//------------------------------// // Diners, Diplomats, and Debate // Story: The Dancer and the Diplomat // by Flint-Lock //------------------------------// Daniel lay on the bench, submitting himself to the hotel sauna. Even back when he still lived in Ponyville, there had been days when he’d just felt…stretched. Perhaps it had been a particularly demanding performance at the Ponyville Foals Theater, or maybe it was just the strain of being the only human in a land of candy-colored equinoids. Whatever it was, there was very little that couldn’t be eased away by a nice steam at the Ponyville Day Spa. What he wouldn’t give to have those days back again. Wash over me, steam. A ladleful of water splashed onto the hot rocks, flashing into vapor with an angry-sounding hiss. Sweat all of the junk out of my body. Steam all of the troubles and worries out of my brain. Reach into the corners of my mind. Relieve this tension from my body. Uncoil that little spring in my stomach and let me know true peace. For a time, Daniel lay still, eyes closed and hands folded on his lap as he awaited inner peace. Nothing. The corners of his mind were still untouched and full of worry. His stomach was still very much wound up. Why couldn’t he relax? This was a vacation. A forced vacation, yes, but a vacation nonetheless. There was absolutely nothing for him to worry about. Nothing whatsoever… except for the fact that at that very moment, some stranger had taken his place as Earth’s representative, and that both his career and the future of Earth/Equis relations hinged on the upcoming conference... Never mind. With a frustrated grunt, Daniel pushed himself up, cinching up his bathing suit as he walked out the sauna door toward the changing rooms. He wiped some condensation off his iPhone and checked the time. He scowled; almost midnight and he was still wound up. As much as he hated to admit it, Twi and Doctor Schwietzer had a point; with his condition, he did need to find a way to relax. As he recalled, there was a small tea house right next door to the hotel. That was one of the many things Daniel appreciated about Equestria: Starbucks had yet to sink its tentacles into it, thank God. Perhaps he could go and get a cup of tea to calm his nerves. Just as he was about to make his way to the changing rooms, he paused. There were sounds—loud thumps—coming from the adjacent room, the hotel’s gym. There was a pause, followed by panting. At first, he thought nothing of it. It was probably just some guest up for a late-night workout, but as he listened, the grunts became more and more familiar. He’d heard those before. Could it be...? Curious, Daniel pushed open the exercise room door just a tad. Inside, he could see a very familiar thestral mare pounding the literal stuffing out of a hapless punching bag. She stopped, and for a brief moment, he thought she’d discovered him. But instead, she wiped the sweat from her brow, and continued on with her assault. Wow. Daniel stood there, too stunned to move. This wasn’t fighting. This was art. Every jab, every punch, every kick had an effortless, fluid grace to it as if it were all part of some choreographed dance routine. Beneath her coat, he could see corded muscles flexing, could see the way her toned flanks jiggled faintly with each move. He could smell her, the exotic musk only accentuated by her sweat, and those legs! Who would have thought a fluffy alien bat-horse could be so sexy? Something tickled Daniel’s nose. Before he could do anything, a loud sneeze exploded from his mouth. Starlight froze in mid-jab, then whipped herself around wings flared and fangs bared for a second. Stupid! That was one of the things he’d learned about dating a thestral: don’t spook them. “Oh, Daniel.” Her wings folded back against her slick, sweaty flanks in a way that made Daniel feel uncomfortably warm.  “It is you.” “Hi, Star,” he said, sheepishly. ”Sorry, I shouldn’t have, well…” “Oh… no no it is quite all right,” she said, taking off her sweatband. “I was just not expecting you to be there.” “Guess I wasn’t either,”  . A bit of the tension eased from Daniel’s  body. “I thought you were back in the suite with Slate and the others.” “Yes. Slate, he was protesting at first, but he is now—what is the phrase?—out like a light. Well, I I was... feeling restless, so I was hoping that some exercise would be helping.” “Well, has it?” Starlight sighed and stretched her wings. “No, it has not. Letyucha’s touch, it is still on me. When it is nighttime, I am feeling as though I should be active, that there is much working to be done, and I am wasting time.” “I know the feeling,” Daniel said as he looked into his marefriend’s eyes. That was one of ponykind’s more disarming traits: those large, beautiful, eyes. It was part of the reason so many people, himself included, found them adorable, and it also made them very easy to read.  Right now, Starlight’s eyes were practically screaming “anxiety.” “Yes, of course.” “Say, Star,” Daniel said. “How would you like to come with me and get a cup of tea?” “No coffee?” Starlight tilted her head. “I was believing that to be your beverage of choice?” “Yeah, well, coffee’s good for when I need a boost of energy, but it’s not exactly good at helping me relax. That’s tea’s job.” “Very well then, let me shower and I will be joining you.” With that, Starlight trotted off to the showers, tail swishing back and forth with nervous energy. That silky, indigo tail... Star stopped and looked back. “You are enjoying the show, yes?” She said with a mischevious grin and an amused chitter. Despite himself, Daniel blushed. “You humans…” Starlight chittered before continuing on towards the showers. ] - -   - - “Here you go.” The griffon waitress poured some steaming hot tea into two china cups, then set them on the formica tabletop with the same care as one might handle high explosives. “Be careful, it’s hot,” she said before walking off, apron swishing with every step. “Never would have guessed,” Daniel muttered under his breath. Curls of aromatic steam wafted from the tiny cup, blowing slightly in the breeze from the tea house’s ceiling fan. He lifted the cup from its saucer, blew on it a little, then took a sip, wincing when the hot tea singed his tongue. Not bad. A bit hot for his tastes, but not bad. “How is it, Starlight?” He took another sip. Starlight set her cup back on the saucer, licking her lips. “It is decent.” “Same.” Daniel took another sip, swishing the tea around in his mouth before swallowing. His eyes fell on a painting on the wall opposite their table: a reproduction oil painting of several figures in a small diner in the middle of the night. It seemed fitting. Normally, this would be the perfect place for a conversation: quiet, peaceful, and kind of charming. Normally, he and Star would already be chatting about human literature or whatever else was on their mind. Now, it was like something in his mind was stopped up. He felt like a chess player waiting for his opponent to make their first move. While he struggled to make conversation, Daniel scanned the tea house, a habit of his since childhood. Over by the counter, a reformed changeling and a human woman stared into each other’s eyes . In a booth by the building’s picture window, a stallion in a rumpled business suit nursed a cup of coffee, occasionally stopping to yawn. In the booth behind him, a griffon wearing a beret nursed a cup of tea while scribbling in a notebook. Daniel frowned. There, in a corner, was an older human man holding an issue of the Manehattan Times, the paper comically small in his hands. Though he tried to remain inconspicuous,  the man always kept one eye focused at their table. “So, Daniel.” Starlight said. “The zoo. It was… fun, yes?” “Yes. Yes, it was,” he said, running a finger along the side of his cup. “Slate really seemed to like it, once we got that disguise on him. Daniel gave a short snort. “Who’d have thought? A couple millions of years of instinct, fooled by some sunglasses and a ball cap.” He took another sip of his tea. ““Some very nice sunglasses, I might add. Slate looks really sophisticated in them, very suave.” “Yes, he is a most handsome colt.” A moment of silence. “So, Star...I was thinking. Maybe tomorrow we could all head to the Manehattan Science museum. I heard that they’ve just finished updating their exhibits.” “Yes…” Starlight said without a hint of emotion. ”That is sounding nice.” The conversation quickly withered and died after that. Man and mare just stood there, stirring their tea, occasionally stopping to take a sip. Daniel knew what he wanted to say. He had to ask it. But the words just seemed to stick in his throat. Ironic; he’d successfully negotiated with minotaurs and griffons alike, sometimes both at the same time. He could, and had, held a conversation with a fully grown dragon without showing a hint of fear. But he couldn’t even ask his marefriend a simple question without seizing up. Say it. Say it. SAY IT you dumbass! Daniel gathered up as much courage as he could… only to have the older man from before shuffle up to them, resting a hand on the back of one of the table’s unoccupied chairs. “Excuse me,” he said, giving a fleeting little smile. “Would you mind terribly if I were to join you?” His accent was hard to place, but it was foreign. Still, he spoke perfect English, almost too perfect. It was learned through the classroom, not naturally like any native speaker. “Err…” Daniel said, looking the stranger up and down. “I’m sorry, I think you may have the wrong table.” He was an older man, maybe early sixties, with a receding hairline of fragile snow white hair. He was nothing but skin and bones, with sallow cheeks and sunken eyes, but stood ramrod-straight. The suit he wore must’ve been tailor-made, because anything off the rack would’ve hung off him. “No, no,” the stranger replied. “This is the right one for me.” Daniel quickly glanced around the shop. There were plenty of empty tables awaiting a customer. What made this one so special Starlight was shooting him a confused look, and all he could do in reply was give her a small half shrug. “If you want to sit with us, I suppose there’s not much I can do to stop you.” “You are most kind,” the stranger replied, sitting himself down and placing his hands on the table before him. Reaching into the jacket of his pocket, he pulled out a silver case. Flicking it open, he offered it out to Daniel and Star. Inside were cigarettes, packed tightly. It was like something out of a movie, and the stench of tobacco wafted off of them, making Starlight cough into a hoof. “No thank you,” Daniel replied, pushing it away. Though he tried not to, he couldn’t help but glare. The stranger was really starting to get on his nerves. First, he interrupted them, without saying so much as a word of acknowledgment to Starlight, and then he was going around making himself nice and comfy with no regard to manners. “Probably the right idea,” the stranger said, picking one of his own, and closing the case with a snap. “Disgusting habit, but I promised my wife I’d stop smoking my pipe, so this is what I must resort to.” Fishing out a lighter, he lit the little stick with a quick inhale, and blew out a long trail of smoke into the sky above. Daniel clenched his teeth. Stay cool, Daniel. In his line of work, inconsiderate assholes like this old man were the exception rather than the rule, and while telling him where he could put that cigarette was tempting, it wouldn’t make the situation any better. All he could do now was just sit there and hope this night wouldn’t get any worse. “Um…” Starlight said, twiddling her hooves and smiling nervously.  “Well... we are all having our bad habits, Mr….?” Finally, the man smiled and inclined his head to Starlight. “Jöran Drekt. A pleasure to make your acquaintance.” “Thank you,” Starlight said, holding out a hoof. “My name, it is Starlight.” “And I’m Daniel,” he held out a rigid hand. “Daniel Habbuck.” Surprisingly enough, but Jöran reached forward without hesitation to grip Starlight’s hoof, and gave it a dainty shake, followed by an equally dainty, yet polite, shake for Daniel. “Ah yes, then I definitely am in the right spot,” Jöran said, tapping off a bit of ash from his cigarette. “I suppose it would be rude if I were to ask if my name seemed familiar to you.” Daniel raised an eyebrow. “I’m afraid not.” “Well, I came to see you as a matter of professional courtesy. I’ve been appointed an interim ambassador to Equestria, I thought it was only fair you heard this straight from me, rather than from an insulting letter or the UN general secretary.” Though Daniel tried to hide his surprise, he couldn’t stop his eyes from popping wide open. “Hold on, you’re my substitute?” This man was supposed to be his understudy during his enforced vacation? Seriously? “Temporary substitute,” Jöran was quick to correct. “Then I will be your Supervisor. If things go well with my posting in Equestria, they intend to appoint me ambassador-at-large to Equis as a whole.” For a moment, Daniel sat perfectly still. It took everything he had to keep his jaw from dropping. “...Excuse me?” “Ambassador-at-large?” Starlight said. “This is being a mistake. Earth is already possessing an ambassador. What is it that is going on?” Sighing, the older man took a deep puff of his cigarette, looking decidedly unhappy. “Your… incident, it broke a deadlock that has been going on for quite some time. Your country, the United States, they saw the value of having an all American ambassadorial team. It was realpolitik to the nth degree, but I suppose I cannot blame them when one considers what they had to gain. Of course, no one else agreed, but the US had veto power, and so we ended up with one ambassador working an assignment way above their level of skill and experience, in an embassy understaffed and forced to hire from the local population. That would be you.” If that wasn’t a backhanded insult, Daniel didn’t know what was. “So, let me get this straight…” he said, rubbing his eyes. ”The Equestrian Embassy was understaffed because the UN couldn’t agree on who to send?” He’d never had a high opinion of his employers, but that… that was stupid even for them! “More like the US wouldn’t accept the prevailing opinion that every country should play a role. But, yes, you are essentially correct. Overall, they put it to a vote, and I was chosen. Of course, the purpose was to ensure that every nation on this world has their own human ambassador and embassy.” “I see.” Daniel frowned. So far, Mr. Drekt was everything he would have expected from the UN; the kind of diplomat who ate, drank, slept and smoked politics, who had memorized every custom, every regulation, every treaty every written. Perfect for Terran diplomacy... “Mr. Dreckt, would you mind if I asked you a question?” Jöran broke into a wheezing chuckle, it ending with a cough. “I have the feeling I could not stop you, even if I said no,” he said, administering a few thumps to his chest, before clearing his throat. “But nevertheless, ask away. I am an open book.” Despite his politeness, Daniel could see there was caution in Dreckt’s eyes. Okay, Daniel, you can do this. You are the first ambassador to a world other than Earth. You’ve negotiated with creatures straight out of mythology and come out on top. Nothing can take you off guard. Nothing can phase you. If he said it to himself enough times, maybe it’d actually come true. “Well, and forgive a man for prying, I just can’t stop wondering why they chose you? That was it. He could do this. “The UN felt my prior postings best suited this new one.” “What kind of prior postings?” “I spent the previous fifteen years posted to North Korea as Special Representitive for North Korea Policy. They will not talk to anyone else in the west, and so they only speak through Sweden.” ↶— Daniel felt his heart drop into his stomach. Fifteen years as ambassador to one of the most isolated, xenophobic nations on Earth, versus two years as ambassador to a world of talking ponies. Yeah, this wasn’t going to end well. “Indeed,” Starlight said. “I have been reading on these ‘North Koreans’, and for that you have my respect. But I am still being unsure what all this is about. If I was a distrusting sort, it is sounding to me like they are trying to force Daniel out.” “You must understand miss, I have been a part of His Majesty's Diplomatic Corps for forty years, I have earned my place here, just as I earned my position as ambassador to North Korea. It may sound harsh, cruel even, but just because your… “ He trailed off, pinching the bridge of his nose. Though his lips moved, no words came out at first, before with a deep breath he managed to continue speaking. “Just because your… pojkvän is the first human to step foot on this world, it is not a substitute for experience, mentoring and training.” Daniel frowned, clenching his fists. He didn’t have a clue what a “pojkvän” was, but it was fairly obvious that it had something to do with his relationship with Star… and that the old man hadn’t meant it as a compliment.  “I’ll admit, I may not have had much experience in politics or diplomacy, but I do have something just as important. Something no other human has: first-hand knowledge.” “Take griffons, for example.” Daniel said and pointed towards the beret-donning griffon. “If you want to talk to a griffon ambassador, you need to act like a predator;  cunning, swift, and most of all,” he slammed a fist into the palm of his hand “...ready to strike. Conversely, if you want to negotiate with a pony, friendliness is key. Get to know them a little better, maybe strike up a friendly conversation prior to the actual negotiation. Do that, and your negotiations will go much more smoothly. Plus, you might gain a new friend.” “So you would compromise your own humanity, to put on a mask, in order to accomplish your goals. Perhaps it works for the time being, but all of humanity will not act the same way. Better to be as you are, and find common ground, rather than take the easy route and manufacture it.” “Mr. Drekt, if I acted as I am, I wouldn’t be a very good ambassador. On Equis, it’s not just about what you say during negotiations. It also matters how you say it. Heck, Griffon envoys won’t even talk to you if they don’t see you as an equal.” “Your intentions are admirable, and I shall not fault you for them. But, Earth holds every advantage, with the technologies and ideas that every nation on this world are scrambling for. There is no need to bend over backwards to appease these species, we will approach them as we are. Meekness may work in the short term, but do it for too long, and we will only appear weak.” “You are sounding just like my Denfather…” Starlight glared. Daniel sighed. “No, if we keep them with respect, everyone will start trusting us. It’s true that Earth has a lot of tech, and a lot of countries on Equis desperately want that tech, but not everyone is on board with it. They’ve read about human history, so they know about colonialism, imperialism, and all that other nasty stuff, and they fear they’re next.” Folding his arms before him on the table, Drekt gave a thin-lipped smile. “I do admire your idealism, but I am afraid I cannot embrace it. Allow for me to tell you a story. Once, in the 70s, North Korea made a request of my country. They wanted one-hundred Volvos, and were willing to pay all thirty million US dollars they were worth. Of course, my government pounced on the offer, hopeful it would be the first crack in the isolationism the North has partaken in since the Korean War. Do you know what happened?” “Enlighten me.” “They took the delivery and never paid. They still owe us, even to this day, and to prevent an incident there is nothing we can do but send them reminders. That is the lesson you must learn, that to build relationships is important, but you must never lapse into wide-eyed idealism. No matter the nation, they will exploit it to achieve their own goals.” “You’re a real optimist, aren’t you?” Daniel began gently stroking Star’s back, relishing both the feel of her fur and the look on Drekt’s face. “I’ll admit, you do have a point; during my time here, I’ve met more than a few politicians, pony and non-pony, who tried to use me for political gain. Sometimes I have to be careful with what I agree to, but there’s a difference between being careful, and being paranoid.” “Either way, and whatever your personal opinions are on the matter, I can assure you that my viewpoint is one shared by the UN as a whole,” Drekt replied, his face a picture of calm, while his hands were clenched into fists. “When you are fit to return to work, you will remain as ambassador to Equestria, though only on probation pending my report to the UN on your behavior. There are all manner of rumors going around, and many believe you have been compromised.” He didn’t say it, but the way Drekt’s eyes fell very deliberately onto Starlight, the implication was clear. Daniel’s eyes shot open. “Compromised?” Star frowned. “Those are most serious of accusations, Mr. Drekt.” “You understand that I make no accusations leveled directly at you Ms. Starlight,” he replied with a polite nod. “Merely that it is a possibility, and even if you did not intend anything, it can still sway a man’s mind.” “What would I be swaying him towards?” Star added. “As you may have been guessing, I am being an immigrant to this land. I am having no interest in its politics!” “It was to my understanding Letyuchahas exceptionally close ties to Equestria; your close genetic relation playing a large role. Besides, I already said it was not done as an intent, merely that your charms could’ve… swayed him towards a fondness for particular nations at the expense of many others.” “My ‘charms’?” Starlight bared her fangs and snorted. “Listen here, you nehidnuk, I…” “Star, please…” Daniel pressed a hand against the thestral’s barrel. “Let me.” He turned to face the ambassador. “Mr. Drekt.” He said through clenched teeth.  “Contrary to what you may have heard, Starlight is not some cheap whorse. She is an honest, hard-working mare who would do anything for their son.” Daniel could see Star’s expression soften. A small smile spread across her face. Before the ambassador could respond, Daniel held up a hand. ”Furthermore, when it comes to my integrity as an ambassador, I think my record speaks for itself. You know what I’ve accomplished since I was appointed: Forging a trade agreement with the Minotaur Republic, negotiating the tariffs on minerals to prevent traders from flooding the market with cheap gems.” For the first time, a brief glimmer of a smile appeared on Drekt’s face. “Which is why, despite your shortfalls and something of a temper, your services are being retained. You stand at a crossroads, Mr Habuck. One road leads to a long and successful career as an ambassador, another to your dismissal and return to Earth. All this is dependent on you; if you wish to learn and follow my advice, or remain rebellious. So, which shall it be?” Something uncoiled inside Daniel. Well, it seemed the old codger had a heart after all. “Mr. Drekt, while I don’t entirely agree with you…” He took a deep breath, clearing his mind. “I admit that while I may have a talent for negotiating with Equestrians, I’m still an amateur when it comes to politics. I’d be happy to listen to your advice, but first…” Daniel motioned towards Starlight. “First, I would like for you to apologize to Starlight. I know you didn’t mean to insult her, but still, those words hurt. If you’re going to be an ambassador-at-large, you need to start respecting ponies.” “I am an ambassador, I speak every day in pleasantries and kind words. For me to speak honest, that is the greatest sign of respect I may give.” Still, his eyes turned to Starlight, and he gave a bow of his head. “Nevertheless, I apologize for hurting I may have inflicted and will repay it with a piece of advice. If you were planning any trips to Letyucha, it would be best to waylay them. We have a few citizens who are willing to speak to our agents within the country, and they all say something big is brewing, something that the denfathers do not want the rest of the world to know about.” “If I am knowing them, it is most likely another of their purges,” Starlight returned the bow. “Your apology, it is accepted.” “No, not purges,” Drekt replied with a shake of his head, suddenly looking sad. “They are all too common. No, this is something outside of their control. By all accounts, they are nervous.” “Nervous?” Starlights gulped. “What is… what is it that is happening, exactly?” “That is a very good question and one that we are not exactly able to receive a definitive answer from. All we can figure out is that human influence is at play.” . Starlight’s eyes widened. “Communism. That is what it must be!” Drekt blinked, his face turning white, as he regarded Starlight closely. “Do not play with me now Ms. Starlight, this is not a joke I would appreciate. Have you heard something, or is this a guess?” “No, it is not a joke. I have been hearing rumors from those who might know. In my homeland, there are those in the intelligentsia who are being most interested in communism, and that it is gaining much support from them.” “Communist revolutionaries, in the 21st century,” Drekt said, running a hand over his face, and suddenly looking tired. “You see now why we must be careful Mr Habuck. It appears I will be having a lengthy and uncomfortable conversation with the UN committee for Interdimensional Affairs.” “Mr. Drekt.” Daniel said, sitting up straight. “I know our partnership got off to a rather rough start, but I know that you’ll need my help on this one. If you ever need advice, just ask.” “If this is true, there is not much we can do now I’m afraid,” Drekt replied. “Though the offer is of course appreciated. The Chinese will stop any attempts to curb communist sentiment, and the Europeans will refuse to prop up the denfathers. We simply must leave them to it, and hope that common sense wins out.” “If I am knowing the Denfathers, then that is most unlikely.” Starlight said bitterly. “They would rather be seeing the entire world burn rather than be restricting their own power.” “Then things are going to get interesting.” - Later, Starlight trotted out of the cafe, trailing closely behind Daniel. She gave a final wave to Drekt, then followed Daniel back to the hotel with a contented warmth in her belly and a smile on her face. Daniel. She’d met many a stallion during her...career, but none of them had come even close to him. What she’d just seen… The way Daniel had defended her honor, even when his own career had been on the line… He would never have done that. On cue, the old reservations returned to rasp away at her resolve, but they were blunter, minor pinpricks against her mental armor. As they walked through revolving doors into the hotel lobby, Star remembered the offer Daniel had given her; to use his connections to get her an audition with the Canterlot Ballet. It didn’t seem like such a bad idea now...