Once everyone finally stopped laughing at Dad, we turned to more serious matters. Henriette had been more than happy to follow a Cooper back to the hideout - which in this case was our ship - and we needed information. That meant Henriette telling her story.
It wasn't a pleasant one...
Henriette leaned back as she began to retell her tale. "It started...a few months ago. Things were as they'd always been, with me robbing pirates and ships from distant nations blind with none the wiser and hiding the booty where only we knew where it was, and digging up treasure when we found maps. Then that Captain LeFwee showed up. He styled himself the Smartest Man on the Seven Seas, and claimed he could out think, out sail, and outfight any other pirate on the waters. Quite a few pirates took up that challenge, and when he beat them he made them swear loyalty, so he's got quite an armada at his command.
"O' course, one o' the things that keeps places like this safe is that we aren't a threat to the various governments as individuals," she continued dryly. "So one pirate captain amassing an armada drew immediate interest...and got me a call from one o' my regular...contacts." She smirked mischievously at that, though there was no joy in her single eye.
"The 'admiral' you mentioned?" Sly asked carefully.
"Aye," Henriette confirmed. "Admiral Kyuubi Flametail Vulpine, the most dangerous fox to ever sail under Her Majesty's banner. He's tasked with protecting Her Majesty's territories from all sea-borne threats, and he's th' first Royal Admiral ta pull it off...cause the first thing he did was team up with me."
"Team up?" Carmelita asked in shock. "Wouldn't teaming up with a pirate get him in trouble?"
Henriette let out a bark of laughter. "Only if anyone found out! None o' his own crew would ever spill th' beans cause he got his rank by winning so many naval battles while personally ensuring he never lost a single man. He lost a few ships, but always came back with a full crew and often a captured galleon or three. Their loyalty ta him is unshakable...much like mah own crew was..." She lowered her gaze briefly. "But that's a different part o the story. Anywho, he knew I was the most dangerous pirate on these waters, and knew that mah crew only stole from other pirates and worse. So he showed up in my own bar, walked right up to my table, and offered to buy me a drink." She grinned at the memory. "I nearly laughed him outta the bar, but he just sat there with that cheeky grin...and then he laid out his offer. In exchange for me feeding him information I picked up regarding danger to the colonies or anything else that might be of significance and agreeing to not harass Royal ships in their territorial waters, he'd ensure I had a safe, happy, wealthy home ta retire to when ah was ready ta leave the seas."
"How would he guarantee that?" Bentley asked curiously. "I mean, I'm not sure how much of what I've learned in history class is true, but would he really have that much authority-"
"By takin' my name when he married me," Henriette barked out, grinning at the stunned looks that got. "That was his offer. In exchange for helping him become absolutely invaluable to Her Majesty, the Cooper line would become nobility. Ah wasn't gonna say no ta that, since I do need ta think about my descendants...and besides, I'd encountered him on the seas a few times before he was Admiral, and always found him rather handsome." She lay back as her eye misted in memory. "And as I found out that day, he's amazing in bed, with no qualms about a bride who wasn't virgin. Didn't even offend him that he wasn't my first time."
Carmelita struggled to find something to say...and to stop blushing.
"Course, when he came ta talk ta me about LeFwee's antics, he got ambushed," Henriette growled darkly. "Dunno how, but Lefwee faked one o' my coded messages about where ta meet, and now Kyuubi's LeFwee's prisoner. Ah tried ta free him...but LeFwee made it plain th' only way I'd get Kyuubi free is if I challenged him ta something he called a 'Davy Black' challenge, wagerin' my ship and mah crew against his...and the challenge was for who could find th' most buried treasure in a period of time. Despite all the maps I had...somehow I lost...
"Lost me ship...me crew...even me hook..." She stared at her stump. "The symbol of me line...and ah didn'a even save Kyuubi. The bastard's still got him...and ah've only got a knife and me bar to me name now..." She slammed her clenched fist on the table. "How?! I know every inch o' these waters, and all the islands! How could he know of buried treasure ah didn' know about? It doesn't make sense!"
"It does when you take into account he's from the future," Razor pointed out. "Well, our present really."
"What's that got ta do with anything?" Henriette demanded irritably.
"He has access to modern charts of where treasure was buried in the now that was excavated at later dates," Razor explained. "He could go straight to where he knew the biggest hauls would be, dig them up, and then move on without any searching. His charts would be a lot more exact than the ones of this time, too."
Henriette stared at Razor for a time. "Are ya saying...are you telling me that feathered bastard cheated?"
"Uh...yes?" Razor allowed nervously, flinching back from the absolute fury that set that single eye aflame.
Henriette grabbed the table - which easily weighed at least 150 pounds solid wood - and with her one hand hurled it out of the room with a roar of rage. "I'll have his guts fer garters, his tail for a hat, and I'll roast the rest of him over a slow fire while he's still alive before making him watch while I eat his still beating heart! Nobody cheats Henriette One-Eye Cooper and lives ta tell the tale!"
It took about an hour for us to get her calmed down enough that she wasn't going to charge straight out to try and tear LeFwee apart with her bare hand. It then took another six for the bruises to heal.