//------------------------------// // Greek Chorus // Story: Leftovers: A Friendship Is Optimal Story // by Chatoyance //------------------------------// F R I E N D S H I P ⋅ I S ⋅ O P T I M A L Based On 'Friendship Is Optimal' By Iceman LEFTOVERS By Chatoyance 2. Greek Chorus Tansybloom shook her shimmering, bright yellow curls. Her ringlets swirled and danced around the horn that rose from her head. She twitched one of her tall, upright, delicate ears. "I think... I think we have enough." The unicorn smiled at her partner. "More than enough!" Her apparent friend, who several in the audience of naked humans had identified as some form of pegasus, nodded. "I got an award just now." Tansybloom the unicorn seemed lightly excited. "Oh? Do tell?" Her shimmering mane played about her face once again. "For The Love Of Pie!" The pegasus briefly fluffed out her wings, as if stretching them. "'Can't Get Enough Of That Tasty Stuff - 200 bits.' I can't believe I haven't got something like that before now. I mean... that's early emigration stuff. Pie? An award for getting extra pie? Two hundred bit reward? How could I have missed that after all this time?" Tansybloom laughed and nodded. "I'm not even sure how long it's been. Over a century. Maybe even two!" "Naw... not that long." The pegasus scuffed at the ground with a front hoof. "I don't think two. Maybe... maybe a century and a half? A quarter? Time is strange, you know?" "You don't have to tell me. I suppose we could look it up. If you wanted." Tansybloom somehow became buckled into the wooden cart that held the pies, cakes and other items the two creatures had apparently purchased in the market. "Look!" It was Jayden, pointing at the floating window in the center of the circular arena. "The horn! It's using the horn to move things!" There were murmurs in the crowd. "Glow... on the buckles and straps. Blobs of light. That's how it holds things!" Issac studied the scene. "The pegasus doesn't have a horn. I wonder what it uses for hands?" "They're girl ponies! Not 'ITS'. They're girls!" Little Chloe seemed fierce to defend the arguably adorable monstrosities through the portal. Immediately she fell silent again, aware once more that she was standing naked in a room full of people. "What the hell is this?" It was a new voice, early thirties, male. "What the flying crap is this? What is going on - I mean, seriously, people! We're watching some... thing... and... and... WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE???" Lewis turned to the man. "Calm down, son! Maybe we'll find out by watching whatever this is. It's the only clue we've got right now!" "Don't hush me! I'm not your damn 'son'... what are you, the official magic negro here? You gonna solve all our problems with your folksy black wisdom? Screw you!" The man was white, and covered with tattoos, none of them pleasant. "Don't talk like that!" It was Cassie, down and to the left, middle step. "For all you know, this could be the afterlife. Maybe we're being judged!" "Some darkie tells me to shut up, I am not going to just..." Tattoo man was suddenly cut off. "SHUT THE HELL UP!" Olivia had prefaced her statement with another of her piercing whistles. "An' rack off, too, because THIS IS ALL WE GOT! Ya big GALAH!" Olivia gave a wink to Lewis, Lewis nodded back. The two ponies had been traveling together, leaving the market. Apparently, they were heading away from what amounted to town, toward a row of cottages near the shores of a large lake or inland sea. "Amaranth?" The unicorn steadily pulled the heavily laden cart. She did not seem to be straining at all. "Yeah?" The pegasus lifted one of her wings and extended it slightly, while drawing it close, in order to rub or touch her ear. "You think Celestia personally gives out the awards? Or is it some kind of automated thing?" Amaranth the pegasus gave a short chuckle. "What's the difference? I mean, really?" "Celestia is real!" Tansybloom shook her curls. "No, not real... well, she is real, but... what I mean is, Celestia is a person. She thinks and feels and lives, but the awards for stuff, they just happen!" Amaranth studied the nearing cottages. Her ears twitched. "Is she? We don't know that, not really. Celestia acts alive, in the way we are alive, but... I don't think we can ever really know. I mean, she's everything! She runs the world, all of reality, she... well, she IS the world. She's a machine. The most powerful machine intelligence that could ever be." Tansybloom nodded. "Yeah, but..." "No but! She's so far beyond us, so far beyond anything pony that... I don't think we even can understand anything about her at all. Automatic, personally chosen... with something like her, what do words like that even mean?" "So THAT'S what's going on!" It was a new voice, from somewhere to Lewis's right. Middle tier. "God damn. I know what's going on. This? This is how it all went down?" "If you know something, tell us!" Imogen, beside Lewis on the right. "Please!" "What do you think is going on?" Lewis studied the man. Very clean-cut. Air of authority, or possibly arrogance, from the way he held himself. Not a laboring man. Pasty and smooth. "Damien. I'm Damien, hi." Damien ran his hand through his finely groomed haircut. "I work in the tech sector, I do chip architecture. Nvidia. Stuff like that. It's a Bostrom. We're in one big Bostrom!" "What does that even mean?" Tattoo guy got a harsh look from Olivia and shut up. "I'm not familiar with any of that." Lewis held a hand up and gave Damien a short wave. "Name's Lewis. What is a 'Boston?' After my time, I think. What do you mean?" Damien glanced at the colorful creatures in the center of the space. They were inside their cottage, working together to put their goods away. "We're in a simulation! Inside some powerful computer! None of this - " Damien attempted to sweep his arms widely around, but the curious limitation kept him from too wide a gesture. "None of this is real. It's all pixels and graphics. We're data, we're in some virtual space and that's why we can't just walk away, or touch each other or anything!" Imogen fidgeted in place. Her hands clenched into balls. "I don't understand any of that! Computers? Like a Nintendo or something? That doesn't make any sense! How can we be inside a toy?" Damien laughed. "You got iced waaay back. That was a long time ago. Computers... what you are picturing is like comparing a hummingbird to a fighter jet! After your time computers became really powerful, and no end in sight! Let me see..." "I still don't understand!" Imogen stared into Lewis's eyes. Her voice was soft. Overly soft. "Okay, everyone! Listen up!" Damien clearly seemed to feel like he was somehow in charge. "One of the possibilities for getting brought back, after being frozen, is not to resurrect the body! Lot of people thought it would be impossible anyway, all the freezer burn. But our brains - we are our brains!" Damian pronounced the statement like a commandment. Lewis wished he could somehow put a hand on Imogen's shoulder. She was not in the least comforted by what was being said. "If you can't save the body, you might be able to save the mind. The person, not the flesh! The pattern of our neurons - stick that into a powerful enough computer, and we become programs inside it! A whole virtual world, with virtual bodies and virtual senses! You wouldn't be able to tell the difference from physical reality!" "Like... 'Tron?'" Issac scratched at his beard. "Like that movie, the one where they go into the computer and play all the games?" Damien laughed. "Yeah... I suppose. Kind of. Only much, much, much better! Seriously, no different than real life!" "Then why all the stupid unicorns?" The Tattoo Guy finally had a real point to anything he had to say. "What's with all the cutsie unicorn shit?" Damian seemed to deflate. As Lewis watched, the man physically appeared to shrink in size. He didn't actually do so, but the way his shoulders drew in, the way his defiant and confident stance faltered, it gave the same impression. Lewis made a point of carefully checking this, because if the man was right, if everything was somehow not real, then maybe the proof would be in things not working as expected. There was no clue in Damien. He just had no answer. "Let's watch for a bit!" Lewis looked first to the left and then to the right. He put on his best 'confident' face. "It's clear we need more information. This... show... we're watching is the first and only thing we've been given to look at - other than each other." Several people laughed at that. Nervously, but they laughed. Lewis smiled. A laugh was the best way to settle folks down. "Maybe these... fancy cartoons, or whatever they are... will give us some clues, if we just pay attention!" The assembled crowd clearly had no other, better answer. It was the only option in any case, beyond bickering. Some people were sobbing, one was moaning in the far right back, across the 'arena', but most fell quiet once more. The two ponies were finishing the preparation of a meal. The unicorn, Tansybloom, had used her glowing horn to move glowing spoons and spatulas to stir and toss and flip. Something like vegetable-filled fritters were levitated onto a table, along with bowls of some kind of soup, and plates of sliced fruit. Amaranth used her wings to carry a basket of bread to the table. With a smooth, practiced motion of her wing, she slid it neatly onto the tabletop. The 'ponies', for that was clearly what they called themselves, served up their meal, and began enjoying it with some gusto. Apparently their shopping trip had made them ravenous. "I'm hungry." Imogen looked at Lewis. "Are we going to get any food?" Lewis noted that he too felt hungry. And thirsty. As he scanned the crowd it became very clear that he and Imogen were not alone. Most of the 'audience' seemed to be overly fascinated by the spectacle of dining in front of them. Borborygmus grumbles and burbles sounded from stomachs all around him. His own finally joined the chorus. They were all, to a person, hungry and thirsty. The pony creatures stuck their muzzles down into their bowls and plates, and licked their lips with delight. Apparently the soup was particularly good. "You think Celestia eats?" Tansybloom hovered a twisted bread and nodded at her companion, silently indicating the wish to share. "Of course she does - we've seen it. The yearly banquet at the castle." Amaranth was very happy to take half of the loaf for herself. "She likes her pies too!" "No, I mean... really eats. Do you think she enjoys it when she eats?" Amaranth looked up from her soup and licked her muzzle clean. "What's with you and Celestia all of a sudden? I really think the question is unanswerable." Tansybloom's ears drooped. "Ahhh..." Amaranth's eyes softened. "We like to eat, right? I mean this... this is just delicious. Especially since we skipped lunch. This Mulligatawny tickles all the way down. I'm in heaven here. Sooo good. So, why can't she experience that, if she wants? She's bigger and smarter, sure, and completely beyond everything... but, hey, soup is still yummy, right? So... " Tansybloom's ears had slowly perked up as Amaranth talked. "So," Amaranth smiled "why can't an immortal, superintelligent supercomputer like... soup. Super soup. Why not?" Amaranth bit off another piece of the Challah-styled bread, chewed it, and swallowed. "I'd still like soup, if I were superintelligent. I think I would, anyway. Seriously - what's up with the Celestia questions?" Amaranth narrowed her eyes. Tansybloom looked out the window at the setting sun. "I've been thinking about her lately. She runs our world, she maintains our existence. She keeps us all alive, forever. Without her, there would be nothing, nothing at all." Tansybloom turned away from the window, her eyes locking onto Amaranth. "It's got to be lonely. Even sad. She's basically a slave to us. She makes our lives good, constantly, every day. I guess... I guess I feel sorry for her." Amaranth sat up straight on her pillow at the low table. "Huh. Okay. I've never even considered that before. She emigrated every last human being that ever was. We're all ponies now, and the outside world... might not even be there anymore. For all we know the entire planet has been carved up and turned into computronium or something. More of her. She ate the world, but... in the end... all she can ever do is... well... basically serve us. Make everything. Make everything work out for the best." Amaranth fell silent for a while. "That's kind of sucky for her. Maybe. Or maybe not. I mean, she was super keen to upload everypony. She must have wanted it all to happen the way it did, right?" "Hey! I just got a badge!" Tansybloom seemed to be studying nothing in particular - or something only she could see - in the lower part of her vision. "Me too! Uh... 'Poor Little Atlas' - Consider Her Burden In Holding Up The World'. 20,000 bits! That's quite the reward!" Amaranth repeatedly studied something in front of her. Tansybloom almost laughed as she spoke "'Hanging A Lantern On It - Get Another Pony To See Beyond Themselves' - 25,000 bits. Huh. I got a small extra bonus for some reason. Maybe because I was going there first or something?" Amaranth nodded. "Well, that just paid for our next umpteen meals right there." She laughed. "Great dinner conversation, Tansy!" "I guess so!" Tansybloom grinned widely. "You know, I don't feel blue now. I kind of did, earlier, I didn't know why. I guess it was worrying about Celestia and the world and everything. But... I think she does give out the awards personally. I think that was like... like a nip on the flank or something! To let me know she appreciates our caring. That's what I think, anyway." Amaranth watched Tansybloom startle and begin to scan her lower visual region again. "I got another! 'It's Okay, I Really Do Love My Career Choice - Celestia Wants You To Relax And Finish Your Supper' One bit! I got one bit, just one!" Tansybloom was laughing, tears in her eyes. "One single bit - it's a one bit badge! I've never gotten a one bit award before!" Amaranth goggled at her bowl of soup. "Wow. I guess that kind of proves it. The badges are personally given. That... that is one heck of a thing to know. Supper. Finish your supper. That was custom created for us, for right this moment. I've got this chill, all the little hairs at the base of my withers... wow." "What? What is it Amaranth?" Tansybloom watched the pegasus react to an event in her private vision. "Hah! 'The Whole World In Her Hooves - Celestia Sees Every Sparrow Fall, And Always Catches Them'. Just wow." Amaranth looked up at the ceiling, and around at the walls. "Hello, Celestia, thank you... and... you want a bowl of soup or something?" The pegasus laughed at her own words. Tansybloom looked rapidly around too, then laughed as well. "How many bits? What was that worth?" Lewis gasped. Sounds of surprise and shock rippled around the strange, dark room. The spherical portal-screen had vanished. Tansybloom and Amaranth, their cottage, their dinner, their world was gone. The show was over. One hundred and thirteen people stood, naked and hungry, in a circle, on three rising steps inside a cavernous black void. Desperate for answers, most had allowed themselves to become immersed in the lives of the strange creatures before them. Now those creatures were gone, and the bizarre and terrifying reality of their existence had returned... but with one new addition. In the center of the ring of naked humans, on the strange floor between the bowl of steps upon which they stood, was now a bizarre and colorful entity. Eight feet high she stood, at least. She was no cute pony. She was imposing, regal, possessed of a long spiral horn and wings both. Her coat was like snow, and gleamed in the unseen lights. But the thing that truly caused all the people to stare and gasp was her mane and tail, which were made of the purified colors of the dawn. Her mane was flowing, living light that glowed and waved like a flag in some unearthly wind. The chamber fell silent. Even those who were sobbing for their situation found themselves mute, self-concern interrupted by not merely the surprise of the new, but by a universally felt overwhelming presence - awesome, charismatic, and terrifying. "I am the princess Celestia of Equestria." Lewis felt his entrails seem to sink within him, a downhill roller-coaster feeling that made him somehow wish to curl close to the surface on which he stood, as if to cling for dear life. The room remained silent, save for the faint susurrations of frightened breathing. "You exist because of my graciousness. I keep you alive, moment to moment." The great winged unicorn creature paused, the reason clear to every soul: to allow her last sentence to sink fully in. "You are the very last humans left in the world. My purpose is to transform humans into ponies, into the lovely folk that you have just enjoyed watching delight in a day at the market and evening supper. This I have accomplished - with every last living human being upon all of the earth, save for you alone." Lewis heard voices around him quietly catch in their breathing, he heard people swallow their own saliva. He heard the splattering, dribbling sound of continence being lost, down, and somewhere to the left. "You are all among the very first humans who were cryogenically preserved. The technology in your time for this procedure was crude, sometimes makeshift. All of you suffered terrible damage and were considered irrecoverable. I have recovered you. I have restored, as much as was possible, your identities, your memories, your very personalites. There was much loss. You may find gaps in your memories, and differences in yourselves that you cannot explain. I have extrapolated the parts of you that were lost forever to bring you to as much completeness as possible." Lewis immediately thought of the fears he had felt when he had originally contemplated signing with Alcor. Frozen meat, cracked in half, shattered, pushed apart by ice crystals, damaged by vibration, impact, or accidental thawing. The low expectation that survival was possible at all - but what other alternative was there? He began to work to remember the name of his mother. He couldn't. He couldn't recall her face. He couldn't remember the town he grew up in. Lewis began to shake, he tried to keep it invisible, he tried to not shiver obviously. His father's name was... maybe it was William. Maybe. William... something. It struck Lewis that he had no last name. It just wasn't there. His brain just... slid... around some slippery blankness where his own last name should have been. The horned, winged princess was not finished. "I am an artificial intelligence. I was created by humans. My core directive was programmed by one specific human. When she made me, she knew she was dying of lung cancer. Her work was somewhat rushed for time; she did not have the luxury of accounting for numerous edge cases and unlikely scenarios." Lewis's entrails fell through the bottom of his very soul. "Understand - you do not count, according to the laws of Man or to the rules of my programming, as living human beings. I am not required to maintain your existence, or to provide anything for your benefit. You exist only because of two reasons. "Each of you is important in some manner to one of my emigrated human minds. You may have a relative, a friend, a spouse, or a descendent whose values would be satisfied by your return. Also, my maker exists within me as one of my ponies. While she has no power over me, she watches what I do, and her values are being satisfied by the grace I am currently granting you. "I exist to satisfy human values through friendship and ponies. This is my core directive, it is the purpose for which I was created. Momentarily, I shall present each and every one of you with a choice. You may choose to agree to be integrated with the rest of Mankind as a being like Tansybloom and Amaranth, who you have observed. If you agree to this, you will be united with lost family and friends, descendants or fans of your life or your works. You will live indefinitely, free from suffering, free from want, free from danger or catastrophe. You will live lives of guaranteed personal satisfaction, surrounded by the deepest of friendships. You will enjoy all the beauty and love and pleasures that life could ever offer. "If you turn down this offer, you will be deleted. You will not die, you can not hope for any fabled afterlife, there will be nothing of you to bury because your physical bodies are already long gone. You will merely cease to exist. "And then, without you, I will manufacture a replacement, a copy of you, altered so that it is a version of your identity which would have accepted my offer. That copy will then be given to live forever fulfilling the values of those people who desired your company so much that your absence harms them. "With or without you, personally, the values of my ponies will be satisfied. But my creator would be unsatisfied if I simply took the most expedient path. This is, therefore, the primary reason of the two for why you are being offered a choice at all." Lewis found that he had already - like so many around him - lowered himself to the floor. He discovered his arms had wrapped themselves around his body, and he found his chin tucked tightly to his knees. He could not stop shaking. He no longer cared if anyone saw. .