//------------------------------// // March 28: Pure // Story: 7DSJ: Downtempo // by Shinzakura //------------------------------// So…nobody took it well when I came home with that bruise.  They especially didn’t take it well when Mrs. Amore called and explained that I’d supposedly single-handedly taken down both Hope and her entire gang, according to her…as well as some other things.  Thankfully, Mrs. Amore didn’t believe any of it, but what everyone did believe was that I got involved in some sort of gang fight – which didn’t go over well with either my parents or my aunt and uncle. And now here I sit in my sister’s room, grounded for the foreseeable future.   That was bad enough, but then I made things worse: Auntie Cup and Mom apparently had a huge fight to the point that Dad and Uncle Carrot had to separate them.  I knew the moment that happened, that I was going to pay for it. That and after the adrenaline wore off, reality started to set in.  Did I really feel the way I do about Sunny?  There’s a certain…euphoria…that comes over me when I think about her.  And it’s certainly possible to sexually desire someone without actually loving them.  There’s a few people I feel about that way, and I certainly wouldn’t date them for a variety of reasons.  And yet…. I look at the clock.  It’s two in the morning, and I’m going to spend the next two remaining days grounded.  Mom is already arguing that this is proof why I “shouldn’t be with the legions of sinners that is Canterlot’s populace”.  Well, Mom, fuck you very little – Canterlot is my home and I’ll take being grounded in perpetuity by Auntie Cup and Uncle Carrot if it means I get to go home and see her. I feel heat rise through my body and that only adds to the confusion.  I want to love Sunny.  She means a lot to me, possibly the world.  But I don’t know if I do.  And the fact that I want her between my thighs, tongue probing making me scream in ecstasy makes me question everything even more. Times like this I wish I had a boyfriend – an actual boyfriend, you know, the kind you can actually trust.  My life would be so much simpler then. Suddenly, there’s a gentle knock at the door and I hear a familiar voice.  “Pinkie?” My heart leaps in my throat.  “Maud?” “Can I come in?”  I’m surprised she even has to ask.  My older sister knows me well enough to know I’d never deny her anything.  Maud’s strong, brave, exuberant, all the things I wish I could be and try to emulate.  If there’s one person in the world I truly idolize, it would be her, and she knows that – and I know she loves me enough to come to my need whenever something’s wrong. But given the time of morning and the fact that she’s here…. I sigh and open the door, to see my sister as I’ve never seen her before: she’s standing there, wearing a leather jacket, choker, hoop earrings, jeans and a bustier top.  Makeup, and while my sister usually never bothers, it makes her look sexy right now.  Honestly, this is something I’d expect to see Sunny in (get that thought out of your brains, Pinkie!) as opposed to my sister.  Still, while my sister tends to be outgoing and exuberant, this is a bit…well, risqué for what she normally wears. “Maud?” I ask again. I see a wide grin come onto her face and suddenly I wonder if I stepped into the Twilight Zone.  “What, never seen me like this before, little sister?”  I can feel my bicuspid decide it’s going to lay down now, and my sister laughs musically.  She never laughs musically – that’s Tavi’s job! She gives me a smile and puts an arm around me and I suddenly feel distinctly uncomfortable, like there’s a stranger in my sister’s skin.  “Something the matter, Pinks?”  But then the smile shrinks and she says in her normal voice, “Is this better?” My arms go around her before I can even react.  “Maud!” I chirp. She covers my mouth.  “Not so loud,” she tells me in her usual soft tones.  “Come on, let’s go to the barn.” “Why?” “Because we need to talk – Aunt Cup insisted on it – and I need to change before Mom sees me.  She’ll blow a Goddamn fuse if she sees me like this.” “You can’t change in here?” “Trust me, Pinkie,” she tells me, becoming that other Maud, “I think you’re ready for this, but she’s not.”  Not waiting for my answer, she heads downstairs.  A second later, so do I. The things you find out about the people you love sometimes will shock you.  For example, I know Rainbow said Scootaloo was heartbroken when she found out that she was adopted; likewise, I know Tavi complains about her mother’s side of her family and all the weird shit that goes on there.  But just seeing them as I know them, sans info, I would never have suspected that about either. And right now that comes to mind as I look at my sister and realize I may have never known my sister – my dear, beloved older sister – at any time in my life.  This…this Maud…she’s nothing like the sister I know.  My sister is outspoken, brave, a bit emotional, but dependable and always there for me. The woman in front of me? She’s literally changing in front of me as if it’s no big deal.  We’re in the barn, and she’s undressed save for her underwear, which is lacy, drawstring and nearly not there.  She’s got some tattoos on her arm.  She has a tramp stamp! Meanwhile, she’s washing her face in the basin and using a towel she brought with her.  “Jesus fuck this is cold as hell,” I hear her mutter.  “Really gotta ask Dad why we only have cold water in here.” She then turns to me.  “Okay, toss me some clothing.”  I look at her and then at the clothing she was wearing.  She gives me a smile in turn and says, “Those are staying in my car, okay?” “Do I know you?” I blurt out. I hear her sigh.  “Pinkie….” “No, seriously.  This trip has been about images being shattered and facades being torn down.  Someone I thought I could trust turned out to be a gangbanger of the girl-on-girl rapey kind.  A guy I thought was some dudebro asshole turned out to be totally dateable material.  And I see yet more signs that our mother is Biblethumping with a two-by-four!”  I then can’t help but say, “And now you.” “You’re one to talk,” she tells me.  “You don’t open up and tell our parents what you really think.  You had to explode during Christmas and I had to cover for your ass, Pinkie.  Would I have done that if I wasn’t the sister you know?” “But….”  I gesture at her.  “This!” She laughs and I feel kinda creeped out.  “Pinkie, I love you dearly, but you’re nearly an adult.  Use your brain, little sister.  You show a different side of yourself to your friends than you show to me, or our aunt and uncle, or our parents, am I right?  Why should that be any different for me?”  She walked over to where I was sitting and grabbed her bag, pulling a plain, faded eggplant t-shirt and somewhat baggy jeans, far looser than what’d she’d been wearing.  “So I guess you want some answers?” “Only if you want to give them to me,” I tell her. “Only if you want to know,” she replies in turn.  I say nothing and wordlessly wave; I doubt I’m going to get any sleep tonight anyway.  She then takes my face in her hands and looks at me, eye to eye. “Pinkie, please,” she tells me, and I see her eyes.  I know those eyes, more than anything.  Those eyes have been there at important points in my life, wiped away my tears, given me hugs and said that no matter what happened or wherever she was, I would always have my older sister’s love.  And no matter what, I know I love my older sister to bits. “Go ahead,” I tell her. She gives me a hug, and we hold each other for countless minutes before she lets me go and starts.  “Kenny…Kennelworth, my fiancé…he’s shown me a lot of things.  We’ve traveled, he’s shown me things that I never knew existed….”  A soft smile, the kind of a girl in love, came onto her face, and I couldn’t help but smile.  “Jazz in New Orleans, time in Florida, romantic nights in Atlanta – he knows how to treat a girl right.  He was born in Brazil, loves Latin jazz and bossa nova – he turned me on to that and so much more, Pinkie.  Just like you can’t be a girl that grew up here, I can’t be the person I used to be.  I don’t want to be the person I used to be.” “Maud….” She shakes her head.  “I’m still your sister, Pinkie.  I’m still always going to be there for you.  But I’m a woman now, and I don’t live under Ma’s skirts – and I don’t want you to.  It’s already bad enough that she’s got Marble and Limestone thinking the same way she does to some degree, and I don’t think Pa’s going to be a moderating influence there.”  She then gives me an awkward smile and adds, “You know, I’ve always been jealous of you to some degree.” “Me?” “You have always been allowed to find out who you really are, Pinkie.  You didn’t have to be afraid of Ma frowning on every little thing you did.  You didn’t have to see the arguments between Ma and Pa watching me grow up – hell, you saw how Ma reacted when she found out about my, ahem, ‘experimentation’.  Can you imagine how she’d react if I actually was a lesbian?” It takes everything in me not to blanche at those words. Maud puts her hands on my shoulders and says, “I trust you with this secret, Pinkie, because I love you.  And I know if you had anything secret, you would tell me, too.  It’s just who we are.”  She closes her eyes, and when she opens them again, she’s…Maud.  But now I know she’s not really Maud – this isn’t the Maudelline Erica Pie that’s my older sister.  This is a mask, just like the one I wear. I wonder if my mother wears one as well? I don’t get any sleep tonight.  My sister and I have our real first talk not just as sisters, but as women.  I dance around the subject of who I like, mainly because I’m still not sure that my feelings for Sunny aren’t just sexual.  Meanwhile, she talks about Kennelworth and how happy he makes her; he kinda sounds like a guy version of Flutters, to be honest, not like that’s a bad thing, or anything.  She tells me they moved in together two months ago and that his family just absolutely loves her – I don’t blame them; Maud’s worth loving. We talk about some of her friends.  Dizzy, in particular, seems to remind me of someone, though I can’t put my finger on it for some reason; she’s a party kind of gal and wants to be a caterer when she gets out of college.  Starflare, on the other hand, seems to have a mercurial personality and is a notorious flirt; had she not been such a close friend of my sister’s, she probably would’ve started to chase Kennelworth, Maud says. In turn, I talk about my friends and how we’ve coped in the wake of the Vibe.  She looks at me as though she knows I know something more, but then I cover that by telling her about what happened to Rares and Tavi and that we were really worried about both of them.  She backs down after that, and my secret is once again safe, though I hate lying to her – even omission and deception is a lie, and I care about Maud too much to treat her like that. She asks me if I have anyone in my life.  I work on that practiced lie, that I had someone in my life, but he moved away – that much is true, though not the whole story.  She asks me if I’m interested in anyone else.  I demur to that as well; I tell her there is, but I’m not sure whether it’s just infatuation or whether I have actual feelings.  She then tells me about the first guy she dated when she went to college; that she and Skydancer just didn’t click, but she hadn’t realized that until after she’d slept with him.  She says that if I love someone I should really find out whether or not that person is the one before I get intimate.  My heart shrivels a little when I hear that. Finally, the morning comes and we’ve migrated back to my room.  Maud’s asleep and I’m listening to the music on her phone, which she thought I’d like.  And I feel sleepy myself, especially given that I’ve stayed up the whole night and bonded with my sister.  As cliché as it sounds, I think I’ve grown a little as a result of that. And as I feel my eyelids get heavy and my breath slows, I hear gently lilting music as the dreamlands open their ivory gates and the sandman spreads his dream dust. I find myself on a tropical beach somewhere, wearing a sheer white bikini that pretty much leaves nothing to the imagination.  I’m wearing what looks like golden bangles as well, and I’m headed towards a beachside cabana.  Only this isn’t any ordinary bungalow – this is a palace, wrought with gold and platinum, made of shining marble and looking like something out of an old Hollywood film about Egypt, Greece or Rome.  As I walk through it, the opulence is enough to probably make Rares blow a mental gasket or something – this is obscene levels of wealth, needless to say. My feet know where they’re going more than I do, as my steps are purposeful and my stride confident.  I’ve never been here, would never be in a place like this, but somehow I feel like I own the place, like I know every fern frond and step of the silken brocades and velvety carpet.  None of this makes sense, and yet it’s perfectly normal as I pass through what feels like hallowed halls, towards a gilded spiral staircase, festooned with rose petals of every description.  Without thinking twice, I venture up the steps, alighting towards a second floor. As I reach the second floor, I see a massive chamber filled with rose petals and an even more ornate display, if that makes sense.  And at the far end of the room, laying on a bed behind a wall of semi-transparent gauze, was a figure, unidentifiable.  But from the moment I stepped into the room, I could feel the heat in my body rising, a primal need to be touched, to be… “Hello, my love.” I know that voice – I know that voice!  My body quivers and I suddenly feel my clothing melt off, exposing my womanhood; the only thing I’m wearing are my bangles and my birthday suit.  A primal urge like nothing I’ve ever felt before engulfs me and if I’d ever thought the urge to have an intimate moment with anyone, this is my body screaming to be fucked – to be what Atlas and Cicely wanted me to be.  Knowing that, I crumple in on myself, curling into a fetal ball and whimpering. I’m a Goddamn worthless whore, three holes and two hands.  They were right about me; it just took me until now to figure it out.  I start to cry, knowing that the woman I love is on the other side of that sheer blind, and I’m forever separated from her because of my uncleanliness.  Because I’m a whore. A dirty fucking whore! “Don’t cry, my love.”  I feel a tingle underneath my chin, and aqualight holds it up.  I feel my tears suddenly dry and the agony vanishes as if blown away by a warm summer wind.  “I would not have you feel such a lie about yourself.”  Before I can say anything, I feel myself lifted to my feet, then aloft, a feather in an all-encompassing wind. “But I’m—” “My bride.  My shieldmaiden.  The yin to my yang,” that all-too familiar voice says as my body drifts towards the canopied bed.  The shape moves once more and I know that body, that hair, that facial shape.  My desire fights with my shame and I don’t know what to say.  But before I can even think of what to make of this, I find myself at the foot of the bed. I smell lavender and rose, and something else, something that’s making it hard for me to keep myself under control.  My hands caress my own body, knowing the curvature of my own features, making my need even greater. “I know you want me,” I hear the voice say, music to my ears.  “And if you are ready, you shall have me.” I gasp and I feel moisture.  My breath is a torrent I can barely hold in, and my heart wars with my mind.  I want her.  I want her so badly, and my nethers soak like the Pacific.  It takes everything to prevent me from diving onto the bed…but to do that would make me no better than Atlas and Cicely. At last, the curtains part… …and an amber unicorn the size of a medium dog pokes its head out.  I use the term “unicorn” loosely, because this isn’t a terrestrial equine and by that I mean one of this world.  No, this is the woman I love, in her true form – and for the first time I realize that I’m in love with an alien…a literal, not-of-this-world alien. She looks at me with impossibly huge eyes, but with the color that I’ve known so well.  “Nothing to say?” she asks me, a sympathetic look etching itself on her face; amazing that non-human face is so humanly expressive.  “No desire to take me now, to slip between my stifle?”  She shakes her head and her hair – her mane – continues to burn with the ruby and gold that wrapped around my heart ages ago. She rubs against me.  “If you want me, you can have me.  Right now, this moment.  I will bend for you, my love, my shield, my bride.”  She then looks me right in the eye and says, “But you can’t, can you?  Because I’m not a woman, but a mare.” I look at her.  My mind is tying the luscious girl I want so much with the animal I wouldn’t dare.  And I don’t know what to do or what to say. Sunny looks at me and says, “If you love me…if you really want to love me, you have to know what I am and accept that.  I am more than just a girl and more than just a unicorn.  And if you truly wish me to make my heart yours, you have to be willing to love me.” And then I wake up.  The sun is just edging over the horizon, and in the distance a cockerel crows, heralding the dawn.  Maud is still asleep next to me, and if I listen carefully I can hear my mother and my aunt bickering downstairs.  I feel sticky…in that kind of way, and my eyes feel dry and I don’t have to guess why. I lie there in my own musk and sweat, thinking about the ordeal my own mind just put me through.  I love Sunny, don’t I?  I shouldn’t care what she looks like – hell, I’m bi, for fuck’s sake!  Or does this make me pan?  And yet… “And if you truly wish me to make my heart yours, you have to be willing to love me.”  The words echo in my head and although I know how I feel in my heart, the mind is a different matter.  And I have no one I can talk to about it – I’m not sure I dare even share this with Maud, though I know she’d understand. It’s then that I notice I still have the headphones on.  Not knowing what else to do, I decide to press play on the phone and listen to the next song.  What sounds like Latin jazz-influenced downtempo plays over the speakers, something I didn’t expect from Maud, while a woman sings a beautiful song in a language I don’t understand: “Tentei contar, Tentei cantar, Tentei just la la la ia “Tentei tocar, Também dançar, Assim, só para deixar” I suddenly sit up.  Did I just…?  I look around and the room still seems the same, but I swore that I just heard….  I shake my head and slip the earbuds in once more, letting the song carry me away. “Só quero te dar Se te falar Se te just la la la ia “Só quero estar, Com seu cantar, Com seu just la la la ia….” I suddenly feel lips on mine, gentle and loving.  I return the kiss, eagerly, without opening my eyes, but smelling the heady scents of rose and lavender.  I don’t notice the lips are fuzzy.  I don’t care that the lips I’m kissing may not quite match up with mine.  It doesn’t matter.  I’m in love with Sunset Shimmer, this I know.  The woman known as Sunset Shimmer.  The mare known as Sunset Shimmer as well. She is my princess. I am her shieldmaiden and her bride. This is how it always was, and how it always will be.  My life was never my own, though I didn’t know it. And…I’m okay with this. “Just like this rainstorm, This August day song, I dream of places far beyond….” I open my eyes, and I see my Sunny sitting there.  Right now, she’s human, but…it doesn’t matter to me anymore.  Only that I’m hers, and that my heart belongs to her. Sunny reaches out and caresses my cheek.  “And now you know,” she says to me.  “And hopefully someday I’ll be able to return what you give me.” And then I wake up.  The sun is just edging over the horizon, and in the distance a cockerel crows, heralding the dawn.  Maud is still asleep next to me, and if I listen carefully I can hear my mother and my aunt bickering downstairs.  I feel…sticky.  But…it’s a good kind of sticky, you know?  An outpouring of love, your body telling you that yes, you love someone so much that even your body celebrates it. Still…my sister doesn’t need to know that.  I’m going to need a shower, pronto. I come downstairs to see everyone fawning over Maud.  She’s in that “Maud” mode, and now that I know what it is, I love my sister all the more for it.  She could be herself – the person she wants to be – but she remains like this for Mom’s sake, even though Dad may have an inkling that his older daughters aren’t exactly what they seem to be.  Besides, she deserves this time, given that she’s going to be here less and less as the years go by.  I certainly know how that feels. Finally, they notice that I’m here and we all sit down to breakfast.  Naturally, they completely pester Maud on how she’s doing at school, how her boyfriend is – she didn’t tell them she was engaged? – and what her plans are when she graduates in a couple of years.  She tells them that she’s looking into either a position as a geology professor, or that the local government office may want to hire geologists; she’s fine with either.  Dad nods in understanding, but I see mother’s jawline firm up and I know the ride’s about to start. Thankfully, however, Dad blunts it.  “It’s good to have the girls here while they still can,” he says to my mother.  “After all, they’re growing up, and they have their own lives to lead, becoming women we’ll be proud of.”  From the sudden look of surprise on my mother’s face, he just decapitated whatever comment she was going to make.  I have to wonder what it was. As if discussing the weather, my aunt adds, “Pinkie is absolutely happy and excelling in Canterlot.  I don’t think uprooting her would do a bit of good, Quartz.”  I instantly get what my aunt implies and I swear, I want to lose it right then and there. “Dazzle, my child put herself at risk!  For that little sinner next door!  Don’t you think she would be safer away from such heathen places as the city?  I mean, look what it’s done to that little Hope trollop!” “And yet all that happened here, in the country,” Dad reminds her, “not in Canterlot – where she’s safe with family.” “And you know what happened in that hellish place!” my mom counters.  “And how many of them deserved it?  I refuse to let our daughter spend one more moment in that pla—” Buttons pushed.  Hard. “You do,” I hiss, “and I will file emancipation papers the next day!  I do not want to live here!  This is not my life, and you can’t make it mine!”  The anger that’s on my face takes my mother by surprise, but somehow, neither my aunt, my uncle or my father are surprised by this.  I can see the barest traces of a smile on Maud’s face. Seeing that tiny bit of support, I continue.  “I get that you love me and you want to protect me – but I am nearly an adult.  Maybe I’m not ready for the world and maybe cities aren’t the best place to live at times.  But you know what?  What I saw this week means I wouldn’t be safe anywhere.  And if you wanted us to just be safe, you shouldn’t have had any children! “This…this place.  I’ll cherish it, because it’s where family is.  But this isn’t home.  I wasn’t even six months old when you sent me to live in Canterlot – a decision that kept me alive and healthy.  But when you did that, you trusted Auntie Cup and Uncle Carrot to take care of me.  And not only did they, but they thought it was safe enough to have children of their own.  So Canterlot can’t be bad, right?” “Pinkamena,” my mother started, but I wasn’t going to let her finish. “In two days we leave for home,” I told her.  “I’m going to spend that time with Maud, because she and I think more alike than you realize, Mom.  Think about the sort of relationship you want to have with me – if you actually do.”  Without even eating breakfast I went back up to the bedroom.  I knew I wasn’t going to hear the end of this from Auntie Cup and it would definitely add to my grounding. But you know what? For Sunny?  I’d do it all again.