//------------------------------// // Everypony's Favourite Draconequus! // Story: Villain's Night, Only At The Salt Lick! // by Hclegend //------------------------------// “Oh Foamy, you silly old goose!” Discord flamboyantly said whilst appearing in an explosion of candy clouds, before daintily floating down onto his stool. “You say that like you don’t want me here!” “Well, aside from you never paying your tab, bringing your own drinks instead of buying mine and generally being a pain in my flank, I wonder why I would dislike you.” Foamy Top retorted sarcastically, pointing to a scroll that was larger than the other scrolls combined. Discord himself seemed unfazed by the rather large tab. “Oh please, Foamy, you’re only grumpy because Appleoosa sued you over the naming rights of “The Salt Lick”, aren’t you?” Foamy sighed in resignation. “Well yeah, that’s part of why I’m in such dire straits. They called their place the Salt Block, and yet they’re still trying to sue me over this! It’s not my fault that they live in the middle of nowhere now, isn’t it? At least MY saloon isn’t in a desert full of wild west stereotypes and is practically dead during tourist season!” Foamy Top ranted, not taking a single breath as the three patrons stared at him with worry in their eyes. “Anyway, planning on counter-suing once this is over for such a ridiculous and pointless case in the first place. That should help recoup most of my losses.” Starlight nodded respectfully “I’m not a lawyer, but I think Twilight has some books on Equestrian Law up in her castle. Could read up on those and see if I can’t represent you in court or something?” she offered. Discord pulled the surprised Starlight into an uncomfortable embrace “D’aww, I always knew you had a heart of gold, even when you were evil!” Starlight, being unable to breathe due to Discord’s show of friendship, had no response. Chrysalis looked in in horrified fascination. “Hmm, never thought of choke holds.” After what felt like forever, Discord gently put down the suffocating Starlight, allowing her to breathe in the musky fumes of the bar once again. Never has fermented apple cider tasted so sweet. Well, sweeter than it already was, anyway. After taking a few moments to inhale, Starlight finally climbed back onto her stool. To the surprise of no-one, she also took a second to slap Discord in the face. “That is NOT how you treat a lady. Fluttershy would be ashamed!” Rubbing his reddened cheek with his paw, Discord sighed in resignation “I suppose not.” His grin turned devilish. “But Fluttershy isn’t here, is she?” before attempting to lunge for a second crushing hug. Key word being attempt, mainly because Starlight had anticipated his attack and shielded herself, taking a drink from her mug as she did so. After Discord harmlessly bounced off of the magical barrier she gave Discord a pitying look. “Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice... Then I deserve it.” Discord rubbed his snout as he finally decided to stop messing around and just sit on a stool. “Barkeep, one Apple Bloom cider please. Put it on my tab.” Foamy Top complied, unfurling a very long scroll named “Discord’s Tab.” Starlight could make out a few things (What especially peaked her curiosity was “Poko.” Looked expensive.) but for the more part, it was angry scribblings from an angry barkeep. Probably due to how much his bar tab was. “I still don’t know why I serve you, Discord. I really, really don’t.” he said, probably not for the first time either. After noting the drink and refurling the scroll in a surprising show of speed and accuracy, he then got a small mug with no cutie-mark embedded on it and filled it with cider before handing it to the Lord of Chaos. “Enjoy! Or choke on it, I don’t really mind.” Discord gave a friendly grin. “You say that every time, Foamy. One of these days I expect an actual apple to choke on. Then I’ll take you up on that offer. Until then, let me enjoy my alcohol-free cider.” Noting the incredulous stares from the other two ponies at the bar, he continued “Unlike some reckless ponies around here, I need to fly back to Fluttershy’s once I’m done here. Can’t get done for Flying Under Influence by the fuzz again.” he said before donning a fuzzy police hat, complete with flashing light. Starlight chuckled at the imagery. For all his faults, Discord could be funny when he wanted to be. There were more pressing matters, though. “So uh, remember before we started this entire discussion? About the Fluttershy effect or whatever you called it? Tell me more!” Discord pondered, using his claw to strike a ponderous pose whilst drinking his cider in a thought-provoking manner. “Ah yes, that. Honestly, I couldn’t think of a better way to interrupt your “banter”. I never really intended it to be a topic of discussion. Especially with mortals...” Starlight frowned. “Excuse me? I’m one of the greatest mages of our time! I am the mare who broke time itself! I am the pony who enslaved an entire town using nothing but sweet talk and a simple cutiemark replacement spell! I AM THE STUDENT OF PRINCESS TWILIGHT HERSELF! IF I WANTED TO, I COULD BEND TIME TO MY OWN WILL AND BECOME “IMMORTAL” MYSELF, YOU HACKNEYED CHAOS DEITY! DON’T YOU “MORTAL” ME WHEN I COULD TWIST YOUR BODY INTO FORMS SO TWISTED AND PAINFUL, THAT YOU WOULD RUE THE DAY THAT YOU BECAME IMMORTAL AND WISH FOR THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH, ALL BECAUSE YOU FUCKED WITH STARLIGHT GLIMMER!” The bar fell silent. One of the figures draped in shadow trotted up to the bar, three empty mugs in tow balanced on her head, her purple and teal pigtails bouncing along with her. “Three more ciders. Also tell that stupid unicorn to shut up, we’re plotting our reve- I mean just trying to enjoy our night out.” she stated flatly, some malice and bile in her voice as her purple eyes met Starlight’s blue eyes. “Poser.” Starlight scoffed at her would be challenger. “Bitch please, I could take you without moving from this stool. Archmage, remember?” she gloated, tapping her horn. The other pony simply ignored that statement before paying for the 3 ciders and carefully going back to her table. Starlight swore she could hear her mutter “Fuckin’ wannabes.” before an unknown voice from the table chirped up. “Aria, you can’t just blow up at ponies like that. We’re supposed to be incognito. Doubly so when her lapdog is here. She could be spying on us, or anything.” “Oh no, some Twilight wannabe is sucking up to Her Royal Highness by being her personal spy! Whatever shall we do? I could take her.” Aria snarked back. “No. You can’t. No magic, remember?” the voice objected. “Whatever. We’d have Canterlot High eating out of the palms of our hands-” “Hooves. We’re ponies now.” “HOOVES if it wasn’t for Sunshit Shimmer and her singing magic. What did those Rainbooms have that we didn’t, anyway?” “Aria, we talked about this. We lost fair and square in a magical music battle of the bands. Let it go.” A third voice cut in. “Oh! Oh! Can I have a line too?” A hoof audibly hit a muzzle. “You two are the worst.” “Love you too Aria.”