//------------------------------//
// Chapter 2: New Career and Origins 
// Story: Pearlwort, Unintentional Villain 
// by Halira 
//------------------------------//

My side was burning intensely as I approached town. A trip to the doctor seemed the expedient thing to do. I didn't want the wound to fester. Gaining any sort of permanent injury was something to be avoided. Thinking about it, I would need a strong drink to wash the taste of the undead’s flesh from my mouth.

The town was encased in a magic shield designed solely to keep the snow from entering the settlement. Special crystals were placed all along the pass heading back south and acted as the anchor points for it. Any snow that encountered the shield simply went poof. The town had a high wall and gate made of flat grey stone and a regular watch of guards patrolled the wall. Armed with crossbows and spy glasses, they tended to dispatch any threats from a distance.

As I approached the gate I was greeted by the watch calling down from the wall.

"You got back just in time Pearl! Pegasi are saying the storm is going to be coming down hard in the next few minutes," one of the guards called down. "We would miss seeing you if you went and got yourself trapped in snow. I would give you a good party though. And pretty sure the bidding for your house would be fierce.” 

It was assumed that sooner or later every inhabitant that went out into the wastes wouldn’t return. Space in the town was limited and every house was previously held by some other unfortunate soul that hadn't made it back. When they had been gone enough time a public auction for the house was done.

The longer you survived the better the house you could afford to bid for, and mine was quite nice. Though the situation that earned me mine was a bit different.

I don't have any regrets about its previous owner. She was a diamond dog who had a habit of 'asserting her dominance' over ponies. A pony would go out to scavenge and she would follow. When the pony returned they would have blood all over their private areas, looking haunted. Sometimes the ponies she followed didn't come back at all. No pony would speak up about what happened, and no one could prove anything happened to the ones that didn't come back. Scavengers didn't come back from the wastes all the time. One day she followed a pony that had fangs, and the dog didn't come back. When the bidding for her house went up, no pony had tried to bid against me for it, and the non-ponies didn't make any serious effort to either. I had returned to town with a bloody muzzle the day she disappeared, and the blood wasn't mine.

The Unicorn mare on the wall was named Pond Scum. What vindictive mother names her foal Pond Scum, and how does anyone expect a pony to turn out to be respectable with a name like that?

"You won't be earning enough bits to buy  my house if you keep yourself safe on guard duty all the time, Pond," I called back up to her. "The watch wages aren't that high, I am surprised you are as round as you are to tell the truth," I snarked with a grin, despite my physical discomfort.

"You are right about the wages, Pearl, but I have this fondness of living that keeps my accounts fairly low. As for my pleasant figure, I can only insist it is in my genes. I am not so destitute I don't have enough food, even if I can't have all the nice things you do. But food and drink and a roof over your head…what else does a pony need? I can tell you they need to be alive!"

"I for one need a trip to the doctor and something to take a rotten taste out of my mouth. I had to bite into something putrid," I yelled back. And continued with a taunt, "I mistook an undead for your flank and went for the kill to put you out of your misery. Not sure which would have tasted worse."

"Eww! Just eww! Don't remind me you eat meat! And you took a bite out of an undead? That is just…ugh I think I am going to be sick. You didn't have to tell me that!" The portly mare wailed. "And you better not think of trying to take a bite out of my flesh! Either type!"

I didn't have any interest in her 'other type of flesh', neither type really, but the subject of it made me uncomfortable. Anything even vaguely sexual made me feel that way. Guess that was my payback for trying to make another pony uncomfortable with talks of eating meat. I really needed to learn to stop setting myself up like that.

The gates stood open as there were no threats on the horizon. The Unicorns could shut them firmly at a moment’s notice, so they stayed open during daylight hours, most of the time. Beyond the gates was the town. The houses were an eclectic collection of shacks, freestanding wood houses with tile roofs, stone structures carved into the cliff side which could either be cave like, or more domicile like, stone buildings ranging from very crude to well-constructed buildings, and then there were stray tents put up around fires. Building materials were scarce and hard to come by, and the fact that there would inevitably be an auction for one of the nicer structures sometime over the course of the month, if not the week, dissuaded anyone from putting much effort in new housing. Why build something new when something nice, that was already standing, would be available soon enough?

While I wanted to get back home and relax, doing so would be delayed. A visit to a doctor was far more important. There was no telling what kind of infection might result from my wound. I had never dealt with an infection before, but I didn't want to start now.

Doctor Hot Sticks had his clinic close to the gate, so any injured travelers didn’t have to travel far upon returning to town. I didn't consider myself an urgent case, but was glad I didn't have to do much more walking. Even though the doctor himself made very little in bits, his clinic was one of the larger stone buildings in town. It’s many rooms made it the best building to use for the town’s hospital, especially if long term care was required which was often. The townsfolk considered having a mini hospital available important enough that they made sure that he had the second largest building after the town center.

Hot Sticks had an open-door policy, so I didn’t bother knocking when I got there. The pony in question was sitting at a desk in the first room looking over some books, while smoking a pipe. He was a coppery brown Unicorn with a dull yellow mane and cutie mark of a lit match. He didn't immediately look up as I entered as he was thoroughly engrossed in whatever it was he was reading.

"I know you have to have some patients in here somewhere doc. That stinky thing you have in your muzzle can't be sanitary," I chided him to get his attention. "I was feeling fairly ill myself before I walked in, not counting being banged up, and then I walked into that smell."

"If some pony or anyone else had a breathing problem I would take care not to have this lit," he said with a raised eyebrow. "But since most of you either give yourselves frostbite or get yourself 'banged up' as you put it, I think I’ll keep it." He made no effort to put out his pipe but did get up from his desk.

I scrunched up my muzzle in mock disgust, well, partially mock anyway, and walked over to him.

"I had a run in with one of our northern neighbors. We had a bit of an argument, it wanted to rip me to shreds and I took that personally. It did get a good blow on me though, and I just wanted to make sure it would be alright and whether you had some pain relievers....and maybe some mouthwash while you are at it."

"Mouthwash huh?" He gave me a flat look, and then leaned in to examine my side, with the pipe still in his mouth. I gave the smoke a wary look, reached out with my magic, and started pushing it away, not actually sure if it would really work with whatever he was burning. It did indeed work, and after pushing it away I decided to test out what else I could do with it, and attempted to shape it.

"You'll be fine," he said as he looked up from his examination. "I'll give you some pain killers, but as long as you keep it clean it shouldn't be an issue." I had now created a little miniature doctor Hot Sticks out of his smoke that mimicked his motions and mouthed along with him as he spoke. He glanced up at the little smoke creation then back at me. "You’re clearly not that bad off if you can do that. Though I admit it is a nice likeness."

He levitated his pipe out of his muzzle and extinguished it, and then blew my little effigy of him away. I pouted when he did. I don't try to do things like that too often, and I felt sad that my little work was dispatched like that. I don't go messing with whatever he does with his fancy Unicorn magic, now do I? I can't do much Thestral magic, give me my fun.

"I would recommend that you not do any more work out in the wastes until fully healed," he commented. "Physical strain will cause it to heal slower, and aggravate the wound."

"No need to worry, Doc, I have enough to sell when the traders get here in a few weeks to be set for a few months," I said proudly. "I planned on taking it a bit easy until then as it is, and only going back out again after I have sold off what I’ve gathered."

Between today's haul, and what I already had, I could possibly be good for the remainder of the year, as well as into next if I was frugal enough. It was certainly a productive few months for me and I likely could have gone without my most recent venture out, but I feel a need to keep active. Even when I didn’t really need to be.

Hot Sticks was quiet for a moment, and seemed to be thinking about something, or maybe concentrating on something, though I saw no glow from his horn. After a few moments he looked at me again.

"If you wouldn't mind too much I would be interested in employing you for a while. I can pay you," he said.

"What kind of services do you need?"  I asked, caught by surprise at the offer.

"Nothing too extreme," Hot Sticks replied back as he sat down and looked through some papers. "It would be helpful to have another hoof to watch over patients here. There has been an uptick in illnesses lately. And I have heard word that you have a resistance to illness which is invaluable, as any pony else that I might have helping me could end up becoming a patient as well if they catch whatever strain of illness they happen to be treating. It is the bane of any help that I might get typically. If you aren't going to be out there in the ice and snow, I thought you might want some extra pay on the side."

"You can afford to pay somepony? I didn't think you really made many bits..."

I was a bit skeptical that the doctor had much in terms of money. He had to pay for food, medical supplies, medical texts, and whatever luxuries he had for himself. And while he had a steady income from the various sick and injured of the community, the prices were relatively low, low enough that I couldn't imagine much leftover for his own personal use after taking care of resupplying his cupboard. Let alone pay an employee.

"I have a fair amount of personal wealth," he smirked as he spoke. "Part of why I charge so little for my services is that I don't actually need the payments." His explanation was a bit of a surprise, and it brought up more questions. "I didn't come here because I had nowhere else to go. I could have set up quite well just about anywhere, and not had to worry about much in terms of needs."

"So why are you here?" I asked. "And what did you do to earn your own personal fortune? Are you avoiding greedy relatives or something?" It was a joke about the relatives, but only partially. I really was curious how he came to be wealthy if what he claimed was true. 

His face fell a little bit and he took some time to consider his answer. 

"I served as an acolyte for several years, and acolytes do fairly well for themselves in terms of amassing bits." He looked off to a door on the side of the room. Perhaps a private shrine to whatever Alicorn he served? "Unfortunately, it got to the point where I felt the need to retire from my position, as it wasn't lining up with what I wanted to do. I am a healer first and foremost, and sadly acolytes tend to be more politicians and go betweens for others and our Alicorns. There is rarely a break from such duties."

Acolyte? This Unicorn was an acolyte? I had seen some of them in passing, years before in Hallow Shades when Starlight Glimmer had visited the village. They had kept close to her, and seemed to do most of the talking to the elders of the town---much to the consternation of said elders, who wanted to speak with the Alicorn herself. Alicorns typically didn't do much direct talking to ponies, and I am still in wonder to this day that she took the time to talk to me during her visit. 

It didn't lessen my troubles of the time, in fact her meeting me made them escalate to the point I no longer could remain in Hollow Shades, or around my own kind. But I held no resentment towards her for that outcome. If I resented anyone I resented my fellow Thestrals for being the bigots that they are, and all but driving me out. Bastards could all go to Tartarus for all I cared.

"Acolyte to what Alicorn?" I asked with a small hope that it was Starlight Glimmer, though that it was highly unlikely. There were lots of Alicorns, and I didn't know what most of them were named or what they represented. And there were many lesser Alicorns that didn't really represent anything, and just wandered around like normal ponies, super magically immortal ponies, but normal enough. The only Alicorns I knew the name for were Starlight Glimmer, Paleo, Luna, and of course the Twilight Princess herself; and I knew that was but a small portion of the total. 

Actually, that isn't true as I knew the name of Applejack, by the sheer number of ponies with apple in their name that claimed they were special and descended from her. I had no idea what Applejack was the Alicorn of though.

"Meadowbrook," he said with some pride. The name didn't ring any bells, and the blank expression on my face must have conveyed that to Hot Sticks, as he grimaced and then gave further explanation. "Meadowbrook is the Alicorn of medicine and healing; when I went to serve under her I had big visions in my head of becoming a great doctor and healer myself. It was an opportunity to learn from the ultimate authority on all things related to my craft. I did indeed learn a great deal from her, but the politicking made me weary, and I eventually retired from the position with a very healthy pension, and no hard feelings from Meadowbrook."

"If you are so well off and respectable then why did you choose to come here? There had to be many places you could have settled that needed doctors that are a lot more pleasant than this Tartarus cursed place."

I had come here to get away from everypony and everything in the south and didn't have any dark history either. But I was an outcast among my own kind, and since I was still a Thestral, I was also largely an outcast among common ponies as well. I suppose I could have gone off to one of the areas less populated by ponies in general, but they tended to be built for their respective species in mind, which caused a lot of little problems you would never think of before coming to them.

"When retiring I discovered that just because I was no longer in service of my Alicorn, I wasn't free of all the damn political crap," he said with some venom. "I was constantly harassed by nobles, acolytes, and common ponies who all thought I had some way of getting a good word into Meadowbrook, or her remaining acolytes, on their behalf. I finally got so sick of it I just packed up, and went somewhere I figured they would just leave me alone."

He was quiet for a moment before looking at me with both eyebrows raised.

"So, are you interested in working for me? I can teach you a bit of the trade, and pay well enough. It is certainly safer than going out into the wastes on a regular basis," he extended a hoof to me with the offer.

Well, there were far worse jobs, and steady pay without having to worry about some monster eating me alive, or getting lost out in the snow.

It really wasn’t a difficult decision to make. I extended out my hoof and locked it around his.

"I'm in."


***



I returned to Hot Sticks house the next day, letting myself in as was the normal for coming to his dwelling. He was not present in the immediate living room-lobby of his house. The area was well lit with candles. Most houses kept candles going even during the day because the entire settlement was in a bit of a perpetual shadow of the cliff faces. It was much like my childhood home in Hallow Shades in that respect; and despite my difficulties with the citizens of my birthplace the constant shade, and regular candlelight during the day gave me a somehow comforting sense of home.

I was debating between calling out to the doctor, or simply waiting and making myself at home; when I picked up sounds of movement, and mild cursing, from one of the adjoining rooms. My curiosity sparked, I decided to go investigate, assuming it was Hot Sticks, and the cursing indicated he might need help with something. I was here to learn, and help, so might as well take initiative; and not sit around when I might be needed.

Letting myself through the plain wooden door of the room. I came into a less brightly lit room, with a few unoccupied beds. One of these beds likely should have been occupied; as a well bandaged, brown, earth pony stallion, with a very eye piercing green mane was on the floor. He lay next to one of the beds, with two of his legs in casts, and a rope tangled around one of them. The rope in turn was attached to some sort of pole hanging above the bed, which in turn was attached firmly to the wall. I think I might have recognized him, so he was almost certainly no newcomer to the village, but I didn't get too social with that many others in town. I only knew those I had to have regular dealings with; such as shopkeepers I frequented often, the guards at the wall, the town officials, and of course Hot Sticks. The unbound cast was on one of his hind legs, and the roped cast was on the corresponding foreleg. With casts on both legs on one side it was very evident that this stallion should still be in his bed. He wouldn't be walking with any ease any time soon. What needed to be done seemed obvious enough. Just get the patient back in bed.

Coming over to him, I noticed he had knocked over a porcelain something or other, as it had bits and shards of it all around the surrounding floor. He hadn't taken notice of me as he was very focused on his current situation.

"I think you need to get back in bed," I spoke, which prompted him to do a bit of a startled jump, confirming he had indeed not taken note of me. "With two busted legs you need to just rest and heal. Let me help you get back in bed."

He looked at me with dark brown eyes and grimaced. "What's ya know? It is the bitch killer. I say I am perfectly fine to walk. I can't afford to just stay huddled up in bed. A little pain ain't never killed no pony."

I had heard the name he used for me whispered about in the tavern when I visited there. It wasn't an insult, just a reference to my most infamous deed--at least most infamous in this town. 

"I have no idea what you are talking about with that name. It was just a coincidence she happened to not come back that day. Townsfolk don't come back from scavenging trips all the time," I denied, but I don't know why I bothered to deny what I had done. It was obvious to every citizen of the town what had gone down. Maybe it was just some part of me that didn't want to admit murdering, even in self-defense, of another intelligent creature. Squirrels, birds, and random monsters were one thing, but something felt monstrous about killing something that could think, and speak, as easily as you could. "And get back in bed. I am sure Hot Sticks wouldn't be keeping you here as a house guest if he felt you should be walking around." The logic seemed sound enough to me.

He struggled again to rise and failed.... miserably. He looked rather pathetic like this. "Hot Sticks is not the boss of me. And he isn't here to stop me from getting out either. I am thankful for him patching me up, but I can take care of myself from here on out."

I rolled my eyes. Some ponies just didn't know common sense. "I am starting to work for the doctor today. I am not fully clear on everything I should be doing yet, but I am fairly sure he would have me insist on you getting back in bed," I did my most firm voice I could manage, hoping it would lend some credibility as the doctor's assistant. What do you call a doctor's assistant? Did that make me a nurse? I could like that, Nurse Pearlwort. I was getting such nicer titles since moving to this town. First 'bitch killer', and now 'nurse'. A far cry better than my old ones; 'it', 'freak', 'abomination'---and those were the nicer ones. If I never met another of my kind again then I might die happy.

He scoffed at me. Then right back to trying to untangle himself from the rope. I heard him gasp in pain a few times. I just sat there as he tried. He clearly wasn't getting anywhere with his attempts. He would give this up sooner or later. I just hoped he didn't hurt himself further; leaving me to explain to my new employer how he had hurt himself more with me watching.

His struggles finally ended. He turned and looked at me, an irritable glare, and asked, "Are you just going to sit there and watch? Or ya go'in to help."

"I will help you back to bed," I offered.

"Ya'll help me get out of this place. Dirty meat eater." He snarled. Bad move, don't insult the pony trying to help you.

I decided the most diplomatic course of action at this point was to push home the full implications of his comment. I opened my muzzle and showed my fangs. Giving him the most menacing look I could muster. I really didn't like the prejudice that Thestrals were bloodthirsty monsters. It was a prejudice that got me scorned from the company of most ponies. However, if it got him to do what I needed it would have to do. If he called my bluff I was fresh out of ideas. Intimidation was my last card to play before simply running to go get Hot Sticks.

Fortunately he seemed to buy into common pony beliefs about Thestrals. At least his cringe back indicated as much. He paled a bit, and gave my fangs a very fearful gaze. 

"No need for all that," he whined, "I suppose there being no harm in me being in bed a wee bit longer. If I can't get myself untangled from this here rope then I don't rightly deserve to be out of bed now do I?"

He struggled to get himself untangled from the rope, and failed again. And then simply tried to get himself back in bed. The tangle with the rope made that impossible. After watching his pathetic failures, I dropped the menacing look, then went to help untangle him. After getting him untangled from the roped I lifted him up on my back, and then hefted him back into the bed. He was silent for the most part, a few grunts of discomfort, and a final silently said word of thanks when he was in the bed. My patient back where he belonged, I decided there was no more reason to remain in the room. I exited out of the room, and shut the door behind me. Sitting right outside the door was Hot Sticks.

"I apologize for leaving you alone with our guest," he rose to his hooves as he spoke. "I must have come up front almost as soon as you went in to check on him." 

He walked over to his desk and pulled out his pipe, along with a pouch, from one of the top drawers. He knocked the pipe upside down against a bowl for a moment and then began stuffing it with whatever he had in the pouch. 

"I decided not to intrude," he continued. "How you handle a patient on your own was something worth knowing."

I paled at this a bit. My bedside manner in there couldn't have been considered the best. Threatening a patient with becoming a meal didn't scream 'good medical practices. At least not to me. Maybe I was about to be dismissed from my position before formally starting it. Way to go Pearl, you know how to screw things up for yourself. I didn't say anything in return. Instead waiting for him to continue.

He pulled out a second pipe from the desk, along with a separate pouch. He then began packing this second pipe with something clearly different than what he packed the first pipe with. A curious action, but not something that I was particularly concerned about compared to the certain scolding that was coming.

"Sit," he said, motioning to a couch off to a set of couches off in one corner of the room. "We will have a bit of a chat about how you handled Granite Bottom, and we will talk about some other things as well." 

I moved quickly to one of the couches. Hoping that my immediate action would somehow indicate I could follow instructions. Losing this position was not something that I really wanted to do. I wanted a safer job as well as real training in a profession.

He came and sat down opposite me. Bringing with him both pipes in his magic. He sat down and lit the second pipe he had packed and took a long draw. He then passed the pipe with me with his magic. Was this some weird punishment method that doctors used on their apprentices? Made me wonder how often he had to have been punished with it to do it freely himself.

"Take a draw of this," he said as the pipe came in front of me. "It is a special herb that will calm you somewhat. I can tell you are tense, and I would rather have you not go batty on me due to nerves."

Not a punishment then. Though the stuff certainly had an all too sweet smell. There was no real desire to do any puffing of anything from a pipe. However, I wasn't going to argue with him. I trusted that if he said all it would do would calm my nerves, then that was all it was for. So I gripped the thing with my hooves and put my mouth up to the mouthpiece taking a draw. Then I let out a great deal of hacking. Yuck! That stuff was horrible! I briefly wondered if I was mistaken, and he was trying to poison me with his foul smoke.

He chuckled at my expense. 

"I am sorry. The first few draws of something like that can be rather harsh if you aren't used to it." And as if reading my mind he continued with, "And it really is just to calm your nerves. Let me say upfront you aren't in any danger of losing your job." I gave him a sulky glare. He could have said that to calm me instead of having me puff on his disgusting burning herb.

"Plus I admit I miss sitting down and having a smoke with a colleague," he confessed. 

So, you attempt to corrupt your apprentices into smoking? You hedonistic bastard of a unicorn. Still, I was potentially in trouble, and wanting to please. I made another attempt at a puff at this bit of news. I managed not to start hacking this time around. It was still dreadful, but a more bearable this time around.

He lit up his own pipe now, which had a distinctly different smell to it. Apparently not simply some calming drug I guessed. After blowing out some smoke he continued again when I still hadn't said anything. 

"I am not mad about how you handled the situation. You are not properly trained yet. And there was no harm done. However, I would advise that you not threaten a patient again. Granite was suffering from some simple broken bones and fractures, but if you tried pulling that kind of thing on a pony with a heart condition, or any pony suffering from some sort of post-traumatic stress, you could give them a heart attack. And though it is extremely rare for there to be foals in this town, I would hate to have any foal afraid of being at the doctor because they are afraid the nurse might eat them!"

"Yes sir." It was all the reply I could come up with to this. I took another draw from the pipe and blew out some of the smoke. I hoped it did have whatever calming properties he said it had.

"Now, I would like to move the conversation to something different. I have told you a little bit about myself, but about you I know only second hoof information. I am curious to learn a bit more about you." His tone was casual. With no hint of anger. "Tell me about how you came to this Tartarus-damned place. Tell me about how you got your cutie mark. Let me get to know a bit more about you."

That elicited another draw from the pipe from me. Most townsfolk didn't like talking about their pasts, and I was no different. Who honestly wanted to tell how they had been driven to desperation to come somewhere their life was always on the line? There were things in my past that I didn't discuss with any pony. I could perhaps tell him some. My cutie mark tale wasn't anything spectacular. I could tell a little bit about my childhood and moving from place to place after I reached marehood. Plenty I could discuss without touching on more uncomfortable subjects.

"I will tell you doctor, but what I say stays between us. I don't want any of this to spread around. And if I don't want to talk about something you don't push me on it. Alright?" Completely fair compromise.

"I'll not promise not to ask questions, but I won't push if you say you aren't willing to discuss something. I understand that most in this town have some sort of unpleasant history. I have heard some rather bone chilling stories from others about what they have done. I won't judge you too harshly. I get a sense you are a generally good mare."

"That's all I can ask." And with that I began telling him how I came to be at Starlight's Folly.  

"I never knew who my father was, and I never learned his name. My mother and my aunt were in the Lunar Guard and on deployment to one of the southern outposts during one of the Klugian insurrections. My mother's name was Night Flower and my aunt's name was Night Blossom. They were twins and very close to one another."

"To be expected of twins," Hot Sticks commented.

I nodded. "One day on routine patrol, my mother felt it: her sister had died. She didn't have to be told by anypony what had happened. She just knew. She almost plummeted out of the sky from the shock of it, but managed to complete her patrol regardless. But when she returned to her outpost what she had felt was confirmed. Night Blossom had been killed by Klugian rebels in an ambush."

"I assume this was a turning point for her life?" Hot Sticks asked.

I nodded again. "She was put on temporary leave. She couldn't return home right away, as the region was far too hostile for travel at the time. She instead went to a local tavern to drown her sorrows. There she ran into a Pegasus stallion of a separate guard unit. She never learned his name, and she didn’t see him again after that. But she had a one-night stand with the stallion, and became pregnant with me."

"I am not familiar with many Thestrals, but I am told they are very tribal-oriented. Is that true?" he asked.

“Yes,” I sighed. “The worst of the worst. I am a Thestral, there is no question of that, but I am not pure blood because my mother had gone and screwed a Pegasus. So, we both had a stigma attached to us.”

"Pure blood lines in tribes is a completely garbage concept. There are no pure-blooded ponies. Every pony has ancestry in all the other tribes at some point or another in their history," he seemed as disgusted with the tribalism of Thestrals as I was.

"I am glad that I was born a Thestral instead of a Pegasus. I don't think my mother would have been allowed to live in Hallow Shades, or any other Thestral community for that matter, if I hadn’t been. And being a Thestral herself, she wasn't likely to find much in most pony communities. As it was, when not on active duty as a guard she tended to be left with the least desirable jobs in town: trash collection, street sweeping, whatever odd job that could be done. When I was small she couldn't go out on guard tours. There was no pony to watch me but her." I still felt the heavy sting of guilt at my mother's hardships.

“As for how I got my cutie mark story: I was picked on mercilessly by the fillies and colts of the town. One day, after I took a pretty fair beating, I went home a bloody mess, and Mother just came up to me and wrapped her wing around me to soothe me. She told me about how she had come to name me Pearlwort. She said that when she found out that she was pregnant with a foal of a Pegasus she feared for the future, there would be no place for her. She didn't know how she would survive. Well, her doctor, seeing how worried she was, told her about pearlwort. About how they are resilient,can survive just about anywhere, and about how my mother and I would survive too. My mother kept some growing outside our house after that. Most ponies considered them weeds, but to her they were special. I went outside, saw them blooming, and I knew I would survive no matter what hardship I faced. Then my cutie mark appeared: a simple pearlwort bloom."

"It seems strange to me that fillies and colts would be so hostile to you," Hot Sticks mused. "The adults I can see as being highly tribalistic, but the young are typically much more accepting."

My ears fell, and I took a draw from the drugged pipe to attempt to soothe my anxiety concerning the subject. I sat in silence trying to consider if this subject could be avoided.

"There is clearly something more from your reaction. Do you wish to speak about it?" Hot Sticks asked in a sympathetic tone.

Gratitude flooded me. He was respecting my privacy on uncomfortable subjects, but it still didn't help me decide whether I would tell him or not. Despite that, it did make me feel a sense of trust in a pony I hadn't had in years.

I continued to sit silently, considering my options. He was a doctor. Not just any doctor, a doctor who was at one point an acolyte of an Alicorn. Starlight Glimmer had no harsh judgement of me. Did that kindness extend to the other Alicorns, and by extension, their acolytes? I really didn't want to have him disgusted by me. But I also longed for the ability to be open to some pony else. I wanted to have that companionship, where I could feel safe from judgement. Only with my mother and Starlight Glimmer had I ever felt that.

"If it really is something you don't feel comfortable telling me, I won't pressure you. I will tell you that anything you tell me will be confidential though. I am a healer first and foremost, and hurts to the soul are just as much my concern as hurts to the body."

I looked up to meet his gaze. Maybe I could take a chance and trust him. But I would have to work myself up to it. I took yet another draw of the pipe, watching the smoke as I shaped it into a star with a wisp of magic.

He looked at the design I had shaped then back at me. "Starlight Glimmer's mark?" That was something he didn't have to be an acolyte to know in this town. Her mark was clear to see on the outside of her shrine.

I nodded. "I will get to her. And I will talk to you about why every pony was far crueler than what simple tribalism would cause, but let me get to it at my own pace."

“Fair enough,” he agreed.

"When I was sixteen the call to arms for the Lunar Guard went out again. Yet another Klugian rebellion, the largest that had happened yet."

"I remember that one well. So many dead or wounded. I was able to operate primarily as a doctor, rather than a cog in the royal machine. It was so bad the Alicorns all went out personally to either fight, or treat the wounded. If they hadn’t we would have a nation of slavers on our southern border now. I still have nightmares about all the dead."

Tears welled up in my eyes. I had nightmares about the dead from that war as well, but I never saw the rows of dead ponies that would never return home to their families. There was only one dead pony I saw, and I only saw them in my dreams.

Trying to speak through the urge to sob I continued, "My mother was itching to go fight. She wanted a chance to take vengeance for Aunt Blossom. I was sixteen, I wasn't old enough to enlist, but I was old enough to fend for myself for a few months. We had food stored, I was not an incompetent hunter if the need arose, and I could do the same dirty jobs my mother was often doing. I sometimes wonder if part of the reason she was so eager to get back to fighting was to do something of dignity again..."

"There is no dignity in killing. There is necessity but never dignity. Killing another fully reasoning creature in violent bloodshed is nothing but a tragedy," his tone left no room for argument.

I wonder what he would think of me killing that bitch. It was needed, but did he feel that way? He must know about it, every pony in town who isn’t a newcomer knew about it. I took in more of his drug. I was crying openly now, and it took a moment before I could speak.

"Messengers came by the score to tell ponies that friends and families would not be coming home. There were so many. I knew in my heart, without being told, one would be seeking me out to tell me that she was gone. I was busy sweeping the street when they arrived… I ran into an alleyway to hide and just sobbed."

Hot Sticks got up from the couch he was sitting on, and came over to me. He embraced me. It was a rare gesture for some pony to do for me. One that I had only experienced from two ponies in my life. I didn't fight the embrace, I just sobbed into his shoulder. He kept holding me for several moments while I let the old hurt flow out.

I kept crying, but after a few moments the sobs relented. I didn't want him to stop hugging me. It was so nice to be hugged, especially after so long. But I wouldn't be able to bring myself to focus if he stayed that way. I would be too caught up in savoring the rare comfort. I finally pulled back, and motioned to him that I was alright for the moment, though the still fresh tears in my eyes might have told a different story.

I pulled the drug in deep and let it out in a long breath, seeking calm.

"I don't know how long I sat in that alleyway sobbing when I felt someone embrace me. I looked down and saw a great purple wing wrapped around me. Looking up, I beheld her, an Alicorn."

"Starlight Glimmer?" He asked.

"Yes, though I didn't know her name yet. She pulled me closer to her and I just resumed my sobbing, with my muzzle planted firmly in her fur. She said nothing to me, just let me cry."

I changed the shape of the smoke again. I shifted it to the vague shape of an Alicorn standing before another vague pony shape.

"When I had finally ran out of energy to sob she held me out in front of her, and looked at me. I could feel that she was more powerful than I could imagine, and yet there were tears in her eyes. This goddess had wept for me and my mother.

“She told me to tell her about my life, my mother, and my fears. I do not know if she magically compelled me to do so, I just let it all out; the harsh treatment both my mother and I received, how my mother came to have me, all the insults that had been thrown at me, all my misery.

Her ears dropped, and she embraced me again. Then something happened that would change my life. She asked me what she could do for me."

Hot Sticks spoke up. "Was it she who granted you extreme resilience?"

"No. That part is all me and my cutie mark," I shook my head. "No, I had something far more selfish to ask. I have no idea why, above all things, I felt the need to ask for what I did. I was there sobbing over my mother, and I asked for something I had longed for as long as I could remember."

I didn't continue right away. Instead adding more to the smoke that hovered in the room and shaping it yet again. Hot Sticks sat silently as I worked my magic. I finally shaped it into that of a younger stallion. Looking up at my work for a silent moment, I braced myself for revealing what was next.

Unable to hold back tears, I spoke in a sob, "I asked her to make me a...a mare..."

Hot Sticks had a confused look on his face. 

"You asked her to age you a few years?" His voice clearly indicated he wasn't getting what I had said.

"No," was all the response I gave. But I did look up again to my creation.

His eyes followed, and after a moment, realization dawned on his face. 

"You were born male." There was no harshness in his statement.

Some primal need to defend myself welled up in me.

"No, I was born with a male body. I knew I was female. I always insisted on the fact to every pony. It is why my classmates were so mean to me. I was asked what she could do for me, and I selfishly asked that she make me what I always knew I was."

"As far as I can tell, it is safe to assume she did as you asked," Hot Sticks still had no accusation in his voice, no cruelty in his tone, and I was grateful. Perhaps he wouldn't judge me.

"She was a little shocked at my request. She asked if I was sure. When I told her I was more sure than at any point in my life, she just told me that this would come with its own challenges. It wouldn't fix my life. I stood by my request. If she didn't do this for me then I would never have that aspect of me fixed."

Hot Sticks interjected, “Technically a top-level Unicorn can manage such spells as well. It is extremely costly, but it can be done. I have seen it done before."

Him being familiar with others like me, and having seen the same thing done to them gave me comfort. It wasn't something strange and unfamiliar to him. It gave me hope he would greet me no differently for knowing.

I reshaped my little stallion avatar to that of a mare. 

"I might never have had that opportunity. Maybe there were better things to have asked for, and then hope for that opportunity to come down the line. I wasn't going to wait though. When she saw I was steadfast in my request she wrapped me in her magic. She tried the spell once and it failed. She was shocked and caught off guard by this. She took a long gaze at my cutie mark, studying it. She then did another spell, without warning, that did something I doubt any pony could have expected. She separated my cutie mark right off my flanks. I looked up at her in shock, and she, without much pause, went and did her original spell again. She smirked like she had just figured out a puzzle, and then reattached my cutie mark to my now feminine flanks."

"Your cutie mark thwarted her spell?" Hot Sticks seemed incredulous. "Your cutie mark was able to block the spell of an Alicorn?"

"Apparently so," I nodded. "I looked my new body over and wrapped myself in a hug, before darting over to her and embracing her. She returned my embrace and told me I had a special cutie mark, and that whatever came she was sure I would find a way to thrive. Her acolytes then called her away, leaving me sitting in that dark alley. It was the last I ever saw of her. I have considered her my patron Alicorn since then."

"Starlight Glimmer is known for having deep insight into cutie marks. If she says you would do well, then there is no reason not to believe her," Hot Sticks took a draw from his pipe and released it slowly after speaking.

It was a blessing to finally talk to another pony about this, and be accepted. The rest of the story after was not pleasant, but the hard part of it was told and nothing bad had come of it. I still needed to finish though.

"I didn't thrive after that though. Thestrals, as a tribe, are very...committed...to having a certain order to the world. Me being a mare, when I had appeared to them a stallion before, didn't sit well with any of them. They became more violent than before. They wouldn't let me do any work for any of them. They wouldn't let me into their shops. They wrote horrible things on the side of my house. They told me I was a weed and that weeds needed to be ripped up.

“I fled Hallow Shades. I tried moving into other Thestral settlements, but word gets around among Thestrals quickly. I was not welcome in any of them.

“I tried moving into villages with other types of ponies. That is when I learned that most ponies considered Thestrals just one hoof up from being monsters. I tried desperately to blend in. I would trim the tufts on my ears, wear a smock over my wings to hide the fact they were webbed, try to keep my fangs hidden with a variety of methods. Nothing worked. Ponies always figured it out. And if they didn't avoid me they would still simply refuse to do business with me.

“I tried enlisting. But Thestrals are regulated exclusively to the Lunar Guard. Attempts at enlistment just put me back in contact with my fellow Thestrals again. And they knew who I was and would not have me. There seemed to be no place for me.

“I wandered the countryside for some time. I lived on a diet of grass and small animals. One night, I came upon a batch of merchants who had stopped to make camp. I hovered near the edges of the camp, and overheard them talking about the town of Starlight's Folly. I was at a very low point. I was near suicidal to be honest. But the town's name struck a chord for me. It was like a description of me. So I took off north to find it. Ponies here didn't care that I was a Thestral, at least not enough to refuse me work or shelter. I had finally found a home. And that is all there is to say about me."

Hot Sticks got up again and came and sat on the same couch with me. He wrapped a foreleg around me and embraced me. I wrapped my wings and foreleg around him in turn and gave him a tight hug. 

Sitting back, he said, "I take it you don’t have any harsh views of Starlight Glimmer?"

"No, I don't," I giggled for some reason. "I might not have a perfect life. But my life right now is better than it would have ever been back in Hallow Shades. This place might be one hoof up from Tartarus, but I think I would have preferred Tartarus to my life before. I know some ponies had it worse, but it was still miserable."

Our friendly talk was interrupted when the mayor came in suddenly, followed by several other ponies. The other ponies all looked very pale, and several had bits of fur missing.

“Doctor, I think we might have an epidemic."