//------------------------------// // 3 - Obligatory First Fight Scene // Story: Writer's Block // by Doctor Disco //------------------------------// “...one last bottle... of pop on the wall... one last bottle of pop… take it down… pass it around… no more bottles… of pop on the wall…” Exhausted, I found myself leaning against a tree for support. As I collected my breath and what sanity I had left, I grinned lightly, wiping my forehead with my hoof. “Phew! That’s the first time ever that I’ve actually completed that song,” I remark, beginning to chuckle. “That’s an accomplishment, if I’ve ever seen one.” (Celestia… spare me…) I sighed. “Hey now, it wasn’t that bad. I’m sure over a half an hour of singing the same line with little variation is entertaining when you’re with a group.” (Do we look like a group? Huh? Two souls or whatever in one body? This is not a group. This is a dictatorship.) I frowned with an incredulous look. “Okay, I know I’m cringey and annoying, but calling me a dictator makes no sense.” (It does, when you take into consideration that you’ve taken over my body and have full control, while I’m back here only able to think to communicate.) I blinked. “It can’t be that bad.” (Try thinking of… being trapped in a tight space, unable to move, breathe, or speak, yet you’re somehow still alive.) I winced as the vivid feeling came to mind. Was it just me, or did I pull the experience from Daring Do herself? (Exactly. It isn’t pleasant. Also, if we ever get separated and I become me again, I’m getting you back for that. It was the most mind-numbing experience I’ve had, and that’s saying a lot because I’ve had to listen to Ahuizotl and Caballeron monologue about a zillion times.) I chuckle at the implication and mention of specific names before I squint my eyes. “Who’s Ahuizotl and Caballeron?” (They’re a couple of idiots hell-bent on making my life as convoluted, ridiculous, and utterly insane as possible. Basically, they get in my way and buck stuff up.) I furrow my brows before continuing through the forest. “And you continue to let them do that?” (I don’t let them. They just randomly appear. Seriously. I’ve tried several times to get them detained, and I’ve been successful, but one way or another, they break out and find their way back to bother me.) Scrunching my face and feeling weird seeing my new muzzle follow the action, I cock an eyebrow. “So doesn’t that get annoying?” In response, I could almost sense a shrugging feeling from horse sharing the same mind as me. (Yeah, but you tend to go through the motions after enough times. Plus, they’ve been rated as two the top ten fictional story villains in all of Equestria.) That didn’t sound like a place I knew on Earth. Come to think of it, this entire situation didn’t make any sense at all, yet here I was. Then again, I’ve already been thinking of how I ended up here in the first place… but a horse of all things? (Hey! I’m not a horse, I’m a pony! Don’t think I’ll let you get away with that one.) “What.” (You heard me.) I stopped in place. “Okay, first of all, I had no idea you called yourself a ‘pony’, and that the term ‘horse’ is offensive. Second of all, what or where the heck is ‘Equestria’?” I could sense the surprise and confusion coming from her. Looking around, I took my hat off and sat down rubbing my head as I could feel a mental migraine coming along. (What… what do you mean ‘what is Equestria’? You don’t know where you are? Equestria is our country! My home! Proud to be Equestrian! Ruled by Princess Celestia and Luna, guarded by forces of good, and explored by ponies like myself! How could you not know what or where Equestria is?) I groaned, shaking my head. “I just got here, Daring Do. I still have no idea where here is, much less why. Give me a break-!” I could sense my ears swivel hard before Daring Do shouted in my mind to be quiet. With wide eyes, my ears began to flick from side to side, searching for the sound that had caused me and Daring Do to go alert. With squinted eyes, I put her pith helmet on with a little difficulty before using my whole head and body to look around. (You heard that, right?) I nodded, widening one eye to scrutinize my surroundings. A snap. A rustle. A breeze. I know someone’s there. Glancing to my left, to my right, and finally closing my eyes, I breathed. I planted my front hooves into the ground, the movements feeling fluid and natural before- THWUMP! The momentum of the person that I had hit caused me to fall forward onto my backside, winding me a little. I could hear them crash into the bushes as I blinked in surprise. What had I just done with my legs? (That, what you just did, was a buck. Not bad, but not the best. You did it on instinct. Pretty good, I must say, for a first time. Now, get up!) I didn’t need to be told twice. Groaning, I rolled over onto my front and used my arms- no, sorry, my forelegs to prop myself up. At that point, I fully extended myself onto my hind legs before realising something important. “Oh yeah, I’m a four-legged creature now.” I wobbled before yelping and planting my forehooves forward, thudding my legs against the forest floor. I winced as the vibrations rocked up my bones and into my core, making me cringe. Brushing some dirt from my shirt and slightly compromising my balance in the act, I cracked my neck. (Ow-oh! That hurt! But it also feels good!) “You’ve never tried popping your neck before?” I asked as I turned around to face my attacker, who I could see was groaning and starting to pick themself back up. (No! The thought of doing that seems stupid.) I chuckled, though in her voice, it sounded more like a giggle. My hooves tingled from the sound. “Heh, as long as you don’t do it too far and too sudden, you’re fine.” (I still think it’s a completely idiotic idea to do constantly.) “That’s debatable.” (Whatever. Stop wasting time and turn your attention to the bad guy. Where there’s one, there’s more!) Nodding, I stepped forward and observed as my attacker got to their hooves. “Don’t move, I know ka-ra-te!” I hollered. They groaned and shook their hooded head. As they turned towards me, I squinted my eyes in scrutiny, trying to find out who this… pony, was. I mean, I don’t know any other ponies other than the body I was occupying, and I still didn’t know if they were all sentient but maybe Daring Do could identify this person for me. Of course there was the problem of them being covered by a cloak- The figure threw their cloak off and brushed off their shirt, wincing as they brushed where I think I had hit them. (Oh Celestia. It’s this guy. Here we go.) Huh? I thought, before I saw stumble forward and faceplant. I furrowed my brows as he quickly picked himself back up again. “Daring Do!” he cried, his voice sounding much like a teenagers. “I’ve come to reclaim what you’ve stolen from the great Caballeron!” (This kid’s name is Jaded Lines. He’s… complicated. I usually call him Lenny, but he doesn’t seem to like it.) Smirking, I raised an eyebrow. “Hi, Lenny. What was that again?” I snickered as I saw his face grow a little red and he stomped his hoof indignantly. “Hey! I said stop calling me that!” “I’ll call you what I want, thanks.” He blew air from his cheeks and shook his head faster than I would’ve thought possible. “Whatever. Give the amulet to Caballeron so he can make his deal with Ahuizotl and we don’t have to fight.” I cocked my head to the side and frowned. Is he for real? A scrawny kid like that against a full grown… er, mare like me? He must be joking! “Heh, you and what army?” I ask, before realising what I just said and the implications therein. (Damnit. You just fell into the classic cliche of challenging a seemingly harmless opponent. Trust me. I know my cliches. And I did warn you.) On cue, I saw figures begin to appear behind bushes and trees a little ways away from me. Incredulously looking around me, I sighed and shook my head. “Okay. What? How did they all hide from me when I was walking this entire time? I would’ve seen them! And if they were sneaking up on me, I would’ve noticed! How come Jaded Lines was the only person I noticed? How does this logic?” (It happens. Deal with it. Fight like a bat out of Tartarus.) I sucked my teeth and adjusted my hat, running a hoof along my hair. “Well, why don’t we just fly away?” (...why do I always forget that? Huh. Well, you could, but then it wouldn’t be any fun. That, and you still haven’t gotten used to my body and how it works, so I think flying is out of the equation. I don’t want you giving me another concussion.) “Fair enough,” I breathed, and spread my stance, bringing my center of gravity low. “Just don’t get mad if I don’t know how to use my fists- er, your hooves to fight.” I then saw the confused expression on the poor teenage boy’s… wait, what’s the word… colt? Yes. I then saw the poor colt’s confused expression as he watched me talk to myself. “Are… are you okay in the head, Ms. Do? In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never talked to yourself like that.” (He’s only known me and I’ve only known him since Book 6! Er- I mean, about a year or two…) I shot him a grin. “Well, I’m fairly certain I have a severe concussion, I’m definitely bruised all over and running off some sort of adrenaline, and I have a voice in my head telling me all the things I need to know. All things considered, I think I’m alright!” The colt blinked before he glanced at all the hench ponies creeping up on me. “Uh, go easy on her?” he told the hench ponies. I watched as they shrugged before running straight at me. “Here goes nothing,” I muttered under my breath before hollering “Geronimo!” The first of hooves flew towards my general direction. Ducking, I kicked my legs behind me as another pony sneaked up. As they flew, I used the backward momentum to plant my hindlegs and grab the hoof that had swung my way. Pulling on that, I found myself go forward as the pony fell forward, not having expected the action. I felt something hit my chest and I sputtered, my wings stretching wide as I flew back. I glanced at my wings for only a second before more hench ponies barreled towards me. Without thinking, I gusted my wings and a couple ponies stumbled, but the other were unfazed. Swinging a hindleg around, I roundhouse kicked a poor pony in the face who went down like a rock. Using the spin, I planted a single hoof in the ground and spun before planting all four legs once again. Feeling my heart racing, I looked at the several ponies I had already downed. “I didn’t sign up for this,” I muttered under my breath, wincing at all their groans. (Hey! You’re pretty good! Just don’t worry about it for now. There’s more where that came from, so watch your left!) Heeding her warnings, I dodged a kick coming from my peripheral vision, knocking it aside and pouncing towards the pony. Planting two hooves into their back, I spiralled into the air and landed in front of her, bucking them in the face. The pony flew back and knocked a couple of other ponies out. “This is ridiculous!” I cried, wheezing as somebody tackled me to the ground. My head hit the soft moss while the pony tackling me rolled off onto a root. (Welcome to my world, bud. On your right!) I stepped backward quickly and watched as pony overextended themselves and fell onto their chest. With one swift kick to the barrel, they were winded and gasping for breath. “But seriously. I’ve never actually been in a fight before and I’m still doing better than these guys. Who the heck trained them?” (You know, I think half of them are actually just normal everyday ponies entranced with the notion of gold and riches by the ever-charming Caballeron. His spaneish accent certainly is alluring.) “Please tell me you did not just think that,” I groaned, before someone hit me in the head and I actually groaned. Hitting the ground, I shut my eyes and rubbed the sudden sore spot on my head. Twisting to look up, I saw a scrawny colt looking at me with pitiful eyes. Jaded Lines stood in front of me with a large branch in his hooves, and all I could see was a innocent kid. “Sorry, Ms. Do. I have to do my job!” (So do I.) Following Daring’s lead, I grimaced. “So do I.” Waiting for his swing, I watched as time seemed to slow and saw the branch headed straight for my head. Feeling my blinking still working at normal speed, I quickly wondered how this was possible. (Even I don’t know why. Just don’t question it. I never do.) Frowning at the lack of explanation I growled and ducked, feeling the wood brush my helmet. Spinning on the ground, I used the centrifugal force to twist my wings in a way that I rose from the ground. Don’t ask me how I did it, it was sort-of instinctual. Look, give me a break. It was in the heat of the moment! Anyway, I did that, spinning up, before pulling the branch just as it cleared my general vicinity. Doing so caused the colt to stumble forward, his grip on the branch failing. With one small movement, I stretched my hind-leg out and it made contact with Jaded Lines. Time resumed at a relatively normal pace after that, or whatever normal was her. Apparently that was. Anyways, not going to question those remarkably cartoon physics, he went flying, and I landed in a heap, suddenly breathing quite fast. And then I remembered that I had just sustained another head injury. The world began to spin and I blinked for it to stop. (You really need to take care of my- of our body more. Any more and I’ll probably have postconcussive syndrome. I’d rather not have that, thank you very much.) “W-well,” I stammered, stretching my wings out to balance myself better. “I, uh.. Sorry. LIke, really sorry. Did not plan to, er, get this bone train, I mean, uh, brain trauma. Yeah. That.” (...have you never had a concussion before? Major or minor?) “Heheeee!” I giggled, stumbling away from all the unconscious and winded ponies. The pain in my head was pounding, but I chose to keep trying to think straight. Probably wasn’t the best idea, but hey, I couldn’t really think properly. “Not that I recall! Eeyup, never really been concaved in any form sort of way. Nope. Nuh-uh.” (You’re loopy. Usually, I’m just really angry and I begin to see stuff. I wonder why it’s different now.) “M-maybe because…” I murmured, scrunching my face. I breathed in deeply, and my mind focused for one pure second. Obviously, it was a second late. I looked down at the empty space beneath my hooves and the cave system right underneath me. Sighing, I felt the pounding in my ears return. “At l-least we’ve found someplace to rest.” FWUMP! The darkness swallowed us whole.