I slept peacefully, nothing disturbing me. As the sun rose, a sliver of light crawled across my face. I squirmed, and turned over. The light woke me up, but I didn't feel like leaving the warmth of the couch. Then a loud series of wubs broke the silence, and shook the ground. The peacefulness was lost in a flood of music notes. The sudden burst of music caught me off guard, causing me to fall to the fall. The ground was still shaking, and I slid over into the kitchen because of that. I grabbed onto the table, and pulled myself up. Vinyl was standing next to her dishwasher, bobbing her head to the beats. It was clear that the sound originated from the dishwasher. Why am I not surprised.
"VINYL!" I screamed over the noise.
"Oh, you're up!" Vinyl screamed back.
"Did you expect me to sleep through this!?"
"What? I can't hear you over my wubwasher. This thing cleans dishes at a microscopic level!"
"Turn it off!"
"It's already at eleven, it won't go any higher!" Okay, this isn't working. I used magic and turned the knob on the wubwasher down to zero. The machine turned off, allowing me to stand up and fix my hair.
"Do you really have to do that now?"
"Aww, I was listening to that. I guess not, I don't really use dishes much anyway. Hey, and I think I managed to drunk teleport myself home."
"No, that was me asking Twilight. What did you do before I got here?"
"Eh, I always found myself either on the food table, in a dumpster, or in the middle of a strip poker game."
"Wha... strip poker...? But... you don't even wear clothes..."
"That's what I said! The game make no sense!"
"And I don't even want to know about the dumpsters. But that's beside the point, you should pack a few things for a trip to Earth." Vinyl simply nodded, and trotted upstairs.
"Ah, the human planet. Can I join thou, sir Blaze?" Said a voice from behind me. I could easily tell who it was from the mannerisms.
"Luna," I said as I turned around. "What are you doing here? Isn't this invasion of privacy, or something like that?"
"Silly human, privacy isn't important in Equestria. As for why I'm here, I was just leaving the town hall since I woke up, and I saw madame Scratch's house. I then remembered you said something to madame Hooves about going back to Earth with madame Scratch. So, can I join thee in the expedition to Earth?"
"Wait wait wait, slow down. How long have you been here?"
"Oh, an hour maybe. I've learned to wait for long periods of times."
"An... hour?"
"Yes, you looked quite cute sleeping." My eye twitched. Does everybody think that I look cute sleeping? That's just creepy.
"Wait, what were you still doing here, in Ponyville?"
"Oh yes, I had an excessive intake of cider last night. Coherent thought wasn't possible, and I passed out." She's very unprincesslike. Must be rebellion from her sister. Vinyl was upstairs, packing a few things, she didn't know of Luna.
"Besides the fact that you watched me sleep, I'm not bringing you to Earth. Maybe another day, but right now I just want it to be Vinyl and me." Luna put on a sad expression.
"Oh, I understand. Another time, then. Bye for now, Neon." She then teleported out of here. Vinyl then trotted down the stairs, completely oblivious of the fact that Luna was just here. As Vinyl walked up to me.
"Dude, do you like, ever smile?" Vinyl asked.
"What kind of question is that?" I replied.
"Oh, come on." Vinyl used magic and forced my mouth into a smile. "Better."
"Ifffff, you're going to phlay like that," I said. I can't speak right when Vinyl's holding my mouth like that. I used my magic to tickle her belly. She laughed and let go of me. I continued the assault until she was on the floor, rolling around. I stopped, and she took a deep breath.
"Heh, okay okay, you win this time."
Right upstairs, in Vinyl's bedroom.
Luna was standing in the room, not making a sound. She found Vinyl's bag, lying on her bed. Luna then transformed into a rock and hid herself in the bag, but not before silently giggling to herself.
Random intermission.
"What are you even the princess of?" Asked Celestia. Her and Cadence were sitting at a table, sipping tea.
"I'm the princess... of... love?" Cadence replied.
"Love... Say, do you like, mmmmm, bananas?"
"Huh?"
"I said, are you a bee-yetch, that likes, mmmm bananas?"
"I don't get what-"
"So you're a bitch that likes bananas?"
"They're okay, but I-"
"So, you are, a bitch, that likes, bananas."
"I-I guess so, but that's kinda rude..."
"What about love bananas?"
"I don't know what those ar-"
"You like to make love, with, mmmmm, bananas."
"N-no, I don't..." The floor beneath Cadance's chair opened up, making her fall into a cannon. The ceiling above the cannon then opened also, as the cannon rose upwards.
"WELL, THERE'S NO LOVE ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNAAAAAAA! BEE-YETCH!" As Celestia yelled that, Cadance got blown out of the cannon, and headed straight for the moon.
Random intermission over.
"We... should've... gotten... a cart." Vinyl said between breaths. Vinyl and I were headed for Canterlot, on hoof. Vinyl had a large bag strapped to her side. I didn't need to bring anything with me, so I wasn't carrying anything. "Ughhh, how much farther?"
"We've only been walking for five minutes. You shouldn't have packed so much," I replied.
"Why don't you be a gentlecolt, and carry my bags?"
"Not my problem, and you should know better than to consider me a gentlecolt."
"Okay, granted, but still, I know I didn't so much stuff into this thing, it couldn't be this heavy."
"Well, it's not like you packed rocks or anything. Wait, you didn't pack rocks, right?"
"No, I'm not stupid. This bag is just heavier than I'd thought it be.
"Thought? You made estimations on the weight of that container using separate objects and simple addition?"
"Well, not really. Are we there yet?"
"If you start that, I'm leaving you naked in the middle of McDonald's when you're sleeping."
"Uh, point taken. Here's a question for you: How long have humans been around?"
"No one really knows, but the homo genus was created about two point three million years ago. But that's just a theory for now. We know it's at least two million years old, but humans are just part of the genus. But if that doesn't answer your question, the first humans that looked like modern humans existed about about 200,000 years ago. Another cool thing about that, humans are the only living branch of the homo genus."
"That almost made sense. How do you know so much about this topic?"
"Wikipedia. I spend a lot of time of Wikipedia."
"Uh, what is Wikipedia?"
"Website that shares information on everything, I'll show you it later."
"I still find it amazing that humans can create so many complex objects and use it to their benefit."
"Well it's not like they're going to use tech to their disadvantage."
"You know what I mean. Can you imagine what Equestria could do if it were to combine all that tech with magic?"
"Yeah, you would live in a monotone society where fun ceases to exist."
"You've probably thought this out, I won't doubt you on that. But still, how did the humans get so far with tech?"
"I could ask why Equestria hasn't gotten very far with it. But he main difference is, I live in a free, science and math based world. You live in a controlled world based on magic."
"I need to throw a pie at one of those politicians you hate so much."
"I don't even want to know what line of thought brought you to having that idea."
"Oh look, I can see Canterlot!"
"How? We're nowhere near Canterlot."
"Oh, and now it's gone. Must have been a mirage."
"How can you be having mirages? You're not starving or thirsty."
"Meh, let's discuss music."
"So wait, the princess is named after a music thing?" Vinyl asked, when I mentioned that Cadance used to be Cadence, and that a Cadence is a sequence of notes in music that ends a musical phrase.
"Can't you read music?"
"Uh, not really. Too much work."
"Yet you're a DJ."
"I know what the buttons do, I just can't understand music notes. 'Tavi can, though."
"You were there, at the royal wedding, weren't you?"
"Yeah, everypony was there."
"So you heard them singing?"
"Jess."
"Then why didn't you know that Cadance was a changeling?"
"How would I be able to know that with them singing?"
"Because when Chrysalis sung, she had a deceptive cadence in her song. Really, ponies like you and Octavi should have figured that out when they were singing."
"Okay fine, smarty pants, why didn't you save her?"
"I really don't care what happens to her. I hate royalty enough."
"Why?"
"It's unfair, you don't get a chance or choice. You might be the best princess ever, but you're not in that family, so it wouldn't matter."
"What about Luna? You seem friends with her."
"I must've said that wrong thing. I hate the system, not the people."
"Then why don't you like Cadance...?"
"I have my reasons. Look, we've made it to Canterlot." I said as we passed through the city entrance. Many unicorns were shuffling around the city, wearing their fancy clothes.
"Finally. Now that we're here, let's quickly head to Earth. I can't stand the snooty ponies here."
"It's not like I was planning a vacation here. The MTSC is right over there, about twenty yards that way."
"I need a pet."
"What? Why would you bring that up now?"
"I dunno, I just have a sudden urge to get a pet."
"And I assume you want me to get you one."
"Are pets legal on Earth?"
"Yes."
"Does that mean I can get one?"
"I guess I could bring you to a pet shop."
"Yay." We stopped next to the the underground storage entrance.
"Down here," I said as I opened the doors and stepped inside. The portal was on, since I never turn it off. I really need to stop leaving it on. "Female gender first."
"Uh, right." Vinyl then stepped into the portal, and I followed close by.
The world materialized in front of me, revealing my dark living room. It seemed the house was empty, except Vinyl who's standing near me, though a bit tipsy.
"Whoa, still not used to that," Vinyl said.
"It gets better. Though I wonder what happened to the others. They must've gone home. I see you're still wearing my old clothes."
"Wha? Oh, yeah."
"Let's visit a clothes store, come on, I'll drive you there."
"Like the bootathingy Rarity has?"
"Not quite. You'll understand when you get there. It's about one P.M., so we can leave now."
"Man, it's dark." Vinyl walks up to one of the window blinds, and pulls on the string. Light burst into the room, making me shield my eyes.
"Sssss," I hiss.
"Oh, now you're just exaggerating."
"I dislike light. Seeing it in a place like this is unnatural." Vinyl rolled her eyes.
"Cool story, bro. Let's get going."
"Fine, have you ridden in a car yet?"
"I don't remember if I did." I walked into the kitchen as she talked. My eyes scanned the blue bar, and I came across my car keys. Why do I even have a car? I don't go anywhere. I sometimes forget I even have one. As I walk back into the living room, I took note of Vinyl's hair. She'll... stand out in crowds, to say the least.
"This way." I lead Vinyl out to my garage, which housed a generic car that I stole from some rich politician. This happened a few years ago, it's a blurry memory by now. I really should stop stealing things, but then again, I've saved America more than once. If they only knew all the stealth missile strikes that happen every month. Good think they all fall into the ocean, and get crushed under the pressure of the water. It's almost to the point of me laughing every time I wreck a group of those 700,000 dollar missiles they're watching fall into the ocean. So sad too, that money could've been spent on science. Maybe I'll redirect a missile back at the people who sent, then disarm it at the last second. Just to scare them. I pressed a button on the car remote, and the doors clicked open. Vinyl slid in, quickly guessing the correct way to open the door. Or just by accident. I slid in next to her, in the driver's seat, and started the car. St the sudden chug of the engine, Vinyl leaped up and grabbed onto the seat behind her. I rolled my eyes.
"W-what's that?"
"Sit down, you look ridiculous like that." Vinyl calmed down, and returned to her seat. "The noise is from the engine. It works by blowing stuff up, and using the energy to shift pistons around. That's why it makes that sound."
"Meh, lost interest. Ooooh, buttons." Vinyl then started rubbing her hands all over the colorful buttons, until I slapped her away.
"Don't touch those, please."
"Hem," Vinyl pouted. I left my home, and headed down the right road. The nearest Clothes store should be a few minutes out, in the local mall. The neighborhood I lived in was quiet, I didn't see anyone enter or exit.
"Vinyl," I said, breaking the silence. "I think you will need a haircut to blend in better. And a more natural hair color."
"Nope, nopony is touching my hair."
"Normal human hair isn't blue."
"Say it's been dyed."
"I guess that could work, but your hair would only work if you slathered about three pounds of gel into that thing." The large mall arrived quickly, having a mostly-filled parking lot. I parked near the end, and strode into the mall with Vinyl at my side. She got a few looks, most from old people. But she seemed oblivious.
"Ever notice the high male population here? How do humans not overpopulate?"
"The male population isn't high here, it's 100:101 male to female in large cities. And we just don't live as long as magical ponies."
“This place is boring, nopony smiles around here.”
“Up the moving stairs,” I directed Vinyl. She glanced at the escalator.
“Moving stairs? That. Is. AWESOME!” Vinyl then leaped onto the first step, and started running up it. Once she reached halfway, she started going back down. She managed to stay in place by running down a going up escalator. Everyone around her looked at her strangely. I facepalmed, and got onto the escalator to stop her. It’s going to be a long day.