"Mmmmmmmmmmm..." Rainbow Dash smiled in spite of the catastrophic moment. Like a foal settling into a fluffy bed, she curled up, blindly grasped the nearest chunk of pale granite closest to her, and nuzzled it against her fuzzy cheek. "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeee... frecklesssssssss..."
The air filled up with hyperventilation. Applejack's hyperventilation. Breaking cover instantly, the mare galloped over to Rainbow's side. She skidded to a stop, her hooves knocking aside a chunk of statue or two.
"Oh withersnaps, Rainbow!" Applejack's teeth chattered. Standing above the petite pegasus, she looked left... she looked right... and then she pulled her hat tighter over her blonde head. "Withersnaps on a witherbagel!" The farm mare proceeded to swallow the mother of all lumps down her throat. "Now you gone and done it!"
"Mmfghhhghuuu..." Rainbow Dash drifted away, her next breath funneling somewhere between a whimper and a snore. "...apple done. Heeeheee... shnkkktktt..."
"Darn it, Rainbow!" Applejack bent over, hissing. "Will you stop blabberin' about apples?!" She froze in place, blinking at the dimly-lit gardens surrounding. "...what has become of me?"
Hoofsteps.
Applejack gasped. She flung her head to the left.
About thirty feet away rested the edge of the Palace Building proper. The hoofsteps were emanating from inside. Applejack spotted two translucent windows and a door. A light turned on, and an armored pony's silhouette appeared within the glass frame. The knob to the door began to turn.
"Oh stem!" Applejack cursed yet again. She did a tiny pony jig in place, looking all around. "Gyuh!" Her emerald eyes locked on a thick throng of bushes just a few feet away from the broken statue. "That'll do!" she galloped two feet, then thrust her strong teeth towards Rainbow's tail. "C'mere, you!"
Rainbow's body was dragged belly-first and backwards across the springy lawn.
"Phweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." She drooled happily, then—
Th-Thwump! Applejack slumped the two of them within the crook of a patch of hedges. "Guhhh!" She pressed her back flat up to the bush, all the while wrapping her arms around Rainbow's midsection and hugging the limp pegasus' body tightly to her palpitating chest. She craned her neck, struggling to keep still despite her beating heart. The feather-soft fuzz of Rainbow's mane hairs to her neck and chin didn't help her relax all that much. "Celestia help us... Celestia help us..." she drawled quietly beneath her breath.
Click! The side castle door opened.
"!!!" Applejack clammed up. She heard metal-laced hoofsteps. The mare hugged Rainbow Dash even tighter.
The hoofsteps came to a stop. There was silence... followed by the rattle of a statue's shard... followed by more silence.
All was eerily still, save for the crickets.
And then...
"Awwwwwwwwww crud..." A young adult stallion's voice whimpered in the air. "Awwwwwwwwwww jeez." The silence was pierced by nervously rattling armor. "You've gotta be friggin' kidding me. Buck. Buck me sideways. Buck me sideways with a griffin beak. Ah jeez ah jeez ah jeez... on my first friggin' shift too!"
Applejack held her breath. Nevertheless, curiosity caught up with her. After two full minutes of waiting in abject silence, she heard a loud scraping noise. She flattened her ears and craned her neck to peek just over the bushes that were hiding her and her best friend.
A pegasus stallion in gold armor could be seen dragging a large garbage can out from a brightly-lit supply room. Panicking, the guard swept as much of the granite debris that he could and crammed it into the metal trash can, piece by piece.... until nothing was left by the sundered base to the statue. As he fumbled and panicked, his helmet fell off. A brilliant blue mane shone in the starlight, accompanied by matching pinprick eyes as—startled—he picked the helmet and placed it back down on his trembling head.
"The c-captain's gonna kill me. Oh gosh. Oh friggin' Tartarus I am sooooooo dead. Gotta hide it... gotta... g-gotta call in some pony..." An audible gulp. "I can get rid of this. I-I can make this work. Just... just focus! Concentrate. It was an ugly statue anyhow... nopony will miss it..."
Applejack's eyes followed as stone claws, feathers, and antlers were dropped into the can. Then—with an icy squint—she slowwwwwwwwwwwwly slid away... and scrambled off towards the furthest corner of the royal garden, dragging a limp Rainbow Dash along with her...