"My what?" I looked from Joker to Zecora. "What do you mean my 'joke'?" The moment I asked, I realized the answer. Lemons. Lemons were my joke. They were the curse the poison joke inflicted on me. I slumped down onto the floor, and stared down at the horrible yellow fruit.
I could vaguely hear Joker describing the exact revelation I had just had, but it wasn't until I heard him say something about "hours" that I realized there was more to it. "S-Sorry, I was a little distracted. What was that again?"
Joker pulled a silly face at me, rolling his eyes to the side and sticking out his tongue. I blinked in shock at it, but started to laugh. "What're you doing?"
"Pulling you out of whatever mindset made you ignore me." Joker's words were shockingly insightful, and I couldn't help but be impressed by how he had manipulated me. "As I was saying. I can give you the cure now, if you want."
I struggled not to speak, waiting for him to finish.
Continuing, Joker plucked a lemon off the ground and studied it. "There are two cures for poison joke. The bath mixture—"
"Your apprentice already knows of that brew, she would be more interested in option two." Zecora bit into an apple to hide her grin, and I just knew she was butting in because I wouldn't.
"Right. The second mixture is an oral potion. Simpler to make than the bath mixture, but it takes up to a day to kick in." Joker raised an eyebrow in my direction. "There isn't much of a choice, the bath mix takes a complex mix of herbs, and is not cheap to make. So I will teach you how to brew the potion."
"Hold up!" I narrowed my eyes at Joker. "You mean to say I have to put up with this for a day?" I was about to add more, in anger, when I saw a warning glance from Zecora. I froze where I was, mouth open, ready to say more.
"Or you could travel back to Ponyville and gather the things for a bath. Either way, it would be goodbye." Joker tossed the lemon into the air, and then caught it in his mouth. Chewing away, I could see that while he didn't enjoy the fruit, he was getting it down.
Once more I was about to say something, but my brain warned me that I had missed what was said, for what I thought was said. I aborted giving an answer, and ran back over what Joker said. The choices were a bath mix or a potion. Both options were "goodbye."
I shook my head to clear any confusing thoughts, and looked at Joker. " 'Goodbye'? I don't understand?"
"I work with poison joke every day. There is exactly one commercial farm for it in Equestria, mine. The rest of my herbs are part of my business, but you will be working with poison joke every day." Joker's eyes seemed to flash with intensity, and I made sure to focus on the meaning behind his words.
"So if I can't put up with my joke,"—I took a deep, forced breath—"I can't work here."
"It would be a shame. You are a very clever mare, and I am excited to see how well you take to the profession. But you are correct; I have no use for a pony who cannot ignore the effects of poison joke." Leaving off, Joker turned to grab another pair of apples with his magic. "So, are you hungry?"
An apple flew towards me, propelled by Joker's magic. I stared at it before catching it with my hoof. Lifting it up, I put the fruit between my teeth. The moment when firm apple skin changed to soft lemon was obvious, and without further thought I bit down.
The lemon was so sour it made my lips curl, and my tongue retreat in terror. I screwed up half my face before I was able to chew a second time. The sound of Joker and Zecora laughing cut through my acid-borne terror. Part of me wanted to rage at both of them, but I realized the face I was pulling really was funny. "Yeah, laugh it up." I chewed again, and again, fighting past the sourness.
"You know me well, and my rhyming speech, but Joker's lesson to myself I did teach." Zecora's words distracted me from the flavor of the lemon, a little.
I gulped the bits of lemon down, and found myself licking my lips. Another apple floated towards me, and I sighed. "I'm never gonna get used to this." I caught the fruit, and bit into it. Again the sourness of a lemon hit my tongue like a lightning strike, and I realized the only reason the first one ended up going down so easily was that it had lost some potency in chewing.
"What Zecora would say—in rhyme, and if we gave her all day—is that this is her curse." Joker passed me a third apple, and reluctantly I took it. "Poison joke binds to a pony's body so readily, and without affecting their mind, that it is the best affixing agent for any potion."
Chewing on the third former-apple, I felt the flavor of it break apart the warring ideas in my head and bring me to a focused conclusion. "I wanna help ponies. I wanna work with plants. And I wanna work here." Stepping forward as boldly as I could, I grabbed up another apple and tossed it into my mouth. Sourness poured over my tongue, and each tastebud cried out in terror at what was happening to it. Chewing on the lemon, I dared the world to throw another thing in my way.
"You're not a joker, but I can confirm you have the constitution of one." Joker grinned widely, and his smile reached to his eyes and made them shine. "So how about you help me tend to some poison joke?"
Memories of the bright blue flowers swirled in my head. I remembered what happened to my sister and her friends. But I already knew what it would do to me, I could totally deal with it. I nodded and grabbed another apple enthusiastically.
Four days. It had been four days of working with Joker, and all I could taste was lemons. Every bite I took turned whatever it was into a lemon. Every sip of water, milk, or… anything; was lemon juice.
I couldn't deal with it.
The dinner before me looked wonderful; Joker had made a stir-fry of vegetables with some hay through it, but every mouthful I took felt like chopped lemons. For lunch, I had eaten some lemons, and breakfast had been lemon porridge. Every meal was the same, sour taste.
"Just about done-in by it?" Joker's voice startled me. I had another helping of lemon stir-fry on the thin chopsticks, and didn't even realize I was putting it into my mouth until he said something. I simply nodded. "The poison joke is just about ready to propagate, so you don't have much longer. There was something I have been looking at, however."
His statement perked me up; when Joker looked into something, it was always interesting. "Oh?" Chew, chew, chew. Swallow. Fetch some more lemon. It wasn't lemon until it entered my mouth, of course, but food just looked like lemons now—all of it.
"The potion isn't going to work. In your case the joke would turn all the careful work into lemon juice. How would you like a special bath tomorrow?" The words confused me at first. I tried to wrap my brain around what Joker had said. Thankfully, he clarified. "I'll make up the anti-joke bath tomorrow. But before you bathe I…"
His voice trailed off, and I could see real worry on his face. "What's the matter, Joker?"
"Tomorrow will be the start of the poison joke season. All the flowers will shed their pollen for a female flower to be painted with. The season lasts two months." Joker's words were more about poison joke propagation than I had ever heard in my life. "I need to explain some things about it, Bloom."
When Joker got serious, it meant very serious and personal things were being discussed, and he was very serious. I listened as he explained everything this time. He told me about the seed laying, and the long days spent swaying in the breeze, no more a pony than the plants around him. While he talked, I continued eating.
By the time he was finished—explaining how he had set up the farm with money from the first seed sales—I was finished with my food—my lemons. He was silent for nearly ten minutes before I thought to say anything. "You want some help with it?"
"I do, but I also have a task for you, Bloom, a quest." His words made my ears perk forwards in surprise and intrigue. Joker smiled a little. "Your joke is a powerful burden, and I am sure there is a way to gain temporary relief. Spend every second day in Ponyville, I am sure you could find most of what you need there."
"Relief?" I turned the word over in my thoughts. "Stop it turning things into lemons. Make it turn things into something else. Or make lemons taste better." I stole a glance at Joker, and saw him smiling. "How long do I have again?"
"As long as you need. But when I wake up and plant my seeds, we will have a lot of work to catch up on." Joker tapped the table with his chopsticks. "And there is more. There is something vitally important you need to know, Apple Bloom."
The first time in a week my full name had been spoken, I was a little shocked. "W-What is it?"
"It's your turn to do the dishes." Giggling with glee, Joker jumped up from the little table and strode to the hallway leading to our bedrooms. "I'll see you in the morning." His tone was cheery, of course, since he didn't have to clean a wok.
The sun was warm, and I was preparing the bath mixture for all I was worth. I watched Apple Bloom working in the glasshouse, and could admire the care she took with each of her tasks. I would rather have spent a year training her before leaving her to work on her own, but it wasn't like I had a choice. I could smell the pollen on the air, and each time I moved I could feel my tiny rootlets pull free of the ground under me. There was a full ten treatments in my cauldron, bubbling away; a small fortune of poison joke treatment simmering.
Reaching for a bottle with my magic, while stirring the pot with a hoof, I added the last ingredient to it, a few shredded pieces of poison joke itself. Potion making was like chess, and would take dozens of moves before you got it just right. The slightest mistake, or letting things go without attention, and your pot was full of gunky water, but nothing more.
Lifting down the ten jugs I had been preparing over the week, I began ladling the mixture into each. By the time I was half done, I had a spectator. "Hiya Bloom. You will probably want to get the tub ready. I'll just finish filling these, and then we can go out to the grove."
"I got the last of those giggle vines sprouting up. I might be going crazy, but some of them have specific tastes in humor. Some like the kind of laughs that physical humor brings, but others seemed to like more intellectual jokes. Well, the laughter from the jokes." I watched Apple Bloom set the joke book down on the counter beside me, with a bookmark in it.
"When you are in Ponyville, could you drop in to Princess Twilight and hire out a new book? That isn't going to tide you over for months." I decanted the final portion into the tenth bottle and set it aside. "Now, would you like to see a magic trick?"
Apple Bloom looked at me, expecting the trick right away. I shook my head and laughed. "Not here, come on out to the grove. It's time." Walking slowly, I made my way accompanied only by the sounds of nature around me. Apple Bloom, I had been delighted to find out, could hold her tongue when she thought the moment was right.
The trees loomed up around the little grove. I walked between them, even stopped and lifted a hoof to brush along the bark of one. Each step I took let me feel the earth under my hooves, and it was getting harder to make each step. At last, I broke from the trees into the clearing, and my heart soared. "Welcome to my home."
"It's beautiful. They're all blooming so bright." Apple Bloom's voice was soft, hesitant, maybe even reverent. I could have hugged her for acting so.
I got four steps past the edge of the treeline, my legs surrounded by glowing blue flowers, when my left rear hoof wouldn't lift again. I felt my roots plunging into the rich soil, and gave a happy little sigh. "Watch carefully."
My back legs started to slowly pull together, while my forelegs tucked against my barrel. It felt so right, so good, and I was surprised at how easy it was to share this moment with another. I couldn't turn my head to look at Apple Bloom anymore, but my mouth was still mine. "I can barely move. Soon I won't be able to speak. Here it co—" My tongue thrust forward, and my lips pulled into a silly grin.
Eyes locked on the sun overhead, I could no longer even think about my apprentice staring at me in surprise. Plants simply don't care about such things.