“BB? You have a… visitor.”
Beige would have rolled her eyes, but past experience taught her not to risk the nausea. She knew what it meant when Chip used that tone. With a sigh, she stood and made her wobbling way to the front door. Two months of mandatory practice had made this possible, if not easy, and she had no expectation of flying anytime soon. The thought stood out as a ball of ice that had been lodged in her chest ever since the accident, but she did her best to ensure her husband and daughter were unaware.
She moved across the house like a pony-sized ping pong ball, pushing away from walls and tables and anything else sturdy enough to hold her weight in order to move a little bit faster. She’d grown quite good at controlling one eye, even if its motions were sluggish. Today she focused on her left eye, hoping that alternating between left and right regularly would help her improve with both. Maybe someday she’d even be able to control both eyes at once, which would be a nice change.
Chip stood at the door, effectively blocking entry. Beige couldn’t see his face, but she could imagine his scowl. She came to a shaky pause at his side, one hoof on the doorway to steady herself. “Alright, Chip, back down. Play nice with the science pony.”
Her husband let out a low growl, but obediently backed away enough for her to step up to the door. She grinned at the sight of Doctor Whooves, who appeared to be just shaking off a glare of his own. “Good morning, Doctor. Always nice to see you.”
Doctor Whooves adjusted his glasses, lips set in a thin line. He focused his attention directly on her, and she knew he was struggling not to cast his gaze over her shoulder. “Nice to see you too, my dear. I hope I haven’t come too early.”
“Not at all. Would you like to come in?” Chip’s huff went ignored by both of them. “I’m sure Pipette would love to see you. I can whip up some coffee, if you like.”
The Doctor’s expression became strained, his brow furrowing. He rubbed the back of his head and couldn’t meet the eye she had aimed his way. “W-well, I’d love to, B, but I’m afraid I came here for a reason. I’m, uh, here to fetch you.”
Beige’s blood ran cold and her entire body stiffened. It took a few seconds for her to remember to breathe. “I… I see. For whom?”
The way he chewed his lip only made the ice in her veins thicken. Why wouldn’t he meet her gaze? “Headmaster Fantasy. And, uh, Mayor Mare. In his office.”
A long, quiet pause settled among them, interrupted only by a cool breeze. Beige’s mind churned in slow motion as she took in the news. Why would the headmaster and the mayor want to speak to her? True, it had been two months since she’d been put on sick leave, but the Doctor was continuing their research. She’d been helping him when she could. At this point, she probably could go back to teaching if they’d just let her. So why…
“It’s probably nothing,” Chip said. All the anger had vanished from his tone, replaced by a soft concern. He set a hoof to her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Beige. You want me to come?”
The touch of his hoof was like a jolt of electricity jump starting her mental faculties. She looked to Chip while her right eye swayed drunkenly over Doctor Whooves. How interesting; all those years they shared the same expression of revulsion around one another, and at this moment they’d both shifted to concern. It might have been touching were she not trying to fight with her insides.
“N-no,” she said at last, though she gave Chip a nuzzle. “Thanks, but I’m a big girl. Like you said, it’s probably nothing.”
“Yeah, ‘big girl.’ ” He chuckled and returned the motion. “I bet even Pipette will be bigger than you in a few years.”
“I hope so.” She pulled away and turned to the door. “I’ll be back soon.”
“I’ll be here.” He then spat out a much more venomous, “Doctor.”
To his credit, Dr. Whooves managed to keep his “Mr. Chip” at least somewhat civil, although Beige clearly saw the malice in his eyes.
Beige stepped out, tugging lightly on his shoulder as she passed him. She wobbled along, keeping her head high and determined to go as far as possible unaided. The Doctor walked at her side, but at a distance, and he made no attempt to help her. She didn’t have to look back to know that Chip was watching them very closely.
But when they had journeyed well beyond sight of the house, he moved in, pressing a hoof to her shoulder and steadying her steps. A part of Beige wanted to growl at him, but she stuffed that desire into a box, chained it up and buried it in the back of her mind. After all, walking for so long tended to get tiring when one had to constantly fight their own body, and Beige’s knees were getting sore from all the bracing and quick, correcting motions. Wandering from one side of the street to the other at random certainly didn’t do her any favors. She could feel the eyes of the other ponies; pitying, concerned or, far worse, amused.
Her weighty thoughts were stalled by the Doctor’s quiet voice. “Sorry.”
She tilted her head to catch him with one eye. He was looking away from her, lips set in a soft frown. “For what?”
“For Chip. I… tried.”
With a long sigh, she patted his back with a wing. “Someday my husband and my oldest friend are going to tell me why it is they can’t stand the sight of one another.”
“I hope that day never comes,” he replied grimly. Beige knew better than to press him.
They walked through town in silence for a time, Beige sometimes attempting to walk on her own, but often leaning on his side. They avoided more crowded routes. She didn’t like being the center of attention, and stumbling into a pony in the middle of the street was a sure way to make that happen. There were other reasons too, such as how she had to keep pressing against Dr. Whooves when her knees grew tired from the struggle of walking on their own, or when she came close to stumbling and needed his support to avoid from making a fool of herself. Ponies tended to watch the pegasus who walked like a perpetual drunk, and she needed as few eyes as possible.
How would it look for ponies to see her pressed against the Doctor’s body? How many would mistake his assistance as something more? Ponies talked, news flew, rumors spread, and Chip was the jealous sort. She hated how she had to hide something so innocent as the Doctor’s well-intended assistance at times like this, but accepting her husband’s flaws was just one part of a successful marriage.
They were going down a side street, still a few blocks from the school, when Dr. Whooves interrupted her thoughts once more. “B… Do you think you’ll ever be able to…”
She studied him with a lazily shifting eye, observing the way he mumbled to himself, his bushy eyebrows closing in on one another. “What is it?”
He turned his head away swiftly. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. Forget it.”
“Oh, no.” She bumped his shoulder with her own, pleased that the motion didn’t send her sprawling. “You’re not getting out of it that easy. Spit it out.”
He ducked his head, as if expecting a blow. “I don’t want to dig into healing wounds.”
She lifted her leg to block his path. This proved a mistake, as she careened wildly when he bumped into it. Only his frantic grab kept her from falling on her face. Her forward pitch came to an abrupt stop, but he overbalanced and they both fell back, stumbling a few steps and landing on their haunches in the dirt. Beige wanted to curse at her mistake.
Instead, she forced out a chuckle. “Oops.”
Doctor Whooves eyed her thoroughly, face contorted in near panic. “You’re okay? You’re not hurt, are you? Did I grab you too—”
“I’m fine.” She smiled at him, his face lost to her ever-traitorous eyes. “Just a little slip. Don’t be such a mother hen.”
“Sorry…”
“And don’t be sorry, that one was on me.” She turned her head aside to catch a look at his face before patting him on the cheek. “Now what were you about to ask me?”
He chewed his lip, still unable to meet her eye. “I… I just wondered if you thought you might… ever fly again.”
An ice pick stabbed directly into her heart, and it took every ounce of will she had not to wince. Her wings snapped closed as she turned her face away. She should yell at him for bringing that up, but instead she just sat there, stiff as a board and staring at nothing. Her wings itched, but she couldn’t bring herself to move them.
He spoke in a hurry, words tumbling over themselves. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t—I shouldn’t have—I just—The saddle’s finished. It seemed so important to you, and I know Pipette’s birthday has come and gone, b-but I thought you might—Crap, forget I said anything. I’m so sorry.”
Beige’s precious filly invaded her mind’s eye. She closed her physical ones and, for a heartrending moment, felt the wind through her feathers. She was soaring over the town, basking in the sunlight, pushing through the clouds. In her ears, she heard laughter. Joyous, happy laughter. Pipette’s voice, so small, so carefree, so wonderful.
“Oh, horseapples. Beige, I am so sorry.”
She brushed away her tears with a trembling hoof. “I… I can’t bring her up there. I c-can’t. She’ll know magic, she’ll get her daddy’s gifts, but she’ll never ever know mine. I can’t take my little filly flying. I w-wanted to so… so badly…”
He held her close, her face buried in his chest as she sobbed.
“I must be the stupidest stallion in the history of ponydom,” he muttered into her mane.
Even as she stained his coat with her tears, a barrage of thoughts swept through her mind. She wanted to throttle him for bringing this out of her at last, when not even Chip had managed it. She wanted to hold him tight like a life raft and never let go. She wanted to scream to the heavens for crushing her heart like this. She wanted to go home and hold little Pipette tight and apologize again and again and again!
With time, Beige’s rational mind regained its control. Her tears ceased, her shaking stilled. Slowly, she pulled away and rubbed at her eyes. Her stupid, messed up eyes. Then she sat back and practiced taking a few slow, deep breaths and swallowing to moisten her sore throat.
At last, she focused an eye on the Doctor. He sagged on his hooves, head low and ears flopped back. Without raising his eyes, he muttered a quiet “I’m sorry.”
“It’s… It’s okay.” She reached out, hoping to pat his shoulder or something, but her balance shifted and she had to quickly set it back down. She growled through her teeth. “Come on, stupid body, give me a break.” He winced, and she kept her curse silent. Barely.
“Seriously. Doctor, it’s okay.” She tried for a smile, not sure if he saw it. “I’m not mad at you.”
“Well you should be,” he countered with so much heat in his voice it was a wonder he didn’t breathe fire. The tone made her flinch back. “I don’t know what I was thinking, bringing up that stupid… thing. No, not stupid. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I just… I don’t know.”
Beige bowed her head. She wanted to say something to ease his mood, but the words wouldn’t come. Her mind ran blank, utterly failing in its task. But she couldn’t let him beat himself up like this, so…
“Please don’t blame yourself.” She leaned forward and nuzzled his mane just above the ear. “Please. I don’t want you feeling responsible like this. So… throw it away.”
He raised his head, eyes going wide. “What?”
The words chewed up her throat, but she made herself smile as she said them. “Throw the saddle away. I… I won’t be needing it anymore.”
For a time he merely gaped at her. Then, suddenly, he shook himself as if coming out of a trance. “No. No! I would never do that. That saddle was important. To you. It’s all done and everything!”
She turned her face towards him, which had the curious effect of settling him outside her ever-swirling vision. Good. She didn’t really want to look at him anyway. “I can’t fly, Doctor. I won’t be able to… to use it.” She wouldn’t bow her head, not now! She held onto her smile as if it alone could keep her on her hooves. “So you might as well get rid of it.”
He said nothing for some time. She couldn’t see him – didn’t want to see him – but she could hear. His little shifts and half-started replies. The way his tail swished in the dirt. She held her smile. She had to.
When he finally answered, it was with a whisper, but it seemed so loud. “Couldn’t somepony in your family use it?”
She opened her mouth to deny the idea, but hesitated. She had nopony, but Chip had a few pegasus relatives, right? The thought of anypony else taking her Little Piper flying made her feel like she’d swallowed live worms. Still, it was an option. A terrible option, but she couldn’t deny Pipette the opportunity because of her own discomfort, could she? It wouldn’t be right.
It took some willpower, but she forced the words out of her throat. “Okay. I guess. But… could you keep it for now? I don’t think I can…”
“Of course.” His smile was fragile, but relieved. “Whatever you need, B. Pipette will get to fly someday, you’ll see.”
Smile.
Just keep smiling.