Princess Rainbow Dash
Things in Ponyville were calm for a few weeks following the Best Young Fliers Competition. Rarity and Rainbow Dash were getting along like the incident had never happened (as they were both more than happy to forget about it). Sure, there was something about a cockatrice and another thing involving a talent show, but Rainbow Dash wasn’t too concerned about these, as they had worked out well without her involvement or knowledge.
But then, Mayor Mare declared a holiday in Ponyville: National Stand Idly Around Town Hall And Do Nothing Day. Rainbow Dash decided to go with the flow and turned up for the event. And for a while, things went smoothly...because nothing actually happened...because they were just standing around, doing nothing…
...well, except for Spike and Rarity. Rarity had a new client: the Pony of Pop, Sapphire Shores. The outfits that the singer needed required several gems, which Rarity was running low on. She took a very eager dragon with her out of town to hunt for gems. So they weren’t participating in the holiday. In fact, Spike had to RUIN it. After about an hour or so of standing around idly, he ran up to Town Hall, screaming at the top of his lungs. He stopped in front of Twilight, Rainbow Dash and their friends and explained, “Rarity...woods...jewels...dogs...taken...SAVE HER!” He had dashed off in the direction he had come from. Rainbow looked at her friends, shrugged, and followed the dragon. The others did, too. Spike gradually regained his breath and explained, “They called themselves the Diamond Dogs. They grabbed Rarity and disappeared into a hole in the ground while we were looking for gems.”
“Well, this sounds mighty easy. All we gotta do is go down the hole and save Rarity!” Applejack declared.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you kidding?” Everyone stopped and stared at Rainbow Dash, who was normally the first pony to leap into action. “We can’t do that! We need to negotiate!” Wait, WHAT?! Everyone gasped.
“Rainbow Dash...are you feeling okay?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah, where’s the REAL Rainbow Dash, the one who always acts without a plan?” Pinkie Pie teased. Rainbow Dash scowled.
“This is a KIDNAPPING. Our friend is a HOSTAGE. Just...just let me do the talking, okay? I’m gonna go get backup. You guys find the hole but don’t do anything that would freak them out!” She flew back to Ponyville and headed for her home. Once there, she rummaged through trunks, drawers, chests...pretty much everywhere for gems and bits. She found enough of each to fill two saddlebags, which she carried with her as she flew back to rejoin her friends...and when she arrived, she found them in a pile by several mounds of dirt, exhausted and gasping for air. She scowled at them. “I thought I told you not to freak them out! Ugh…” She charged the tip of her horn and used her magic to amplify her voice. She approached the hole in the ground and called down, “Alright, hello...Diamond Dogs, I’m gonna need to talk to your leaders regarding the hostage.” There was silence, then the sound of hushed arguing and then one voice spoke up:
“Um...this is Fido. And I have my brothers Rover and Spot, too. We have a pony here. Is...is that the hostage?”
“This is Princess Rainbow Dash, don’t worry buddy, I’m on your side.”
“Princess Rainbow Dash?!”
“Oh buck, oh buck, oh buck…” A second voice gasped.
“Calm down, calm down, oh my gosh, stop freaking out!!!” A third one hissed. Twilight and the others were looking extremely antsy and anxious, but Rainbow didn’t notice.
“Listen, if I’m gonna help you, you’re gonna have to help me...so let’s cut to the chase and talk about your demands.”
“Oh, um...well, gems, we guess…” The first voice, Fido, said.
“Alright, here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna get you your gems. And you let the pony go, okay? And we’ll just go our separate ways, never talk about this again, never mention this in subsequent seasons...of our lives...at best, we’ll just make cameo appearances, no speaking roles, sound good?”
“What the hay is she talking about?” Applejack asked Twilight.
“I have no idea.”
“Whew, I thought it was just me,” Fluttershy sighed with relief. She gasped. “Look, they’re coming out!” Indeed, three canine faces appeared out of the hole. One by one, the Diamond Dogs stepped out. The tallest of the three held Rarity in his arms.
“Um...okay, we’re here...we have the pony…” He said. “Um…” He glanced at his comrades. It was clear that they had no idea what was going on and that nobody had expected or prepared for a situation like this.
Rarity looked bemused.
“Let’s stay cool, I have the gems right here...let the hostage go and they’re all yours, ‘k?” Rainbow Dash waved the bag containing the gems around. “Let Rarity go, and they’re all yours.” The dogs hesitated, then whispered to each other...and then they released Rarity. The white Unicorn stood frozen with confusion for several moments before she began to approach her friends at a careful, slow pace. When she was halfway between the Diamond Dogs and her friends, Rainbow Dash levitated the bag of gems over to the Diamond Dogs. “There we go. You’re free to go.”
“Just like that?” The shortest dog asked. “You’re not going to arrest us?”
“We go our separate ways, dude. As far as we’re all concerned, this never took place. Let’s keep it like this. We’re going to go now. You’re free to go home.” With that, Rainbow Dash trotted away and didn’t look back. After a few minutes, her friends caught up with her.
“That was incredible, darling!”
“Shucks, I didn’t know you could do that!”
“And to think, I was going to blast them to next season...of our lives...with the party cannon!”
“I’m glad it didn’t get violent, yay…”
“I can’t wait to write to Princess Celestia to tell her about what you taught me!” Twilight Sparkle beamed. Rainbow cocked her head to the side.
“What? What did I teach you?”
“Just because someone is prone to dashing into action doesn’t mean that they aren’t capable of analyzing a situation and handling it in a calm way.”
Rainbow Dash smiled. “Well, uh duh. Not EVERY situation can be solved with friendship!” Haha, finally, a lesson not connected to friendship!
“I just have one question,” Twilight said. “How did you get so good at hostage negotiating, Rainbow Dash?”
The cyan pony hesitated. “Well…”
“FOR EVERY MINUTE THAT I DON’T HAVE A SLICE OF THAT CAKE, I KILL A HOSTAGE!” Princess Celestia was in one of those moods again. Her horn surged with magic as she pointed it at Princess Cadance and Prince Blueblood, both of whom trembled with fright. The royal guards ran in circles around the palace, screaming in panic.
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Looks like it’s up to me to save the day again…”
“Oh, no reason,” the princess smiled. “No reason at all.”
“...if I had known about all those extra gems you had lying around, then this whole episode...of our lives...could have been avoided,” Rarity muttered.
Later, in Canterlot…
“I knew that those...problems...I had in the past would be useful to Rainbow Dash one day! And thank me that I erased the memories involving said incidents from the minds of Cadance, Blueblood, and the guards!” Celestia said aloud as she looked over Twilight’s letter. She glanced over at her pet phoenix, Philomena. “And between you and me, Rainbow Dash only has all those gems and bits so that she can keep quiet about it without me having to erase her memory!”
“Squak?” The bird asked. Celestia huffed.
“Because, Philomena, if there wasn’t at least one responsible pony around who knew about my problem, then I most likely WOULD kill innocent ponies with my awesome goddess powers!” She sighed. “I really have a problem...a serious, serious problem…”