“Rarity!” Pinkie Pie began anew in the same disheartened tone, standing in the main room of the Carousel Boutique, “Rainbow Dash left me and doesn’t want to be lesbian-love-buddies anymore, so now I-”
“Oh Pinkie Pie, say no more! I know EXACTLY what you’re going through, but you simply CAN’T commit suicide looking like that!” Rarity exclaimed before Pinkie could even finish.
“What? But I-” Pinkie pie was yanked along by the fashionista’s hoof before she could say anything more...
In no time they were in the upstairs room, with Rarity forcing Pinkie Pie into various morbid dresses which would be perfect to kill herself in. “DAAAHRLING, I’m so glad you came!” Rarity exclaimed, “You wouldn’t BELIEVE how few ponies can appreciate the drama of a good suicide! Ooh! Here! Try this tiara!” she injected, placing a black tiara (which looked a lot like Luna’s, but Luna’s kind of goth and probably a suicidal cutter, so) on her pink friend’s head, “Fabulous! Now, where was I? Oh yes! The drama! The tragedy! A young life ended well before its time by the side effect of a shattered heart... Oh what a world!” she put her hoof to her forehead in exasperation.
“But Rarity, can’t this wait until my funeral? I wanna die NOW!” she stomped her hooves a bit in annoyance.
“Patience Pinkie Pie! There’s a certain elegance to be had with these things: you can’t just go hanging yourself looking like you just got out of bed, you have to PLAN for it! You have to die FABULOUS!”
“But by the time you get me all dressed up and fabulous, I’ll be dead of old age! And I don’t WANT to die of old age, I want to KILL MYSELF!”
“Well then,” Rarity said, clearly a bit irritated, “If that’s the way you feel about it, you might as well ask Applejack! I’m sure she doesn’t care how she looks any day of the year, let alone the day she dies...”
“Hey, you’re right!” Pinkie Pie said, taking it as a good suggestion, “Why didn’t I think of that sooner?” She ducked out of the dress (somehow) and trotted promptly out the door. “If you wanna get yourself done in, go to the pony who knows how to get ‘er done!”
Rarity facehoofed behind her. “Oh well, another time I guess...” she said, putting away the gold-trimmed box of her suicide kit.