//------------------------------// // 06. The Only Way Forward Is Through // Story: Hearts in Harmony // by Iris Heartfang //------------------------------// -TWILIGHT SPARKLE- When Pinkie Pie gave me the address of Rainbow Dash’s house, I expected something much more impressive than the dilapidated mess that now stood in front of me. Decaying, off-white metal paneling that was peeling from the walls, identical paneling on the roof that looked ready to collapse any day and had holes in it that were patched with ply wood, duct tape on the broken windows… this place was a hole. I felt uneasy as I walked up the gravelly driveway and onto the wooden deck in front of the door, holding my hands together tentatively. I had planned to give Dash a real earful, let her know how mad I was that she didn’t show up yesterday, but seeing this scene reminded me of how Fluttershy’s gut said that Rainbow was going through some hard times, and how could you live in a place like this and not be having a rough time? I took a deep breath to calm myself. I came all the way out here to see Rainbow Dash and I wasn’t going to turn back around without doing so. I raised my hand to knock on the door and steeled my nerves, giving the door a polite knock. No answer. Should I leave? I shook my head. Like I said, I wasn’t leaving without talking to Rainbow. I knocked again. No answer. I took another deep breath, a swirling feeling of doubt started to become a torrential uprising in my stomach that made me want to throw up, but I could tell that it was only the anxiety. I’m stronger than the anxiety. It’s nothing to be afraid of. Just breathe. I took another deep breath and was about to knock on the door again when I heard the latch open from the other side, the door creaking open to reveal not Rainbow Dash, but a pale skinned woman with long cherry red hair held up in a bun, wearing nothing but an oversized rainbow hoodie. My heart sank into my stomach like a stone and I couldn’t help but scowl. It was Whiplash, Rainbow’s girlfriend. “What are you doin’ here?” Whiplash asked drolly, staring daggers at me. “I thought I told Dash not to see you anymore.” “I must have missed that memo.” I said flatly, crossing my arms and shifting my weight to one side in order to pull off like a sassy stance. “Where’s Dash?” “What’s it matta to you, sugah?” She said, leaning against the door frame. This made me mad because there was no way I was going to let her out-sass me! “She doesn’t want to see you anymore. Is that not clear? Can you not get that through that thick head of yours?” “She doesn’t want to see me?” I sneered, losing my sassy composure and stepping up to Whiplash’s face. “Or do you just not want her to see me? What’s wrong, Whiplash?” My tone became dripping with mocking sarcasm. “Are you wowwied that Wainbow Dash isn’t gonna wike you anymoah?” “Get off my property, now.” Whiplash growled, grabbing the door and getting ready to slam it in my face before being stopped by a familiar voice. “Hold on, babe!” Rainbow said from down the hall, hastily putting on a light blue tanktop that matched her light blue sweat pants. “Give me a second to talk to her.” “You don’t think you’ve talked enough with her?” Whiplash snarled at Dash. “Well I didn’t exactly tell her what was going on.” Rainbow was annoyed, but I could tell she didn’t want to agitate Whiplash so she was trying to reign it in. “I at least could give her an explanation.” Whiplash gave Rainbow an icy glare, but my friend stood firm and just scowled back at her. Rainbow’s arms were crossed but I could tell her fists were clenched, and she tapped her foot on the ground nervously. “I’m goin’ to the ladies’ room.” Whiplash said, walking past Rainbow. “When I get back, she’d better not be here.” “No problem, babe.” Rainbow said with an obviously forced smile. Whiplash went back down the hall and disappeared from sight, Rainbow coming outside and taking my hand as we walked back across the wooden deck and gravelly driveway, over to the street adjacent to the house. It was on top of a hill so there were no neighbors or traffic in sight. “She’s charming.” I said drolly, pushing up my glasses. In retrospect, maybe biting sarcasm was not my best opening move. “What are you doing here, Twilight?” Rainbow asked irritably, a harsh sigh coming from her mouth as she paced back and forth in front of me, not really looking at me. “What am I-” I stuttered in frustration. “Oh I dunno, Rainbow! What am I doing here? Is it weird that I’m not where you’d assume I’d be? Like would it be weird if I said I was gonna be one place and then ended up being somewhere completely different? Man, that is strange, isn’t it?” “I get it, Twilight.” Rainbow said through gritted teeth and glared at me. “Look, Whiplash doesn’t like you any more than you like her. I have to pick sides here, you or her, and I’m gonna pick her.” “Why?!” I snapped, stomping the ground and slamming the back of my hand into my other palm. “She seems soooo great, she really seems to have your best interest at heart!” “You’re right, Twilight.” Rainbow grimaced, her tone dripping with vitriolic sarcasm. “I dunno why I don’t want to just drop down at your feet, clearly you’re the superior one here, what with all your yelling at me and assuming that I’m an idiot.” That one really stung, and I flinched when she said it. I thought I was going to do better, that I was going to give Rainbow a fairer shot but here I was being a jerk again. “I’m sorry.” I said with my head down. “You… you’re absolutely right, I’ve been acting like a really bad friend. And I’m sorry.” Rainbow looked a little surprised and took a step back, letting her arms hang at her sides and putting one in her pocket. “Well, I get that it’s not totally your fault.” She started blushing a little and looked up at the sky. “The gf can be pretty hostile at times.” “Then answer me an honest question, Rainbow.” I pleaded, looking Rainbow right in the eyes for about one second before that overwhelmed me and I looked over her shoulder instead. “Why are you with her? She seems terrible.” “We’re all going through some bad days right now, Twilight.” Rainbow said sadly, heading back to the driveway and kicking at the gravel. “Whiplash… she’s really stressed out. I mean look at this place! Do you think this was the life either of us had in mind? And… to be honest, it’s my fault we’re in this mess. I need to fix it.” “You need to take care of you, Rainbow.” I said. “And what, just abandon Whiplash?” Rainbow scoffed. “I could never do that! She’s my girlfriend, it’s my responsibility to take care of her!” “Not if she doesn’t take care of you in return.” The pit in my stomach was getting bigger the more we talked about this. I couldn’t even look at Rainbow so I was looking down at the hem of my sweater as I fidgeted around with it anxiously. “If she’s doing nothing but berating you, telling you who you can or can’t see, what you can or can’t do, then you need to get away from her.” “It’s not…” Rainbow growled. She sputtered about for a second before taking a huge lunging kick at the gravel, knocking the stuff everywhere. “It’s not that simple, Twilight! I need to take care of her. I need to fix this mess that I’ve made!” “How is this your fault, Rainbow?” I asked, trying to remain calm as the nausea in my stomach boiled me alive from the inside. “I made promises I couldn’t deliver on.” Rainbow grabbed herself by the arms, digging her rainbow-painted nails into her dark brown skin. “I told Whiplash, I told myself, that I could do things that I… I just can’t.” “You’re talking about Duel Monsters, aren’t you?” I sighed, lowering my head and rubbing two fingers across my temples. When Rainbow and I were teenagers Rainbow started getting into the competitive dueling scene, and she was really good. She wanted to become a professional and started making some waves around our town’s local pro scene, and that’s about the time Whiplash showed up. “I really thought I could make it.” Rainbow let out a single acerbic laugh, on the verge of tears. “I think you could,” I said wistfully “if you just have the right support.” “You think you know everything, don’t you?” Rainbow shook her head and scowled. “Rainbow!?” The pleasant sound of Rainbow’s wonderful girlfriend interrupted our conversation. “Look, Twilight, I’ll text you later. I promise.” Rainbow grabbed my hand tenderly, her eyes shut as she indulged in a rare moment of gentleness. “But you gotta get out of here right now or I’ll get in trouble.” “Okay.” I bowed my head and ran off down the street, no questions asked. I didn’t know if I believed Rainbow’s claim about texting me or not, but I couldn’t just be belligerent and let her get grilled by the gf because of me. I took a deep breath as I reached the bottom of the hill, looking around at the thicket of trees by the side of the empty road, and I thought about Rainbow Dash, and how I really wanted to believe that things would be alright between us. “I still believe in you, Rainbow.” I said under my breath as I headed back home. **** “I just don’t know what I’m going to do.” I said dismally, resting my head on the table that Pinkie and I were sharing breakfast on, though granted ‘breakfast’ to me was at like five in the afternoon. We were in a diner, a little bit dingy, but it was cozy. It was after the lunch rush so only a few people were still seated around the place, which was good because every time Pinkie and I went out to eat one or both of us ended up causing a scene for some reason. I had a cheeseburger, bacon cheddar tater tots and an order of nachos while Pinkie had a seemingly endless supply of pancakes with at least three different kinds of syrup on them and… a quesadilla. My arch enemy of the whole food kingdom. So cheesy… so horrifying. “I mean, Rainbow clearly doesn’t want to be there!” I explained desperately to Pinkie Pie, tapping my nails on the table as she stuffed her face with pancakes. “She’s just staying there out of some sense of stupid obligation to Whiplash! She’s so dense!” “Y’know, I’m not an expert on relationships or anything, but I think that’s exactly the kind of attitude that keeps getting on Rainbow’s nerves.” Pinkie said before stabbing a stack of four pancakes with her fork and shoving them all in her mouth, to my eye-twitching horror. Even more agonizingly, she didn’t wait until she was done chewing to start speaking again. “You gotta be patient with her, Twilight. We’re Rainbow’s friends and we need to support her, not antagonize her and make her feel bad for the situation that she may or may not have gotten herself into.” “But Whiplash told her directly that it was her or me.” I steepled my fingers in front of my face. “How am I supposed to support that?” “Maybe keep your distance for a while?” Pinkie suggested with a shrug. Not helpful. “Let me and Fluttershy handle ‘Operation: Support Rainbow Dash’ while you sorta work on your own stuff?” “So what, I’m just supposed to wait on the sidelines?!” I stood up and slammed my hands on the table. “Wait around twiddling my thumbs while you and Fluttershy support Rainbow with vague platitudes about friendship that don’t do anything to change the bad situation?!” “Twilight, you said it yourself,” Pinkie sprung to her feet and got in my face, staring me down with disapproval “to have a happy relationship with someone, you need to work on your own baggage first. I know you were talking about like a romantic thing, but it still applies here, I think!” I lifted my arms off the table and dragged them down my face. I looked away from Pinkie with a scowl on my face before relaxing my shoulders with a sigh and sitting back down. “I know…” I said begrudgingly, adjusting my glasses. “I know that you’re right. Old habits die hard I guess, but that’s… that’s no excuse to not try and be better.” “That’s the spirit!” Pinkie plopped back down onto her booth. “I mean, a little bit dour, but for the most part that’s the spirit!” “But I don’t think I can just sit by and do nothing while you and Fluttershy do… whatever it is you and Fluttershy are planning to do.” I placed my elbow on the table and rested my chin in my hand as I looked out the window. “Me and Fluttershy aren’t really ‘planning’ to do anything.” Pinkie said as she picked up a pancake and a quesadilla slice and made them fight. A big, floppy food fight. “Just be friendly toward Rainbow, offer a non-judgmental ear if she needs it and give her vague, unhelpful platitudes about friendship.” I couldn’t tell if Pinkie’s smile at that last remark reeked of mocking sarcasm or if she was being genuine. She could be really feisty when she wanted to be and it was hard to tell what was going through her head at any given time. “But that’s not going to get her away from Whiplash!” I pounded my fist on the table. “You may be right, Twilight.” Pinkie took another forkful of pancakes and stuffed them into her mouth, continuing to talk before swallowing them. “But relationships are complicated, and even if Rainbow’s in a bad situation with Whiplash,” Pinkie paused to swallow her pancakes before continuing “it might not be the best thing for her if you just yank her out of that situation! These matters are delicate and require time and patience.” “I don’t have a lot of time or patience!” I snapped, standing back up. “Look Pinkie, I get what you’re trying to say but I need somebody else to see that the top priority is getting Rainbow away from that horrible woman! And if you aren’t going to give me that opinion, I’ll just get it from somewhere else!” I began to storm off to find Fluttershy, thinking that maybe she would listen to reason. I took a few angry steps toward the door and then stopped. I turned around and bashfully walked back to the table, handing Pinkie a few dollars for my part of the meal we just ate. “Um, I figured you could just…” I stammered, my cheeks blushing. “Don’t worry, I’ll pay for this.” Pinkie giggled. “And if you could just get this stuff boxed up for me…” I said, motioning to my various leftovers. “No problem!” Pinkie said with a smile and a thumbs-up. I gave a weak smile in return and then turned around and headed back off, only stopping to turn back when Pinkie said my name. “Hey Twilight, hold on a sec!” I walked back to the table where Pinkie took a slice of her quesadilla, still dripping with eerie gooey cheese, and waved it in front of my face, causing me to recoil. “Are you sure you don’t want any of this quesadilla?” She said with a sly smirk. “N-no, I’m good. Thanks.” I said warily, stepping back from the cheesy monstrosity. “It’s gooooood!” Pinkie said, taking an enormous bite out of it. “No thanks, Pinkie.” I said with a laugh. **** Fluttershy and I met in the Fillydelphia city park, sitting on a white bench watching the city folk play with their dogs, or kids, or tend to the gardens or have picnics. It was quiet except for the easily ignorable chatter of people in the background or the chirping of birds in the trees above and around us. “So what do you think, Fluttershy?” I asked, having explained to her the conversations I had with Rainbow and Pinkie. “Oh, um, well I really don’t want to take sides.” Fluttershy mumbled, looking away suspiciously and twiddling her fingers. “Fluttershy.” I said flatly. “I know you have an opinion on this and I honestly want to hear it. I respect your judgment. I won’t get angry if you disagree with me.” “Uh, okay… I guess.” Fluttershy sighed and then looked at me. “Twilight, I disagree with you.” My eye twitched and I felt the bubbling heat of anger start to fester in my stomach. I took a deep breath and sighed, letting go of that tension. I really wanted Fluttershy to side with me on this, but I can’t say I was all that surprised that she didn’t. “See? Not mad.” I said with a forced smile. “Twilight you’re not a very good liar.” Fluttershy said meekly, scooching away from me a couple inches. “I know.” I growled and ruffled my hands through my hair. “But I’m honestly not mad at you, I’m more mad at myself… and Rainbow.” “Well you know what I think.” Fluttershy said sternly, closing her eyes and planting her arms on her thighs. “I told you as much yesterday. It’s our job as Rainbow’s friends to support her, and maybe the best thing for you two right now is some distance… at least until she’s ready to make the next move.” “Urrrrghhh…” I leaned back and covered my face with my hands. I couldn’t deny the sense that Fluttershy and Pinkie were making, but it just didn’t seem right to completely step back from this situation and do nothing for who knows how long, especially since we just had distance! For four years! “I just… I… ughhh…” “Do you want to talk about something else for a bit?” Fluttershy said compassionately. “Maybe let this stuff simmer in your head for a while?” “That’s a good idea.” I groaned. “Did you hear Applejack and Rarity are coming back to town?” Fluttershy reached into a bag by her side full of defrosted frozen peas and grabbed a handful of them, tossing them out to the ducks that were starting to gather in front of our bench. I guess bread was bad for them so she brought them peas instead. “Wait, what?” I lurched forward and looked at Fluttershy in shock. “Mm-hmm.” Fluttershy nodded, tossing out some more peas for the happily feeding ducks. “They’ll be back in just a couple of days. They apologized for the short notice but said that it was kind of unavoidable. I don’t know why though. Neither of them would discuss what made them decide to come back.” “Man, I can’t believe Applejack!” I said in frustration, crossing my arms in a huff. “I could understand Rarity casually forgetting to tell me they were coming back, or trying to make it a ‘surprise’ or whatever, but Applejack’s supposed to be like my best friend and she doesn’t even tell me that she’s coming back to Fillydelphia?!” “She just told me this morning.” Fluttershy said, kneeling down to handfeed some of the ducks. That seemed pretty dangerous, but then again Fluttershy would handfeed a bear if given the opportunity and it would probably lap the food out of her hand like a happy puppy. “I’m going to give her a piece of my mind real quick!” I grabbed my phone out of my pocket. I was ready to give AJ a really sternly worded text when I saw that I had an unread message from her that I got this morning, and I remembered ignoring it since I was already on my way to Rainbow’s house when I saw it. I opened it up and read it and it said that she and Rarity were coming back to Fillydelphia and that she’d tell me more in the evening. “Oh.” I said flatly, Fluttershy giggling as she read the message over my shoulder. “I’m glad they’re coming back, honestly.” Fluttershy said. “I’ve missed them.” “Same here.” I lied down across the bench and looked up at the late afternoon clouds. “And maybe they’ll be able to talk some sense into Rainbow Dash.” “Sure. If there’s anyone who could talk sense into Rainbow Dash, it would be Applejack.” Fluttershy said with a silly laugh. Applejack’s relationship with Rainbow was even more of a disaster than mine was. “Well…” I stuttered about for a response. “Yeah okay, wishful thinking.” Even Rarity wouldn’t have been much help since Rainbow often teased her for being persnickety and uptight all the time. She wouldn’t likely listen to reason from her either. “Still though… maybe they can help me figure something ou-” Just then my phone started buzzing. “It’s Rainbow Dash!” I said in surprise, lurching upwards while Fluttershy perked up and stood at attention. Rainbow sent me a text that said “Yo, can u meet me at pastabilites in like 40 minutes???” I looked over to Fluttershy who nodded her approval. “No problem. I’ll be there.” I sent back. “K. cool.” Is all Rainbow replied with. Pretty typical of her, to be honest. I took a deep breath and stood up, pacing back and forth in front of the bench as I felt the nervousness coming back. “It’ll be okay.” Fluttershy softly took my hand as I walked by her, smiling warmly at me. Something about Fluttershy’s smile had a real calming effect, like nothing else could be wrong in the world as long as Fluttershy was happy. And I really needed that calming feeling honestly. I don’t know how I would survive without the support of my friends. **** By the time Rainbow arrived at Pastabilities I was already seated at a table in their outside eating area waiting for her, the orange glow of sunset shining down on a box of pizza sitting in front of me unopened. “Y’know,” Rainbow said with a cheeky smile as she sat down in the metal chair across from me “I thought by getting here five minutes early, I’d be able to beat you here.” “You’re going to have to try harder than that!” I said with a smile, opening the pizza box and taking out a slice. “Is white sauce okay?” I asked as I shoved the slice into my mouth. “Yeah, no problem.” Rainbow chuckled as she grabbed a slice and took a bite out of it. “I’m surprised you do cheese on these things, considering the whole thing you have with quesadillas.” “Cheese is fine!” I said with a jump, then looked around to see if people were staring at me. “It’s just quesadillas I can’t stand. They’re just… so…” I sighed sharply. “They’re an abomination.” Rainbow’s laugh at that comment made me smile and feel warm in my chest. “So what did you want to talk to me about?” I asked attentively, really hoping for good news. “Okay, so you know how my girlfriend told me not to see you anymore?” Rainbow said enthusiastically, waving her half-eaten pizza slice floppily in the air. “No, I must’ve missed that.” I said drolly, staring at Rainbow with a snide smirk on my face. “Right, it was pretty subtle. Anyway,” Rainbow said without missing a beat “I don’t want to lose my relationship with you, but I don’t want to lose her either. You see where the conundrum comes in?” “Rainbow, why are you still with her?” I asked incredulously. “It seems like the only reason to stay with her is out of obligation, but you don’t owe her anything.” “You’re wrong, Twilight.” Rainbow groaned, putting two fingers against her temples and glaring at me. “About you only staying with her out of obligation?” I leaned back in my chair. “Or that you don’t owe her anything? Actually it doesn’t matter I’m right either way.” “I care about Whiplash.” Rainbow sighed, putting the pizza slice back in the box. “Yes, but do you like her?” I tapped my finger on the metal grated table. “Do you enjoy her company? Do you get anything out of that relationship? Or does she get someone she can boss around who’s wrapped around her finger because of a sense of misattributed guilt?” “Twilight…” Rainbow said agitatedly. She put her elbows up on the table and cradled her face in her hands, shaking her head. “I can’t just leave her.” “Rainbow, you’re only making a bad situation worse the longer you stay.” I pleaded. “You don’t understand, Twi…” Rainbow stared daggers at me and clenched her fists. “I need to make this right. Whiplash put her faith in me and I…” Rainbow, her elbow still on the table, pounded her head against her fist. “I blew it. I can’t just bail on her now, I need to make things right.” “What did you do?” I asked. “Whiplash took out a loan so I could compete in a tournament.” Rainbow explained. “I told her I could win and she believed me. We… I thought I could win, make us a bunch of money… but I completely choked. I didn’t even make it past the first round.” “That isn’t your fault, Rainbow.” I said sadly, slowly shaking my head. “How is that not my fault!?” Rainbow pounded her fist on the table and started breathing heavily. “I already had next to nothing! Whiplash put her future on the line, gambled everything on me, and I blew it! Now we’re in debt up to our eyeballs, squatting in an abandoned house… all because…” Rainbow quieted down and started trembling, staring at her hands with a forlorn grimace. “…all because I had some stupid stage fright or something.” “So now what?” I sniped, grabbing the table’s edge and having half a mind to pick the dang thing up and throw it I was so angry. “If you really believe you need to make amends, what do you do now?” “I got a job as a waitress.” Rainbow said, blushing and covering half her face with one hand. “It’s super embarrassing, but at least it’s work.” “You honestly believe you can pay off your debt as a waitress?” I scoffed. “It’s better than nothing!” Rainbow snapped back, slamming her palm on the table and wincing at the pain. “So what does Whiplash do?” I turned my nose up unconsciously. “She…” Rainbow paused. That was telling. “She stays home. It’s stressful for her, y’know?” “Like it isn’t for you?” I arched an eyebrow. “Whiplash isn’t the one who made a huge mess of everything!” Rainbow yelled. “Is that what she tells you?” I asked. Rainbow paused again. She darted her eyes back and forth before narrowing them at me with a scowl. “Look,” her words were less ‘spoken’ and more ‘snarled like an angry beast’ “I just do what Whiplash tells me to do. She said get a job, I got a job. It’s the least I could do after I ruined her life.” “But what about your life, Rainbow?!” This time it was me heaping physical abuse on the table. “What about my life!?” Rainbow stood to her feet, hammering her fist into the table yet again, which at this point was really more punching bag than table. “What about it?! My life is over now! It ended the second I choked in that tournament and cost us everything! You think I can just move back in with my parents or something?! Like they got all the money in the world!? Whiplash gave up everything to take a chance on me, it’s only fair I do the same for her.” “That tournament was four years ago.” I said sternly, standing up to face Rainbow. “Whiplash has been pulling your chain for four years. And for what? You work your butt off to pay off someone else’s debt, meanwhile she stays home wearing your clothes lounging around doing nothing.” “It’s not her fault that things ended up this way.” Rainbow growled. “It’s my fault. I’m the one who needs to make it right.” “There is no ‘making it right’, Rainbow.” I said. “Only ‘making it worse’.” “Coming here was a mistake.” Rainbow sneered, turning around and walking away. I sighed dismally and slunk back into my chair as I watched Rainbow disappear into the distance of the darkening twilit sky. I took a deep breath and hoped she would be okay… and then I finished eating our pizza. No sense letting it go to waste after all, and eating an entire pizza to get distracted from feeling depressed wasn’t exactly a new experience for me. **** I sat on my bed in my pajamas, phone in hand, to text Applejack and tell her what happened with Rainbow and to ask for her advice. Not five minutes after sending that text, my phone rings. It’s a video call, not from Applejack, but from Rarity! “Hello, darling!” She said happily, waving enthusiastically. Rarity was a tall, gorgeous woman. Her long, kinda curly but mostly fluffy purple hair and her dazzling blue eyes accentuated her dark brown skin beautifully. She was wearing a rather skimpy white nightgown as she sprawled out on Applejack’s bed. “Applejack’s in the shower right now. She left her phone on the bed and I saw a text from you come in, so I thought I’d give you a call instead. Isn’t this much better than texting?” “Not really, but I’ll make an exception for you.” I said with a tired smile. I was very exhausted but seeing Rarity, her eyes gleaming, her demeanor lighting up the room… it made me feel better. “I like to be able to think my words through before saying them. Texting helps, especially when I’m this wiped out.” “Well you can take all the time you like with me, darling. I don’t mind.” Rarity said kindly with a bright smile and a flick of her hair. “Now why are you exhausted? Not getting enough sleep?” “I don’t suppose AJ, or one of the others for that matter, has filled you in on the whole Rainbow Dash thing?” I said. “Oh, is this about Rainbow Dash?” Rarity said with a bemused frown, sitting upright. “I’m sorry dear, I thought you and her were starting to get along again?” “We were? And then… we weren’t.” I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, getting stuck in a rat’s nest and struggling to get my hand out without massively hurting myself. “I don’t know where I went wrong… am I just supposed to OW!” I cringed as I untangled a knot in my hair and yanked a small clump of it out, me and Rarity both looking at the purple hairs in my hand with disgust. “Anyway, am I just supposed to hide my feelings? Keep quiet to preserve the peace?” “Sitting on hurt feelings never did a relationship good for long, Twilight.” Rarity said sadly, shaking her head. “And you’re entitled to your feelings. What’s important is how you communicate them, and that both you and the person, or people, to whom you’re speaking feel heard.” “Right, I just…” I curled up into a ball and threw a blanket around me. “I feel… alone.” “Whatever do you mean?” Rarity asked caringly and picked up her phone, staring right into the camera to give me her full attention. “You’ve got Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie down there, not to mention me and Applejack on the line whenever you need us! What is it that’s bothering you so, Twilight?” “It’s…” I started to tear up a bit. All this stuff going on with Rainbow had caused me to look inward more than I ever had in my lifetime before, and I didn’t like all the things I was discovering. “It’s not about you guys. You’re all the best friends I could ever ask for… heck, it’s not even about Rainbow Dash. I’ve felt alone for a long time… longer than I realized. I thought moving to Fillydelphia, getting a fresh start and being near my closest friends, would help me but… I still feel alone.” I fought back tears, Rarity sitting quietly and letting me work through my process without interrupting. I was able to hold back the waterworks for now. “You know I don’t have the best relationship with my family.” I said coldly. “I do know this.” Rarity nodded solemnly. “They haven’t exactly been a stellar support system for you.” “Right.” I whispered, chuckling darkly at Rarity’s pointing out the obvious. “I know they love me, I know they truly care about me, heck they even say they accept who I am… but I still get misgendered and deadnamed by them constantly. Every day, literally every single day, this would happen so many times per day I couldn’t count… I know they try their best… but do they? Do they really? Do they even try? Do they even care?” My shoulders slumped and I couldn’t stop myself from frowning as I buried my face into my arms. My hair fell over my face and the tears stopped completely. I was so sad I couldn’t even cry. “The five of you…” I continued, trying my best to look at Rarity but my gaze ended up centering toward the ceiling, and my voice was reduced to merely a whimpering whisper. “The five of you were my family, and when Rainbow left… it really hurt me deeply. I’m not sure I ever really got over it. Heck, I’m not sure I ever got over leaving my parents’ place. I’ve just been holding on sub-consciously to all these hurts and heartaches without ever really dealing with them because to be frank, I don’t know how. Seeing Rainbow again, seeing the faintest glimmer of hope that we might reconnect, it reignited a light inside me that I thought had died out. And now… for this to happen… to see her walk out of my life again and leave me… alone…” Remember that thing I said about being too sad to cry? Welp, I was wrong. The tears suddenly came back like the bursting of a dam and I sobbed that ugly nasally sob, throwing myself into my pillow, wailing and practically screaming muffled sobs into it. “I’m here for you, Twilight.” Rarity’s kind voice was like water in the desert. “I wish very much that I could reach through this screen and give you a hug and a kiss, but I’m here for you on the other side of this phone nevertheless.” “Thank you.” I wept. Through a bunch of ugly snorts and sniffles I managed to control my crying, not the flow of tears mind you but the sobbing at least, just long enough to put together another coherent sentence. “I’m so afraid that you all will leave me. You all tell me we’re the best of friends and for the most part I believe you but I… there’s a part of me that doubts it. A part of me that knows I’m unworthy of friendship, that believes you’re all just pitying me or humoring me or using me for something, or worst of all that our relationship is just one big long sick joke and you guys are going to make me the punchline any time now.” “Twilight, that’s not-” Rarity said. “I know.” I cut her off. “I know how it sounds, I know that it’s completely ridiculous but I… I’m so afraid of being truly alone again, that I can’t let my heart be free. I couldn’t bear the devastation and the heartache if my fears turned out to be right and I was unprepared. My anxiety’s greatest trick, the thing that really keeps me under its grasp more than anything else, is the phrase ‘what if it’s right this time?’ My fears only have to be right once to ruin my whole life, and what if ‘this’ is the time, but ‘this’ could refer to literally anything that I’m afraid of.” I took some deep breaths, an ugly sniffing snort through the nose and a heaving weepy sob through the mouth, all the while Rarity was calmly breathing in with me. “I know you guys won’t abandon me…” I cringed as I heard those words come out of my mouth. “At least, I believe. I mean I think I do… do you see what I mean? I can’t let myself fully believe that you all will be there for me because I can’t ‘let my guard down’, so to speak. I can’t bear to let myself be… defenseless. Vulnerable. Rainbow leaving the first time didn’t help this feeling at all but to be honest I think I’ve felt this way ever since…” I thought about the time I lost my first childhood friend. I remembered the heartache I felt when she moved away to another town and I thought maybe that’s where all this started? But then I thought even farther back, to my brother’s childhood friends when we were both reaaaally little. I remember a time, very vaguely, being a kid, younger than five, and being with my brother, only a couple years older than me, and a couple kids his same age. They didn’t want me there. I was annoying to them I guess, which I mean, that’s how pretty much every older kid feels about younger kids, but I remember feeling… knowing, or at least believing, that I wasn’t wanted. And I think to some degree I’ve felt that way my entire life. “Twilight?” Rarity said concernedly. I had been pretty quiet while I worked through all that stuff in my head. “I’m still here.” I said absentmindedly. “I’m still here too.” Rarity responded, her voice soft and warm. “Thank you.” I said. “Any time.” Rarity replied. “I need to go to sleep.” I took my glasses off and placed them by the nightstand, refusing to look at my phone and let Rarity see the dingy red mess my eyes had become. “Okay.” Rarity said softly. I paused and just stared off into space. “Rarity?” I asked, still not looking at the phone. “Yes Twilight?” Rarity replied. “Can you…” I didn’t know how to choke the words out of my mouth. “Do you want me to stay on the line with you while you fall asleep?” Rarity asked cheerfully, taking the words out of my mouth and saying them better than I ever could. “Yes please.” I said vacantly, trying to hold back tears again. “Consider it done.” Rarity said with a giggle. I halfheartedly smiled back and that didn’t express the enormous amount of gratitude that I felt, but it was all I could muster. I laid my head on my pillow, placing the phone on the nightstand and closed my eyes. “Goodnight Twilight.” Rarity’s soft, beautiful voice was like a lullaby helping me to feel at peace despite the dark well of sadness that was absorbing my thoughts. “Get some rest. You deserve it.”