Time moved in slow motion around me. The rail of the bridge seemed so far away already, and I could feel the wind blowing. I remember the moment so well, the smell of the summer night’s air. It should have been a beautiful night, with a clear sky and the warmth of July wrapping around me. Instead, I was watching her move further away from me by the second, standing at the edge of the bridge, staring. Was that regret I saw on her face? If so, the irony would be palpable. She knew what she had done. When I got back up there, I would make sure she knew exactly how I felt. I would never see that bitch again, and by god would she know it.
I could feel the spray of the rushing river already, and I wondered if I’d be able to swim back in the strong current. Hopefully I didn’t break anything from the fall. I felt an impact like hitting cement as I reached the water. In that brief second I could feel the air rush out of my lungs, and my body went limp. For a moment the river swept me along in it’s current, and although the memory was barely there, I remember seeing a dark shape fast approaching.
After that, silence.
I awoke gasping for air, and even though I had not sweat for as long as I had been a ghost, I swore I could feel the chill of it on my skin. I quickly patted myself down, feeling my body to make sure I was alright.
“I’m okay,” I muttered, out of breath. “I am okay.”
I sat still, wide-eyed and staring at the quilted blankets on Pinkie Pie’s bed. I had to take a moment to remind myself that I was in fact in Pinkie’s bed, and not outside on a bench like usual. I ran a hand through my hair and looked up, the intensity of my dream still remaining.
“I don’t think I’ve ever dreamed before,” I whispered to the room, “Not since I came to this god-forsaken horse land.”
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie happened. The door burst open and in dashed the playful pink pony I was currently staying with, and at the same time I found my mind fully occupied with her.
“Good morning Charlie!” she greeted me in a voice clearly not meant for mornings. “I made us breakfast! Pancakes with all the syrup for me, and some for you too!”
I saw the tray on her back then, laden with mouthwatering, golden and fluffy pancakes. God, I missed pancakes. Seeing them drenched in syrup with that perfect pat of butter on top, it was too much. I just wanted to reach out and downright devour the whole stack. But I couldn’t. At the very least I didn’t feel all that hungry, even if the smell was more than enough to drive me crazy.
I shook my head just a bit to clear my thoughts before looking Pinkie square in the face. “Pinkie Pie,” I said, my lips drawn tight and my brow furrowed, “You know that I can’t eat those, right?”
For her credit, Pinkie Pie did look genuinely surprised for a moment, before her expression became sorrowful. “I’m so sorry Charlie!” she said, “I totally forgot! I just always make pancakes, or sometimes waffles, when I have friends stay over so I guess I just kinda did it without thinking.”
Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes, and her lower lip even trembled. A small part of me took satisfaction in her embarrassment, and the thought even crossed my mind that the dumb girl deserved the sting of humiliation.
“Wait, that’s not right,” I thought, “She’s my friend, aren’t I supposed to be nice to her?” I took a deep breath in to refocus myself and realized that I was right. Despite the fact that she could possibly be the most mind-bogglingly insane pony I had met, Pinkie Pie had been quite kind to me thus far, and I had no reason to treat her so cruelly. I really had been alone too long.
It felt like a minute weight lifted off of my shoulders as I finally responded to her. “It’s okay Pinkie,” I did my best to sound reassuring, “I’m used to watching ponies eat. Just enjoy the pancakes for me, okay?”
Pinkie looked at me with a big grin and gave me a quick hug. “Thank you Charlie! I will make sure I enjoy these pancakes more than any other pancakes ever!”
And so she took the tray of the delicious flapjacks off of her back and began to eat. As she did, the silly pink pony made the most exaggerated, ridiculous noises of enjoyment I had ever heard. She made each bite seem like it was the best she’d ever tasted, and as she licked the syrup off of her lips she moaned in pleasure.
It was fitting, really. Cheesy, over the top, and just plain weird, that’s what she was. That was simply Pinkie Pie. As she ate, I swore I could taste the phantom of a pancake on my tongue, and I did my best to enjoy the sensation while it lasted.
I hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet, and this crazy mare had already made my morning one of the most memorable in my life. I surely wouldn’t have admitted it at the time, but I felt the corner of my mouth creep up in the barest hint of a smile.
“Pinkie,” I grumbled, my hands stuffed in my pockets as I walked, “Where are we going, anyways?” My good mood from the morning had quickly worn off as the crazy pink pony dragged me out of her little home faster that I had thought physically possible. Nothing quite like inertia to put a damper on one’s spirit. In my case, literally.
“We’re gonna go get you some help, silly!” She replied as she bounced along the streets of Ponyville. I tried not to think too hard on how her mane stayed perfectly in place despite the fact that she seemed more kangaroo than pony.
“You’re the one who needs help,” I muttered under my breath, looking away just a bit.
“What?” she turned her head and asked me.
“What?” I replied in kind, pretending I had not said anything.
We maintained eye contact for a moment longer before Pinkie shook her head far more rapidly than seemed possible. “Anyways, I thought we’d start with Rarity, since she already knows you’re real, we won’t have to convince her of that. We’ll just pick her up so she can help us convince the others that you’re here!”
“Rarity? The one from the party last night? Why start with her? If nothing else, she probably didn’t even believe you. I’ve seen you do some weird stuff, so she most likely figured you were being a little more weird than normal.” Also, although I refused to say it out loud, if I were to be able to interact with more ponies, the fancy one with the huge variety of clothing didn’t really seem like a great start. Or middle. Or end. Not like I need new clothes anyways, my good ol’ denim an’ flannel combo was not only awesome, it seemed to be as immortal as I was.
“That’s simple, Charlie! I thought it all out last night after we went to bed.” Pinkie somehow pulled a notepad out of her hair and began showing me diagrams of herself and her friends. I swear, anyone who could make this shit up deserves more money than they’re getting.
“You see, at first I thought that my friend Twilight would be the best help,” she started, still managing to walk with only three legs. “But then I realized, if I went to Twilight and said I found a ghost, she wouldn’t believe me! She may believe in my Pinkie Sense, but she’d just try to explain you away as “swamp gas” or “a toy in a bathtub” like all the other crazy things I try to prove to her.” Pinkie pointed to a red X next to an illustration of the one I had dubbed “NerdHorse.”
“Next I thought about Rainbow Dash, but even if she wasn’t in the hospital I don’t think she’d like sitting around trying to talk to a ghost instead of hunting for them in an abandoned castle or mansion. And I can’t take you to an abandoned castle or mansion because we already went ghost hunting last month, and I can’t just do it again so soon!”
“Right,” I raised an eyebrow and pretended to understand her logic. It was a shame though, I figured Pony Pride Horse could have given me a few laughs in an abandoned castle.
“Then there’s Applejack, but she’d just tell me to stop being silly. Or, maybe she’d believe me and pull out all sorts of stuff to ward you off because she thinks ghosts are mean. But I know you’re not mean,” Pinkie’s speech skipped like a record, noise and all, “Or, well, not as mean anymore. But still, I don’t know if any of that could work on you, but I don’t think you’d like being banished.”
My eyebrows traded places as my expression went from confused and skeptical to curious and intrigued. On the one hand, Pinkie was right, banishment did sound bad. On the other, maybe it would let me be free of these crazy equines.
Or maybe Banjo Horse would just send me to hell or something. No, I think I’ll pass, thank you very much. Even if it was pony hell, I somehow feel that would be even worse.
“And, well, I never even considered Fluttershy. She’s not exactly the ghost friendly type, no offense.” Pinkie let out an uneasy chuckle and tossed the notepad back onto her mane, where it slowly sunk in like the pink fluff on her head was made of pudding or something.
...That would explain a lot, if I’m being honest.
“Alright then,” I say, more than a bit surprised by Pinkie’s logic, “To Ms. Fancy Pants we go.”
“Rarity isn’t Ms. Fancy Pants, silly!” Pinkie said as she started bouncing now that her little presentation was done, “Fancy Pants lived in Canterlot, and I think he’s dating that one model Fleur De Lis.”
I slapped my face. Hard. Of course there was a pony named Fancy Pants. I really needed to start keeping my mouth shut, even though that something I hadn’t had to do for a long time.
“How long until we get there anyways?” I asked Pinkie, “I haven’t really been paying attention to where we are.”
“We’re already there, silly!” Pinkie said to me, and that’s when I noticed that I was at the base of the stairs to Rarity’s boutique. I swear, just thinking the word left a bitter taste on my tongue. It was just so frilly.
“Convenient that we arrive right after our conversation ended, huh?” I snarked, having some fun with the coincidence.
“Nah, that’s pretty normal for me. My friends and I always seem to get wherever we need to be after just one conversation or two. Even if it’s all the way across Equestria!” Pinkie sat on her haunches and stretched her forelegs far apart.
“Right.” I decided I didn’t want to have to figure out this new level of insanity. “How about you open that door up and we get this show on the road, him?”
“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie smiled at me and pushed open the door. A little bell rang from above and I heard Rarity’s distinct, refined voice.
“Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique!” Rarity thrust out a hoof for flourish, her eyes closed in her little spiel.
“Hey Rarity, how are you today?” Pinkie asked, joyfully bouncing over to her friend. I, of course, followed at a more sedate pace. The whole room, full of frills and dresses, made me feel uneasy. I was starting to question more and more why all these girly things put me on guard, but I just chalked it up to a total lack of interest. I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I figured if Pinkie could get away with it then I could too.
“Oh, Pinkie Pie, I wasn’t expecting you. What brings you here today?” Rarity tilted her head as she greeted her friend.
“Nothing special Rarity, I just need your help with something.”
“What is it you need, darling? I’m certainly happy to help however I can.” Rarity actually looked a little concerned at this point. I would be too, I could tell all that pink was just a front for shenanigans. However, there was a little part of me that doubted Rarity’s sincerity, and I know just a few days ago I would have run with it. But since I had met Pinkie things seemed… I don’t know, more clear I suppose. It wasn’t something I could easily explain to myself at the time. All I knew for sure was that despite all the misgivings I’d been having, I was finding it hard to dislike that pink pony, even when that little voice in the back of my head insisted the girl was nothing but trouble.
“Well,” Pinkie swayed from one side to the other in an exaggerated motion, breaking me from my thoughts, “It has to do with that party I threw last night. More like, it has to do with someone I introduced you to at that party last night. Remember Charlie? He’s here right now!”
“What? Pinkie, darling, I was actually hoping we could just forget about that little bit of tomfoolery from last night.” Rarity nervously replied, “especially that part about a certain book that you weren’t supposed to know about.”
“It’s okay Rarity, we all have little guilty pleasures.” Pinkie leaned in real close to Rarity and added in a whisper, “Sometimes, I eat sugar free cookies, just to see how they taste.”
“Right,” Rarity gently nudged Pinkie out of her personal space, before saying “I certainly hope you’re not going to try to prove to me that your ghost friend is real again.”
“Of course not Rarity, don’t be silly!” Rarity actually let out a small sigh of relief at this. “You already know Charlie is real. I want your help in proving to everyone else that he’s real!”
Rarity sputtered a bit as Pinkie smiled brightly at her. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the unicorn’s expression. Intentional or not, Pinkie’s comedic timing was spot on.
“Pinkie Pie, darling, I know you have quite the… active imagination, but surely you must admit that ghosts are not real!” Rarity actually put on a genuine look of concern for her friend, resting a hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder.
“I used to think so too, Rarity. But then I met Charlie and now I know ghosts are real. At least, this ghost is real, right Charlie?” Pinkie somehow stretched her hooves and dragged me over from my place a few feet away.
“Uh, right?” I lamely replied, not knowing what else to do. Honestly, half the time Pinkie confused me so much I could barely process reality.
“Pinkie-” Rarity began with a sigh, before seeing her pink friend’s face. Now, I liked to think I was too tough and manly to fall for such tricks, but even I had to admit that Pinkie Pie’s Pouty Pony Face™ was too cute to resist. That thing had to be weapons grade adorable, capable of taking out anyone’s willpower from fifty paces and then some.
And it seemed Rarity shared the same feeling, as she sighed once more and said “Fine, if I must help you prove that your ghost friend is real, I shall.”
With that, like all those who use the pouty face to get their way, Pinkie immediately snapped back to happy mode and clapped her front hooves together.
“Yay! I just know we can get everypony to believe us if you’re helping!” Pinkie then wrapped a hoof around both of us, somehow balancing on just her back two, and pushed us both towards the door.
For once, Rarity and I had something in common as we both sputtered and insisted Pinkie stop and let us go. Of course, if anyone reading this knows even the slightest thing about the Pie that is Pinkie, you would know that she didn’t listen to a word we said. In the end however, it did turn out to be a good thing. You see, once we reached the door, the fashionista and I being shoved side by side, we realized there wasn’t enough space for the both of us.
And as I stood there, squished between a little white pony and the door frame, I came to a realization. It snapped into place out of nowhere, since I had probably been thinking about it subconsciously for as long as I had tried to touch these little horses.
If ponies can’t touch me, what happens if I obstruct their path in such a way that they can’t move around me?
The answer: they can’t pass me. Or, in the case with Rarity, because there was not enough space for us both to fit, we wound up squished together before Pinkie managed to squeeze us both through the door, the two of us falling forward from the force.
“What was that?” Rarity exclaimed, waving a hoof at the door. In the meantime, I did my best fish impression as I had my mind blown for what felt like the hundredth time in the past few days.
“I swear to god I’m the biggest fucking idiot on this whole fucking planet,” I muttered as my body caught up with my mind, “I could have gotten one of these confounded horses to notice me the whole time if I wasn’t so goddamn, motherfucking stupid!”
“Hey!” my vision was suddenly full of angry pink pone, “Watch the language!”
“Yes ma’am,” I squeaked, not liking the tone of Pinkie’s voice. I knew she couldn’t really hurt me, but I also wouldn’t put it past her to somehow be able to wash my mouth out with soap.
“Pinkie Pie,” the two of us broke our little stare and looked at Rarity, “How did you manage to squish me against thin air?”
“I did it because it wasn’t thin air, silly! It was Charlie!” Pinkie waved a hoof at me like it was the most obvious thing.
“My goodness, you’re serious, aren’t you? There really is a ghost there, isn’t there?” The white pony’s eyes had widened considerably, and she slowly walked over to us. “I can’t believe it! It’s just so… unbelievable!”
“Yeah, imagine how I felt when the first thing I get a response out of in two years was this silly pink pony.” I snarked with a roll of my eyes.
“Oh, I imagine that must have been quite the experience. Pinkie Pie can be a bit… much, even to her friends.” Rarity responded to me without thinking.
I stared at her.
She stared back at me.
Pinkie started shaking as if she were about to explode.
“Holy shit you can see me!”
“My word, what are you?!”
“This is so awesome!” Pinkie Pie took off like a rocket, flying high above the boutique.
“Oh shit!” I shouted, standing and holding out my arms to catch the crazy mare. I didn’t know how she could jump that high, but I was pretty sure the ground wouldn’t care when she went splat against it.
With a running leap I caught her, twisting in mid air so she landed against my chest. For once I was thankful to be a ghost, as having the wind knocked out of me didn’t feel so bad when I didn’t really need to breath.
“Hey!” A pink hoof booped my nose, “What did I say about the language, mister?”
“I, uh, buh, sorry?” I sputtered.
“That’s better!” Pinkie Pie flashed me a smile before hopping off of me. I didn’t actually feel much when she launched off my chest. Maybe it was just a ghost thing, but it certainly seemed like these ponies didn’t weigh much at all.
“Excuse me,” Rarity cleared her throat to catch our attention, “If I may just butt in here, I can’t help but feel the need to ask, WHAT IS HE?!” I found an immaculate marshmallow hoof pointed right at my face, “AND WHERE DID HE COME FROM?!”
“Whoa, easy on the volume there girl,” I jammed a pinky in my ear and attempted to clear it out, “I don’t think they heard you on the moon.”
Mindless of my comment, Pinkie rushed to Rarity and exclaimed, “This is great! You can see him now too, so you do admit he is real now, right?”
“Well,” Rarity fell to her haunches, a stunned look still on her face, “I suppose I do. I doubt anyone short of the princesses or perhaps Twilight could cast an illusion this convincing, and even then I further doubt that they would. But still, I would very much like to know why the ghost I’m looking at is not a pony but a… whatever he is!” She gestured wildly at me to emphasize my point.
“Ouch,” I said, “I have feelings too you know. I’m a human by the way, thanks for asking.” I suppose somewhere along the past couple of days I had managed to pick up faster on the ever encroaching insanity that had become my afterlife. “And before you ask, no, I don’t know how I got here. I died, something I would prefer not to discuss, but your guess is as good as mine why this is my afterlife.”
“Well, that does little to help my confusion,” Rarity stood back up and extended a hoof to me, “But ghost or not, I should not forget my manners in such a way. My name is Rarity, and it is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Charlie.”
“Umm,” I slowly took her hoof in my hand and shook, “likewise, I suppose.”
“Alright! Now that you two have actually met each other we can go get the others to see him and then we can have another party where everypony can actually see him!” Pinkie hopped into the air, and I swear her legs started to swirl like a cartoon. Before she could speed off however, her tail was caught in a cloud of blue sparkles, courtesy of Rarity’s magic.
“Not so fast, darling! I suppose I may be able to help you with this endeavor, but first I very much would like to go back inside and get some answers.” Rarity told her friend, letting go of her bushy pink tail.
“Oh, alright,” Pinkie seemed disappointed in the delay. As to be expected really, that girl didn’t seem to know the meaning of the word “Calm.”
“Very well then! I shall brew us some tea and we can all sit down and have a nice, civilized discussion instead of yelling in public like a bunch of madponies!” With that the unicorn trotted back inside her boutique, Pinkie and I following close behind.
As I crossed the doorway however, I rubbed a hand on the frame and shook my head. “I am such an idiot, how did I miss this?”
“So, you’re telling me that you two only met the other day, and it was because Charlie here was making fun of a pony at Sugarcube Corner?” Rarity lifted her teacup delicately in her magic, taking a dainty sip.
“Yup! I told him to stop being such a meanie, but when I realized no one else could see him, I rushed off because I knew he must be a ghost!” Pinkie lifted her teacup with both hooves, and chugged the whole cup in one go, nearly slamming it back down before receiving a rather pointed glance from Rarity. Clearly, it was not the first time she had done such a thing.
“In my defense, I had been alone for more than a year. It’s not like I had anyone to tell me no, so I’ve kind of let my lips run loose. I guess it’s just fun.” I stared at my teacup, and tried my best to lift it to my lips. Like any other time I tried to touch something, I felt a sort of repelling force, like I was pushing two magnets together the wrong way. My hand moved back and the cup stood still, mocking me with its stillness. I didn’t ask for it, but I suppose Rarity only gave me one out of politeness. It seemed rather silly to give a ghost a cup of tea, after all.
“Yes, well, if I am to help you meet my friends then I must ask you to mind your tongue, good sir. I know you have been alone for quite some time, but that is no excuse for bad manners!” Rarity gave me the same pointed look she had given Pinkie Pie. Clearly this horse took her decorum seriously.
I scrunched my face into a scowl, but still her bright blue eyes dug into me. I held out for a few more seconds before huffing and looking away. “Fine, I guess I can play nice for now. Not like I have anything else to do.”
“Yay!” Pinkie clapped her hooves, “This is gonna be great!”
“Of course, making new friends is always enjoyable. Although, I must ask you two, how is it that I am suddenly able to see Charlie when I was unable to before?” Rarity made a quite solid point, and I certainly did not have an answer for her.
I shrugged and gave her my best “iunno” look. I really had no clue, none of this crazy horse stuff had made any sense to me in the whole time I had been trapped among them. We both turned to look at Pinkie, who was rubbing a hoof to her chin and making what must have been an exaggerated thinking face.
“Hmmmm…” She hummed, squinting her eyes at Rarity. Just as the white pony began to lean back away from her friend, Pinkie snapped upright and raised a hoof. “I know!” She exclaimed, “Oh, I totally know!”
“Well,” I said, resting my elbow on the table, and my chin on that hand, “Do tell. Nothing I ever did seemed to work, I too would like to know what changed.” In my head I added “Although that door fiasco did prove I was an idiot, that’s for sure.”
“It’s simple! Rarity couldn’t see you until she really, truly, believed you were real!” The grin on her silly face threatened to break off and replace the sun for how bright it was, I swear.
Two sets of eyebrows flew up as the truth settled on both myself and Rarity. “I suppose it makes sense,” Rarity said, rubbing a hoof to her own chin, “At the least, it’s the best explanation I can think of.”
The two of them looked at me for any more ideas, and once again I shrugged. “Don’t look at me, I haven’t had much control over my life since little miss caffeine-high over there came into it.”
That actually made Rarity giggle, and she hid her mouth behind her hoof. “Yes, she certainly tends to have the effect on ponies. I suppose humans would be no different.”
“Yay!” Pinkie shouted, “You two are becoming friends!” God this little horse was going to make me lose my mind with all her shouting.
“I don’t think so,” I groused, “I’m nothing like miss Fashion Model over there.”
“Oh don’t be that way darling,” Rarity softly waved a hoof at me, “I can tell that although you may be uncouth on the surface, there is an upstanding and witty gentleman underneath. You did just compliment me after all, and I do appreciate you noticing how much care I put into my appearance!”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I grumbled, looking away. I heard a few snickers from the two of them and quickly looked back, finding the two of them doing their best to look at anything but me. “Frickin’ ponies…” I muttered.
Pinkie gave me a small glare, because of course she heard that. Rarity however simply said, “Well, it is settled then! We will just have to take you around town and help prove you are real to the rest of our friends, then hopefully we will know what to do with you from there!”
“I feel like your plan lacks some vital steps there, Rarity,” I said, “For starters, who else is going to believe that an alien ghost is walking among them?”
“Well, I do believe that before we reach the end of this little plan of ours, we should be sure that we are correct in how we can allow other ponies to see you.” Rarity stated, standing and clearing the table. “To that end, I suspect that Rainbow Dash would certainly appreciate a visit from her friends, don’t you Pinkie?”
“Oh! I totally forgot about that angle! She’s already bored, so doing anything would be fun for her!” Pinkie bounced to her hooves and grabbed my hand with her mouth. “Come on!” She said, her words muffled by my fingers, “Let’s go!”
In a whirl of silly ponies and shouts to let me go, we all found ourselves on the path to the Ponyville Hospital to see another crazy pony.
As Pinkie Pie and Rarity trotted along in front of me, chatting about something I was too busy thinking to pay attention to, I realized something. Even just a week prior, doing all this would have seemed like the last thing I would want to do, but now? Now, it didn’t seem so bad.
Without realizing, I smiled just a little bit as I felt light on my feet. Maybe making friends wouldn’t be so bad.