//------------------------------// // Chapter 22 // Story: Prim Rose's Redemption // by Hope //------------------------------// Prim closed her office door, locked it, and rushed into the bedroom before closing and locking that door as well. Only then did she open the bag again. Carefully, as though she was touching holy relics, she removed each article from their paper and laid them out on her bed, heart racing. They were not just clothes, they were an identity. A portrayal of a self that she’d never acknowledged or had the words to describe before. The word queer. Knowing of Sapphire of Lesbos. The kiss… Prim closed her eyes, shaking her head. There was a deep unspoken fear in acknowledging her nature. The very fact that she did not care for stallions, the fact that she admired other mares and could not stop herself from that attraction. The fact that she did not dress or act as other mares do. That first kiss had been like stepping off a ledge, knowing that you do not have wings. She felt like she was falling, out of control, not knowing if she would survive whatever came next. If she could be pushed to acknowledge the joy she found in that kiss, what else? Could she admit to herself that there was more, that her forbidden thoughts of Princess Luna were not just a deranged musings which demonstrated a sickness within her… But something so like love that it would tear her heart open if she continued to call it evil. But it was nonetheless an impossible thing to face, a choice between emptiness and yearning for something impossible. She pulled herself into her bed, atop the fine clothes, and curled tightly into herself as she stifled her sobs to keep them silent. Yet despite it all, she was smiling. Because it all made sense. Because her desires were shared by others, and because she now knew there was so much more to it. Her preferences, her odd styles of clothing, maybe other things as well fell into this nature of hers, and were not just unknown deficiencies to her behavior and mind. She picked up the fine, soft shirt that went below the jacket and cape. The buttons looked to be carved of soapstone, and their glossy surface shone in the dim light. The stitching, so fine, could almost be called delicate, but it was firm and strong in all the ways that lace was not. She put it on, and with just that one piece of clothing, she left her bedroom and stood in front of the mirror in the wardrobe. It looked casual, all unbuttoned and without the jacket, but it almost looked… Beautiful was not the right word. Handsome, maybe. She liked this handsome image of herself. More than she’d liked herself in a very long time. Quickly, she went back and got the rest of the clothes, taking them to the wardrobe and putting them all back on in a rush of giddy joy. Then she admired herself. The cape was noble enough, certainly to fit her new position. The jacket could be any fine dress for cold weather, if it was not for the trousers… It was not a complete unknown, for a mare to wear trousers. Certainly distant cultures did it regularly, and some mares who worked in smithing or other professions wore them. It was not strictly forbidden. She stood tall and took a deep breath before speaking to her reflection. "Good morning, your Highness." She felt a little stiff, stilted, artificial. "Good morning, Princess. Art thou prepared for the dawn court?" That felt a little better. A little less grating. But she still felt vulnerable. She'd been able to shrug off pain before, ignore the opinions of others, or at least recover from them. But now she felt as though she was so open and honest with her preferred appearance, that any slight against it could crush her. Years of being apathetic to the world around her, only caring for her sister and then losing even her, had left Prim raw and vulnerable. She did not know how to be truly strong, she realized. She knew how to be a stone. Still and invulnerable. But now she could no longer deny a vulnerability, and just like that her shell fell away. Prim strode to the window and looked out on the city, thinking. She could order the guards and others to treat her with respect. She had power. She had authority, and she could use that to protect herself. But if Princess Luna found fault with her appearance… “I love her,” Prim whispered, shocked. “I really do love her. What a fool I am, nay, a stargazer. Dreaming of such a thing.” She huffed and shook her head. “There lays the source of my fear, truly. Not that she wouldst send me away, but for the injury to mine heart.” She went back to the mirror and straightened her collar. “She shall not dismiss me. I know that. All the rest, I shall bear as a price for being honest. I shall survive.” She gathered her things and left her room, standing tall and brave. But upon putting her hoof to the handle, she hesitated. “Can I do this?” she asked herself, resting her horn against the door and closing her eyes. “Do I even know what… What ‘This’ is? What I’m doing, anymore?” The spikes of fear interspersed with joy were taking a toll on Prim, all too much, too quickly. She felt like she needed years to ponder what had just happened in the space of an after-midnight. Yet all at once she wanted to be done with it. She wanted to leap bodily into this new unknown, and lose herself in it. Damn the consequences, damn the fears. She wanted to kiss Princess Luna on the lips, and tell her that she was more beautiful than any star that had ever fallen to earth, because she never grew fainter. She never lost her enchantment. Cursing, Prim turned back and paced the length of her office. She was losing control, and it was not acceptable. She was Castalian of the Equestrian Crown Castle. The former Castle of the Two Sisters, the most important structure in all of Equestria, and above that in her own heart she served as temporary Seneschal to Princess Luna. She could not be falling apart. She had to be focused. Princess Luna had asked her to buy herself something, no limits implied or given. Dress codes for nobility such as herself were lax when they existed at all, and she now had the authority to edit them on occasion. Prim Rose was not making a bold public declaration of her identity. She was going to dinner in nice clothing that she should be proud of, to get to know the Children of the Night better. That was all. Firm in her stride, and standing tall, Prim emerged from her office and nodded to the guards she’d been assigned. They didn’t visibly react to Prim’s appearance, and fell in step behind her, marching down the hall towards Princess Luna’s chambers. Prim checked the light through one of the windows, seeing the horizon just beginning to glow yellow, and knowing that it was nearly time for the dinner with the children. She stopped at the hall that led to the rooms where the children were staying, and waited for one of the caretakers to become available to speak to her. The caretaker had a visible reaction, pausing upon seeing Prim and looking her over with surprise before putting it aside and advising Prim that the children would be ready for the dinner within the half hour. Prim thanked her for her time, and resumed her course to the royal chambers. When Prim approached, Tao and Evenstar opened the doors, nodding to Prim with knowing smiles that made her slightly nervous. But when she was inside and Luna took notice of her, that was when Prim’s anxiety reached its peak. Luna looked up from her paperwork and looked like she had been about to speak, when she saw Prim standing there, in all her finery. She closed her mouth, then opened it, then closed it again, before smiling and standing. She strode over to Prim and circled her slowly, letting Prim watch her the whole way. Once she finished a full circle she stopped in front of Prim and nodded. “We approve. Not what we might have assumed that thou wouldst choose, but a glory of it’s own sort. Very well. Let us be off! We hath not only dinner but children to entertain!” With that brief comment, Prim was led in a near daze to the banquet hall, following Princess Luna like a toy on a string. “Ah, mine own children of the night, here, here.” Princess Luna drew all the children in close, and asked each of them their names, something she reassured them she would remember given a few more repetitions, and embraced each that wanted to be held. Though she remembered and recognized Nova Star. “We’ve a fine meal for all of thee, but a bit of time afore it arrives. So please, ask questions of us, that we may become better acquainted.” The burst of noise was shocking, and shook Prim out of her stupor. She stepped up next to Luna and started recording the questions in shorthoof on a scroll. “Do you really move the moon and sun?” “Why are you so tall?!” “Who's that?” (pointing at Prim) “Are we all Princesses now?!” “What’s food we’re having?” “Can I have my own room? Berry Tart kicks in her sleep.” “Can I have another hug?” (No need to answer, hug was supplied immediately.) “Why do you say ‘We’ all the time?” Once they quieted down, Prim floated the list up so Luna could read from it, as she let go of the colt who had asked for another hug. “Hmmm, let us see… Yes. We are responsible for the raising and lowering of both the sun and the moon. Though if a great many unicorns were united in attempting such, they would be capable of it as well. I am tall because I am an alicorn, dost thou know what an alicorn is?” There were mixed responses, and Luna just smiled and began an explanation. “An alicorn is a pony who possesses the heart of an earth pony, the wings of a pegasus, the horn of a unicorn, the keen eyes and ears of a thestral, and the grace and beauty of a crystal pony. They can come about in two ways. One, by an alicorn bearing a child, it may be born as such. This was the case for us. We were alicorns by birth. But there are also alicorns by right. A pony who creates a new sort of magic or performs some great feat that defines the world around us has the chance to become an alicorn.” She smiled to her children and looked to each one. “There is the chance that, if one of thee chooses to pursue it, that thee may become an alicorn as well. Now, this is Prim Rose, our Seneschal which is a pony that cares for the schedule and court sessions. She is also Castilian of this castle, meaning that she cares for the castle and all of the things and ponies within. She shall often help us care for thee.” “She dresses funny,” one Colt said. “When thou art a very important pony, thee may dress however pleases thee,” Luna said with a smile. “Prim is a very important pony here at the castle. Thou all may think of her as an aunt, or big sister. But she is very much in charge, whenever we are not present.” Prim felt a stirring of pride in how Luna defended her, or seemed to defend her in her statement. But she didn’t dwell on it, holding up the paper for Luna to read from. “As to the title, Princess or Prince is a title which denotes one as being fit to take up the throne. Do any of thee believe that thou art capable of doing what we do?” The children grew still at the serious look Luna gave to all of them, but after a moment, Nova Star stepped forward. “I could learn!” Princess Luna chuckled and nodded. “Indeed thou art most keep, perhaps one day thou shalt earn the title of Princess. But for now, thou art all Duchesses. Of course, the colts are Dukes. Next, as to the question of food, it is a surprise! Even we do not know, but it shall be delivered shortly. Sleeping arrangements are handled by your caretakers, and lastly we get to the question of the royal plural,” she said with a chuckle. “As a princess, I must represent all of my little ponies, and I must also display myself in all ways as the leader of Equestia. One way of doing so is to use the royal plural, or the royal We. If I must meet with some important pony, all of Equestria stands behind me, so it is We, meeting with them. This is true in all the things a princess does, and is a kind of etiquette that must be followed. So, you are all our Children, and it is we that shall dine with thee. It may sound silly, but after many hundreds of years, it is a habit of ours. Even in private when not necessary, we refer to ourself as plural, and until royalty is not required to do so, we shall continue it.” “But why keep doing it, when… when you could just make a law saying you won’t anymore!” Princess Luna paused, and seemed struck by the idea, as though she’d never thought of it before. “Well… It is possible, we could do so, certainly. Perhaps other rulers would find it impertinent, or the ponies of Equestria would find it to be careless, to no longer represent them in our speech, but we shall keep it in mind.” The cooks chose that moment to bring the food in, and quickly all of the children were seated. The chefs had prepared a rich creamy pasta with asparagus heads, and caramelized Salsify slivers on the side, for the main course. They were also served onion fried in butter until brown, with thin slices of beet that turned it red for an appetiser, and then some fluffy fried dough balls with a sweet chocolate to dip it into for dessert. Thankfully the children enjoyed almost everything and there was mostly small conversations between the adults during the meal. “How fare the children in coping with their losses?” Luna asked two of the caretakers quietly. They hesitated, looking to eachother. After a short pause one of them sighed and spoke. “We know… It is in poor taste to speak of thy sister, your Highness,” he said delicately. “Please,” Luna said, leaning in closer. “These are our children, and we shall suffer what we must to care for them and their pains. We are already aware that many of their dreams are haunted by our sister’s visage, her… more blinding form. Is this the concern?” “Not as much,” he said hesitantly. “Their dreams are their own, but their waking hours… Many of them have made a choice to remain awake only during the night, to keep thy schedule. They are afraid of the daylight, and during those hours remain inside when not sleeping. We hath no fear for this but for their pressuring of others to join them. They wish more time with their new siblings, you see, so all the children hath become nocturnal, as a herd of sorts.” Luna huffed, trying to hide a smile. “Children of the night indeed,” she said as she thought it over. “Dost thou believe this shall hurt them, given time?” “Some of them. There is tremendous pressure from the others for all to sleep during the day, even those who would rather not.” “Then we shall find them new playmates. Discover the children’s old friends, hopefully they reside within Everfree city, and see if we cannot arrange for them to spend time together. Isolation shall serve them poorly if they are meant to carry our banner in life.” The caretakers nodded in agreement, and the matter was settled. Prim sat to the side, listening and thinking. After a bit longer she spoke her mind. “Excuse the unsolicited query, but Perhaps this may not be of concern given time? More oft I see that the court hours prompt a more encompassing schedule from our ponies. Even those who sleep during the night now take noon as a time of rest, shops close for several hours, some now sleep both at mid-night and mid-day. It may be that children of all sorts may be discovered to occupy their time, if they were housed outside the castle.” “Trying to free up some space inside the walls?” Luna asked with a smirk, clearly meant as a joke. But it didn’t feel like a joke to Prim. After all, she still saw these as her children, no matter how distant. “No. It would be within the walls but outside the castle, so that there are fewer barriers between their living quarters and potential friends. Great developments in heating and construction have been made since the castle’s construction. I propose a modest home, built in a similar style of shell as the castle, between the Lunar gardens and the front gate, along the inside of the outer wall. Currently, there is only open space and it shall serve easily for a dozen children and their needs, or even more should shelter be required.” Prim realized that her tone had become heated, and she sat back in her chair, looking away. She wanted to demand her own plans be taken into account, she wanted these children to look up to her, not as an older sister or an aunt, but a mother, and damn it all she wanted Luna to be the other parent. It was all an impossible thing that was driving her, and she realized again that she would have to wrest control away from her emotions, and take the role she was given, gratefully and gracefully. “It is a fine suggestion,” Princess Luna said in a kind tone after a moment of silence. “One which we shall explore. All our thanks to thee, Prim.” “Thou art most welcome, your Highness,” Prim replied on reflex, before focusing on her meal. The buzz of conversation carried on around her, and she floated through it, burying her focus in the soft and deceptively light balls of dough, which easily squished when a bit too much pressure was applied with a hoof on picking it up, but when squished became the perfect carrier for ever greater amounts of the sweet chocolate, which she pondered must certainly cost a fortune to import, just so such a dessert could be served. “Prim?” Prim looked up, smiling a little at the thought of the poor merchant who had to traverse mountains with loads of delicious powder on his back without eating any of it, to see Luna standing. Seeing that no others were standing, Prim was a bit confused. The meal was clearly not over. “Yes, Princess?” “Nova Star wishes to learn how to dance, so that upon her coronation, she may be able to pick out any fine colt and dance with him without stumbling. So, we’d thought to give a demonstration. Thou art the only attendee in fine attire matching a crown, so wouldst thou join us in a dance to serve example to the children?” There was mirth in Luna’s eyes as she looked to Prim and spoke, whether because she knew more of Prim’s feelings or the far more probable answer that she was amused by Nova’s determination to be crowned, Prim could not tell. “Of course, your Highness,” Prim replied as she cleaned her hooves and stood, striding out in Princess Luna’s wake. “We shall lead,” Luna said firmly, projecting her voice to fill the room as many of the children turned to watch. “In a formal dance, if thou art to dance with a colt, the colt shall follow. If dancing with a mare, then the taller of the two shall lead,” she said before pausing and looking back to the children with a wink. “It seems that we may be a tad bit taller than our Lady Rose.” There were childish giggles and Luna turned and stood, legs close together and tall, while Prim stood in front of her, taking the same pose. She didn’t know what would happen, as she barely knew how to dance at all. “In time with music, a dance shall proceed only when all instruments are playing together, but before that a beat shall be set.” She gestured to one of the guards, and the guard began tapping the butt of his spear against the floor twice a second, making a fairly slow rhythm. “The dance begins with a bow. No matter the status, for the length of the dance, both participants are respecting eachother, thus…” Luna bowed to Prim and for the briefest of moments Prim wanted to stay standing and soak in that unusual sight, but she bowed as well, before they both came back to standing. Prim didn’t so much regret not staying standing, as she realized that she was now dancing with Princess Luna. That joy drowned out a lot of the nervousness and disappointment in not being able to soak in the experience at her own pace. “The dance we shall display is known as the Moon County circle dance, which was created two hundred years ago during a competition held in our honor. It begins with a crossing of the paths. First we each turn to the left, perform a hop to our cross hooves, then turn to the right and repeat.” From there, Luna stopped narrating the dance. Quickly, Prim came to realize that the dance was designed to allow both participants to watch each other throughout. At no point did they lose eye contact. They pranced in place before striding in a quick circle around each other, and then closing in until they were nearly nose to nose. Even if Luna had been giving directions, Prim would not have heard them, her heart was racing so quickly. Prim was so focused on mirroring Luna’s actions, that she was barely able to think, though one thought did enter her mind and stay there. She was dancing with Luna in front of children. Somehow it felt like she was doing something wrong, and would be punished. But she could feel Luna’s breath on her chin, and see those large teal eyes taking her in, completely focused on Prim and her movements. They then turned about the point between their noses, each neck to the side, so that they were pacing like circling wolves until they completed a full rotation and stopped. Luna then reared up and Prim copied her, until they fell chest to chest, leaning on each other for support, Luna’s right hoof holding Prim’s left down and out away from their bodies, while Luna’s left hoof held Prim’s side to keep her from falling. Prim could feel Luna’s slow certain heartbeat, while her own raced. Luna’s body was so warm, so strong, it was almost unbelievable that Prim was offering her any support at all. Like a blade of grass holding up a tree. “Step front one two three four, turn left one two three four, step back one two three four, turn left one two three four,” Luna called out as they made a rough circle by tracing an octagon on the floor, trading who was leading the line with each rotation. When they reached the starting point, Luna spread her wings and spun Prim out away from her until they were resting on their meeting outstretched hooves, their free hooves wide away from each other. Prim had stopped paying attention to the children, and was wholly focused on Luna. She could only imagine that she would never see anything more beautiful than Princess Luna, standing upon her hind legs, wings wide open, and her dark blue mane glittering full of stars. “That…” Princess Luna said with a confident smile and a slight shortness of breath, “Is the Moon Country Circle dance. From there, we would switch partners with a neighboring pair and begin again.” The children clapped while Luna beat her wings so she could gently lower Prim to her normal stance, and as they turned to return to her seat, she leaned in close to Prim to whisper to her. “Our thanks to thee for the wondrous dance, Prim Rose.” Prim couldn’t even reply, she was so dizzy with joy.