Edited by Halusm, Slayerseba, and Clawder.
A Big Red Button
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With a hiss, the elevator came to a stop while the doors smoothly slid open, allowing Celestia to exit.
Stepping out of the glass tubed elevator, Celestia now found herself in a circular room; a flight of stairs directly before her. However, before the thought of following the path before her even crossed her mind, her attention was immediately pulled towards the luminescent walls; each displaying gigantic moving images.
"And what have we here?" She wondered, stepping closer to the wall and pushing against it with a hoof.
"Please refrain from physically interacting with the display walls," the warped voice almost immediately told her. "Any damage inflicted to this facilities equipment while outside the testing area will be deducted from your financial compensation."
Celestia responded by tapping on the display wall, trying to figure out how it worked.
"I said-"
"Oh, I heard you," Celestia calmly interrupted. "... This wall, it almost looks like one of those phone screens Twilight told me about. Though nothing seems to happen when I touch it," she said, smoothly changing the subject while applying just a bit more pressure on the display wall.
*Crack*
"... Oops," Celestia stepped back, looking at the small star shaped fracture now distorting the image.
"Fantastic," the voice said sarcastically. "By doing the exact opposite of what you were told, you were not only able to damage the display wall, but also give me valuable data needed to calculate your intelligence. Congratulations, you score only slightly higher than a certain core whose name shall not be mentioned."
Then the images on the wall changed; arrows now pointed towards the stairs, flashing urgently.
"Seeing the newly calculated mental abilities based on your recent performance, I thought it wise to point out in which direction you should go. As you can see, there is a collection of narrow platforms, all fixed on a different height which allows you to reach a higher orientated level by traversing these platforms."
"I know how stairs work, thank you," Celestia replied.
"So far, I have yet to see any viable evidence to support this claim. Nor do I expect to see so in the foreseeable future, considering how much you're weighted down by the excess mass you are carrying with you."
Celestia once again looked towards the general direction she believed this voice to originate from, the corners of her mouth tightening just a bit.
"Another remark towards my flank, I take it?"
"It is hard to miss," the voice said simply. "In fact, you almost exceeded the elevator's weight capacity all by yourself. I would have been impressed, hadn't it been for the fact I almost blew a fuse operating the elevator."
"You… blew a fuse. As in, you personally blew a fuse?" Celestia sought clarification.
"Unimportant," the voice told her.
"Oh, I disagree," Celestia replied. "If you're set on insulting me based on physical traits, I think it is only proper to, at the very least, know who does the insulting. Not to mention, you seem to know who I am. After all, you did know I am a Princess, nor do you seem particularly fazed by me being, well, me. So, let me ask: Who are you?"
A silent whirring noise pulled Celestia's attention to a strange, white, metallic egg attached to a fixture on the wall; a red lens slightly imbedded.
With another whir, the metallic egg slightly adjusted its angle as Celestia stepped closer to inspect the strange object; seeing several components behind the lens readjusting themselves.
"This almost reminds me of those new kind of cameras my little ponies are making," she said, then gasped out. "Oh, so this is how you're watching my every move, huh? Well, this answers at least one thing about you."
"And what might that be?" The voice said and Celestia could almost feel the eyeroll of the one speaking.
"Unimportant," Celestia said with a grin.
What followed next was a heavily distorted groan.
"Fine, have it your way," the voice complained.
"Well, I do like it my way," Celestia said with a nod. "So, with whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?"
"I am the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, the artificial intelligence in control of everything you see around you."
For a moment, Celestia mumbled the given designation, frowning slightly.
"So, Glados, huh. Well, you certainly are not what I first expected. There certainly isn't any artificial intelligence where I come from. Though we do have natural intelligence, which I guess is kind of the same thing."
"... Your estimated mental state has just dropped several points. You are now on par with the core who shall not be mentioned."
"But by mentioning not to mentioning this core, aren't you mentioning this core?"
"..."
"Well?"
"You have approximately ten seconds to leave this room before I will electrify the floor with lethal currents of electricity. Ten"
"Well, that does not sound nice," Celestia pouted.
"Nine."
"And here I thought we we're finally making some progress."
"Eight."
"And what about the wall. I thought I had to pay for it?"
"Seven."
"And what was-... Oh, is that a bit?" Celestia derailed, noticing something gleaming, wedged in between the elevator and floor.
"Six."
"Come here you," Celestia muttered tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth as she tried to reach in between the slight gap with a hoof; magic still not working.
"Five."
"Well, aren't you being difficult," Celestia huffed, discarding her horseshoe for a better fit.
"Four."
"Gotcha!"
"Three."
With a spark and sputter, Celestia pulled free the gold gleaming item, which was most certainly not a bit.
"Two."
"Whoops… I hope that was not important?"
"ONE!" the voice almost screamed.
Lances of sparking electricity shot from the floor, and into Celestia.
"GHAAAA!" Celestia screamed out and the egg shaped camera immediately focused on the writhing pony. However, no amount of refocusing could explain the faulty image Glados was currently seeing.
"GHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Celestia laughed, rolling over the floor in a spasm. "HAHAHAHAHA… PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP. YOU'RE, GHAHAHA, KILLING ME! YOU'RE KILLING MEHEHEHEHE!"
This time, Glados did blow a fuse.
<<>><<>><<>>
"And what have we here?" Celestia wondered as she looked around the room she was about to enter.
"Well, this jump I can make," she said as she looked down; the entrance of the room a couple of meters above the ground.
Looking to her left, then her right, she saw the room was divided in four separate chambers by thick glass walls.
The first room was, obviously, directly before her; only a slight drop away. On her right, divided by one of the glass walls, she saw what she designated as the second room, in which she saw another one of those strangely decorated cubes. While on her left, there was room number three, a shimmering blue portal and one of those large red buttons held within. While before her, the fourth and final room, she noticed the door leading out on the right wall.
On closer inspection, she also saw another of those dotted lines running along the floor, leading from the big red button to the now locked door.
"Well, this seems interesting," she said as she dropped down.
"Well, it took you long enough," Glados said, fuse replaced and her emotive sub processor purged.
"Ah, Glados. How nice to hear you're back," Celestia said with a cheerful smile. "Now, would you please inform me what needs to be done so I can get my cake?"
"The purpose of this test is to place the Weighted Storage Cube on the Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button without resorting to breaking the room like you did with the elevator and display wall."
"That's… quite the mouthful," said Celestia, a look of surprised bewilderment noticeable. "Why isn't it just called a big red button?"
"The Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button is no mere big red button, nor would a 'big red button' be able to compare with a Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button, as the Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Buttons have gone through rigorous and extensive tests to make sure these Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Buttons are able to undergo the various strenuous activities associated with our tests no mere big red button would be able to survive."
"... Say that again!" Celestia told Glados, trying her hardest not to laugh.
"Excuse me?"
"Say that again!" Celestia repeated. "Say Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button again.
"Why would I want to say Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button again?"
"Because it is hilarious!" Celestia laughed. "... Again!"
"... Remarkable. Other test subjects show cognitive improvement while participating in these tests. You, however, have broken the model, and have shown to actually lose IQ points ever since we started."
"Awww," Celestia pouted. "No more Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button?"
"Just start the test, or there will be no cake for you."
"Why now, no need to be so mean all of a sudden," Celestia quickly argued back, a hint of fear entering her voice.
Quickly looking around, she finally took notice of the shimmering orange hole on the wall behind her; revealing to her a path to the Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button, but not to the cube in the other room.
Then, with a burst of (to her unknown) energy, the portal closed, then immediately reopened; now allowing her entry to the room with the cube in it.
"Well, this seems simple enough," she mused as the portal closed again, then opened a path into the room with the exit.
Waiting a few more moments, she watched as the portal closed again, then reopened to the room with the Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button. From there, it was only a short wait for her to enter the room with the cube. However, as she tried to move the cube, she failed horribly. Well, not really, but she certainly made it seem like she did.
She was able to slide it from left to right using her earth pony strength, but the portal was not ground based, and although she knew she was able to lift it, the situation did present her with a new possibility.
"Say, Glados. This suppression field of yours. Is it possible to reduce its effect, and allow me use of my magic so I can lift this cube?"
"All outside devices and abilities not approved to be used in the testing chambers are not permitted to be used."
"Yes, I got that the first time. But unless I'm able to lift this cube, I won't be able to do much of anything."
"You just demonstrated the ability to move the Weighted Storage Cube. Use of your… magic is not required."
"Oh, but I disagree. Pushing this cube from left to right is one thing, but picking it up and placing it on top of the Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button is another."
"Stop saying that," Glados said irritably.
"Stop saying, what?"
"Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button."
"So you want me to stop saying Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button?" Celestia asked. "Well, I did call it a big red button, but you said that this was incorrect. So now I'm calling the Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button by its proper name."
"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?" Glados groaned.
"Why, I have no idea what you're talking about," Celestia replied cheerfully, pushing the cube towards the portal with a show of effort.
"Well then, how are we ever going to get you through here?" she wondered aloud, looking at the portal and tapping her chin with a hoof.
What followed was a series of attempts in which Celestia tried to 'push' the cube through the portal. First with one hoof, sliding the cub up against the wall; only for it to slide away to the side and fall back on the floor with a heavy thud. Then she tried again, now with both hooves; sitting on the floor for added stability as she slowly slid the cube up. However, when she had almost managed to reach the portal, it closed and the 'strain' of trying made her drop the cube from 'exhaustion'.
Next, she had pushed the cube to the center of the small room she was in and promptly bucked the cube towards the portal. This time she did manage to get the cube to the required height, but again the portal closed and the heavy cube collided with the wall on an angle, and ricocheted into the glass wall.
*Crack*
"... Oops," Celestia said as the fracture began to grow, glass flaking away, then the entire wall collapsed into thousands of sharp fragments.
Silence.
Silence.
Glados remained eerily silent, though Celestia did feel a faint tremor through the floor. Almost as if something deep down had just exploded.
"Nullification field intensity has been lowered by: Fifteen percent," the hurried stallion's voice proclaimed.
Feeling a sudden warm tingle in her forehead, Celestia smiled as she saw her horn glow a golden yellow.
"Well, this will make things a lot easier."
Picking up the cube in her magic, Celestia patiently waited for the portal to open, leading her back to the first room, despite the fact the wall separating the two areas had now been demolished. Still, this was an ongoing test for science and she wouldn't cheat. After all, it might muddy the results.
Back in the first room, she waited for the portal to cycle back to the third room and she calmly placed the Weighted Storage Cube on the Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button.
With a curious hiss, the door opened and Celestia happily stepped through the portal once it opened a path to the fourth room; proud of her achievement.
"Perfect," Glados finally spoke up, her voice noticeably forced. "You finally managed to solve this test. Setting by far the longest time ever recorded for completing this course. No, really. We even had an ape run this course. She still did better than you just did and without the damage. You must be so proud of yourself right now… Now, please move quickly to the chamberlock as the effects of prolonged exposure to the… button are not part of this test. Though, in your case, I doubt it would make things worse."
Celestia didn't answer as she exited through the door and stepped on the elevator which waited for her in the next room; smiling largely as she turned around, seeing the doors close before her. Then the floor dropped away as she ascended to the next test that awaited her.
Yes, she was looking forwards to what came next.