My hand hurt like a bitch, the splints on my fingers made preparing the hypodermic needle nearly impossible. But I got it semi ready, sticking the needle into the vial of morphine I'm ready for another dose of pain free sleep. Finding a vein the needle pierced my skin with a pinch and pain. As I pushed the plunger I felt the fast acting drug that took me away to that special place. Taking the needle out a warmth spread throughout my body, I lay on my bed crawling under the blankets while Woodie, and the other dog I've yet to name jumped up walked in a circle and plopped down. My eyes close and I sleeped.
The world is a hard place when you’re a pink elephant on the run from the warden of a dimension filled with tiny flower sized dogs. I ran and demolished the city with my thunderous rampage. I saw a tiny sword fly to my face and all was black.
I awoke in my campsite, my back aches from the plate armor. The bonfire with bones in it was blazing. My sword rested by my side the broken spear shaft hung loosely on my pack. I rose from my resting furs and gripped the old sword. I walked to the path, I was hired to clear the roads ahead of bandits. As I marched on the dirt road I saw the wooden fort. If only I saw the archer in the tree, the twang of his bow was heard through the forest. The iron barbed arrow struck a weak point in my armor hitting my knee. I fell to the hard ground bleeding now, I felt the blood rush and fall to the dirt. I looked up at the sky and smiled for I shall fear no death for he walks with me. Praise be he! PRAISE SOLAT!
It was a rainy depressing day, the anniversary of my wife’s death. Susan was in a car crash on her way to tell me that she was pregnant. I was at her grave, the black umbrella blocking the rain from hitting me but that wouldn't matter soon. I reached into my overcoat and pulled out a simple flintlock handgun. Stepping off of her grave I step on her mother's before doing a little happy jig as I pulled the trigger cause her mom can suck a fat cock.
The city was green, and full of life. Equus humans, and Democratic Oligarchy of Sol Three humansmingled and talked on the recently colonized planet. With a massive grin the son of the Equss Human ambassador had was cocky as he was going to get laid. He handed the taller women some credits and she led him to an alleyway. She laid him down on a soft mattress and stepped away with a wink. He eagerly waited until he saw a boot sailing to his face. In an hour he awoke with an excruciating headache. His pants and credits gone he sat up, man his dad was going to kick his ass when he got home. The sky turned white as the dreamer awoke, but a single blue alicorn remained extremely angry at how the dream kept morphing.
I woke up feeling happy and the pain forgot, I stood and was immediately hungry. I clutched my stomach to help ease the hunger and waddled to the mess room. I hit the chocolate cake option, a large cake fell out and with a ferocity of a beast I tear into it. I ignore all outside sounds until I feel satisfied with myself. As I finish the cake I guzzle three glasses of water and then I hear the pounding on my door. I slowly shuffle there and open it to see the six mares, sixteen white ponies in gold armor, two pegacorns, and the rising sun wearing sunglasses. I looked at the pegacorns and felt the rower and royalty that they radiated, immediately I felt underdressed in my red and white boxers, no shirt and chocolate covered face.
“Uh...can I get five minutes?” I yelled before shutting the door. In that short time frame I shampooed, soaped, showered, shaved and managed to put on some clothes. I now stepped out in my old torn jeans, extremely old shoes, a newish green shirt and a classic leather belt. The sun was still shining in its sunglasses, I was nervous. Granted anyone would be if they were about to meet royalty. Twilight lead me to a small card table where the two rulers sat. The white one’s face never changing but the black one I could tell didn't like me. I sat down on the wobbly chair and waited.
“Good morning Mr. Kovalyov, how are you?”
“Uh yeah, what about you two?”
“It has been a wonderful morning. Thank you for asking, but where my manors?! I am Princess Celestia. And this is,” her hand pointed to the shorter bluer one. And she mumbled something that I couldn't hear. Her face contorted to anger as Celestia whispered in her ear.
The blue one spoke up with hate in her eyes and voice, “I am Princess Luna, co-ruler of Equestria! Vanquisher of nightmares! Destroyer of mind mages like you!” Her horn started to glow blue as I grinned out of fear.
“Uh….I’m Alexander Kovalyov. Uh geologist.” The horn glowed brighter until Celestia put her hand on her arm to calm her down.
“Now now LuLu no need to resort to violence so early into the game.” Luna glared at me harder before letting her horn glow disapatte. “Mr. Kovalyov there is some formalities to our vist. Simple bits of paperwork and medical records of course. I'm sure you understand.” I nodded my head and she slid over a kinda small stack of forms. On the top was the medical papers.
“I'll be back in a moment, I need to grab my information so I can just copy it and try not to recall the information.” Celestia just nodded as I ran back into the ship. As I ran in Woodie jumped off the bed and followed me, the other dog who I noticed had blue eyes instead of the green that Woodie had. I guess I'll call her blue unless I find a better name. I walked to the charger port of my PDA and the handgun next to it for just in case. Slipping the barrel in my waist line, I grabbed the handle to my junk drawer and started going through it. Finding a pen I uncapped it and scribbled on a loose paper and after a few strokes ink came out.
Now as I run out I see Woodie at the door to go do the morning walk. I stop in front of the button and press it for him, he trots out and around the ship ignoring the guards and going to do whatever it was that he does on those walks. I walk back to the table and turn on the PDA, I heard Twilight squeal in delight and started her scratching. With a sigh I sit back down and find the medical folder, soon finding my own file I open it and quickly start putting my information on the medical sheet. After a minute I turn the PDA off and move the medical sheets off the top to see a sort of contract. I quickly find where I need to sign and put my name but I was taught to read before I sign so read I did. I soon found a problem though it said and quote; “If ________ were to attack ponies or any other creature they can and will be banished to the sun.” And another like so; “If ________ desires to hurt ponies they will be sentenced to twenty years of prison.” I flipped through the papers harder now looking for something else, until I found the most amazing thing ever. “________ will renounce his allegiances with other countries and join Equestria.”
“Yeah I'm not signing any of these papers.”
“But why?”
“To start it says I can't defend myself or I'll go to prison for years, and become a traitor to my home country which is punishable by hanging!”
“Ah good, you can read.” She said with a slight sound of anger. “But we can work around this,” she now slid another shorter paper over. I read it over ten times to find fine print, or something equally worse but found nothing. Yet it said that I would be the temporary Advisor to Exoterestrial Formalities and a diplomat to Equestria from my home planet. This one I did sign, as I scratched out the chicken scratch of my signature I heard Woodie walk behind me. I turned to see him with a rope in his mouth, he trotted to me and rested his head on my leg with pleading eyes. I knew what he wanted and I complied, I took the rope got on my knees and started to pull with my good hand. He growled and legs kicked back and I tugged harder. I started to growl now and mumbled to myself, “This is my rope you little cunt!”
“Now Mr. Kovalyov…”
“Please just call me Alexander.”
“Ok, Alexander we formally invite you to attend the monthly Diplomatic Meeting of Sentient Races.”
“The word you meant to use was sapient, all animals can feel just not all of them can understand those feelings.”
“Uhh….then we bid you adieu.” They walked away as I still growled at Woodie, he still growled at me. How did my life evolve into this? Stranded on an alien world and playing tug of war with a wooden dog. However it happened this is cool as fuck. but if I was to attend this meeting I’d need someone to watch the wood dogs. Twilight is a no, rainbow haired Pegasus is a definite no, no, Fluttershy no, Pinkie God no! Rarity is with Pinkie but Applejack had a farm and could work so probably yes.