Chapter 6: Well, Now I Just Have To Keep Them From Killing Eachother
(\PoV: Jonathan/)
"So a rogue, a paladin, a sorcerer and a dragon sit down for tea with a bat-pony..." Mystic groans and puts a hoof to her forehead just below her horn. I grin "Oh come now, I didn't even say the pun yet!" Not that there is one in the first place, but sillyness can help keep heads from rolling at inopportune times. For instance: the first gathering of The Party.
Nightshade snorts and rolls her eyes. "If there was supposed to be a pun after that, I'll eat my cloak. And I like this cloak"
Well then, don't I have the perfect job for little miss Ruins-The-Fun... "Alrighty then, you can go get the firewood."
She sputters before giving me a a peeved look. "And if I say no?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe a TPK right outa the gate?!"
Probably, so let's try to avoid that. "Oh, then I suppose I'll go get it," Shade opens her mouth to speak again, "Which would leave a quite clearly annoyed paladin in close proximity to a being she hates, as well as her friend. With only an illusionist to keep one from killing the other two instead of the large creature with exceedingly tough scales. Do you see where I'm going with this?"
She closes her mouth before motioning to the woods. "Uh, yeah, on second thought, I'll go get that wood, eh?" She quickly shadowports out of the clearing to God-Probably-Knows-Where to get some wood. What? She's the rogue, of course I don't know where she went! Now Sol on the other hand... Yeaaah, that probably wasn't the best thing to say... She's practicaly fuming!
"Dost thou wish to imply that I hath no self-control?" She says through gritted teeth.
Let's see... Do the smart thing again and explain the answer in a slightly sarcastic tone, but also make complete, logical sense? Or do I do the stupid yet hilarious for the readers thing and just say yes? ...Oh hell with it! I fix my best deadpan face and look Sol in the eyes. "Yes."
She stares at me in shock for a moment. Then, she twitches. Then twitches again, this time slowly starting to get that 'I'm Pissed Off!' look that only an anime character could do better. I'm about to get hurt again, aren't I?
"Yeeeeeep!"
"Undoubtedly."
"...Sigh... And I was so looking forward to a relaxing tea..."
She comes in screaming with her warhammer out, it impacts before I have time to sit up and-hey, that didn't hurt that much. BINK! Not that, either. I look down and see Sol screaming her lungs out and continuing to hit me... BONK! To absolutely no effect.
"Oi, she 'its loik a grot!"
Yes, random Ork, yes she does. Oh! Idea! And it's going to be hilarious! I look over to the other two, who are sitting there with jaws meeting the floor. In a completely relaxed voice, I say, "Lovely weather this evening, isn't it?"
Of course, this causes Sol to redouble her efforts in trying to hurt me, (though at this point, I'm more worried that she's going to hurt her throat with all that screaming.) But she's not the one I'm paying attention to all that well now, is she? Anyhow, Moony, (not to be confused with the werewolf Marauder,) puts a hoof over her mouth. Too bad for her that a pony's eyes are so expressive, because I can see how she's just barely keeping in her laughter. As for Drop, well, I hope we're not about to experience an Alolan Ponyta, but I wouldn't bet on it. I mean, what else could a rapidly twitching eyebrow mean coupled with an almost-scowl. Whup, make that a complete gritting-her-teeth scowl now.
"How..." Mystic Drop grits out, "Can you... Keep... Making. My. Headache. WORSE?!" She practically explodes, but not literally. Sadly.
I shrug. "Because that's what people like me do to people who rely on inflexible logic? No offense."
Mystic glares at me for a moment, but then Moony finally starts laughing. Her laugh sounds like Chrysalis', actually, just less mean and rude and un-nice. Also with a higher pitch, but meh, details.
"As the most logical of the figments, I feel that I should alert you to your illogical categorization of important details about others."
Feh, whatever Ironheart. Noted and mostly disregarded. Drop turns to glare at Moony, before softening it and sighing. She turns back to me. "None taken, I guess. I mean," Drop gives a tired smile, "You got the kid to laugh, so I guess you're not so bad for a whatever-you-are. I mean, what are you anyway? I'm pretty sure that demons and mundane healing spells dont mix, and light doesn't hit you right to mean you're from this plane." Yeah, the demon-healing spell thing kinda-Wait, I'm sorry, light doesn't what?!
I take a good look at my claws, taking careful notice of... Wat. I actually look like a deathclaw from Fallout 4. Not just in basic shape, (No duh, Shamrock Hooves,) but I mean I actually look like one from the games. How the HELL didn't I notice that earlier-Wait... Demons, light not hitting them right? No, nonono those can't be-No, wait, opposites attract, of course that 'verse would find its way here... Well shit. Batten down the hatches, men! We may have a 40K-level problem here.
"...Shit. If those ones are the 'Lords of Entropy', then we've got our work cut out for us."
Maybe, but if they're weak to the Elements like I've theorized they might be-
"Stop. We lack any true evidence that they are behind this. Even then, we have no true combat experience. We got lucky that we were transformed into something that can take a hit ridiculously well instead of a pony. All the same, if it is them, exactly how could we fight them with a weakness that cripples us toward their entire realm of power?"
{Please note that at this point, John thought many swear words that certainly would not be appropriate to mention.}
"Oh look! Sol's stopped! I'm also totally not trying to get us off this depressing and grimdark train of thought!"
Hm? Oh yeah, you're right. Sol's panting and laying against the tree that I knocked over. I look over to her, and she glares back up at me. "Feeling a bit better now?" She stares at me in surprise, the glare getting lost in confusion. "Don't think I didn't notice how down you were getting back there with what I said earlier. That, with everything that happened in the clearing? You needed to let off some steam." Because that's totally what my plan was when I said-Oh heck with it, you lot behind the Fourth know I'm bullshitting. No need to extrapolate. (Yes, I know what the word means. No, you can't test me on the dictionary definition.)
Sol looks away for a moment, but looks back up at me. "Well... Huff... I thank thee... Hah... Then."
I nod and very carefully keep from grinning, instead gently sweeping my tail back and forth. "No problem, Sol. What are friends for, anyway?" I then carefully reach into the center of our little group and dig out a pit for the fire. Due to my massive claws, the proccess only takes a minute, even packing the dirt up around the edge of the small pit to make up for the lack of large rocks. Turns out that thumb-claw helps for digging, which is nice.
Blood Moon, who has calmed down, smiles. "That certainly helps, thank you, Dreadscale."
I nod to her. "You're welcome," I look around, but don't see anything nesccesary for tea, and look to Moon and Mystic. "I don't suppose either of you would have a kettle and tea leaves handy, would you?"
M&M, (did you really think I'd miss such an obvious accidental reference?) look at eachother before looking back at Sol and I. "You mean that you didn't have such supplies?" Moony says in a surprised tone.
At this I scratch the back of my head sheepishly. "Nope! I just wanted to keep everything from going wrong right out of the gate, hehe..."
Everyone, including Sol, stares at me a moment. Then the chuckles start, and everyone starts laughing. Slowly, yeah, but everyone's laughing like loons soon enough. And for your information, I'm proud to say that I was giving out a booming laugh as well!
Soon enough, Nightshade walks into the war-torn clearing with a bundle of sticks on her back to see all of us laughing uproarously. "...I missed something here, didn't I?"