//------------------------------// // Chapter 6: Anxiety // Story: The Element of Hope // by Shootingstar212 //------------------------------// The sun has officially set on Equestria. The streets of Ponyville are empty and quiet; it feels like everypony has some sort of curfew that is followed in this town. I've been telling Spike about my experience with being homeschooled by my Grandpa. Spike is curious about how my Grandpa homeschooled me. It was pretty simple; we would spend a few hours a day going through the subjects that Grandpa thought were things I needed to learn. I ended up liking Equestria's History more than something like Math. It was probably because I was desperate to read about my species, but that only lead to disappointment when there was no information catalogued. That's probably where my curiosity was first sparked about where I came from... "Uhh... You in there?" Spikes voice brings me back to reality; I look over at Spike to see him snapping his claws to make a loud click noise. "O-Oh, sorry," I scratch the back of my neck in embarrassment, "I was just thinking about something..." "Is something wrong?" Spike asks with concern in his voice; he is looking up at me while we were walking together. "It's nothing. I was just... thinking about my magic lessons with Twilight tomorrow." I lie. I don't want to bother Spike with my personal issues. "Speaking of that. How come you don't know any magic outside of your wind blast thingy? Your Grandpa is a Unicorn, right? So what's the deal?" I raise my hand in front of my face; gazing deep into my open palm, "If I'm being honest... I've been rejecting my magic for a long time. I only thought of it as another reason why I would be considered a freak to the eyes of everypony around me. My Grandpa would try to convince me that it was some sort of "miracle" and that it made me "one of a kind" but I never saw it that way..." I clench my hand into a fist before continuing, "When the Changelings attacked a few nights ago; I just used magic without even thinking about it, even though I don't have anything that would compare to what the Changelings had. I guess I got lucky," I look down to Spike who is invested with my mini-speech, "I want to use this year to change myself for the better. I want to accept myself for who I am and stop worrying about all the little things that bring me down! The first thing I want to do is improve my magic and show my Grandpa that me spending a year in Ponyville wasn't just me trying to run away from my problems!" I hadn't realised that Spike and I had stopped walking and are just standing in the middle of town. I'm not sure what just came over me there, but I just couldn't stop myself from spilling all of my pent up feelings over the years onto Spike. I'm staring directly into his eyes; I can feel the beads of sweat forming on my eyebrow. I really don't think I should've told him this. Spike will probably think I'm some sort of weirdo for being so passionate about something like this, "U-Uh, I'm sorry. It just sort of slipped out and-" my stammering is interrupted by Spike sticking his fist out towards me. "That tone of voice really reminds me of Rainbow Dash," Spike begins, "She really wants to become a Wonderbolt and has been working hard at it since the first day I met her. I'm always being amazed at all the tricks she's able to pull off, she even won the "Best Young Flier" competition a year ago. If you work hard like she does, I'm sure you'll be able to do anything!" Spike finished by giving me a wink. "Plus, having Twilight as a teacher will definitely make it easier for you." Those words that were just spoken really are tugging at my heart a little bit. Having somepony believe in me is something I've never had outside of my Grandpa before; it's refreshing and just what I need to help boost my confidence a little bit. I pull my fist back and give Spike's a little bump, not too hard to knock him off of his feet. I have a strange feeling in my gut, one that I haven't felt in my life. I can't describe what it is exactly, but it does feel nice. "Thanks, man." I smile at Spike; he gives me a thumbs up in return. We finally start walking back to the library again after who knows how long of talking in the middle of town. We arrive at Golden Oaks and Spike opens the door. It's strange, all the lights are turned off. It's almost like nopony is home at all. "Twilight, I'm back! Twilight?" Spike calls out inside the library. the both of us wait a few seconds only to receive no answer, "Is she not back yet?" Spike asks aloud, he was most likely talking to himself. I remember Spike mentioning that Twilight was helping Pinkie Pie with something earlier. Maybe she's still there? "Spike, maybe Twilight is still with Pinkie Pie? We could just go to wherever Pinkie Pie lives and check up on her. I don't mind going with you." I suggest. Spike nods to me and begins to walk into town; he waves at me to follow. "Come on, I'll show you the way." "So, what exactly does this "Sugarcube Corner" place look like?" I ask Spike. We've been walking around for almost twenty minutes at this point. It's gotten pretty dark now, so it's pretty hard to see. "It shouldn't be too hard to pick out. It looks like any other building, but the roof looks like it's made out of gingerbread." Spike says while turning his head back and forth. Did he just say gingerbread? "I'm sorry, did you just say gingerbread?" "Yeah. It's also got Icing lining the outside, and some gumdrops decorating the top," This doesn't really sound like a safe building to live in. I really hope it's just for aesthetics, but from what I've seen from Pinkie Pie, I wouldn't be surprised if it was real... "Ah ha! There it is!" Spike says with the snap of a claw. I turn my head towards the building Spike is referring to and to my surprise, it actually does have a gingerbread roof. The shingles are a dark chocolate colour, with dribbles of icing going in a diamond-shaped pattern on each shingle. This is definitely one of the strangest things I've seen in a long time. "Oh... You were serious." I look over at Spike, "Wouldn't this building collapse if it rains?" Spike starts to giggle, then it turns into a full-on laughing fit, "It's not made of actual candy. I-I-I can't believe you actually fell for it!" Spike is trying to catch his breath between laughs. "W-what do you mean by that. I was just playing along..." I scratch the back of my neck trying to deflate the embarrassment, "We should just head inside already." Spike calms down and wipes a tear from his eye. We make our way up to the front door, but something seems off. The room inside is dark; all of the lights are turned off, "Is it closed?" I ask Spike. I don't get an answer from him, instead, he tries to open the door. "That's strange. It's unlocked." Spike pushes the door open a little bit. This isn't really sitting well with me. Isn't this trespassing? "Yo, I don't think we should go in there," I speak up. "I'm just going to call for Twilight and we'll get going." Spike takes a step inside, "You coming?" "No thanks, I'll just wait right here. It'd be awkward if there were other ponies in there. I also don't want to leave until I know that you can get home safely," I lean on the wall that's next to the door and begin to unwrap my headphones, "Just give me a shout when you find Twilight." "Yeah, ok" Spike confirms. I hear the door shut to my left just as I place my headphones on. I turn on my electronic music tape and begin listening to the sweet sounds. I really hope that this won't take too long; I need to rest up so I can go see Zecora tomorrow. The only problem is that I don't know where exactly she lives. I can always just ask Twilight for some directions, but I'm not sure if that'll eat into the time I should be using for practising magic or not. Twilight also wanted to take notes on me while we work on magic though... I don't want to disappoint her by trying to delay that... I do have the whole year to get all of that sorted out, I'm sure I'll think of something by tomorrow. I'm not sure how long it's been, but I'm starting to get a little impatient. How long does it take for somepony to check up on another? I look down at my feet to see that one of them is tapping on the dirt impatiently. I let out a sigh, and take my headphones off; letting them hang around my neck. I look over at the door and stare at the handle. Should I really just go in and as Spike what's going on? It most likely wouldn't hurt nopony, but part of me is keeping me in place. I can't believe this, I'm freaking out over a door. I really need to just grow up already... I grasp the handle and take in a deep breath. I open the door slowly; letting out a loud creak. "Hey, Spike! Did you find Twilight?" I call out into the darkness. I wait a few seconds to see if I will get a response, but nothing returned the question. My foot slowly makes its way into the room, the sound of stepping on wood echoes throughout the room. I take another step inside, "Spike, what's going on?" I ask a little louder, hoping that the first time he didn't hear me. suddenly there's a loud click and my vision goes to white for a moment. I use my arm to cover my eyes at the sudden shift of light. I hear multiple voices shout the same word, "Surprise!" My stomach drops as I realise exactly what this is. I lower my arm and look at the group of multicoloured ponies gazing at me with smiles on their facing. Their gazes are longing for a reaction, but I can only focus on all the eyes that are glaring at me. I have the feeling of what can be described as multiple knives being stabbed into my chest at once, my heart is racing as I can't find any words to say. I look at my surroundings and see some faces I recognize such as Spike, Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash. They all have smiles on their faces, hoping that their expectations will be met. "U-Uh, I-I..." I can't speak any coherent words, there are too many ponies. I'm the centre of their attention. It's tearing me apart. Their faces go from being happy to the look of concern. They begin to whisper things to each other as I stand there trying to think of something to say, something to do. My right leg moves back one step, I can't handle this. I shut my eyes tight. I can't think of what to do. When I open my eyes again, I'm no longer inside Sugarcube Corner. I'm outside, running away from the building. My body is moving on its own. Running was the first instinct for it, almost like I have no control. "Travis, wait!" I hear a familiar voice call out, but I'm not sure if it was Spike or Twilight who is calling out to me. Frankly, I don't care at the moment. I just want to get out of this area. I rest my hand on the tree that's to my right. I'm looking down at the ground, panting intensely. I managed to run outside of town and am now standing on top of a hill. Sweat is dripping from my face, I'm not sure if it's because of the run or not. I've never been so scared in my life; not even in the fight with the Changelings. Sadness and fear is turning into frustration and anger. Why did I run away? Why was that the first thing I wanted to do when all that happened were that some ponies I don't know wanted to throw me some party? I pull back my right and punch the tree with as much force as I can give, only to be met with pain and the tree just absorbing the hit. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" I yell out loud as I bang my hand on the tree in frustration. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. Tears of disappointment and anger. I hear some hoofsteps coming up from behind me; causing me to quickly turn around to see who exactly it is. I see Twilight Sparkle with a look of concern on her face. She looks directly into my eyes and asks me a question; one that feels genuine and from her heart. "Travis, are you okay?" Twilight's deep purple eyes pierce my body. Instead of answering her question, I just shake my head. I turn away from her and use my jacket sleeve to wipe away the tears falling down my face. Twilight approaches me and stops beside me, she doesn't look at my face while she speaks, "I'm so sorry..." "What? What are you sorry for?" I ask out of confusion. Twilight didn't do anything wrong. "Pinkie Pie wanted to throw you a welcome party like she does for everypony who moves here. I was helping her out for the day and how many ponies would come completely slipped my mind. I forgot about how it would make you feel being surrounded by so many unfamiliar faces." Twilight is looking up at me, "We wanted to make you feel welcomed considering what it was like back for you in your old town." "H-hey," I say, my voice is a little shaky, "It's not your fault... It's mine," Twilight then tries to speak but I interrupt her, "You tried to do something nice for me, and I ended up blowing it. I wanted this year to be a new start for me, but I guess you can't help but keep some of your old faults. Everypony probably thinks I'm sort of freak now." I sit down on the grass and look up into the bright moon above. "That's not true. You were just surprised. Nopony will judge you on that, considering how many times we've all made mistakes here." Twilight sits down next to me. A few minutes pass before I speak again. "It wasn't like that back in Manehattan. Whatever you did would end up sticking to you for life, that's why I ended up staying inside a lot. It was a place for me to forget about what it was like being with others, a place where I wouldn't be judged just for what I am." "Well... Ponyville isn't like Manehattan. I don't think you should let your old experience affect what it will be like here," We sat in silence for a minute before Twilight began talking again, "I used to be the same way..." This catches my interest, and I turn to face her, "When I lived in Canterlot, I would spend all my time alone in my library. I used it as a place to shut myself out of the outside world, a place where I never had to worry about anything other than my studies. It wasn't until Princess Celestia wanted me to help organize the Summer Sun Celebration I went to Ponyville for the first time. At first, I hated it. It was weird and different than back at home. It was then, I met the five mares that changed my life. I finally knew what true friendship felt like, and I never want to give that up. Travis, what I'm trying to say is, please give Ponyville a chance." I can't think of the words to respond to that. Should I really just try it out and see what happens? Deep down, I'm just afraid to fail and be left with disappointment. Twilight stands up and looks down at me, "I'm going back to Sugarcube Corner... You don't have to go with me, but you're always welcomed to join..." Twilight begins to walk back into town, my eyes are following her as she slowly descends down the hill. Once Twilight is out of view, I look up into the moon. Is it really worth it; following Twilight? Or maybe it would just be better if I just go home? I stand up and look back towards town before turning to face the direction where my house is. It's time for me to make my choice...