//------------------------------// // Epilogue // Story: Derp // by PaulAsaran //------------------------------// Derpy blinked, her left eye glancing at the other ponies on the street while her right stared at her hoof poking through the backside of the mailbox. “Oops.” Sticking her tongue out the corner of her mouth, she set her forehoof to the post and struggled to pull her leg free. She twisted and turned, grunted and wiggled until, with an audible pop, the mailbox released its captive and sent her sprawling in the dirt. Giggling, she sat up and shook her mane from her eyes. Oh, there was Princess Twilight! She paused for just long enough to gather up the mail she’d dropped before trotting towards her. “Twilight! Twilight, over here!” Twilight’s ear flicked before she turned towards Derpy’s voice. She smiled but, as always, there was a noticeable strain on her expression. “Oh, hey, Derpy. What’s up?” Derpy’s hooves chose that precise moment to disagree with one another. The disagreement led to a fight, and before she knew it her face met the grass at Twilight’s hooves. Seeing as she was already down there, Derpy decided to take the opportunity to position herself into a proper bow. “Oh, uh, you don’t have to—” “You’ve got mail!” Derpy bounced to her hooves and hoped her smile was contagious. “It’s lucky I found you now, it cuts down on my mail route. That means I get to play with my little muffin more this afternoon.” Twilight tittered, but didn’t meet either of Derpy’s eyes. Most ponies had trouble doing that, so she didn’t mind. Derpy tried to meet her halfway by locking a single eye on Twilight, but even that didn’t seem to work. Maybe Twilight was having a problem with her eyes, too? Twilight spoke up before she could ask, though. “That’s good news. How is Dinky?” “Wonderful!” Derpy gave a single pronk, her wings fluttering wildly. “She brought her report card home yesterday with six gold suns and one silver moon. Not a single bad mark! She’s so much smarter than her mommy.” There it was: the frown, the raised eyebrows, the sadness in Twilight’s eyes. It lasted only an instant, but Derpy had seen it enough times on the princess to know it by heart. “Derpy, you really shouldn’t sell yourself short like that.” After cocking her head at this strange statement, Derpy took a moment to examine herself with her left eye. She turned a circle as she did, but for the life of her she saw nothing out of the ordinary. “I don’t know why I’d sell myself. Who’d buy me? Is there something special that makes me buyable?” Twilight’s ears folded back. “No, that’s not…” She bit her lip, then abruptly offered that usual strained smile. “Anyway, you had some mail for me?” “Oh, right!” Derpy dove into her near-empty bag, her entire head fitting inside it. Her eyes rolled around in the dark until she spotted what she was looking for. Gripping the scroll gently in her teeth, she pulled her head back out – spilling a number of letters as she did – and offered it. Twilight took it in her magic, which also grabbed the dropped letters and deposited them back into the bag. Derpy grinned. Twilight was such a thoughtful pony. “Thanks.” Twilight nestled the scroll under her wing, then hesitated. She stared at everything except Derpy, tapping the tip of her hoof on the ground as she did. “So… umm…” Derpy peered at the princess with one eye, letting the other follow some foals who were running down the street. Why did Twilight always seem so nervous when they spoke? Or maybe not so much nervous as… sad? Yes, Derpy settled on sad. But why would Twilight be sad? She was a princess. She had everything! Something whispered in the back of her mind, but Derpy had learned long ago to ignore that voice. It always wanted her to do things that she wouldn’t normally do, like frown or worry about things. No, she had something better in mind, an idea that made her smile grow wider. “Hey, wanna come by my place and get some muffins later?” Twilight finally looked her in the face – oh, her eyes were fixed! – and her eyebrows shot up once again. “You’re inviting me to your house?” “Yeah!” Derpy’s excitement bled into her wings, which flapped wildly. “Me and Dinky are making muffins. I mean, we make muffins every day, but today we’ll make special muffins fit for royalty. Guaranteed to make any princess smile.” She winked. “A real smile, that is!” Twilight flinched and raised a hoof to touch the edge of her lips. “W-what do you mean? This is a real smile.” She spread her lips a little wider, as if to emphasize the statement. Derpy shrugged and waved a dismissive hoof, only to stumble sideways when her balance shifted wildly. Twilight gasped and reached for her, but Derpy spread her wings and quickly regained control. Ignoring the stumble, she grinned and shrugged. “Then the muffins will only make your smile more real-er! Besides, my little muffin would love to show you how far she’s gotten in her magic studies.” For a moment it seemed as though Twilight would say no; her ears were tucked back and she’d lowered her body just slightly. But then her gaze unfocused, and Derpy could almost hear the gears churning in that super-smart head of hers. Twilight abruptly stood tall and nodded. She smiled, and Derpy nearly cheered upon realizing how genuine it was. “I think I’d like that,” Twilight said. “In fact, I’d love to come by. Dinky’s just precious, and I’m always happy to see her. How does six o’clock sound?” “Six o’clock is perfect.” Derpy nodded, a warm feeling rising up in her chest. She’d made Twilight smile! Was there a better feeling than making her friends happy? Yes, there most certainly was. “I’ve gotta finish my route. I’ll see you tonight, Princess Twilight!” She waved as she walked away, only to trip on her own hooves and almost careen into a passing pony. She giggled and apologized to him, then successfully tried again. “I’ll be there.” Twilight waved back, still possessing that honest smile. It made Derpy feel so much better about her day. The rest of her mail route went by quickly. She didn’t even have any major mishaps. Well, she did knock down one of Fluttershy’s birdhouses when she mistook it for a mailbox, and she got Daisy’s and Lily’s mail mixed up again, but those were minor oopsies and not worth getting worked up over. Then again, she didn’t get worked up over anything! Derpy considered it a matter of pride that she’d been deemed the happiest pony in Ponyville. And why shouldn’t she be happy? Life was good. “Mommy!” Dinky all but flew into her when she opened up the door to their small three-room home. The little ball of energy knocked her flat on her back, laughing the whole time. Derpy grinned and hugged her foal close. “What’s got you so excited, hmm?” Standing tall on Derpy’s chest, Dinky beamed down at her with what she knew to be the best smile in the universe. “You’re home early, that’s what! I’m always happy to see you.” “Aww, I’m always happy to see you too, muffin.” Her chest swelled as she pulled her daughter down and they exchanged nuzzles. “I hope you’ve got your baking hat, ’cause we’ve got a special guest coming tonight: Twilight!” Dinky’s eyes grew so big Derpy wondered if they wouldn’t fall out of their sockets. “Princess Twilight is coming here? T-to eat our muffins?” “Yep! Isn’t that great?” She gaped for a moment, then began to shake all over. Derpy was just starting to grow worried when Dinky let out a high-pitched squeal. She jumped off Derpy’s chest and pronked in the grass, her back legs kicking with wild abandon. “Princess Twilight’s coming, Princess Twilight! She’ll eat our muffins and be all pretty and smart and—” She gasped and rushed over to plant her forehooves on Derpy’s head. Derpy almost swore she saw stars twinkling in Dinky’s eyes. “I’ll show her my magic. I might become her student!” Giggling, Derpy rolled onto her belly and pulled Dinky into a tight hug. “Maybe. Just maybe.” She stood and deposited her foal on her back. “We’ve got time. Wanna go for a ride?” “Yes, yes, yes!” Dinky grabbed Derpy’s mane, bouncing in place as if to expend excess energy. “Best day ever!” With a mighty kick of her hind legs, Derpy launched into the sky. The wind caressed her wings as she soared over the town and into the clouds. Dinky whooped and laughed wildly from between her wings. Derpy’s grin stretched her lips almost to breaking. She didn’t think she’d ever stop. Derpy satisfied herself with the little things.