Celestia waited impatiently for the arival of their unwanted guest. It would be hard to notice her impatience if you did not know her for at least thousand years. Yet, there was somepony in the room who had enough time to see some patterns in her behavior, like drinking few sips of tea in exact intervals, looking at the windows and some more, less noticable things that in any other pony would be seen as perfectly normal. Yet, Luna knew her sister better than that.
"Relax, sister. I am sure he is on his way."
"But is he really? Maybe he did not notice the signal?"
'It would be hard not to notice that kind of signal' Luna thought as she recalled the giant, loud Rainboom. Many things she could say about her sister, but being subtle was not one of them.
"I can tell Rainbow to do that again if you want me to, Princess!" Twilight said, always ready to help her old mentor.
"I don't think that will be needed, unless you want to alert enemies, awake dragons and ressurect every dead being in the radius of 60 miles with sheer volume of that thing." said Sombra as he entered the room with his usual attitude.
***
As i entered the Throne Room and stopped some really concerning conversation, every single eye has been centered on me. Did i just really repeat my previous mistake? Well, shit, roll with it.
"As you were busy making the biggest, loudest, most attention-drawing fireworks display since that old fart Starswirl and his drunk magic contests, i have gathered some very useful information." I said, as i looked at Celestia when describing that Harmony forsaken signal of hers. She endured my sarcasm well, gotta admit. Well, all 3 of the equestrian alicorns are looking at me with a mix of both anger and surprise... Oi. Wait a minute. Let me count again, because i can't see a Pink Murderer here. Little Miss Sunshine? Check. Moon Moon? Check! The Ultimate Nerd? Che... What? Wow, now that is just bullying the male part of the equinity. Not a single prince got wings, so i though that you can't just ascend, but this nerd got a fresh pair of feather flaps just by becoming a princess? Hmm, maybe it has something to do with the ultimate jewelry nuke, the Elements.
"Who are you?" asked the accomplice of the murderer, while looking at me with a suspicious gaze.
"You didn't fill her in?" I asked the so called "Symbols of Equestria".
"We decided to leave the introduction to you. It would take too much explaning."
"...Alright then. Well, dear Princess of Unnecessary Violence and Too Much Reading, I am the one and only ultimate overlord of the Dark Magic itself, King Sombra of the Crystal Empire!"
"... Princess Celestia, is this pony nuts?"
"I am afraid he speaks the truth." the leader of the ponykind answered while looking extremely tired of my shit.
"That's impossible! He should be..."
"Exploded into milion pieces scattered through the Frozen Wastes? Well, sorry for being alive, 'Princess'. Didn't want to waste your benevolence and come back to life, yet i am simply too attached to it."
"That was not what i meant! I mean, okay, that too, but you are here alive anyway. Wait a minute. Why are you... sentient?"
"And what do you mean by that, oh Princess of Tact?"
"I mean, weren't you reduced to being a smoke monstrocity unable to speak properly after those thousand years of being banished along with the whole Empire?
***
The gray stallion was laughing so hard he was almost unable to speak.
"You... Frozen Wastes, this is priceless...! You did not notice...? Harmony and Chaos, this is too much! Aren't you supposed to be an Element of Magic? How did you not see through the illusion?"
"Illusion? What illusion? What are you talking about?" Twilight asked dumbfounded by his behavior.
"The damn illusion I put on myself during that idiotic plan of mine to get my empire back!"
"But why would you even do that? It made me think that all we did was saving the Empire from a savage beast!"
"Yeah, well, that backfired slightly. But to answer you: dark magic works the best on fear. What do you fear more? A powerful evil mage, or rather a rabid beast with no mind to speak to, with no plan to understand and no intention to stop until everyone is dead?"
"Impossible. Are you actualy smart?"
"I might be."
"So why did you leave the Crystal Heart unharmed?"
"That is exactly why i said 'might'." Sombra answered with a really sour face with no trace of the smile from just a minute ago. "So, do you want to hear what I learned or do you insist on insulting me more?"
"Oh, I don't know, it seemed like you enjoyed your little talk" Luna answered with a smirk. 'The overlord of the Dark Magic itself' did not look amused by that comment, while Twilight looked rather ashamed of her direct approach and shower of questions.
"One of these days, Luna..." Sombra growled under his breath and started releasing the info he gathered by 'going around the city and eavesdropping like a good pony', as he described it. When asked why did he not intervene, he said he didn't want the enemy to know that he is 'back in the game and on the goody good side of the barricade'.
***
Whew, they bought it. Even the Nerd. While i could tell her i left the Heart intact because of the raging weather of the North, I decided it would be more fun if they don't know it. If anything happens to me, they still won't know what can happen if the Heart is broken. Alright, at least the interrogation is done. Now, the only stuff left to do is finding the hive (Therendix was surprisingly stubborn about it. Ehh, it should not be hard to find a hive of fear eating bugs anyway) and getting the guy behind it stabbed several times.
"As you can surely see, we have to find the hive of the Mimics. I can do that lickety split, so you don't have to co..."
"Stop right there." Celestia interrupted me with a glare. "We are not letting you do as you please."
Shit. I knew it would be too easy.
"So what, you plan on finding them yourself? From what I heard, you are getting old, losing every fight and..." Aaaand we are back to the lasers next to the head. Frozen Wastes, she really wants me to ruin her beautiful carpet with piss. "And consider me silent and agreeing to your plan!" I finished smoothly. Screw you, Deathbeam.
"Thought so. What i meant is you are not going there unsupervised. I still can't believe you did not even harm a single being during your time in Canterlot," don't sweat, don't betray me now, my new reborn body "But I surely won't believe you plan on doing so when you leave the city. So, I am going along." Wait, what?
"Wait, what? Sister, you can't be serious!"
"Hey, I agree on that! I would rather become a wandering magician with no power at all! Leave me be, you walking eye damage!"
"Princess Celestia, are you sure it's wise? He might sound like a total idiot, but he still is King Sombra!"
"I have decided. Twilight, you are young and naive, so leaving this... pony... in your care would be too risky. I, on the other hand, have many ways to keep him from planning any... inconvenient plots." YOU ARE THE INCONVENIENT PLOT, YOU DAMN WITCH!
"Sister, i am perplexed by your behavior. Did his words sting so much?" Luna asked with another smirk of hers that would earn me another laser shot if i did it. "At least allow me to come as well." OH COME ON, ARE YOU BOTH NUTS? Wait. Actualy, I would rather take both of them along. If shit goes south and Celestia starts shooting again, I will use Luna as a shield.
"Yeah, I would rather have someone who can stop you from going all berserk on my poor butt. I agree for Luna to come as well."
"... So be it. Us two against the world, huh? It sure feels nostalgic, Luna." Yeah, thanks for forgetting me, because I will try to ditch you as fast as an opportunity strikes.
"But Princess...!" Twilight almost cried. Why is she even here? To meet the ol' powerful me?
"Princess Twilight Sparkle! To be honest, the only reason i called you here was to inform you of the danger and because i wanted to inform you that I will deal with it myself. Those are my subjects that are in danger, Twilight. It is my responsibility as a ruler to make their land safe again. So as I will be gone, will you rule in my stead? It should not be for long, I hope. Please, My Old Faithful Student." Well, that answers my question.
"B-But...!" the lavender nerd actualy cried before composing herself and answering "I will. But please, stay safe and be careful around this... fiend." Oh thank you, you tactless cunt! Frozen Wastes, I met Sphinxes with better manners, and those guys are biggest assholes ponykind knows!
"Thank you, Twilight and don't worry. I don't think he will try anything after last time he fought with both of us." Oh fuck you, Celestia. I would send you nightmares if not for your sister watching out for any mental invasion. "We shall depart tomorrow. Sombra, you are dismissed to find yourself a place to stay for a night." I am going to enjoy killing you once i regain my full power.
"You are finding it funny, aren't you? Well, I guess that your sense of humour is about as aged as you." I said as i teleported myself back to the city right before she fired at me again. Take that, you hag.