Perchance to Dream

by David Silver


96 - We Interrupt This...

As bizarre as my case was, I had written proof, and physical proof. I was clearly not a robot of some kind, which they did check. Once walked into the studio, we were quickly approached by other curious souls, and soon I had hands and fingers prodding, poking, petting, and otherwise being very invasive. They were not being easily convinced just by looking, and that was fine. I was sure they'd been subject to a thousand hoaxes a month, so I tried to be patient with them. Let them be as touchy as they needed if it meant that many more people sure I was a thing.

A severe-looking man with an equally serious frown approached the group. "Break it up! Just got a call, this is fake." He waved for people to make their ways. "Everyone back to their posts."

Really? That was what she had gone with as a defense? My horn glowed as I reached for the man's belt and casually undid it and gave his pants a yank. I made absolutely no attempt to be subtle. Some of the people around me looked over when I started glowing, and those same people gasped with amazement when I depantsed what was likely their boss.

I stood up. "I was a woman just yesterday, now I am a man. This is without doubt and thoroughly documented. I am making legal motions to seek proper justice. As an acting lawyer myself, I am not in the habit of spouting verifiable falsehoods." I leaned forward a little as he scrambled to get his pants back into position. "That gets you fired as a rule."

"Mother Mary! Why aren't we already live?" demanded the reporter I had come in with, one of her hands at her hips. "We should already be going. Do you think no one out there had a camera? They'll be posting pictures before us."

The boss, his belt back in working order, scowled, as seemed to be a favored expression of his. "You are some kind of... freak, but all you talk about is your sex change?"

"I'll gladly answer all your questions if you get that camera going." I gently smiled, tail swaying as I settled on my haunches. "I'm here to give you a story. Are you taking it?"

"No one will believe us!" He threw a pen to the ground where it bounced impotently. "We'll be a laughing stock of the industry!"

I pointed a hoof back towards the street we had come from. "Then why not record out there. Let random members of the public see the interview, or even come up and try to 'disprove' me, so long as it doesn't involve violence." I cringed at the thought of some lunatic approaching with a knife. Ponies were pretty sweet, but I was pretty sure candy would not spill free from me.

The newroom was becoming a chaotic mess. One of them pulled out a smartphone and pointed it at me and the reporter I was with. "Forget this, we'll go live on social media if we have to."

The boss threw his hand in front of the phone. "No! Fine, go ahead. We go live!" That set in motion a whirl of activity as people got to work. I was soon back out in front with the reporter as the usual broadcast was cut inside and soon there I was, smiling at the camera, live...

"We're here in front of our studio--" She waved a hand across the front of the building. "--with a very special bit of news. This is--"

"Linda Frohein," I spoke clearly.

"Hello Mister Frohein." She nodded at me. "Can you tell us what happened?"

"That's 'Miss' Frohein. Until the proper legal paperwork is complete, I am registered as a female, which I was just a day ago. I awoke on a hospital bed as you see me, disfigured beyond recognition." I put a hoof to my chest. "I came here because I want it known that I am still Linda, and I intend to resume my life."

"Do you mean to undergo further reconstructive surgery to undo some of the... damage?"

"Thank you, but no." I shook my head firmly. "I will remain as I am, and that's fine." I waggled a hoof at her. "These are not ideal for typing, but this makes up for it." I tapped my horn gently. "May I show you?"

"Please, go ahead." The reporter was leaning in with a smile. She wanted to see it. That was fine. Let them all see it.

I glanced around for a good target. Someone had left a newspaper in the trash, good enough. I willed it to lift up and hover over to me before unfolding it.

"That's... fascinating." Her eyes darted between my glowing horn and the equally glowing paper. "But I'm sure my viewers at home would like to see something not so easily faked."

"I picked a newspaper for a reason." I willed the paper to be a crane and it began folding up into one. "Anyone who wants to check can see that the writing on the paper is both real and consistent. It is far more complicated than any other simple shape and will be easy to spot if it is fake." I brought the crude crane towards her. "Now touch it, rip a piece off and throw it aside. We'll pick it up later. We're not here to litter."

She took a firm hold of its neck in one hand and ripped with the other, beheading the poor crane, but the rest of it kept floating. She released the head and it fell to the ground in a flutter. "Do you possess other abilities since this event?"

"I gained the male ability to not need to sit down." Potty humor, classy, but I wanted to keep the mood light. "But, I imagine you're more interested in these feats." I tapped at my horn.

A man walking past paused and looked over at me. His eyes dipped to my rump. "Holy shit, it's a pony!" He hurriedly approached, ignorant or uncaring of the camera. "I don't recognize you."

The reporter hiked a brow at the man. "Pardon? We're filming here, please."

I held up a hoof. "Hold on a moment, please." I smiled at the man gently. "I am a human. I woke up this way earlier. You seem to have some knowledge on the subject, what am I, physically?"

That was when he realized he had bumbled right into a newscast. "O-oh, well, you see... Um... You're a pony, like a 'my little pony' pony? You have the cutie mark and everything! Oh wow, you're even floating things." He noticed the floating paper I still held. "Do you know any other spells?"

"Spells?" The newscaster was getting interested. "Yes, please show us that."

I remembered the spell from before, back at Starlight's hooves. I didn't have any cleaning supplies with me, so I just hoped things would work, somehow. I focused on it, my magic getting brighter. From within the studio a thump was heard. We all looked over to see a bucket with a mop on it bouncing against the door. Someone inside opened it and allowed their escape.

The bucket rushed over and set down as the mop jumped free and got to work cleaning the sidewalk with limited success. Several smaller brushes jumped free of the bucket and joined in, becoming a riot of cleanliness in view of the camera.

"So, uh--" The man was watching me as much as the magic on display. "You're an archer?" He could see my bow and arrows, not that they were hidden.

"They came with the rest of it." I shrugged softly. I felt no need to get into how the arrows worked at that moment. An idea struck my and I tilted my head to the side, an ear going up. "Excuse me, but I have a little itch, could you?"

I soon had a stranger scratching me around the base of my offered ear. It was a funny sensation, but not a bad one. More importantly, it drew other people. The youngest were easiest to pull with the promise of pony petting. While some were held back by concerned parents, I soon had two children, a girl and a boy, gushing questions and petting. They were adorable, but I was using them in a way. The more people were physically interacting with me on live television, the better.

The reporter cleared her throat. "So, your legal actions. What is it you hope to gain, in the end?"

My parent's car pulled up a short distance away and I saw Mother and Father spill out. Mother came hurrying up with a collection of papers in her right hand. "Linda!" That's when she noticed I was being recorded and she slowed.

I waved her forward. "Meet my mother, who has my vital records."

The reporter turned right to her. "Excuse me, are you willing to answer a few questions?" When she nodded, the reporter put out her microphone. "How are you certain that this is your daughter?"

Oh, Mom did not like that question. "If there was even a shadow of a doubt, I wouldn't be here. I know my daughter, and she is not a liar. If she says she woke up a horse, well, damn it all, that's what she did." She moved over to my side and put a hand down on my head, my horn going up between two of her fingers.

I felt like I had just been claimed. It wasn't... a bad feeling. I mean, she was my mom. If anyone in the world had the right to say 'Mine!', it was her. Still, right on local news. I couldn't help the fierce blush that ran through my cheeks. I had good family, that much I was sure of.

The reporter had followed the movement. "So, are you a local?"

"Born and raised," replied my mother. My father came up beside her, nodding.

I raised a hoof. "My job called me out to California, where I've been living the last few months."

The presence of my parents spooked off some of the other petters, and I was down to just the girl who was messing with my tail. I couldn't see what she was doing, but she was doing something. The interview was going well, I decided.


Night span the bottle to determine who she would get to challenge. As it span around and around, Trixie continued surfing through channels before she blinked and dropped the remote. "True Shot!"

Everyone turned in unison. There was True Shot, being interviewed with some other people on television. Tod hopped up to his feet. "Auntie?!" There in the ticker bar beneath the broadcast, it reported that the pony on the screen was 'Linda Frohein'.

The bottle landed on Tod, but everyone's attention was on the television.

"I'm not asking for any sudden actions." Linda put a hoof on her chest. "I just want it to be clear that I am still Linda Frohein. No matter how odd I look, I am an American. I plan to go back to work like any other American. I'll drink Starbucks, like any other American, pay my taxes, watch TV, and follow the laws like anyone else."

Starlight hopped up to her hooves. "What the hay is she doing?!"

Tod shook his head numbly. "I think she's... I dunno, but it's big." His eyes darted down. "Sheesh, this isn't a local station." That got blank stares from all the ponies. "It means everyone in the country could be watching this!"

Starlight pointed at the door. "Should we join her?"

Trixie rolled her eyes. "As much as Trixie would love to be witnessed in all her glory, she feels that would be... hasty."

Starlight sank to her belly. "Was I just slowed down by Trixie? This is truly the end of days."

Trixie stuck out her tongue at Starlight. "Trixie says wise things all the time, you just have to listen."