//------------------------------// // Lost and Found // Story: The Modular Merchant // by Pozzo //------------------------------// The worst thing about being a skeleton, at least in Applejack’s admittedly short experience of being skeletal, was that it was much harder to wear a hat. Instead of a nice mane to rest it on, there was now nothing but smooth bone, which made the darn thing slide around whenever she moved her skull. Not only that, but she didn’t even have any ears to at least stop it from sliding all the way off. The farmer skeleton had been forced to stop and pick her beloved Stetson out of a ditch at least 3 times on her way home from the park. She made a mental note to engineer some sort of solution to the problem. Maybe she’s just glue it on. Still, Applejack had to admit, arriving at the farm and seeing her newest acquisitions hard at work filled her with a certain amount of satisfaction. A shortage of good hooves had been a perennial problem pretty much forever around Sweet Apple Acres. Now that would all be a thing of the past. She could see that her robot helpers had been filled in on what to do and were working away with commendable efficiency. As she moved forwards, one of them-she recognised her as Rosie-put down the can of paint she had been applying to the wall and approached the bony pony. “Good evening, Master!” she said in that distorted voice of hers. “Howdy there, Rosie! And Applejack is just fine, thanks.” Said AJ, smiling as she always was these days. She asked the robotic maid what had been done on the farm, and Rosie started to fill her in. “Oh yes, Boxer’s away helping your brother with some of the heavy lifting on the other side of the farm. Servo and Penny Worth are seeing to the last apple harvest, as you can see-hello, you two!” Rosie waved at her fellow robots, who were sorting out basket after basket of freshly harvested apples a little ways off to the right. “And I was just finishing off here. I saw that the walls needed a fresh coat and went right ahead applying them.” “Mighty good of you, Rosie, ah like ponies with initiative. Anything else?” Rosie’s eyes lit up briefly as she remembered something. “Ah, yes, I was wanting to ask you about something curious. I found three bodies on the farm.” Applejack wasn’t really capable of choking anymore, but hearing this produced a similar reaction. “Beg pardon?!” “Three fillies, to be exact.” Continued Rosie with a neutral cheeriness. Applejack went pale, but given that she was a skeleton this wasn’t really indicative of anything. Rosie did notice a certain level of distress though. “Oh, they’re still alive and breathing. They’re just missing their CPU’s, so their not very responsive at the moment” “Oh thank goodness, ya had me worried!” said Applejack, shaking her skull. “Was wondering where those girls had gotten of too lately. Guess I got too caught up in all this Clearheart nonsense.” She tutted, scolding herself internally for being such a careless big sister. “Are they ok, then?” “Vital systems appear functional, yes. I was keeping them in storage on the off chance that their original users would want them back. If not we could dismantle them for parts, or perhaps Cogsworth could make a hearty meal of them.” “A… meal?!” “Oh yes. Cogsworth has the most recipes installed into him out of all of us, you see. I’m told that he knows an apparently very satisfying Griffon dish involving- “No, no cooking! Or taking them apart, or anything else weird like that!” Said the skeleton to the robot. “Just keep ‘em in storage for now. Good thing it’s only their seepee yous that’re missing.” There was a beat. “What the heck is a seepee you, anyway?” “Central Processing Unit, Maste-er, Applejack. The brain, as it’s known.” “Their brains are missing? And they’re still breathing and stuff? Hmm….” Applejack rubbed her skull with her hoof. Freaky body stuff in ponyville only led to one pony. She sighed, before readjusting her hat before it slid off again. “Rosie, take care of the girls for me. Ah’m gonna have another talk with yer previous owner ‘bout something.” She trotted off back the way she came as Rosie went to attend to the currently unoccupied bodies she had found. After about five minutes, her eyes lit up again. “Oh, I forgot to ask about the fish up in that treehouse!” she said to herself. “The poor little things. I better go feed them now. I bet they’re hungry.” She chuckled to herself in her robotic voice. “Heehee, I’ve never had a pet before. I bet this is what that must feel like!” ======================================================================================= At the same time, there was another pony heading towards the CMC treehouse. Two ponies, actually. “Ok, should be there any second now.” Said Rainbow Dash as she flew towards Sweet Apple Acres. A short while after AJ had left, and just as the others were all making their own ways home, it had occurred to each of them individually that they hadn’t seen their sisters, or surrogate sisters in Dash’s case, in quite a long while. When they couldn’t find them in their usual places, and after a mild freak out, everyone met up again and agreed to go look for them. Pinkie and Twi were off to the Everfree to ask Zecora, and Spike had agreed to help Fluttershy ask around town. That left Rarity and Rainbow to go check the clubhouse. Rainbow seen the little wooden treehouse come into view, and her eyes narrowed. “There it is! You ready to land, Rarity?” asked the pegasus, looking behind her shoulder. Rarity was unable to respond. Rainbow had tied the empty skin of her hooves around her neck, effectively turning her fashionista friend into a fashionable cape. A side effect of this was that, when flying full speed, Rarity’s head was flapping behind in such a way that made speech impossible, or at least completely inaudible to anyone. Still, Rainbow reckoned Rarity would be fine. It’s not like she had any bones to break, after all. Rainbow flew straight into the clubhouse landed right in the middle of the floor. “Perfect landing from the Dash!” she said out loud, tying Rarities hooves loose and letting her fall to the floor. “You ok?” she asked the deflated unicorn. There was a muffle response, presumably because Rarity was lying face down. Dash turned her over and smiled apologetically. “Sorry, sorry.” “I’ve had more pleasant trips, I’ll admit.” Said Rarity. “Next time, be a sweetheart and just wear me like I asked, yes?” “No way, then people wouldn’t be able to see me! That’s terrible!” “Of course. I suppose your wings wouldn’t be able to properly fit either unless you cut holes in me.” “Uh, yeah, that too I guess.” Shrugged Dash, who hadn’t actually considered that at all. She looked around the treehouse. “Aw, dangit, they’re not here. There’s just those weird pink things in the tank over there.” “Oh, that’s a shame. Wait, pink whats? Let me see.” Rainbow picked up her boneless friend by the shoulders and lifted her up. This worked well for about half a second before Rarity’s head flopped down onto her chest. “For the love of…” Rainbow muttered. She leaned forward, took a mouthful of mane in her teeth and pulled so that Rarity could finally see. “Ta, darling! Now let’s see…” Rarity gasped. “My goodness, are those brains? And there’s three of them, in this clubhouse. Yes, I think I can piece together what’s happened here.” She sighed. “The poor dears must have went to Clearheart to make a swap. Oh, this is my fault, isn’t it? They seen us trading away parts and wanted to emulate us.” “Mfmf fmf ffghr” said Dash. “Pardon?” “I said we need to go get their bodies back!” said Dash, letting go of Rarity altogether. “They’re just fillies, what if they regret it in future! Come on, let’s take them over right away.” She picked up the unicorn again and started to tie her back onto her neck. “I hope this tank thingy isn’t too heavy.” “If you drop it I’m going to be extremely upset, darling.” “Stop putting pressure on me!” ========================================================================================= Twilight had been a little wary of going through the Everfree Forest in such a reduced state, but it was a fairly uneventful trip to Zecora’s hut. She had spent it inside Pinkie’s head, looking out through her eyes and hearing through her ears. Truth be told there was a part of Twilight that had been expecting to see all kinds of weird things when looking at the world through the party pony’s eyes, which made Pinkie laugh. “Oh, you mean like what I see as orange you see as green? And what I see as pink you see as purple? Oooh, then I’d be Purple Pie!” “Haha, well maybe I’ll get round to solving that problem sooner rather than later.” When they reached the hut and knocked on the door, Zecora answered with a friendly look on her face, before immediately realizing that something was different from usual. “Hi, Zecora!” said Pinkie, waving with one of her detached forelegs. “Have you seen Applebloom or her friends recently? We’ve not seem them, and we know she likes to come up here and hang out sometimes!” “I hope the girls are safe and sound, but I have not seen them around.” Said Zecora, still with a somewhat stunned look on her face.  “Pinkie Pie, could you impart-what happened to your middle part?” “Huh? Oh!” Pinkie giggled and rolled her eyes. “My torso! I sold it at a shop for magic baking tools! Like, obviously!” Her limbs, which were as restless as they were when they were attached to her torso, started to hop around her as she explained this This information did little to dull the zebra’s surprise. “I’ve never heard of such a store. Could you perhaps tell me more?” Pinkie went to open her mouth, before stopping for a few seconds, eyes focusing on some unseen point. “Sorry, Twilight’s telling me to focus. We really gotta find those fillies.” “Twilight Sparkle? She is here?” asked Zecora, something growing even more incredulous. “I cannot sense her here, I fear.” “Oh, she’s in my head. She’s just a brain now!” said Pinkie. “Twilight says hi, by the way” “For you to sell so much, so soon… you must have received quite the boon.” “Oh yeah, she got a book!” said Pinkie. “And in return, she sold her…well, everything but her brain. Including her butt!” There was another moment of quiet from Pinkie. “Sorry Twi, I won’t talk about your butt anymore.” Zecora finally understood what was happening whenever there was pause like that-Pinkie was listening to the unheard voice of Twilight Sparkle, who must be able to communicate from inside the earth pony’s head. Her look of bewilderment softened slightly into a smile. “This magic is unknown to me, such unfamiliar territory!” said the Zebra. “But I will save this discussion for later. Your need to find the Crusaders is greater.” “Thanks, Zecora. We’ll let you know when we find them! Say bye, Twilight!... Twilight says bye” With that Pinkie’s parts began to scurry back the way they came, with one last wave from a foreleg before disappearing off into the trees. Zecora watched them go, but in her mind she was wondering what sort of shop had sprung up in a quiet town like Ponyville. And what sort of pony ran a shop like that? She was looking forward to finding out. ============================================================================================== Octavia didn’t like the look of the shop. It was, in her estimation, rather ugly, and she let her companion know as much. “Really, Vinyl, this whole fad is just that-a fad. In a month you’ll all be back here trading your things back for those little trinkets you gave away. You know, like your face”.  If Vinyl Scratch was bothered by her fellow musician’s remarks she didn’t let it show. Her face was the picture of calmness, mostly because it was literally a picture drawn onto the featureless white surface of her face. She had always been hard to get a read on,, but now the DJ could take this to new levels. It made it hard to argue with her, and even harder to play poker with. Still, Octavia was a natural complainer. “I mean there’s nothing I particularly want anyway. Not badly enough that I’d want to part with, say, my legs. Or my ears, or my fur, or any other part of me. Maybe I’m just strange that way.” Vinyl cocked her head sideways, almost imperceptibly. Seeing this, Octavia sighed. “Yes, I know the whole point is that you don’t know what you want until you see it. At least according to you. But I really can’t imagine anything I would be so desperate for-and stop looking at me that way, you can’t guilt me into going through with this.” Octavia looked away haughtily, and seen a ghost. “Aaaa!” “Eeeep!” said the ghost, shrinking backwards. Octavia, who could keep her composure better than most ponies, regarded the strange sight. She looked awfully familiar. “Fluttershy? Is that you?” she asked, carefully. “The Element of Kindness?” The pale yellow ghost nodded shyly, looking away. “Um, yes, that’s me, thanks. Ms, uh…” “Octavia. Charmed.” The earth pony held out a hood to shake, which Fluttershy promptly took. Octavia had been half-expecting the ghostly hoof to sink right through her own, but to her surprise she felt the fur and flesh as if everything was normal, albeit without even a hint of warmth in it. Deciding to be polite and not ask about why she was now a ghost, Octavia continued the conversation. If she was lucky Vinyl would grow bored and they could go home and have tea. “So, how can I help you?” “Oh, well, I was wondering if you’d seen three little fillies anywhere? You might have seen them, the, um, Cutie Mark Crusaders they like to call themselves. Haha…” “Oh yes, I know the ones you mean.” Said Octavia, waving a hoof. “I remember them trying to learn the piano once, it was wonderfully amusing. Isn’t that right, Vinyl?” She turned around and found that Vinyl had erased her drawn-on face. In its place was a single word: “Yo.”. Even without a mouth, she could be so uncouth. “At any rate,” continued Octavia, “I’ve not seen them myself. Apologies.” Fluttershy sagged  little, sighing. “Oh, I do hope they’re ok. No one’s seen them at all, at least the ponies that I’ve asked.  I hope Spike’s having more success-oh, actually…” The ghostly pegasus trailed off, staring off to the side. Both Octavia and Vinyl followed her gaze. A dragon wearing a Stetson was riding a skeletal mount through the centre of town . If reduced to this bare fact then that might sound very cool, or like the cover of a heavy metal album. It was certainly striking enough to leave all three mares speechless-Vinyl even went so far as to draw a pair of wide eyes and a gaping mouth as her face. But there were a few small details that brought the scene down a few levels, in terms of epicness. For a start, the dragon was very clearly a baby dragon, and his skeletal mount, far from being a demonic harbringer of doom, was politely greeting several ponies as it passed. “Oh, there’s Spike now!” said Fluttershy, waving at him. “And Applejack’s back so soon? I wonder if she has good news!” Spike had spotted Fluttershy and relayed this to Applejack, who started to trot over. Fluttershy asked them what they had heard. “Ah found them, alright. Well, most of ‘em. Their brains are all missing, and ah got a pretty good hunch where they might have gotten to.” The skeleton pointed to the shop building behind them. “I mean, I dunno… “ said Spike, still seated on Applejack’s back. “Don’t you usually get something in return? This seems more like, I dunno, stealing.” He wiggled and say up slightly. “You know this isn’t as comfy as I thought it would be. Your spine’s kind digging into my butt.” Applejack snorted. “Oh, well in that case…” In an instant Spike found himself launched off of his ride and landing in a heap on the ground. As he picked himself up, grumbling all the while, he seemed to spot something. “Hey, is that Rainbow Dash?” he said. Everyone looked up. There was a blue blur approaching at speed. She was holding something rather large and rectangular in her hooves, and there was another detail that seemed to stir debate among the observers. “What on earth is she wearing?” asked Octavia. “Looks like a weird cape or something.” Offered Applejack. “First that tacky jacket and now this. Rarity needs to have a word in the poor girl’s ear.” “Um, I think that is Rarity.” Said Fluttershy, softly. “Don’t be silly, Fluttershy, Rarity can’t fly! She’s a unicorn!” “No, I mean, I think that Rainbow is, um, wearing Rarity. As a cape.” Everyone immediately looked up at the now rapidly approaching Dash. That was indeed a familiar shade of white flapping behind the brainless pegasus, who landed right beside where Applejack was standing. She immediately dropped her cargo and collapsed, panting heavily.  Her “cape” looked around at everyone. “Oh don’t mind her, she’s just a little winded. I did tell her carrying that thing all the way here was a little ambitious.” “Still managed it...” panted Rainbow. Spike walked over the recovering pegasus, taking great care not to step on any part of Rarity, and examined the cargo. It looked like a large water tank, the sort you would keep fish in. And inside of it floated three small, pink, wrinkly… “Brains!” Everyone jumped, including Rainbow, who landed on her hooves and stood there trembling. The source of the voice bounced happily into view. “Pinkie Pie! You’re back so soon?” asked Spike. “That should have taken you hours!” “Well… it didn’t!” said Pinkie, cheerfully. Nobody argued-they all knew better. Even Octavia, who didn’t know Pinkie quite as well as the others, and who would normally not let go of such a weird, inexplicable detail, knew that trying to explain how Pinkie managed such feats was the path to madness. Although given how incredibly weird Ponyville had gotten recently, she was beginning to suspect that she had gone mad already. “So let me guess, those are the missing brains Applejack was talking bout, huh.” Said Spike, poking the glass of the tank with a curious claw. The girls behind him started to relay exactly what it was they learned in their respective fact-finding missions. During this, Octavia decided that this was the perfect time to politely retreat from the proceedings. “We can come back tomorrow once all of this has cleared up, ok?” she said to Vinyl, who had somehow managed to draw a look of disappointed acceptance on her face. She was getting pretty good with that pen. “So…heck I’m confused, how did this happen again?” asked Applejack, who had retrieved her Stetson from Spike and was now trying to find that perfect spot on her skull for it. “I think we might as well ask her while we’re here.” Said Rarity, still draped over Rainbow. “Ask me what?” For what seemed like the 10th time in a minute, everyone gasped and turned around. Clearheart had just left her store, and was standing outside of it with a look of polite curiosity on her face. There was an awkward silence until, eventually, Applejack spoke. “Uh, howdy, Clearheart. Begging your pardon, we were just a little…we was wondering…” the skeleton started to fidget nervously with her hat as she sought the best words for what she was asking. “We wanted to know…” “Oh, are those brains in there?” asked the shopkeeper mare, moving over alongside Spike and peering into the tank. “How lovely! Oh, these seem smaller than a normal adults brain… “ “That’s cause they are!” said Rainbow. “We found them like this, away from their bodies. We thought you mighta did a trade or something, but know I don’t know what the hay’s going on!” The other girls all nodded their heads and showed their agreement as Clearheart continued to stare into the water. “Hmm… have you tried simply asking them yourselves?” she said, eventually. There was a pause, before Pinkie’s head shot up to practically normal head height in apparent excitement before coming back down again. “Yeah, that’s a great idea! Oh, Twilight is –fuming- that she didn’t think of it herself!” said the pink head. “Quick, let’s put them in our heads!” Clearheart and Rarity began to levitate the brains out of the tank. They had no idea of telling which one was which, so they simply chose at random. One went in Rainbow’s open skull, one was squeezed in through Applejack’s eye sockets, and the last was bundled into Rarity’s mouth into the general area of her head. After a few seconds, each of the three started to react. “It’s them!” said Rainbow, before stopping. “I got Applebloom here. Yeah, don’t worry, everyone’s safe.” “Ah, I have Scootaloo in my head.” Announced Rarity, before tutting. “Now now, it’s very rude to complain, it’s not my fault there’s no bones in there… er, it’s a long story.” “Yup, ah got Sweetie Belle. She’s,uh, a little out of it. Talking bout never-ending math equations and such.” Applejack said. “Guess being a brain in a  jar for a day or so’ll do that to a girl. Alright, let’s find out what happened.” There was a long period of silence as all three of the older sisters listened to the voices in their heads, which only they could hear. At some point they swapped around until every sisterly pair was back together again. “I love family reunions…” sniffed an emotional Pinkie Pie, as one of her legs dabbed at her eye with a handkerchief. Eventually, Rarity cleared her throat. Her head was hanging upside down, weighed down by the brain inside of it and swinging gently back and forth. “Well, from what Scootaloo and Sweetie have told me, and from what we’ve shared with each other, I believe we finally have a consensus as to what exactly transpired.” Everyone present, including Clearheart, leaned forward eagerly. Pinkie even took off the top of her skull so that Twilight could lean over. After a tense pause, Applejack delivered the truth. “Our sisters are really dumb.”