun fact about Kamen Riders,” Jack said before hitting the brakes to pull up beside Luna, opening the cockpit, and doing and odd multi-stage handshake with her, “we’re demons behind a wheel.” As soon as the words left his hidden mouth, the Powerdizer went over a cliff that Luna hadn’t noticed. Before she could attempt a rescue, it transformed into a bipedal robot and slid down safely before launching itself off and landing back in vehicle mode.
Shocked at the unexpected development, Luna came to an abrupt stop midair, pulling back and hovering in place for a moment. She looked at her hoof, then at the retreating form of Jack and the Powerdizer, and made a decision. Mayhaps, she thought, mayhaps they can handle this, and mayhaps their race aren't as bad as we’ve thought…
With that, she peeled off from her former quarry, and headed off to intercept her sister. Besides, if somepony else can manage to survive upon the harsh face of my Moon long enough to call it home, like myself, and befriend someone such as myself in these harsh times… I believe they can be trusted. May luck be with you, Jack Princeton: I pray you fall to no ill will in this.
~~~~
Elsewhere, somewhere on the slopes of Canterlot Mountain…
Ian, currently known to most everyone as “Caldoric,” had long ago given up firing at the eldest Alicorn that Equestria currently possessed. Instead, he had chosen to switch the vehicle on which he rode (known to some as a Skopio XV-1,) into its quadrupedal Walker form, and made it “gallop” clumsily down the mountain. It had been a move that he’d not thought possible, and had definitely thrown Celestia off guard for a few semi-vital seconds. He’d gained just enough time to get back out of nearly point-blank range, and could only hope that what few panels weren't blasted off would hold up.
He risked switching back to tank mode long enough to glance backwards at his pursuer, only to see that he now had both princesses on his tail. However, it appeared (to his eyes, at least,) that Luna was trying to talk to her sister, as if to convince her to do something.
Please just leave me alone, he prayed, to no particular deity, just let me do this, and it’ll make your problem so much easier to deal with…
As if in reply, Celestia slowed, looking long and hard at her younger sibling, then seemed to sag slightly as they both hovered in place. A moment later, as Ian dodged his ride around a cluster of rocks, almost at the bottom of the mountain, both sisters turned and flew back towards their city.
What was that about? Ah, well, as they say: don't look a gift horse in the -- damnit. Stupid horse puns are ruined now… Ian then revved the accelerator, and sped off into the developing forest, looking to find Jack as soon as possible.
~~~~
Soon, the two had managed to run across each other once more, and joined back up into their little convoy. They took a moment to reorient themselves, then took off: Caldoric not hesitating to blast trees out of their way, and occasionally crashing through a smaller one, while jack preferred to dodge around them if possible.
“So,” Caldoric said, skirting a tree, “I'm going to go on a limb and ask: is ‘your’ Equestria at war or something, too? I’m just curious.”
“Not exactly, more like a conspiracy to overthrow the diarchs and recruit an army of monsters from disgruntled ponies.”
“Oh, so a more cloak-and-dagger thing, eh?” Caldoric replied, blasting another tree. “Lemme guess, one of the previous big bads have returned, and are secretly behind it all? Man, that’s an old trope…”
“I have no clue who the ringleaders are,” Jack replied, “at least you know who you’re fighting.”
“Yeah, at least there’s that. But I’ll be the first to admit, it’s been no picnic here.” He sighed, barely audible through the ambient sound of high-speed travel through wooded areas. “Long story short, we’re post Season Six here. Once Thorax dethroned Chrysalis and took over the remainder of the hive, she apparently brought back Sombra, and they teamed up. Used some weird black-magic crystals they both can control to make a new army of mind-controlled crystal-armored slaves. Shit really want south after that.” Caldoric paused then, and looked over at Jack.
“How familiar are you with the lore of this place, by the way?” He asked, suddenly. “And what year were you Displaced? Me, I'm from 2020, and it’s not fun there.”
“To be honest, I’ve got no prior knowledge of MLP,” Jack replied.
“Heh, I almost wish I could claim that…” Caldoric added, barely audible.
“Hey, lighten up,” said Jack, “you need to inject yourself with some positive thinking bud.”
“Oh, I thought positive, once upon a time.” Caldoric replied, then looked around a bit. “Then war happened. After that, I got dumped on Mata Nui and had to help the Elements get back to Equestria, and then it turns out that Equestria's at war too. Long story short, having someone die in your lap as you're trying to save them doesn't exactly do wonders for one’s optimism.” He then began to slow his vehicle down a fair bit, slightly distracted.
“Woah, that’s some heavy duty stuff,” said Jack, “can’t say I can empathize, but you do have my sympathies.”
“Thanks for that, friend,” Caldoric replied, bringing his vehicle to a near stop. “Hey, stupid question, but does any of this seem familiar to you? The forest, I mean?”
Jack looked around, “Looks like it might be the Everfree.” He then pulled up next to a patch of blue flowers, “Yep, the Everfree, don’t touch those by the way.”
Caldoric hopped off his vehicle, and looked over at the indicated patch of local flora. “Oh, yeah, Poison Joke. I’m well aware of the less-than-favorable effects they can have. And, with Zecora gone, I'm not sure if anyone else has the recipe for the cure…” he trailed off, and looked at the trees around them. “...But Poison Joke is a play on poison oak, and a pun at that… and I'm pretty sure we’ve been here before… ah, shit, I think I know what’s going on here.”
“What is it, is it a problem?”
“Quite possibly. You ever hear of the Everglades in Florida?” Caldoric asked. “Well, in this one series I read, which was set in a place filled with more puns than Equestria could shake a hoof at, there was a similar place called the 'Foreverglades’ or something, which had some sort of magic-based, spatial-distortion effect on it. Basically, anyone who got into it ended up stuck in a repeating loop of terrain. You hit one edge of the bubble, and you reappear at the opposite end, and run in circles. I only hope this isn't like that… no, see, there are blast marks on that tree over there, and fallen debris over there...” He placed a fist over his mouth, eyes unfocused and looking back and forth as he tried to think.
“I’m not sure how they got out, to be honest, though I know they did. Somehow.” He added. “I… I think it had something to do with closing their eyes, and traveling like that? I dunno, you got any ideas?”
“Yes I do actually,” said Jack.
Radar On!
Jack popped open the Powerdizer, revealing a radar dish on his left arm. After scanning for a few seconds, he started rolling in a different direction than the one they were going, “Follow me, and don’t trust the landmarks.”
And so, they both began following Jack’s Radar heading. They rolled on for several minutes, before Jack’s Radar suddenly went on a momentary fritz. They had just hit, and passed through, the edge of the looping field, and been transported to its other side… however far a way that was.
“Alright, so, we found an edge. You got any ideas to get past this?” Caldoric said, dismounting. “Because I have one, but I'm not sure if it’ll work.”
“Yeah, I don’t have a Switch for this situation, let’s hear it.”
Caldoric opened his mouth to speak, then paused. “Switch? What d’you mean by 'having a switch' for something? You mean the thing on your, uh… the belt thing?”
“Yep,” Jack said before pulling out his Radar Switch and replacing it with with another that looked like the trigger for a camera, “I can do some analysis with my Camera Switch, but let’s hear what you’re thinking.”
“Alright,” Caldoric said, hesitantly, as he pulled the sword from his back once more. Something Jack noticed about it was the fact that it only seemed to be there when Caldoric was looking to grab it, but vanished otherwise. “I was thinking… y'know back in the city, when I slashed at Celestia's spell, and it broke? Well, I'm starting to wonder if this is more than just a way to channel the powers I'm supposed to have at my disposal -- long story -- and if it also has magic-cancelling abilities of its own… Let’s see what this Camera Switch can do, then. Maybe you’ll find a weak point?”
“Sure thing,” said Jack as he climbed out of the Powerdizer. He also had a metallic briefcase in hand, which he handed to Caldoric. “The output will be routed to this, so mind keeping an eye on it?”
“Alright, will do.” Caldoric looked at the screen built into the lid, trying not to be distracted by the buttons and lights to one side of it. “Gods, this is eerily like Myst IV: Revelations... Ready when you are, Jack!”
Camera On!
A large video camera appeared on Jack’s left arm, which he pointed at the barrier, “See anything interesting?”
“Um, not at the moment,” Caldoric answered, turning the screen so they both could see it. “You got any extra lenses or filters you can switch through on that thing? Maybe we’ll see something that way…”
“Use the buttons on the Astrocase,” said Jack. Caldoric nodded, and slowly began tapping buttons, one by one, until he stopped at one configuration that seemed, to him, indistinguishable from the rest. The screen, however, had gone from the same image they’d seen previously, to one depicting a faint area of shimmer in the otherwise empty air. It was tinted slightly orange, as opposed to the usual bluish-green the field generated on-screen.
“There. I think that’s something important.” Caldoric said. He then carefully began trying to poke his sword at it while looking at the screen for guidance. Seconds later, he felt it “catch” on something midair, and he looked up. “Oh, we got something…!” He gave the blade a sharp twist, and the air before them seemed to shatter in a fifteen-foot radius around the blade, revealing a different forestscape beyond. It was a bit darker, creepier, and generally rather more like the Everfree Forest they were used to.
Caldoric stowed his sword, turning the screen to Jack. “You may want to remember whatever setting this is; it seems to see weakness in magic. At least, if my uninformed opinion is correct…”
Jack just pulled out a labeler and printed out a label for ‘Magic’ that he stuck beside the button before packing up and getting back in the Powerdizer, “Shall we?”
“We shall,” Caldoric agreed, “hopefully before this closes up again or something. Los gehts, and all that!” And without much further ado, they took off through the broken field.
Some time after they had left, unbeknownst to anyone, the field began regrowing to its former state with the sound of a million tiny spiders. The Foreverglades were not happy, but they could allow these two to escape. They’d be back, it hoped.
~~~~
“So,” Caldoric began, after a bit of silent travel, “that happened. What do you think we’ll see next? Your guess is as good as mine, since I haven't gone outside the city since I got here two days ago.”
“Honestly, I have no idea,” said Jack. A few seconds later, they rolled out of the forest and into visual range of Ponyville, “Gotta admit, not expecting that”
What they saw before them was complete chaos. And not just your regular, garden-variety chaos, it was full-blown Chaos, bad enough it deserved its own capital letter. Houses (and their foundations, sometimes,) had been lifted into the air, and were floating at various angles, some of them with stuff falling out in unexpected, non-groundward directions. Other houses were just upside-down in the dirt, or had some weird modification made to their color scheme. The grass was blue, the ponds were tropical-ocean green, and the sky framing the small township’s skyline was plaid, with oddly familiar pink clouds hovering about. Some of them were raining a brown substance that Caldoric was pretty sure was chocolate milk.
“Ok, so Discord’s out and about as well.” Caldoric remarked. “See those black specks flitting about, Jack? I’m preeeeeeetty sure those are members of Chrysalis and Sonum-- Som-- gah.” He paused, shaking his head with a metallic blubbering sound, then continued speaking. “Words: can't talk today. Chrysalis and Sombra’s army of Shardlings, jeeze. There are two types that we know of: one set are ponies encased in Crystal and forced to move against their will, and-- what, why are you laughing?”
“Sorry, it’s just that I kinda feel like I’m in an episode of Animaniacs,”Jack chuckled.
As if on cue, Caldoric placed a hand to his mouth, then drew it away with a “mwah” sound, and said “g’night everybody!” Then his face became more serious. “In all actuality, I'm only passingly familiar with that show, but I know what you mean. To use the common vernacular, 'shit be whack, yo.’ Discord’s presence changes everything.” Then, something that caught Jack slightly off-guard happened.
As Caldoric looked at the afflicted town, his mask glowed, and changed shape. Instead of the swoopy-yet-angular shape it had been previously, with two almost tusk-like protrusions coming off the cheeks, it looked entirely different. Now, it was almost spherical, with an array of three lenses on the right-hand side, each of which glowed as green as the lone eyehole on the left side.
“Yeah…” Caldoric said, as a couple lenses adjusted themselves without him touching them. “Discord's there, all right, but no sign of Sombra. I suspect a trap.” He turned to Jack, then seemed to realize something. “Oh, shit, you probably wanna look. Um… here, use this.” Jack was then handed a telescope that he was sure Caldoric hadn't had in his possession previously.
“In any case,” Caldoric continued, laying down on his chest, “I was telling you about the Shardlings. Two types: first are basically puppeteered ponies, usually innocent civilians, while the second are converted Changelings, made entirely of crystals animated by a central intelligence made of greenish gas. Those ones tend to be like generals in comparison, and tend to order squads and whatnot around.”
“Oh, hey,” Caldoric interrupted himself, and pointed. “Discord is coming into view, down over there.” And indeed, the self-proclaimed God of Chaos was rolling down the street, somersaulting without a care as a handful of Shardlings marched doubletime to keep up.
Jack handed back the telescope, “If you can keep him off my back, I think I know how disable the Shardlings.”
“Right, will do. Some reason, I'm tempted to ask myself how good his hearing is. You know, since we’re spying on him from way out here, sorta like that one scene in Lilo and Stitch…?”
“My hearing's pretty good, to be honest.” Caldoric looked over at Discord, who was lying next to him with a pair of binoculars to his crazed eyes.
“Well, that’s good to-- AAH, SHIT!” Caldoric shouted, rolling away from the Dragonequus as realization hit him. All around the trio, reality began to melt, like a painting splashed with water, before they all found themselves in the town square of Ponyville.
“You two,” Discord said as he pulled a comically overlarge pocketwatch out of one ear, “are late. For a very, very important date. Well, this one is.” He then floated over and ran his hand along the side of Caldoric's mask, before tapping the crown and pendant of pure black crystal on his own serpentine form as Caldoric pulled away. “I’ve got orders to trash this poor, poor fool who calls himself a Toa. I’m afraid you’re just collateral, Jack, unless you step aside.” Discord frowned, then snapped his talons and reappeared in the remains of the broken fountain at the center of the square.
Jack chuckled, “You certainly know how to put on a good show.”
Discord nodded slightly. “I thank you for your compliments, hero. However, you still have not made your choice: Advance, or Abscond? Which will you take?” He then smiled wickedly, his eyes flickering green for a moment.
“I choose advance, with style,” said Jack as he swapped out a Switch.
Beat, On!
A large speaker appeared on his right leg, which began emitting sound waves that hit the Shardlings like actual punches. This caused Discord to raise a bushy eyebrow at the Kamen Rider.
“Oh, I see,” he commented slyly, “using the resonance properties of crystals to make them shatter… almost brilliant, my friend. But how will you counter… this?” He snapped the fingers of his paw, and a shimmer seemed to run over the nearby Shardlings, and they seemed to become somewhat resistant to the soundwaves. Well, as resistant as one can be when when being pummeled by literal waves of eardrum-straining sonic power, but still.
“Change the crystalline structure, and it affects the frequency,” Discord remarked. “They’re set to auto-cycle between various random formations now, so that probably won't work for long. And now, for my next trick…” He snapped the talons of his left hand, and everything below where his wings sprouted from his back began to split and unfold. Mechanical components revealed themselves beneath, and began to expand and snap together, until Discord's upper half was now mounted on a gimbal above a giant pair of treads flanking a large box-like structure.
“Ah, shiiiiit…” Caldoric remarked, backing away, “he’s doing something from Toontown. You familiar with that, Jack?”
“Think I might have heard of it, but either way I need to pin down the pattern he’s using,” Jack said as he swapped another Switch, “so I’m counting on you to deal with him as best you can.”
Radar, On!
“Oh, you’ll both be too busy for that,” Discord remarked, as the front of the box fell open to reveal a crowd of… to be honest, Jack wasn't sure what they were at first, but they looked humanoid. They shambled out of the enclosure robotically, each with a different head and body shape: some were short and stout, others tall and well-built. Some had what looked like greenish cheese wedges for heads, others looked like sharks, and still others were pointed like pencils.
“Cogs,” groaned Caldoric, “why’d it have to be Cogs? As if we have any Gags to deal with this…”
“Go, my businessbots!” Discord cackled, as his treads roared into reverse, backing him away from the impending conflict. “Bring order and boringness to this world! Mwahahahahaaaaaa!”
Caldoric drew two small cylinders from his hips, holding them almost like they should be attached to swords. “You ready, Jack? We may have to take this guy out first, and deal with the Shardlings after.”
“Man, I hate having to stop something halfway,” said Jack as he turned off his two active Switches and swapped out a third, “luckily I have just the thing for dealing with robots.”
Elec, On!
Instead of merely granting him a new piece of equipment, instead Jack’s entire suit changed to black and gold, as well as giving him a sword in his right hand. “What say we check these bots’ voltage rating?” Caldoric was silent for a second, and then…
“Wow, man… I'm shocked that you would suggest such a thing!” He then grinned like an idiot as several of the Cogs groaned and facepalmed, and flicked a switch on each of the rods in his hands. A blade of light sprang forth from each one with a sharp hiss; one lime, one a deep, reddish shade of orange. “Now, let’s kick some bot, shall we? Jokes are their weakness.”
“You’ve got lightsabers? Sweet,” Jack said, before inserting a plug that hung off the sword into the first of three outlets that rested just above the hilt, causing the blade to crackle with electricity.
With that, an unknown voice said “Fight!” in an overdramatic fashion as the word itself appeared over their heads, appropriate fighting music began to play, and all hell broke loose. Caldoric and Jack charged towards the Cogs, who in turn began spreading out to surround them as Discord kept pumping them out. Heroes met robots in righteous and glorious battle, and--
“Hey, narrator, get on with it!” Discord shouted at the heavens, then cackled madly.
Ahem.
Caldoric began slashing at the robots before him with a passion, seemingly eager (in Jack's eyes,) for the fight. Jack, for his part, was fighting in a way that was somehow both methodical and random, switching the plug between the three outlets to change from electrically charged strikes, flying slashes of electrical energy, and electrical rings that paralyzed their targets. Partway through he swapped out another Switch to give himself a shield on his left arm that looked like the nose of a space shuttle.
“Oh, nice one!” He heard Caldoric call from nearby, as a three-tiered birthday cake went sailing over his head and smacking a Cog in the face. The afflicted machine staggered backwards, then began shaking as its upper body began revolving rapidly with a faint whooping sound before it exploded. Just then, there was a mighty quaking in the ground beneath them all, causing Jack and Caldoric to fall on their backsides. “Damnit! Stupid Ambulance Chasers, they always do that!” Caldoric raged, before another Cog was violently destroyed.
Shortly, various sizes of cake (even mere slices, and pie-tins full of greenish slime,) began flying every which way, usually hitting a Cog somewhere on its body. Soon, through their combined efforts, Jack and Caldoric had managed to rout the Cogs, and what few were left sprouted helicopter blades from their heads and flew off.
Jack rolled his neck around, “Didn’t even need a Limit Break there, I’m ready for the next round, you?”
“I think the next round is taking out him.” Caldoric supplied, jerking his head at the currently fuming Discord as his mask switched to its original form. “Maybe that 'Limit Break' thing will snap him outta it? I’ll let you lead, if I'm able to help!”
“We’ll have to see, luckily he doesn’t seem too interested in dodging,” said Jack. In truth, Discord was now wearing an oversized tie with a bullseye on it. Jack removed the Elec Switch from his belt and placed it in the butt of his sword, causing an alarm to blare.
Limit Break!
“Rider 10,000,000,000 Volt Shoot!” Jack said before swinging his sword at Discord, launching a massive flying slash of pure electrical power, the edge trailing the ground leaving a jagged crevice as it passed.
At the same time, Caldoric stowed his lightsabers and summoned two items: on his left hand appeared a silver shield with flamelike designs etched into it, while in his right appeared a purple scepter of sorts that bore three jagged lightning bolts at its functional end. “Thunder on my left hand, lightning on my right,” he said, then thrust both items forward in Discord’s direction, causing large arcs of energy to connect the two beings.
Both sets of attacks connected with Discord simultaneously, blasting him clear across the square and into what remained of the Town Hall. The dust settled, and the two heroes waited with baited breath until they could see Discord's prone form.
“Ssssssssooo…” the Dragonequus said, his voice carrying oddly across the distance between them, his head hanging low as he shakily got to his feet. “You thought to challenge me? Me, the masssster of all disssssharmony?! For your impudence, you sssshall pay, puny mortalssss! Your lives are as of nothing in the shadow of my power…!” With that, his head snapped up, revealing that the crown of shadowy crystals from before had grown to wrap around his entire head, encasing half his face and making him look far more dangerous. His eyes were now fully green with blood-red pupils, and they both leaked purple smoke. He was also becoming surrounded in an ominous, smoky-black aura.
Jack dragged his hand down the front of his helmet, “I’m gonna have to use that, aren’t I?”
“Depends,” Caldoric replied, attention focused on Discord as the nearby Shardlings beat a hasty retreat, “you ever use whatever it is on someone who’s gone Grimdark?”
“I never used it outside of testing,” Jack replied, “it’ll give me a similar moveset to him, but it’s got a few side-effects that’ll kick in when I shut it off that are a grade-A pain to deal with, so I decided to not use it unless I really, really need to.”
Just then, Discord's form shot straight up through the last of the Town Hall, reducing it to little more than a pile of rubble, and then things started getting crazy. “You fools have dared to lay a hand upon me,” Discord said, his voice dripping with anger, “so now I shall reward you: you will be the first -- and last -- to see a fragment of my true form!” He curled up into a ball momentarily, before he went spread-eagled in midair, and his entire body began to change. Limbs of various crearures and organs and other masses of pure flesh began to extrude from his form, until he'd become a veritable abomination as tall as a five-story building, still wreathed in darkness. “S̠̲͓̰o͘҉̜̭̼͖,” it said from its many mouths, it's voice like nails on a chalkboard, but a thousand times worse. “y̮̩͜ǫ҉̰̞ų̫̠̤̹̬͈͡ ͠͠͏̥h̸̭̭̟̼͝a̫̭̟̝͇͜v̛͍̜͓e̡͏̗̲̘̲͇̞̗͙́ ͝͏͍̹̦̤͍̤m̡̝̼͇̞͕͡ḁ̵͟ņ̤̝̀͠ͅa̹͇̳̘̩̕g̴̳̘̥͚̯̦͟é̸͓͉d̳̜̖͉̤̟ ̗̼͍͞t̰̺̤̱̱̰̺o̥͖̖̲̩̕ ̮̝͡n̦͠o̸̠̰̯͜t̲̜̳͙̗̙̤́ͅ ̴͚̠̬̻̠ͅģ̲͓̪̝͉͜o͏̸͖̲̝̰̝̜͕ ҉̫͈͖̺͘i̛̛̻͔͓̫͉ṇ̛̥̞̳̭͓̠͍ṣ̮a͞҉̮͚̥̮̳̬̹̪n҉̣͕̝̯̪̩̖̥́͞e̟̪̦͓̳̳̙̘ ̮͕͙͖f̠̟̥ŗ̨͔̖̱̹o̟̤̠̮̯̙̗̝m͖̜̟͝ ͇̣̠t҉̛̱̱̼̘h͍̪̲͇̜͖̺̬e̞͈̱͖̦̫ ҉͚̱͇̩́͝ḿ̨̥͍͍̲̙̜̱̳̥e͔̝̯̗̳͘͟͞r͖͔̹̲̜̹̙̙è̲̞̘ ͈͚̩̪̯͕͎͚̦s̗̫̻̦i͘͏̶̘̣̲̘͙̦͇g̡̨̳̗͙h͕͕̻̳͓̳̫ͅt͍̫̳̘͝ ̨̛͕̖̤̯̱̫ͅǫ̘̪̮̳̻̪͈͟ͅf̶̘͈͕̞̕ ͖̀͞m͏̟͍͔̭̼͘ͅę̴̻̩̘͓̖̰͉͡.̧͈̤͎̗͙̥̀.̸̶̠͔̜̰̬̙.̛̲̳͜ ̵̖̰͙̻I̘̝͓̹͉'̡̦̭̦ͅl̵̻̳̭͉̫͖͢l͔̫̦ ̶͉͙̫̼͖̭͘h̶̤͍̣̫̩̩̬́a̲̰͡v̩̠̜͈̦̳̺́͟e̢͍̲͙̣̖͔̗̣͠ ̶̷̩͚̙͎̼̲́ͅt̡̞͚̫̣̳͔͚̬̫o̢̗͚̭͇̖̣͘͠ ͓͇̘͕̹̕͢͞g͏̝̦͔͎i̷҉̗̹̳̱͕̝̼v͇̰͎͓̬͜͡ͅȩ̬̙̟͇̮͞ ͉y̯̗̤͎̲͘o̗̥̗̘̘̣͉̞͡u̴̵̬͕͍ ͏̵̱̙̳̱̮̳c̸̻͕͇̟͘͝r̥͓̘̬͓ͅe҉͕̯̣̬̳̺d̶͎͔̮̹̻̣ḭ̷̖̫̲̯̺̞͞t̛͝͏͖̤͕̬̖̣̤ ̤͖̥f͉̯̜̻̖o̡͏̮̩r̶̗̰ ̵̶͉̺̼̘t̜̬͕̺̰̣̟͔̝͜h̖̤̪à̱̗̞̟̮̘̦͜͠t̢͚͚̞͎́:̶̠ ̨͡҉̹͎͍̱̯y̸̱̳̟͙͉̹̦͘o҉̶̗u̡͚r̶̟̟̬̩͖̮͔͝ ͙̻̺͚͉̝̳̀͟s̴̥̜̯̻̤͇̠̳͟͞p͕͙̩̻̥̯ͅȩ̦̝c̷̴̶͕̟̼͉͉ͅi̯̹͕̟̕ẹ̴͘͜s̲̘̪̦͔͓̗̪ ̸͏͙̣̯i̙͚͍̝̟̲̖͉͜͞͠s̛͓͓͎̥̫͢͝ ̛͇̳͖̺̕̕ͅͅa̭̣̭̖̝͟͡l̮̦͟͠͠r̨̝͓͔̦̫e͙̻͚̞͢͡͠a͔͔͉̘̦̠͈̭d̞͖̥̳̤̠̺̮̩͢ỳ̺̥̝͢ ̰͕̟̭̮̥̭n̗̩͢e̴̷̝̮̙̝̙̗̗̫a̢̟̫͔ͅͅr̭̲̳̣ ͍͖a͙̩͙̗̮̺͟ṣ̟̟͖͇͓̣͠ͅ ̧̻͙̲̫̤̹̕c̱͔͓r҉̶̳̜͞a҉͕̹̘z̻͙̯̻̣͎̩͡ý̲̠͠ ͈̩̘̰̝̗͢ạ̵̝͖͉͇s͔͙͈̰͢͡ ̬̯͈̞͘͜m̻̳i̱̞͠n̸̵͚͓͉̝̖̠̺ȩ̶̯̲̠̹͖̫̦ͅ.͏̸̮͓͇̫ ҉̫̤̭̥̀B̭̟ṵ̥̠͕̤̤̖̜t҉̱͙̼͖̜̟̕,͚̣̕͟͞ ҉̡̭̳̦̼̝c̣a͏̝͈̮̫̣͈͔͉͡n̠̫͚ ̴̭̞͔̮̦y̧͍̗͕̠̱̲͚̹͞ơ̸̬̲̫̰̕ú̻̪̱ ̸̱̻͘s͎̟̙̞͔͚̣̺͝u͏͚ͅr̢̞̖͍̥̕v̢̨̭̯̬̘̜̗̬i̶̝͔̕v̵̢̪̝̰̪͡e͇̦̮̯ ̬͕̠̙̜̕ͅṯ͙͕̼͚̖̖͔͠ͅh̜̠̥̗̰͞͠i̹͉̲͙͎̟̣ͅs҉͔̮̥̻̼̱̗?̭̥̪͍͚̳̦̕͘”̹
Jack sighed as he pulled out a Switch that resembled a key in a lock, except that instead of a key was a green wooden mask, “Guess it’s time for Toon State’s official debut, is this ever gonna suck in the morning.” He swapped out for it and turned the mask around, revealing that on the other side was a cartoony lime green face with a massive toothy grin.
Mask, On!
A mask identical to the off side of the Switch, except bigger, appeared on his right forearm, which he then removed and placed on his face. It then turned liquid and spread over his entire helmet, before he suddenly spun around in a tornado as a fanfare played out of nowhere. When he stopped spinning, he was completely different. He was much lankier, was wearing a green suit, black dress shoes, and white gloves, and instead of a helmet was a cartoony, cone-shaped head, complete with actual orange eyes and a mouth. “Well then,” Jack said as he straightened his lapels, “shall we begin this picture?”
Discord looked at Jack with some amusement. “Ş̫͇̣̦̭̮̕o̵̯̤͚͙̩͘͞ͅͅ,͏̢ͅ ̠͎̥̀͘ỳ̹̥͚̺̥̬̝̩͝o̸̷̡̺̯̼̜̮̪͍̰u̢̘͇̝̺̼͉ ̵̢̛̖̠̟̩̩̦ţ̱̱̗̼̳͞r̵̢̧̦͉̙̬̹̙͚̦͇u͏̡͈̞l̢͉̙̞ỳ̨̙̹͚̘̱ ҉̥̼̲̳̙̙͡͝ͅa̹̪͢͟͝r̢̥̻e͏̢͙̙̮ ͉͓͚͠m͉͉͚̰͟ą͖͔̠̺̫̙̲ḍ̛̦,̵͈̜͙̳̰ ̧̩̩̱̞̘̰̰̩͕͟a̗̙͞͠r̴̤̪̀̕e̢̟̳̼̘͙͈̩͝ͅn̷̼̫̬̪͓͜'̛̜̹̺̭͉͟t̴̡҉̗̙̤̣̭̼͇ ҉̻̲̪͓̟̫͔y̴̜̠̰͍͔̱̭̜̥o̸̡͓̙͕u̧̼͖̱̪̜͜?̢̩̖ͅ ̣̦̪͓͔̗̕Í̩͖̙̯̭ǹ̤͜ͅt͉͇e͕̠̳̘̬r̴͈͢e̛̞̪͕̱͟ş̤͍́̕ͅt͖̹̪̙͇̙̙̘̲i̸̤̹̭̪̹̖͞ǹ̷̜͔̭̦̗͓̖̪́g̳͔͚̻̀͞.̨̱͝ͅ.̧͏̖̙̺̙̲̹.̶͉̮͔̪̝͝” The abomination declared, as Caldoric slowly drew the sword he’d used before. This drew Discord’s attention like a magnet. “W̻͎͙̝a͏̶̭͈̫͈i̮̞̙̟t͇̭̦̜̪,҉̷̜̮̣͉̜̞̬ ̲̣̰̞ͅẉ̷̱̘̰͟ͅh̢̨̬̻̱͙̙e̴̗͇̩r̰̱͍̰̦̹͞e̹̺̺͎͖̜̱̕ ̵̭̪͈̲̼̗ḑ̙͖̟̩̟͔̩̠ͅi̳̹ḏ͎͉͈̼͟ ̴̗͎̟͙̠̞͡y̷̻͕͕̝̖͡͠o̶͖̼̺̮͚̻͙̝͓͘u̻̬͍̖͎͇͖̖̥ ̵̣̣̤̯̖͍͡g̞e̴͉t̖̻̖̥͈̜ ͝҉̩̮̦͈̠t͉̙̮̰̰͠h̰a̶̟͔̫̣͙t̷̺̱̞.̸̨͓͉.̙͕̤̭̬͇̙.̫̣̤͍̬̀͘?̘̰̀͠ ̳͔͖͡I̴͚̟̩̝̦̰̺̗ ̜̘̜̩t̤̼̲̪̝ͅh̴̸̹͙̗̯͍̖͍͞ò̮̟̙͎ú̵̠̳̪̯͠g̮͇͔͔̝͇̜h̙̙͈͎͍̙̰̘̀̕͢ͅṯ̞̫̭͈͟ ̷̗̖̤̬͈̣͇͕t̖̣̗͇̥͉̱̝͟h͏̶̡͚͖͔͎͕̯̺̭e͏̫͓̱̀͘ ͖͇̺̜̩̮̯͜s̢̨͓̣̪̻͜i̶͔͕s̼t̡̺̟ͅè̥̗͎r͖̻͖̮̮̬͔͟s̡̢̬̗̦̝̫͙ ̬͇̖̳̲͙̳͠d̢̹i҉̠̟͉͎͢d̶̛͓͉̙ ̪͉à̫̳̤̱͚͡w̷̬͢a̧̯͓̗̝̼̺̟̠͕͟͞y̧͚̞̻̦̼̕ ̻̹̠͖́͠ẉ̯i̸͚̲̱̭͕̳t̫̬̗̠͕͖͉̰͎h̢̝͎͙͙͈̺ ̶̼͡͞t̻̫̳͡͡h̤͇͚̰̗̪͕̭̹ę̸̼m͕̟͎ ͘͏̪̗̫͙̹͇̻̰ͅa̠͔͟l͔̺l̫̝̩̙.̷̷͈̯̯͍̲̙͜.̣̪̻̫͢.̘ ̰̼̣͇N̢̻̙͖̥͚̙̣̟̕͜e̶̡͏̞̲̭̝͇̗̖v̵̷̧̪e̛̪̻̟̰̕͞ͅr̸̩̦̣͖̮̼͕͞m͕̫̤̣̜͇͘ͅí̹̠̦̖ǹ̷̡̞d̷̢͚̻,̮̜̼̗̝͉̭͇ ̞͖̞͘ì̛̬̪͙͖͓͜t͏҉̴̤̦͇͉͉͈̺̳̦'̸̜s̨̞̞̘̰̣̗̗ ̡̗̟͍̹͉̼͓̼͙͘o̦͇̜̭̙͉̩̕͜f̘͙͜ ͕̪̞̤͉̪n̸̙̣͕̦̠o̵̞̜̬̖͎͉̻̼͟ ̛̖͖͓̼̙̳̜͝m̸͚̯̟̘̗̥͕̺͟͝a̶҉̭͕̲̲̘̲t͕̠̞̝̝̣t̨̥̦̣̺ḛ̞̹̪͖͈ŕ̛͓̥̻̫:͏̰̼̘̬̫̖̙̝ ̴̻̫̟̲̠̤͈̪̗͟y̡̧͎̯̼͍̩͈̙͢o҉̮̥͈̱̞̻̗̮u͓̩̟̪̦͙̮'̨̟̳̞̥͡ḻ̠́́͝l͏̲͚̟̣̯̀͞ͅͅ ̕͝҉̟͚̮̱̺̥b̡͙̹͇ͅo̵̵͈͕͓͎̩̩̻̳̲ț̛͘h̟̰̕ ̨̛̪̮̼͉̭̯b̶̡̥͍͇̣̞̻̖͟e҉̳̻̩̬͓̘͠ ͉̖̬̻̪̱̩͚͢d҉̺̰ḙ̴̩͉͚̞̬͖̱̯͢a̲̜̳͙̜d͍͈̥̗͚̦͎̥͝ ̴̡̬͓̻͝ṣ̮͙͎̥̼̳̕͞ǫ̫̼͖̀o͉̼̖͜ͅn̫̮̭̻̱͎̺̹ ̻̖̠̮a̶̧̞͎̰̩͠n̡͓̩͈͍̺̝̜y͎̫̳͙̹̮̼̦͝w̶͝҉͇̜̲̬͔̱͎̖a̡͜͏̖̖y͉͚͔͖̜̤s̤͔.̮̩̟̭͈̕.̟̪̲̹͉̀.̲͎̦”
“I was not expecting to be facing a Horrorterror alongside The Mask today, so excuse me if I'm a bit nervous,” Caldoric said, taking a tentative stance. At that moment, Discord lashed out at both heroes with tentacles and energy beams from various locations. Caldoric dodged and rolled, while Jack… well, Jack was bouncing around on a pogo stick.
“Mad? I will have you know, good sir, that I am loony, not mad,” said Jack in an obviously fake british accent before bouncing up super high and coming down on Discord’s main head, but not before swapping the pogo stick for a jackhammer.
It was a very effective attack, the jackhammer quickly cutting through the flesh and into somewhat important internal fleshy bits. Meanwhile, Caldoric hacked away with his sword, the areas around where he cut turning dark and drying out.
“Ya know, this is getting a bit personal…!” Caldoric said, as a stray tentacle suddenly grabbed him around the ankle and hoisted him into the air, near an opening beak. “I ain't gonna be digested today, Discord!” With a slash, the tentacle was severed and most of the beak disintegrated.
Jack frowned as he worked on the crystaline growth around the mad god's head, wearing a construction worker’s outfit for some reason. “She aint givin’, gonna have to bring out the boomsticks.” He then pulled a large bundle of dynamite out of nowhere, which he duct-taped to the crystal, and jumped down to where a plunger style detonator was waiting, hooked up and ready to go. “Fire in the hole!” He shouted, before pushing down on the plunger, causing Discord’s head to explode. The crystal however, didn’t budge, causing Jack to throw his helmet down on the ground in frustration.
“You’re supposed to lubricate it first!” Caldoric cried, tossing a small, hexagonal device to Jack. When he caught it, he saw that it bore alternating black-and-white stripes and the word “Barbasol” written on it in big bold letters, accompanied by the Betty Crocker logo in one corner. “Turn the knob and chuck it! It’ll go boom rather nice!”
Jack, now wearing a military uniform, turned the knob and stuffed it in a mortar, firing it at Discord’s head. It blew up in an even more impressive fashion, actually causing a few crystal shards to fall. As they did, they were accompanied by drifting wads of fluffy, flaming foam.
“Oh, god…!” Caldoric cried, sarcastically, as several nearby houses caught fire, “who knew shaving cream could be so flammable? And why’re you focusing on that crystal, Jack?!” He was then sent flying by an explosive laser blast from Discord.
“It’s quite simple,” said Jack, now wearing a mad-scientist’s outfit and accompanied by a whiteboard with several pictures on it, “Discord’s aggression is directly proportional to the size of the crystal on his head, therefore one could assume that removal of the crystal could result in a corresponding reduction in aggression.”
“That seems fair, but…!” Caldoric supplied, barely dodging the repeated attacks of another tentacle by rolling side-to-side, “what about his chestplate thingy?! He absorbed that, and there’s no telling how big that is! The only science I know for this situation is that giant robots kick abomination ass! Be right back!” With that, he vanished in a faint flash of light, only to return seconds later on the Skopio tank. He also had the Powerdizer in tow.
“C’mon, Hyde, let’s kick some monster ass!” He said, as he transformed the tank into its walker form, and sank the blades on its front legs deep within Discord’s flesh.
“There is only one appropriate musical selection!” said Jack before hopping in the Powerdizer, switching it to robot mode, and turning on the radio.
“I would’ve gone with Sabaton's Primo Victoria, myself,” came Caldoric's rebuttal over the Skopio's loudspeakers, “but this works! Take this, Discord!” He then let loose with as much firepower as he could from the turret, focusing it all on one spot: the remains of the Crystal embedded within Discord’s frontside. Chunks came off slowly, and flesh peeled back to reveal a larger anchor within the monstrosity.
“S͙̜̮͚̼ͅt̯͜o͚͇̦p̩̞̲ ̢͕ṭ̸̮̭̼͓h̤̣̭̜̫̳ͅaț̡!̹” Discord rumbled. “͙̳͉̬͎͈̻S͉̲̣̤͟u͈b̻͜m͓̪̲̫i̲̥̫͚̳͉͢t͖́ ͕͙to̹͍̪̜̕ ͔͞m̬̥̠ỳ͎̰̗̖ w̗̘͕̬͝i̠͓̝l̶̘l̶̮͕̝̠̤,̬̫̀ ̳̹͚̤̭̜͉a̘͓͖͔͎̖͖n̺̮d̦ ͖̝͎̼̘̖́ͅI͓̻̥̮͓ ͏̪͚s̠̼͉͍h͚̳̝̥͍̬͝a̲͓ll̮̭̣̝̦ ͕̝̪̘g̬̲͇̭̜̙r̘̱̘͍̀a̖͘n͍̱̗̪ͅt̻͉ ҉y̭̜͎̬̰̘ǫ̹͖͇̩u̸͈̩̲͖̼͖͇ ̢a̜ ̬̹̜p̛͉͕̰̞͙̻͓a͢i̗̱̥̖̘̱n̶̘͔̮̼͉̲l͡e̯͖̪̖s̥̮͉̭̘͡s͈̭̥̰̣ ͉͙̯̠d̡ḛ̤̙͍̯͕a̧̯̜͇̪̜̣th̬̳̭͖̭̰̳!̦̥̹́” He then cut loose with his own flurry of attacks, knocking Caldoric back, and leaving himself open for attack.
“Oy, I haven’t cured him of his grumpiness yet,” said Jack before setting his mech into a boxer’s stance and delivering a flurry of powerful yet precise punches to Discord's midsection, cracking off a single large chunk. Caldoric blasted the chunk to smithereens before it hit the ground.
“I wouldn't be grumpy if I wasn't stuck in Equestria!” The Toa added, rejoining the melee. “Especially all alone, without any other humans to hang with!” With that, he jettisoned himself from the tank, allowing it to ram into the monstrosity that currently was Discord, while he sank his sword deep into the flesh near the crystal. In his other hand, he held a long, bluish-purple rifle-like weapon with a large glowy crystal at the end of the barrel.
“Let’s see how you like Ahab’s Crosshairs, ya calamari mutant!” There was a flash of light, and a beam of energy pierced most of the way through Discord's distorted form, the large crystal inside, and knock Caldoric back onto the ground again. The latter of the two then began firing multiple times at a lower power setting, riddling the abomination with holes, almost like Swiss cheese. “Yeah, that’s what you get for letting a low-level player have an end-game level item! Woo, Eridan, eat your heart out!”
As he continued firing, Discord's distorted body began to shrink and reform into something more recognizable.
“No… No! How could you?!” Discord demanded, as the two-pronged onslaught continued. Seconds later, the entirety of the fleshy blob exploded, leaving behind a mess and a half-organic, half-crystal Discord behind. Despite his new look, he appeared somehow… weaker. As if to prove the point, he fled down a side street.
“Ack…!” Caldoric said, sitting up, “that wath dithguthting.” He then spat out a bit of goo, and dry-heaved for a second.
“You should really invest in an enclosed cockpit,” said Jack as he flicked off some of the goop, “shall we chase?”
Caldoric nodded, then shakily got to his feet. “Yeah, but be wary; this is starting to feel like some sort of boss battle, and they usually come in stages. This feels like it’s start to wrap up, so it’s probably gonna get difficult.” He then turned to Jack as he walked. “You gonna turn that mask thing off, or d'you feel you still need it? It’s creeping me the math out.”
“We need it, plus I’m gonna be useless for a good hour when I turn it off,” said Jack as he exited the Powerdizer, “besides, I haven’t had a chance to try out the Limit Break.”
“Well, whatever that ends up being, I imagine it’d be pretty crazy.” Caldoric looked up at the skyline in the direction they were going, then groaned. “Ahhhhh, nooooo… Twilight's castle. That place is a maze, or so I've heard. Let’s hurry and catch him before he gets inside…”
So they both picked up their pace, exchanging some idle chitchat along the way, and soon arrived at the large Crystalline structure. Where there had been a pair of large doors in the doorway, there was now a basketball-sized jar of pears.
“...I get it.” Caldoric said, facepalming, before turning to Jack. “D’you?”
Jack just shrugged.
Caldoric sighed. “It a pun. A pair of doors, which he probably left ajar… became a jar of pears.” Caldoric shook his head. “He’s leaking chaos magic or something; we gotta stop him, and soon.”
And so, they both moved into the castle, with Caldoric picking up and storing the jar for later, and quickly came to a large library, where Discord was poring over several times of magic. Some of them floated in the air, pages turning on their own, while others flapped like birds. Nonetheless, he was evidently reading them all at once.
“I knew you’d come…” He said, his tone one of defeat. “I knew, and yet I hoped you'd just let me be. But, you're heroes, so it doesn't make sense that you’d do that, so…”
“Doesn't make sense?” Caldoric asked, deadpan. “You're the one who once asked where the fun was in making sense; what’s gotten into you?”
“Somnus.” Discord said with a sigh. “Trying to fight him off even now, but his hold on me only grows stronger the closer I am to defeat. The crystals embedded within me? The smooth-cut faces were too orderly, and allowed me to be more of myself even under his orders. But now, the rough broken edges that they have are chaotic enough that they’re melding with my essence, allowing me a last moment of lucidity before he completely takes me over.”
“Tell us where he is, then.” Caldoric offered, trying a reasonable approach.
Discord merely smirked and shook his head. “Sorry, little flame, can't do that…!” He said, his voice not exactly his own. “You waited too long, and now Sombra has set me loose.”
Dͅi̛͍͍͔͙̘̞̗s̰̬̬͕̭po̗͍̳̥̕s̺̮̩e͖͉̭̺͎̥̲ ̞̞̻͕͕̘o͎̖̤͇͍̱f͚͇̠̗̜ ͎̩̜͔̣ţh̯͎̝̻̗ę̭̘̳̻ṃ̙̮̳̻͓͉.̯.͎̺͈̻ͅ.!̯ came a dark, evil voice through the air, one who Caldoric seemed familiar with. ͍ͅD̵̥̪̩͇̞is̛̱͈̖̝̝p̢̯o͓̭͈s̴͎̪͎̘̩̱̬e͔̣̳ ͇̺̺̬͜o̡f̱̬̘̮͘ ̝t͙̲̯͚h̴e͏̖͚̳͕̠̟̝m͕͓̖̺̜̲̹ ̵͚͔n͓̮̳͖̭̗o͖w̻̱̮͢!̳̟̖̘̯̜ͅ
“Gladly, my master…” Discord replied, his expression going vacant.
Jack cracked his knuckles. “Looks like I’m going to have to escalate from Bugs to Conker. Hope you don’t feel inadequate.” With that, he pulled out a pair of what could only be described as belt-fed rotary shotguns with undermounted every-other-kind-of gun-you-can-think-of.
“That’s overkill…” Caldoric said, reaching over his shoulder. However, instead of the sword he'd used before, he pulled out a large-bore weapon of his own, bearing a swooping blade on the back, and a side-mounted twist-knob firing mechanism. “Then again, with an infinite ammo setting, so’s this Bruteshot. Bought it off the Merchant back at Comic-Con, of course.”
“Rule 37: There is no overkill, there is only ‘open fire’ and ‘I need to reload’,” Jack said sagely, before proceeding to dump the average amount of ammunition used by the US Army in a year into the crystalline growths surrounding Discord.
“Uh, rule three!” Caldoric shouted before taking aim. “Go for the Gronk-nuts!” He then fired off a large projectile that hit Discord squarely between the legs and exploded, before Caldoric began firing off more shots in quick succession.
Discord screamed with rage, and snapped his fingers sharply in the hero’s direction. The bullets from Jack’s barrage swiftly began rebounding against an invisible field of force, along with Caldoric's grenades, and cut a swath of death towards their points of origin. Grenades exploded at their feet whilst Caldoric tried to dodge the lead-filled air itself. Jack kinda just stood there, amused, while Caldoric and Discord looked at him with concern and confusion for a moment.
“Don’t worry, I think he missed,” said Jack before pulling out a bottle of lemonade out of nowhere, “thirsty?”
Discord and Caldoric looked at each other, then back to Jack, and shook their heads simultaneously. Caldoric, however, began to worry. He was familiar with the premise of the Mask, whose powers Jack was borrowing at the moment, and was pretty sure something wacky was about to happen.
“Suit yourself,” said Jack before downing it. However, instead of staying inside him, the lemonade leaked out from various bullet holes that were previously unnoticed. “Huh, guess he’s a better shot than I thought.”
Discord’s eyebrows went up so far, they briefly departed from his face before he could slap them back down. Caldoric, for his part, gave a horrified gasp and placed a hand to his mouth. “I-I know that that’s cartoon logic, but… I have some concerns…!”
“Nah, he’s good…” Discord said, absentmindedly, before shaking his head sharply. “No matter: you pests have been a thorn in my side long enough--”
“Ninety-two…” Caldoric murmured.
“And now,” Discord continued, ignoring him, “it’s time I finished you off for good.”
“Sixty-three…” Caldoric muttered.
“And-- ok, what are you doing?” Discord asked, looking at Caldoric, who was staring off into the distance behind Jack.
“N-nothing, carry on.” The Toa said, still shell-shocked.
“Well then… it’s time I sent you two to meet your maker!” Discord declared menacingly, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the interruption.
“Wow, 612,” Caldoric remarked, actually looking at Discord this time.
“Ok, seriously, what’s with the numbers?” Discord demanded, folding his arms in front of his chest and floating up in front of Caldoric's face as he leaned back.
“Oh, I read a lot,” replied Caldoric, off-handedly, “and I've skimmed through so many heroic and villainous speeches and monologues that I started counting how often certain lines popped up.”
“Y-you…” Discord floated away from him, taken aback. “You crazy bastard! And that’s saying something, coming from me…”
“413 and seventy-two, respectively.” Caldoric quipped, raising an eyebrow.
“Oh good, I thought you were counting down to something,” said Jack, “I don’t think we’re at the point where you need to blow yourself up in a heroic sacrifice.”
Discord’s eye twitched. “That’s it!” He shouted, suddenly angry. “Everyone dies, starting with you two!” He then teleported a short distance away, summoned an unstable-looking ball of energy in his talon, then chucked it underhand at them both. As it arced through the air, it went from white-hot to yellow, then a fierce orange, followed by an angry red, all while making an ascending series of “vworp”ing sounds that grew in frequency over time.
Jack quickly went over to it and picked it up. “Looks slightly bigger than my head, Overlord list says I shouldn’t do this but…” Jack then promptly ate it. And by ate it, what happened was that his whole face stretched to comedic proportions as he shoved it down his gullet and into his stomach.
Caldoric sucked in a deep breath, pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed as he shook his head. Meanwhile, Discord just looked on in disbelief as it disappeared from view.
“Did he just…”
“Yuuuuuup.” Caldoric replied, almost sounding disappointed, then looked at Jack with weary anticipation.
“Not bad, although I was expecting a bit more h…” Jack was interrupted as the sphere exploded in his stomach causing it to balloon outwards. After a bit of panting, he belched a small stream of flame before proclaiming, in the most over the top fake italian accent you’ve ever heard, “That’s-a a spicy meat-a-ball.”
Discord facepalmed, hard, whilst Caldoric pinched the bridge of his nose again, head bent over, and started making sounds that could have been either sobs or small bursts of laughter.
“This is it…” Caldoric said, his tone one of someone who was either laughing at everything, or had just given up all hope. Again, it was hard to tell which. “This is my life now. Hahhhhh, fuck my life…”
“Believe me, it won't last much longer!” Discord declared, snapping a paw that was now wearing a white glove with red embroidering on the back. A reddish-gold spark of energy leapt from his claws and to the space between Caldoric and Jack, setting off an explosion that sent them both flying, books burning, and knocking Jack’s Mask switch clean out of its socket.
“Now, I'm going to kill you both slowly.” Stated Discord, hovering over to them in an agonizingly glacial manner. “Believe me, I hate having to put down great toys like you, but I've got orders to put you two troublemakers down. After all, there’s no funny business involved when it comes to funny business, and I run that business.”
“J-jack…!” Caldoric called, using his arms to elevate his head and shoulders. “You ok?”
Jack just sat up like nothing was wrong. “Well, someone’s been into the dark stuff.”
Caldoric nodded. “I’ve got an idea, if you’re up for it…” He reached into the neck of his chest armor with one hand and pulled out a small chain necklace from underneath, which bore a single, beautifully-cut piece of Specular Hematite: a dark purpleish crystal, filled with glittery flecks that reflected the light. He closed one hand around it and concentrated for a moment, before a faint glow was seen between his fingertips. He then yanked the chain until it popped off around his neck, and tossed the crystal at Jack, who caught it.
“Try using the Toa Energy from that,” Caldoric suggested, drawing his sword as he got to his feet and faced Discord, who was mere yards away now. “I'll hold him back.”
Jack just looked at it before pulling a plain white Switch out of… somewhere. He then squeezed the crystal so that a glowing fluid fell from it and onto the Switch, causing it to change so that it was now the same shade of black as Caldoric’s Kanohi, and the button was the same shape. He then popped the rest of it into his mouth. “That should give enough juice for a Limit Break,” he said as he put it away, “unfortunately we need to make sure he can’t counter it.”
Just then, Caldoric came sliding over on his ass, having been decked by Discord. “...Ow,” he said at length, “has it worked yet? Because I'm gonna want it back when you're done…”
“If we can hit him with a stun debuff, I think I can beat him,” said Jack, “of course… we still have to hit him with the stun so…”
Without a further word, Caldoric reached into a pocket in his hip armor, pulled out a slightly corroded-looking snake-like object, then fired off several blue beams of energy at Discord. Five to six of them hit, causing the mad god to fall to his knees, groaning.
“I think he’s stunned.” Caldoric deadpanned. “Can we try a Kaita now?”
“Wassa Kaita?” asked Jack.
“Unity thing. Temporary melding of souls and minds, usually with three Toa, but it’s just us now so… shall we?”
“Let’s give a try, begin Fusion Dance!”
“Nah, nothing so complicated.” Caldoric said, reaching out a hand. “Just needs a mental surrender to something greater than oneself, and willingness to unite. Wanna try?”
“Hey, I’m Kamen Rider Fourze, the man who’ll befriend the entire Multiverse,” said Jack, “that sounds right up my alley.”
“Alright, let's do this!” Caldoric said, as Discord edged closer, and then took Jack by the hand.
“Just let me sinq us up,” said Jack before swapping out for his new Switch.
Kanohi, On!
A copy of Caldoric’s mask appeared on his left arm, cycling between a few different ones before returning. “Got it, looks like the new Switch I made based on you works well enough.”
“Right! Now, focus…!” Caldoric said, and they both turned their minds towards the idea of unity. Caldoric felt everything fall away, felt himself taking a back seat as something else stepped up to take contr--
Everything started turning inside-out and upside-down as images and visions from Jack’s memory began trying to mesh with his, except something was wrong. They were too chaotic, too raw, too… unreal, perhaps, is the world. There was pain, nausea, vertigo, a deep burning sensation in his gut: it was too much.
Caldoric felt himself slam back into his body, propelled by an explosive force away from Jack, just as the Kamen Rider was forced away from him in kind. Discord, who had been just about to reach down and grab them both by the neck, was blasted to the other side of the room.
“That… was an unexpected move,” Discord said. “I’ve never seen unity like that before, especially not one that failed so explosively. But that reminds me of a phrase…”
Caldoric groaned and looked back up at Discord. “N-no, you don't… gah…” He looked over at Jack, hoping he was alright. Jack was currently holding his head like he was trying to weather a grade-A hangover, and failing miserably.
“It goes a little something like 'divide and conquer,’ if I remember,” Discord finished, then stepped apart: he stepped to the left, yet also stepped to the right at the same time, so that there were now two of him.
“Now,” they both said in stereo, turning to each other and placing their palms on their opposite's hand-equivalents, “cool off!”
Both Discords slid their hands forward along an imaginary plane that divided the room between Caldoric and Jack, and a giant wall of opaque, pinkish-red ice popped into existence along that plane.
Jack’s view of Caldoric was cut off by this, though guessing by how menacingly the copy of Discord on his own side was advancing on him quickly, Caldoric was going to be in for some hurt pretty soon.
“I gave you a chance, whelp,” this Discord said, grabbing him around the neck, just under the chin, and lifted him bodily into the air before slamming his head against a wall with enough force to crack his helmet. “You made the mistake of choosing to fight. You chose to be a hero, like Caldoric over there. Oh, don't worry, my other half’s taking extra care of him.
“Do you know what a hero is? What a hero really, truly is? A hero is someone who gets other people killed, all for their petty ideals!” Discord slammed him against the wall again. “Do you want to be a hero, fool? Do you want to be brave? Or do you want to live? There’s no shame in surrender, trust me: I gave in to madness and chaos long before this reality was even conceived of, or the one that conceived of it had, itself, been conceived of!”
Jack just chuckled, “You want to know the thing about being mad?”
“It’s fun?” Discord asked.
“All the best people are,” Jack replied, before pulling out a massive hammer and slamming it in his face. Discord reeled back half a step, then growled and yanked the hammer from Jack’s grasp and threw it.
“That’s the last straw, maggot,” he hissed, then slammed jack against the wall one last time as he grabbed Jack’s Driver belt and yanked it clean off and dropped the Kamen Rider. Jack’s form shimmered for a brief second as he hit the floor, before his Fourze armor, which had been protecting him since his entry into this iteration of Equestria, evaporated. “See, there’s nothing special about you: all your power lies in this clunky little belt buckle. So intricate, so complicated, so…”
Discord cruelly yanked the newly-minted Kanohi Switch out of its socket, then wrapped his free talon around it. “Fragile…!” Discord crushed the Switch, causing it to emit sparks as it cracked and broke, before tossing the remains over his shoulder and turning his attention to the Driver once more.
Jack looked up, weak and dizzy, but with defiance in his eyes. “A Driver isn’t a Rider’s greatest weapon,” said Jack, as what looked like cosmic dust shot from his hand to knock the Driver away from Discord. “That would be their bonds and tenacity.”
Discord’s eyes snapped to Jack's face, full of rage. “Still, you defy my will…! I’ll beat the defiance out of you, even if it kills you!” Discord then shot forward, lifting Jack up by his throat again, this time with a grip meant to strangle his victim, more than to support his weight. “How did it go again…? Oh, I remember…” He smiled evilly and drew back a clawed talon for a strike, before sinking it deep into Jack’s lower abdomen.
“Kidney shot!” He said, then did it again, and again. “Kidney shot, kidney shot, kidney shot! And pause… stomach punch!” Discord sank his fist into the slot just below Jack’s sternum, causing the human to cough up a spurt of blood, and the crystal Caldoric had tossed to Jack earlier.
Discord caught that midair, and snarled at it. “Specular Hematite, a derivative of iron… you humans do love your iron, don't you? Think it'll ward off the Fae folk, and keep away the bad things. You and your superstitions, they’re one of your worst qualities.” He then squeezed the crystal, too, such that it began to crack, but not break.
Jack glanced at the window, before turning back towards Discord. “You wanna know one last thing we Kamen Riders have going for us?” Discord merely snarled in reply, but seemed to wait for Jack’s answer nonetheless.
“What... is it…?” Discord demanded at length. In answer, he heard the shattering of glass and stone as, bursting in through the window at Mach Fuck-You and dragging debris along in her wake, Screwball came out of nowhere and sank her hindlegs into her father’s head so far, it protruded out the other side. He was then sent spinning across the room and into the ice wall, which began to crack and break.
“When the chips are down, we tend to get really lucky,” said Jack as he wobbled towards his Driver. “Thanks for the save by the way.”
“No prob, still gotta go save my dad,” said the tiny ball of chaos, her eyes actually focused for once. Jack wasn't entirely sure that was a good thing, either. Fortunately, she was focused on Discord, and not Jack. She took of with enough force to crack the floor beneath her, then socked the rising Discord clone in the face and sent him through the ice.
Several things happened next. The ice wall shattered entirely from the shockwave of the impact; Jack managed to grab his driver and slap it on his waist once more; the two Discords collided; and, there was a flash of light that filled the room. When it ebbed, screwball was cradling her father’s head as it lolled around groggily.
Meanwhile, Caldoric was nowhere to be seen on the other side of the room, though there was a battered human curled up in a corner, covered head to toe in Green, raspberry-lime pudding. Actually, so was half that side of the room, centered on the human.
“Looks like we both got de-henshin’d, huh?” said Jack, before collapsing on one knee. The human on the other side of the room didn't seem to hear him, merely shivering slightly and continuing his now barely-audible muttering. Meanwhile, Screwball was experimentally shaking discord’s head, which now had little pegasi flying in circles above it, and then pressing her ear to his eye.
She rattled him again, and then listened. “Yep, yep, I can hear 'em in there… yo, Kamen Rider, mind coming over here? I’mma need somepony to supervise while I get what’s left of these crystals outta my dad, just in case.”
“Just let me get dressed,” said Jack, before flipping the toggles on his Driver.
3!
2!
1!
“Henshin!” In a burst of steam and light, Jack was back in his Rider suit.
Screwball rolled her eyes. “Screw it…” She muttered, then turned back to her dad. With great care, she lifted his still-loopy head, leaned in close, and then…
”WAKE THE FUCK UP, DISCORD, IT’S ALREADY PAST NOON! GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER!” She shouted, then slapped him with a glowing hoof so hard, it knocked all the dark crystals outta his body and caused them to disintegrate, leaving naught behind but an echo of an ethereal scream that quickly dissipated.
Discord shot up into a sitting position, looking around wildly. “Who-- Wha-- Where--?” He babbled, a talon to his head.
“Daddy!” Screwball cried with glee, then glomped him around the neck in the vicelike grip only aligators and small, clingy children can achieve.
“Ah, hey Screwy,” Discord cooed, gently prying her off. “I missed you! How’ve you been since I got brainwashed?”
“Worried sick!” She supplied. “But still looking better than Caldoric over there…”
Discord looked over at the now-shivering human in the corner, and pulled a face. “Yeesh, don't tell me that I… oh, sweet Celestia, I hope he doesn't remember that.”
“Only time will tell, daddy,” Screwball said, wisely. “Only time. And no time-traveling to fix it, either: it might mess with the local Alpha timeline.”
“Not that I'd be up to it right now, I'm nearly wiped!” Said Discord, as he found himself barely escaping total erasure by a giant chalkboard eraser.
Just then, the room became swarmed with Shardlings, some of them moving robotically, while others were more fluid.
“Damn it, we’ve got incoming!” said Jack. Discord, for his part, dropped the shenanigans and snapped his fingers in the general direction of Caldoric, who flinched slightly, but kept muttering incessantly.
The Shardlings advanced, coming closer and closer, each charging their horn for a spell. “You have failed us,” they all droned, with a single low voice. “You have betrayed and dishonored the hive.”
“Looks like it’s up to the Kamen Rider on his last legs to save the day,” said Jack as he swapped Switches, “as per usual.”
Beat, On!
Radar, On!
Beat, Radar, Limit, Break!
Jack raised his right leg into the air, “Rider Resonant Cascade!” Bringing his leg down in a mighty stomp, a visible red-tinted soundwave burst from the speakers in all directions. When it hit a Shardling, they started vibrating rapidly before the crystals shattered, releasing the captive ponies.
The more fluid-moving Shardlings, however, merely shattered, releasing several clouds of greenish gas-like energy. “I got this,” Screwball said, and flicked one of her forehooves at the clouds, which each coalesced into individual Changelings from Chrysalis’ old hive. They were immediately put into devices that wrapped around their heads, and presumably kept them from connecting to any sort of hive-mind.
Meanwhile, the normal ponies (and a couple of Thorax’s more colorful new hivemates,) began sneezing out small clouds of black dust, though this abated quickly.
“Nice move, Jack!” Discord said, raising his paw for a high-five, which the Rider returned. “And, a sorta-decent assist from you, too,” he continued, booping Screwball on her muzzle.
However, right after that, Jack collapsed to the ground, transformation undone. “That’s all I had left, mind taking it from here?”
“I dunno,” Discord said, standing up as Screwball slid down his sinuous form, “I just finished getting beat up, I'm gonna need, like, five minutes to rechar--”
There was a faint *ding* from somewhere in his general area.
“Nevermind, we’re back in business!” He said cheerfully. “Now, let’s see to Caldoric, shall we?”
“I’m currently about as useful as a bag of goop right now,” said Jack, “mind if we continue this in the Canterlot medical wing?”
“Oh, sure,” said Discord. “Lemme just go grab him, and we’ll be on our way.” Thus, with a wave of his paw and a snap of his fingers, Discord dispelled the shield he’d placed around Caldoric, as well as most of the confectionery covering his form. This revealed a young man in his mid-twenties with dirty-blond hair, a white long-sleeve shirt under a black short-sleeve one, and grey pants, though there seemed to be a few burn marks in his right sleeve, exposing a few ashen pockmarks in his skin.
As soon as the shield and goop had gone, he hurriedly dodged under Discord’s outstretched arm, hopped over Screwball, and scurried over to Jack before hiding behind his fellow human. Only now could they make out what he was saying, however.
“...we’re all going to be forgotten…” he murmured, his unfocused eyes still managing to fixate themselves unerringly on Discord. “I wasn't alone. We’re all going to be forgotten: I wasn't alone. I wasn't alone…!”
“I’d ask what you did to him, but I’m afraid to,” said Jack.
“Trust me, you don't want to know,” supplied Screwball with a shudder, before she began casually no-clipping across the floor towards the exit. Discord, for his part, nodded emphatically at his offspring's statement.
“To be fair, though, he was unusually receptive to the somewhat mind-breaky side effects of…” Discord trailed off. “You have to understand, I wasn't in control there: Somnus was. I mean, I had the idea of how to screw with his head the best, but before I could stifle it, Somnus had seen it and struck out. That, combined with some of the bleedover during you guys’ fusion--”
“I remember!” Caldoric suddenly shouted, grasping Jack's face and turning him so they were locking eyes. A moment passed, and then Caldoric suddenly surged forward, his forehead colliding with Jack’s as he shouted “Hail Denmark!” He then staggered off out the door at high speed doing a decent impression of Zoidberg’s escape-whooping.
“Yeah… there’s a reason Toon States alters my brain chemistry,” said Jack, “I don’t think I need to tell you what your full range of sensory inputs would do to a regular organic brain.”
“He wasn't organic at the time, though: he was biomechanical, which means not even I know what effect it had on him.” Discord countered. “Besides… you only made a crack, by comparison. I broke his mind wide open, and… played a little. Or, Somnus did.”
“Hey daaaaaad?” Screwball called out, cautiously, from beyond the castle walls. It was the tone one used to keep someone not involved in the calling from going berserk.
“Coming!” Discord replied quickly, then grabbed jack by the shoulder and teleported them both out by the front doorway, which was still devoid of doors. The duo was quick to see why Screwball had called them out here: the entire castle was surrounded by a sea of shardlings on the ground, with even more in the air forming a sort of wall.
Oh, and Caldoric had apparently faceplanted on his way out, and was despondently repeating the words “...Hail...Denmark…” over and over into the dirt.
At this point, a figure as tall as an Alicorn wreathed in shadows was moving through the crowd towards them. Naught was visible, save for his red-irised green eyes, framed in purple smoke. As he stepped free from the crowd, the shadows surrounding him dispersed, revealing a much taller, and more elfen-looking, King Sombra. Except he was now made of flowing, shifting crystals, and his mane and tail were composed of liquid darkness that .shifted and moved like sails on a sunken ship.
“Greetings…” he said at last. “Come to bow before your new king at last? Or are you here to die?”
“How many guys are gonna show up,” said Jack before pulling a Switch from his pocket and handing it to Discord, “think you can use this? I would but…”
Discord smiled, put the non-functional end of the switch gently between his teeth, then performed a few Naruto-style handsigns. “I can certainly try… Bullshit Improvisation no Jutsu!” He said, then toggled the rocker-style Switch to its on position.
Flash On!
“Wait, what are you…?” Somnus asked, taking half a step back.
A long, thin pillar with a floodlight bulb on the end protruded from Discord's chest as he threw his arms out wide, gathering energy. “Final… Flash!” The dragonequus shouted, then brought his cupped hands together, each full of energy, around the bulb. Half a second later, a beam of pure light and power shot forth, blasting Somnus full on in the face, and nearly blinding everyone nearby.
“Oh gods, I'm coming dooowwnnnnnnnnn!” Caldoric was heard to say, as everything went white.
“Whoa, is my hair out?” Sombra said, after everyone’s vision had returned, and those present snickered as they briefly watched him run a hoof through where his mane of smoke used to be. “Alright, kill them all!” He demanded at last, and pointed at the four heroes.
“How bout not?” Discord replied around the Switch in his mouth, his tone serious, and his expression even more so. With a snap of his talons, everything went white again, only for everyone to suddenly rematerialize within the ballroom of Canterlot Castle.
Well, everything except for Somnus, and the crystalline prison-armor the Shardlings had been trapped in. There were also several of Thorax’s second-generation hivemates among their number, along with a few old-style black-and-blue changelings that were bound in chains.
There was also the notable presence of Celestia and Luna in the room, in amongst the crowd of ponies. They had seemingly been in the middle of having tea when everyone arrived, and were greatly surprised at the interruption. They were looking around like tourists that had just been greeted by an unexpectedly great spectacle. At long last, Luna opened her mouth to speak above the minor hubbub.
“Humans!”
Lyra’s excited squeal took everyone present by surprise. There was a sudden blur of mint and white, and the two humans swiftly found themselves sliding across the floor with the crazed anthropologist temporarily using them as impromptu skis. “Hi there!” She said, waving casually as she looked down into their surprised faces.
“Lyra, get off them please…” came Luna’s voice, laced with faint undertones of exhaustion. “They still need to breathe, do they not?”
“Oh, uh, sorry Princess…” Lyra replied, awkwardly hopping off of them before letting out a faint *squee* of excitement.
“If you don’t mind,” Jack said, “I wouldn’t mind being in a medical bed under the influence of your finest healing magic and enough painkillers to let me attain Toon States without the brain alterations.”
Luna turned to her sister and raised an expectant eyebrow, only to receive a confused and concerned shrug from her.
“I… I'm not entirely sure who you are, stranger, though your voice does sound familiar.” Said Celestia. “Nor are we acquainted with your companion. However, given that you have arrived here unannounced, with a healthy supply of ponies and-- Discord? Is that you?”
“Eeeeeyes, ma’am, it is.” He replied. “I, along with these ponies and Changelings, have been rescued by these two. Suffice it to say, I'm back within my right mind once more -- or, rather, as close to it as I've ever been, really -- and am now ready to fight alongside you once more.” He then tossed Jack the Flash Switch.
“And have you any idea of whom these two… humans, might be?” Celestia asked, rolling a hoof. “It seems that, in light of their efforts, they should at least be acknowledged for their efforts.”
Discord nodded, while Lyra hopped in circles around Caldoric and Jack. “Well, that one over there, with the dark hair, that’s Jack.”
“I’d say hello, but I think I’ll wait until the room stops spinning.” Said Jack.
“And that other one over there, well…” Discord looked a little embarrassed. “He’s not in his normal mental state, possibly as a result of some of my prior actions--”
Celebrated her throat, subtly urging him to get on with things.
“Ah, well… That’s Caldoric.” Discord scratched at the back of his neck with his paw, while his talon lunged into an ear and fished around for a moment.
“What?!” Both Alicorns focused on Caldoric's form in shock.
“But, he looks nothing like… well, like himself: how can you be sure?” Celestia asked. Discord merely shrugged.
Just then, several folks came into the room, momentarily distracting Luna, who took a moment to send off a scroll to who-knew-where.
“Oh, great,” said one of the newcomers, a tall biomechanical biped that, while physically similar to what Caldoric had previously looked like, was clad almost entirely in white armor, and wearing another of the three-lensed masks. “More newcomers.”
“Kopaka, be nice…” said a blue robotic Equine, who was nearly as tall as Celestia, and with a flowing water-like mane and tail to match.
“Yeah!” Chimed the local Pinkie Pie, cartwheeling between the two, “besides, I haven't met the new guy over there yet, with the black hair! Time for a ‘welcome-back-from-a-dangerous-mission’ party!”
“Think it can wait for a bit?” asked Jack, “I need some time in sick-bay.”
“Ooh, yeah,” Pinkie answered, tapping a hoof to her chin, “we’ll have to get you there ASAP, then maybe we can have a mini-party while you’re resting! How ‘bout that?”
“Give me two hours to sleep off this headache,” said Jack eagerly.
“Okie-dokie-lokie!” Pinkie agreed, striking a triumphant pose.
“In the meantime, we’ll need to speak with Caldoric,” Celestia interjected at last, as her sister nodded. “We have some most pressing questions for him, especially about that sword…” Celestia then leveled a semi-dangerous look at Discord, who then held up his mismatched forelimbs defensively.
“Don't look at me, I thought you got rid of them all!” He protested.
“We did,” Celestia replied, pointedly. Just then, there was a groan from Caldoric as he sat up, a hand over his eyes.
“Argh… did anyone get the number of that donkey cart?” He asked. “I’d like to file a hit-and-run.” He then removed his hand and blinked at everyone for a second, before things seemed to click in his head. “Ah, crap, I'm still here. Why do I feel like shit…?”
After that, introductions were made between the Toa Mata, Jack, and the Main Six as he was carefully transported to the closest impromptu med ward, and put under care. Jack was a bit startled to see that the Toa could transform from bipedal to Equine seemingly at will, and that they each were all about as tall as the alicorn sisters, despite each of them clearly belonging only to one race. Gali, the blue Toa of Water from before, and Tahu, the Red-armored Toa of Fire, were Unicorns, while Kopaka and Lewa, a green Toa of Air, were Pegasi. Onua, the black-armored Toa of Earth with a slight hunch to his back, and Pohatu, the brown Toa of Stone, were both Earth Ponies, rounding out the demographic representation.
As that was happening, Luna took some time to try and talk with Caldoric, and Celestia delegated the task of checking and finding housing for the new ponies to Twilight. Unfortunately, even after Celestia joined her sister in speaking with their guest, they were only left with more questions, because he was severely rattled by the events that had taken place in Ponyville, and refused to talk about any of it. In his words, the memories were “still too new and weird,” and “needed to be reconciled with.”
There was also the fact that he nearly ran out of the room when Discord stuck his head in at one point. After that, they just let him go. His first stop was to visit Jack at his place in the med ward, after getting lost in the castle a few times. By then, a few hours had passed, and Jack was at least sitting up, though still looking a bit out of things.
~~~~
Impromptu Medbay, Canterlot Castle:
Caldoric poked his head inside the room, carefully noting the ever-present smell of antiseptic as he looked for Jack. He was easy to find, given he was the only other human in the hall, so Caldoric quickly made his way over to Jack, and carefully sat down.
“Hey Cal, you’re looking better than when I left ya,” said Jack with a grin.
“Yeah, well, I'm still fully human right now, which is slightly disconcerting.” Caldoric replied. “Previously, I’ve only been pure Toa, or half-and-half. In any case, I just remembered I might be able to summon something that can help with the healing and stuff, so I came over to try it. You up for some cookies?”
Jack just stared at him with a deadpan expression that just screamed ‘did you seriously just ask that question?’. Caldoric, for his part, blinked for a moment before continuing.
“Alright, I'll take that as a yes. One plate of magic healing cookies, coming up!” Caldoric then held out his hands, scrunched his eyes a bit, and a decent-sized platter of slightly-crazy transparent, light blue chocolate-chip cookies appeared in his grasp, and he then set it where they could both get to it. Noting Jack's sceptical look, Caldoric tried to explain.
“See, the ghost of the grandma of Homestuck’s main character ended up coming to life at one point, by way of shenanigans, and was frequently found making these special healing cookies, and apparently they taste delicious.” He paused, and popped one into his mouth. “Well, probably better than a senzu bean…”
Jack just shrugged before grabbing one. “It’ll probably taste better than that exploding ball of magic. Decima’s still yelling at me for doing that.”
Caldoric looked around, confused. “Decima? Who’s that?” He asked. “Alt personality, voice in your head, intangible companion…?”
“Closer to that third one,” said Jack as he stuck the cookie in his mouth to free up his only unbandaged arm and pull out a Switch, chomping it down before continuing. “See, not a bad cookie, in my Equestria, each of the various celestial bodies have their own spirit that can communicate with their respective guardian. Celestia has Furnis, spirit of the sun, Luna has Noctia, spirit of the moon, and I got saddled with the spirits of every single one of the constellations, who bond with my Switches as they come online.”
”It’s a little more complicated than that, don’t sell us short,” said a female voice from the Switch.
Caldoric stiffened somewhat, and his eyes shifted their focus out towards one of the nearby walls. “Was that… one of your switches? Just trying to make sure I didn't suffer some other side effect…” He said, to no-one in particular.
“Technically that was Decima, spirit of the constellation of the Scholar, using the Switch as a walkie-talkie,” Jack replied.
“Oh, well then…” Caldoric gave the switch another of his two-fingered salutes, and nodded to it with respect. “Greetings and salutations, Decima. Nice to make your acquaintance.”
”Pleasure; at least some people can be gentlemen."
“Can we please not do this right now? I’m still recovering from going Toon,” said Jack.
”Speaking of, what were you thinking shoving a highly explosive sphere of unstable magic, in your mouth!?!?!”
“Can’t talk, still got a headache,” said Jack as he shoved the Switch back in his pocket before she could protest.
Caldoric managed to recover from a short case of snickering by this point, and looked at Jack with a grin. “Hey, man, count yourself lucky. At least you got tools that can talk to you. Me, I'm having trouble connecting with just the Toa Mata, let alone the folks here in Equestria. Not to mention that my sword is apparently some sort of dark weapon of old…? Anywho, do you only get spirits from stars around Earth, or are there ones from other starscapes as well?”
“No, my spirits are based on Equestrian constellations, my enemies are based on Earth ones,” said Jack. “But enough about that for a while, I think I may know how to solve your little Toa problem.”
Caldoric raised an eyebrow, interested. “If you can make Kopaka forget about the mask incident, that might fix one or two things… but they kind of don't trust me on principle, because the legends say there’s only supposed to be six Toa. Oh, and they’re aware I know how their future was originally supposed to go, and that I'm not telling them to minimize negative reflections on the timeline, so there’s that issue as well. But I'm listening.”
“Can’t do it on my own though,” said Jack, “gonna need the help of a specialist.”
“DO I SMELL UNAUTHORIZED HAPPINESS COOKIES IN HERE?!” Demanded a voice that immediately had Caldoric on edge, also causing several other conscious patients to jump in surprise. In walked Pinkie Pie, party-planner extraordinare, eyes closed and following her nose. At the foot of Jack’s little bed, she stopped, opened her eyes, and looked directly at the platter of confectionary goodness. “Uh, why are those blue? They’re not supposed to be blue.”
“Yeah they are, they’re the magic healing type.” Caldoric protested. “Made by the revivified ghost of a dude’s grandma.” Pinkie looked at him suspiciously.
“Gimme.” She ordered, making a short grabby motion with one hoof. “Also, hi jack!”
“Hey,” said Jack, “I was just wondering if you ever threw a welcome party for the Toa?”
Pinkie wagged a hoof at him as Caldoric passed her a blue cookie. “Well, duh! Of course I did! What kind of a party host would I be if I didn't?” She paused, and began munching on the cookie. “Of course, it was also kind of a 'we just rescued the Princesses and most of Canterlot today' party too, so… Maybe they didn't all get the right vibe? From what I could tell, the only folks on Mata Nui who know how to party are the ones in Le-Koro, so…” She then gained an expression of contemplation on her face as she considered the flavor of the cookie.
“Hmmm… Ectoplasm, phoenix tears, dash of salt… interesting, I'll have to look at these in detail later.” Pinkie then grabbed three or four more and stuffed them in her mane. “Sorry bout that, Jackie-boy; you were saying?”
“Well, Cal here’s been having some trouble with the Toa, apparently they’re being kind of stand-offish,” said Jack, “I’ve got a few ideas that might do the trick, but I’m gonna need a party guru of the highest order in order to pull it off.”
“Stand-offish?” She asked, tilting her head. “Well, I can kinda understand how they feel, what with him being a super-weird alien from another dimension that seems to know everything about us despite never having been here before while we’re in the middle of fighting off super-sneaky shapeshifty shardlings, but--” she sucked in a breath, “--I’m more able to set that aside than most other ponies, so hit me with your best shot!”
Jack grinned, “We’ll start with a standard type 2, modified for any dietary concerns of course. Once we get in full swing we’ll get them with a Dr Mirror, then when it starts to wind down Cal and I will hit them with an Anime Bonding method #21.”
Pinkie made a face. “Yeah, that'd definitely work, but a wombo-combo like that wouldn't exactly be the easiest to pull off, even for me. I almost wish I had Cheese Sandwich here to help, but I guess we’ll have to improvise. When should we start?”
“Uh, hello, I'm right here you two…” Caldoric interjected. “Besides, I'm not sure we have time for that right now. Two days in an awfully long time to be gone from Mata Nui; Terid-- I mean, Makuta’s probably taken the opportunity to forward his plans while we’ve been gone.”
Pinkie waggled a hoof at him. “Pshaw, they’ve survived there for a millennia without the Toa’s help, they can stand a couple days. They’re not defenseless!”
“Either way, we should get started immediately,” said Jack as three small robots that looked kind of like a hamburger, a pack of fries, and a large cup of soda jumped up from behind his pillow. “Let the festivites, BEGIN!”
“You’re not beginning anything just yet, young… male.” Said Nurse Redheart, cantering up. “You’re still injured. Whatever you lot are planning, I'm afraid you’ll have to sit it out for now.”
“Oh,” Pinkie sighed, her mane deflating a bit. “I didn't think of that.”
“But... I had the Senzu cookie,” said Jack.
“Only just one,” Caldoric replied, somewhat exasperated, “you gotta eat more than one for the full effect to work. After all, there’s no such thing as having just one cookie… besides, you could probably convince Lewa to help; he seems chill, and likes parties too.”
Jack ‘hmm’ed for a few seconds before pulling the plate of cookies over to him, “Pinkie! I require milk!”
“Righty-O!” Pinkie said, suddenly full of energy, before zipping off and returning with a glass of milk in less than a second.
“And then,” Jack declared as he dunked one of the cookies with enough force to cause some of it to splash out, “we Party!” Caldoric and Nurse Redheart facepalmed and facehooved, respectively.