//------------------------------// // Chapter Three: The Murdered Moustache Mystery // Story: A Study In Rainbows // by Thanqol //------------------------------// A Study In Rainbows Chapter Three: The Murdered Moustache Mystery By Thanqol   I confess that I was freshly startled by this fresh proof of the practical nature of my companion's theories. My respect for her prowess increased enormously. However, I could not put the thought from my mind that this was some prearranged episode designed to dazzle me, though what earthly object she could have for taking me in was past my comprehension. Perhaps she just enjoyed fooling fillies?   That was... unfortunately phrased.   Ahem.   "How in the world did you deduce that?" I asked.   "Deduce what?" Said Rarity, petulantly.   "Why, that he was a retired railworker!"   "I have no time for trifles," she answered brusquely, and then with a smile, "Oh, excuse my rudeness Rainbow Dash. It was uncalled for. So you were actually unable to see that the stallion had a background in rail?"   "No, indeed."   "It was easier to know it than to explain how I knew it. Well, for starters, his cutie mark was of a boulder on a hill, correct?"   "Indeed."   "This does not indicate a talent for kicking boulders downhill; it is actually a reference to Sisyphus and his eternal struggle to push a boulder up a hill. This informs us that the pony has a talent for hopeless tasks that require great strength. Next, I glanced at his feet. His horseshoes were both a much heavier kind of iron than is appropriate for farming, and irregularly worn. He has obviously been running over metal surfaces, which makes the railroad the obvious choice."   "And how did that translate to his position as a mercenary?"   "He had bruises along his side, no doubt from ramming buffalo attacking his train, but these were old and faded. Most of his current injuries were around his forehoves and face. From this we can deduce that he has left the rail business and taken to fighting other ponies. His attitude was guarded and subordinate, making him a poor choice for a boxer, making hired muscle the most likely option."   "Wonderful!" I exclaimed.   "Commonplace," Rarity said with a sigh, though I thought I saw a smile in amongst her over-acting. She opened the letter, "Rainbow Dash, I must apologise to you. I just said that there were no criminals, and it appears I am wrong! Look at this!" She threw me the note, which I glanced over.   "'Stephen Magnet'?" I said, raising one eyebrow.   "Read it out loud for me, will you?" She asked.   I cleared my throat and began.   -   MY DEAR FRIEND RARITY,   I'm sorry for shouting, but Angel said that I should use capitals for my opening. I didn't mean it. Um - I paused in my recital, "She actually wrote 'um'." - Mr. Stephen Magnet, fashion magnate of the river dragons, has been the victim of a terrible attack. He has locked himself inside his mansion and we can't convince him to open up or explain what's wrong. I've tried pleading, beseeching, asking politely and even begging and I'm still not getting anything. Could you please come and help?   Yours faithfully, FLUTTERSHY (sorry)   -   "Fluttershy is one of the smartest of the Coltland Yard detectives," Rarity said, opening her wardrobe and looking through her vast array of hats, "And a River Dragon, particularly one as stylish as Stephen Magnet, is an unusual victim for any crime."   "Shall I order you a chariot?" I asked, looking out the window.   "Oh, I don't know if I'll go. The day is too overcast for my summer hat, and I don't want to over expose my autumn collection."   "What? But you've been whining -" Rarity's eyes narrowed "- Complaining about not having a proper case all morning! This is your chance!"   "My dear Dash, what then would be the point? Even if I was to unravel the case Fluttershy would get all the credit. Although I am... loath to admit it," Rarity's voice dropped slightly, perhaps in anger, "She is far more photogenic than I. And this is the price I pay for being a Consulting Detective."   "That's impossible! You are far better looking than Fluttershy!" I exclaimed, and then realized what I had said and swiftly closed my treacherous mouth.   Rarity allowed herself a smirk, "Well now. If I am able to extract a compliment from Rainbow Dash then perhaps this case has potential after all. Come!" She said, picking out a red and gray hat from her collection and galloping for the stairs, an energetic mood overcoming her apathetic one.   "Wait, you want me to come with you?" I said, hurrying after her.   "Of course!" She said, "I may extract more flattery from you yet, and flattery is best when it's grudging."   Minutes later we were in a carriage rolling over to the palace of the River Dragon, Stephen Magnet. Rarity spent the entire trip nattering about the history of the Moustache in fashion and explaining that Magnet was one of Equestria's leading innovators in the field. Apparently Moustache science was important within Equestria, to the point of having a dedicated school of magic to mastering facial hair.   "I can't say I understand the appeal," I said at the end of the lecture.   "Ah. You're saying moustaches are too manly for you?" Rarity said with a cheeky grin.   As I protested and sputtered, Rarity leaned out the front of the carriage and asked that we be let out. It was a grand and colourful mansion built by the side of the river. A high brass fence surrounded the courtyard, and statues of dragons of various ages and sizes stood throughout the garden. The one thing they all had in common were their luxurious moustaches which, yes, were made out of real hair and grafted on to the statues! Needless to say I found the entire effect enormously unsettling.   There was a police cordon around the house, and Fluttershy was standing in front of the door, quietly pleading into the mail slot. As we approached, she turned, relief writ large on her face.   "Oh, Rarity, I'm so glad you came!" Fluttershy said, "I can't even get the victim to let us into the house, and I think I can hear him crying in there!"   "I see," Rarity said, tossing her mane, "But before we deal with such things, I realize I have not formally introduced the two of you. Rainbow Miriam Dash, this is Detective Fluttershy, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash."   "Charmed," I said, bowing slightly. Fluttershy blushed and stepped backwards, mumbling. I found the entire appearance singularly adorable, truth be told, and became as curious in her story as I was in Rarity's.   "Now, could you explain the problem in more detail to me?" Rarity was asking.   "Well," Fluttershy began, "The neighbours called to complain that there were the sounds of crying coming from this house at about 6am in the morning. A local bobby tried the door at seven and, finding it locked - along with reports that Mr. Magnet had missed his early speech at the Draconic Moustache Convention - called me in."   "And you spent the next hour trying to convince him to open the door before calling me?"   "Yes, that's right," Fluttershy confirmed.   "Well, the challenge still remains. We still don't have any way of opening this d -"   There was a shocking crash as I kicked the door open. The splintered wood creaked as it swung slowly open.   The two detectives stared at me. I folded my hooves unapologetically.   "Good thing I brought you along, Rainbow Dash!" Rarity said, recovering her composure. "Please, follow behind me."   Rarity walked agonizingly slowly, studying the rug underneath our feet with painstaking detail. Fluttershy and I followed a little way behind her and, in the interim, I decided to ask the yellow pegasus a few questions.   "If you don't mind me asking, miss, but what inspired you to join the police force?"   "Well, I originally applied for a police dog trainer, but they kept promoting me." Fluttershy said, looking extremely uncomfortable with the topic, "I think it's something to do with Photo Finish."   "You'll forgive me, I've been in Zebrica. Photo Finish?"   "She's a famous photographer who's taken a shine to me, and..."   We were both cut off by Rarity staggering back from a cabinet she had been examining, exclaiming, "Dust! Dust! Keep it away from me!"  I sighed, and gave one solid flap of my wings, which dismissed the cloud.   Rarity immediately straightened, as if nothing was wrong. "Well, that puts everything in context. Come on!" She said, starting to walk at a much faster pace towards the source of the wailing.   We stopped outside a large set of double doors. Rarity peeked around the corner. "Oh dear," she said, "We may have a problem."   "Problem?" Fluttershy said, sounding like she was getting ready to panic.   "Nothing that Rarity can't handle," Rarity said, "Detective, you stay here, Rainbow Dash, with me."   She pushed open the door and even I, who had seen horrors in Zebrica, shuddered to see the terrible sight laid out before us.   A huge river dragon, with vibrant purple scales, was laid out in a bubble-filled bathtub. I say without exaggeration that this creature was large enough to eat a pony in a single bite and, yet, it was wailing and crying like a small filly. His moustache, though... his moustache was a ragged, frazzled, and utterly chaotic mess of orange and blue. It went in every direction and no direction; it stood on end and sagged. It was hideous, to say the least.   "Go away!" the Dragon shrieked, "Go away! Don't look at meeeeee!"   Rarity glanced at me, winked, and then started walking towards the wailing Mr. Magnet.   "I say, good sir, what a marvellous new style! Such attitude! Such pizazz!" She exclaimed, sounding for all the world like she was delighted by the appearance.   "Wh - what?" Said the River Dragon, turning his head to look at the tiny Detective.   "Oh, the style is absolutely perfect! I was originally worried when Horns, Thorns and Unicorns Magazine said that rough-and-tumble was 'in' this season, but now I see how short sighted I was..."   "What?" Magnet said, raising his head, "It - it's in? You're not just saying that?"   "Of course not. Look at my friend here," Rarity said, gesturing at me, "Isn't she beautiful?"   "My word!" said Magnet, bending over to look at my, admittedly, slightly roughly cut mane. "She looks like she's never had a haircut in her life!"   While I understood the reason for the deception, I couldn't help but scowl at this treatment.   "Oh, and that scowl! She looks like a genuine soldier!" Magnet said, clasping his hands together. I scowled slightly more.   "Yes. She was to be my magnum opus, but you seem to have outdone me in every way," Rarity said modestly, "I thought I had an original style going with the rainbow, but your blend of blue and gold - genius! So tastefully underdone!"   "Now that you mention it..." Magnet said, gazing into the multi-story mirror.   "See! Once again, the world of fashion will bow to Stephen Magnet!" Rarity said dramatically, "I just need to ask a few questions for all your fans out there."   "Oh, certainly," Magnet straightened himself up a bit. "Ask away."   "What happened yesterday?"   "Nothing unusual. I woke up, spent most of the day at home preparing my moustache for the speech I was to give today, had my dinner delivered and went to bed. When I woke up in the morning, I found myself like this." Mr. Magnet looked abashed, "In retrospect, I should have checked the fashion magazine before overreacting."   "Hm. What did your dinner consist of?"   "Baked goods. Cupcakes, muffins. A little gray pony delivered them."   "Baked bads, more like," Rarity whispered to me, then turned back to Magnet, "Did you have any leftovers?"   "No, I'm sorry. I ordered them from Pinkie Pie's bakery, though." "I see. And what type of pony delivered them."   "Oh, I can never remember the differences between pony types," Magnet said, waving one hand, "It was gray, and blonde, I think."   "Interesting. Well, thank you for your co-operation. I must go and consult with my colleagues." Rarity said, and walked outside to where Fluttershy was waiting for us.   "I can't say I appreciate being used as an example of ill grooming, Rarity," I said once we were clear from the dragon's presence.   "Oh Rainbow Dash, you make ill grooming look so good!" Rarity laughed, "And anyway, that kind of show is a temporary fix, but it'll take the fashion world six or seven months to figure out. We now have breathing room."   "We shouldn't need that long." Fluttershy said quietly, "I think I've figured it out."   "Do share, Fluttershy,"   "I think that this is a cruel prank. See, a gray and blonde pegasus came in the other day. I think that would be Miss Derpy, the delivery pegasus. She came in to deliver Mr. Magnet's dinner, and then rather than leaving afterwards she hid and pranked his moustache while he was asleep."   "That does indeed seem likely," Rarity said generously, "What do you have to support this evidence?"   "Well, I found this word written on the wall outside Mr. Magnet's room," Fluttershy said, gesturing at a point on the wall, where in vivid pink letters was written the word   PARTY   "Obviously Derpy's already damaged mind cottoned on to Pinkie Pie's ideas about pranks and pushed her over the edge. A simple case of insanity." Said Fluttershy.   "My good Fluttershy, you've cracked the case! There was clearly no need for my presence here." Rarity said, with what I identified as that same dramatic voice as she'd used when addressing Magnet earlier. "Go bring the fiend in for questioning, Dash and I will take one quick look around and depart."   Fluttershy had a mixture of emotions cross her face, both good and bad - I suspected that she was worried by the prospect she might be promoted again - but I followed Rarity as she lead me down the corridor.   "I'm surprised you haven't said anything, Rainbow Dash. I am sure you have personal experience with this type of poison,"   "You say this was poison?" I said, snapping my head around.   "Of course. The blue spots you should be familiar with."   I gasped, and cursed my foolishness. "Poison Joke! The moustache has been ruined by a dose of Poison Joke!" The Zebras used to coat their arrows in the vile stuff, and there was no cure known to Equestrian medicine. More than one good soldier had been discharged after a brush with the terrible Poison Joke.   "Precisely. This makes it unlikely in the extreme that our courier, Derpy Hooves, was the poisoner. Particularly since I do not believe she even delivered here."   "How can you say that, without even knowing her, or hearing her alibi?"   "Because to take a job as a mailpony one gets used to mud, and dirt, and dust. It is the nature of the job. And yet, the culprit here had a perfect opportunity to do her work in the entry hall - you can see from the prints in the carpet - but she paused and went by the kitchen instead."   "The kitchen? Why?"   "Because the entry hall was dusty, and Magnet was kicking it up by accident as he passed. The culprit paused here," Rarity gestured, "Presumably excused herself and took a roundabout route to the kitchen to avoid getting her mane dirty. She was also average height, about three foot tall, chipped hoof, not particularly physically well built, and could not fly."   "How do you know she could not fly?" I said, mind boggling at all this information.   "You proved it yourself, my dear Dash. One flap of a Pegasus' wings could clear the dust that so worried her, and yet she did not think to do so." Rarity said.   "So, you suspect the baker, then? Pinkie Pie? That would seem to fit clearer with the word PARTY," I suggested, voicing my own suspicion. "And she is known for her pranks."   "Ah yes, the obvious answer. Too obvious by half, I suspect. Firstly the tracks - not one bounce the entire way. Secondly, the fear of dust. Pinkie is something of a slob. Thirdly, I sincerely doubt that anypony who is this serious about partying would write the word that small, tucked in the corner."   "There is that."   "So this is a frame job. Whoever did this has a grudge against miss Pinkie Pie. And, sans other clues to go on, I believe we must investigate Pinkie Pie's bakery to see who might possibly wish her such ill. To the bakery!"