//------------------------------// // Only Zuul! // Story: The Real Pony Ghostbusters // by Belligerent Bindlestiff //------------------------------// Coco Pommel Wheeled out another line of dresses that, once again, just didn’t seem to catch eyes. She began her trek down the sidewalk back to her apartment. There was an odd looking pegasus wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap conspicuously reading a newspaper. One look at his cutie mark and she sighed. “I’m not sure your disguise is that great.” She said to Swift. “Depends on who I’m trying to hide from.” Swift replied, joining her on her trot back home. “So we figured out who Zuul was.” Coco’s eyes widened. “I thought that might renew your faith in me.” Swift said, smiling. “So, Zuul was a minion of Grazer, very important guy in ancient times.” “But why is he in my apartment?” Coco asked. “Well, Valence and Neutrona are hitting the books, trying to find out why somepony from a Sumareian civilization is messing with a fashion designer.” Swift said. “Yes, that’s why they growl and send little egg monsters after you.” Coco replied. “They’re being affectionate.” “Well, you’re still living there, so it can’t be all that bad.” Swift said. “It sort of stopped after your visit.” Coco said. “See, that’s how good our services are.” Swift said. “One visit and your ghosts are afraid of us.” As the two of them approached Coco’s building, Swift ventured further. “But while we’re talking about entities that are fans, I could come back later and help check and see if Zuul is gone for good.” Coco smiled and rolled her eyes. “Sure, you can come by tonight, and you can see that everything is safe.” And she went into her building. //// “Things are getting a little crazy as of late.” Neutrona said. “I mean, we’re busy now, so I don’t know what you mean.” Vay said, while having a snack. Slimer was scarfing down boxes of yellow snack cakes in the kitchen of the firehouse while three of the Ghostbusters were taking a break upstairs. “I took a reading of the PKE energies this morning and they’re very high.” Neutrona said. “Well, the Secretariat Comet is passing by, there’s probably a spike in energy everywhere.” Vay replied. “Its increasingly higher in Manehattan than anywhere else.” Neutrona said. “Something is brewing in this city, and we should probably be very concerned.” “Okay, so how much energy are we talking about?” Firm Ground asked. Neutrona levitated a pack of snack cakes in the air. She pulled one out and unwrapped it. “Let’s say this twinkie is the normal amount of PKE energy in Manehattan normally has.” She then emptied the box onto a table. “This is how much is in each city due to the comet.” “And Manehattan?” Firm Ground asked. “We could fill the firehouse with twinkies from today’s amount.” Neutrona said. “That’s a lot of twinkies.” Firm Ground replied. “What’s all this about twinkies?” Swift said as he came upstairs. “Did Vay or Slimer eat them all?” “Weirdness abound and inbound.” Vay said. “PKE readings are on the rise.” “Well, that means we’ll probably get another visit from Gawker Peck.” Swift said. “You didn’t antagonize him, did you?” Vay asked. “I only put a little idea into that bird brain of his so that he’d ease off on us.” Swift said. “Do you think he’ll come back specifically to us?” Neutrona asked. “Is he from the Anti-Necromancy Bureau, then he’ll definitely be back.” Firm Ground said. “I guess I’ll have to cook up another excuse to keep him away then.” Swift said. //// Atop the apartment building where Coco Pommel lived was a grandiose display of construction. Structures with diagonally slanted slopes and stairs adorned the area. Stone obelisks poked into the sky, glowing with energy from astronomical forces. There was a large, grotesque mural in the direct center of the structures. And in front of it were a pair of fierce looking statues that overlooked the city. The time had come, energy coalesced into the beasts and something from inside began to stir. Claws began to break free and a piercing red gaze came forth form the eyes. //// Poindexter was excited to have so many ponies join his game session of Ogres and Oubliettes There were so many that had shown up, he had to limit to a party size of six, so he had the others grab snacks and sit back to watch the game unfold. It was getting stuffy, so he decided to open the windows and doors of his apartment, just in time to see coco Pommel on her way to her apartment. “Hi Coco!” he said. “Oh hi!” Coco replied, being as polite as possible. “Hey, we filled up our game, but if you’d like, there’s a place to chat it up and watch our game unfold!” Poindexter said. “I’m actually busy tonight.” Coco said. “I’m having a date actually.” “Oh…” Poindexter said, but perked up again. “If you want, the two of you can swing by for a few snacks and a chance to watch our game!” “We’ll see if we can, Poindexter.” Coco said closing the door to her apartment. She set about looking through her dresses on display, wondering which one of them she should wear. Just the thought about dating somepony famous, a Ghostbuster, made her feel a little giddy. She thought about how she could redesign their uniforms into something a little more appealing. “Oh, a dark grey or black variant would look nice” She said, already setting aside fabrics to design. “Oh Coco, let’s put business aside just for once tonight.” And she made her way into her kitchen. “Maybe I should make something for dinner.” A large, grey, leathery skinned beast pounced on the earth pony before she could react. Its eyes glowed red against the darkness of the half-lit room. Its maw opened, dripping drool on top of Coco. The mare herself was in a state of pure shock just as the creature sunk its teeth into her neck. She couldn’t even scream, but instead of flesh being rendered from her, the creature turned ethereal and sunk into her body, leaving the pony on the floor, perfectly still. //// Poindexter sat at the head of his table, behind a small screen of cardboard. “Your guide says that you’re just about though the woods, but its filled with all sorts of threats. Danger could jump out for anywhere.” He said and looked at the brown pegaus with a grey mane, seated across from him. “Moe Zone, you’re up next. What do you want to do?” Poindexter asked. The stallion looked over his character sheets. “Let’s see, my character has scrying and sense evil.” Moe Zone said in a chill voice. “Mzona takes out her holy symbol and uses ‘detect evil’.” “Okay, roll.” Poindexter said. The pegasus tossed the die. “A twenty! Sweet!” Moe Zone said. “There’s something lying in wait just a few paces ahead of you.” Poindexter said, his voice growing grave. “It’s extremely dangerous, something from ancient times. Your guide begins to grow nervous when Mzona is just staring intently behind him.” Everypony in the room leaned in with Poindexters delivery. “It’s ready to strike, but the rest of the party was alerted by a menacing growl, the beast knew it had been discovered.” Poindexter said. Just then, a growl emanated from a closet behind Poindexter. He turned inquisitively to see where it was coming from. Then a crash, a monster, just as the one that attacked Coco Pommel, burst forth. In the light, it looked even more alien than anything in Equestria. The monster eyed Poindexter and began chasing him about the room. Every other pony looked on with curiosity. “Ahh!” Poindexter screamed. Moe Zone brought out a camera and took a picture. “The DM’s so committed to the campaign. So exciting.” He said and then the creature chased Poindexter out into the hallway. The elevator didn’t respond, so the chase continued down the dozens of stairs of the building with Poindexter fleeing straight out of the apartment building, and into the city park. The creature cleared hurdles and was closing in on the earth pony. Poindexter just had to keep running, but then stumbled and rolled into a pond. The creature dove into the water after him. Bubbles rose form the pond until nothing came out for nearly a minute. Then, Poindexter emerged out of the water and shook himself dry. His eyes glowed red and he stared at the sky before letting out a roar, or as best a roar that Poindexter could usher. “Rarrr!” He took off, aimless of where to go next. He ran about sputtering otherwise incoherent messages to everypony he passed by, things about monsters, moons, shrews and the like. Citizens just looked away and pretended not to notice him. “The destructor is coming!” Poindexter said, running down the block leading to the firehouse. “The crystal paths will come soon enough!” Meanwhile, Neutrona’s PKE meter went off and she looked down through her window to see the rambling mad pony in front of the firehouse. “Ms. Becky, outside!” Neutrona called to their secretary. She asked Swift to help her since Vay and Firm ground had been called out again. Becky was the first to come up to Poindexter. “Are you the gatekeeper?” he asked. “What?” Becky replied. “This is a door.” Neutrona burst out form the door with PKE goggles. “We should take him inside.” “Just like that?” Swift said, barely catching up. “I am Vince Clortho, Keymaster of Grazer.” Poindexter said. The name instantly catching the Ghostbuster’s attention. “Now I remember this guy.” Swift said. “He lives in the same building as Coco Pommel.” And flew from the firehouse. “Swift, wait!” Neutrona said, to no avail. “Vince,” she said, trying to appease the entity. “You said you served Grazer?” The three of them moved upstairs, Becky and Neutrona eyeing each other with caution. “Yes, we’ve been preparing for the return of Grazer for some time now.” Poindexter said. “The stars have finally aligned, our master will be free once the ritual is complete, when Keymaster and Gatekeeper gather and perform the ritual to manifest Grazer into this realm.” Poindexter’s smile grew sincere, with a trace of madness. “Grazer has come before, but his absence has been a time of boredom and sorrow.” His eyes grew wide with excitement. “The last time, Grazer took the form of a giant slor! He razed much of the land, it was a great moment for us I can tell you!” Becky pulled Neutrona aside. “Look, truth be told, I took this job because I actually was curious about the paranormal. When I was younger, those types of stories were my favorite. But this pony is starting to scare me. And between you and me, you’re the only pony around here that if push comes to shove, I’d really look out for. Something terrifying is coming.” “Let’s be rational.” Neutrona said, “Nothing’s happened yet. We still have time.” //// Firm Ground and Valence pulled the cart down the streets of Manehattan. “As it turns out, coco Pommels’s building is filled with all sorts of strangeness.” Vay said.  “I wonder what the hay is going on with that.” “Like what?” Firm Ground asked. “The materials the ponies used to build it for starters.” Vay said. “It’s like something is using the metals in the building for a ritual.” “Look at the stories in the news,” Firm ground said. “Reports of cockatrice attacking Canterlot, and changelings in Ponyville. I’ve even heard that the bearers of the Elements of Harmony aren’t even in the country right now.” “You know, there were reports in the paper about the Secretariat Comet passing over. I bet that’s what’s been giving energy to all these sorts of occurrences.” Vay said. “All those places are being affected by the amassing energy. I’d hate to think what would happen if we didn’t have the Princesses or the Elements of Harmony to come to our aid in a time of crisis.” Firm Ground turned to Vay. “Sort of like right now?” Valence only twisted his neck in uncomfortable silence. “How about some donuts before we head back?” “Yeah, sure.” Firm Ground replied. //// Swift made his way back to Coco’s apartment to find the police in front of Poindexter’s flat to see them interviewing a pegasus. “Yeah, I thought it was part of the game, like Poindexter was having a friend run around in a monster suit, but after he didn’t come back, and we ate all the snacks, we thought something was wrong.” Swift passed the conversation and knocked on Coco’s door. A very different Coco Pommel answered. Her mane was let down, she was wearing a red tattered dress, and spoke much differently. “Are you the Keymaster?” she asked. The parapsychologist played the game. “Yes, I am.” “We must prepare for the coming of Grazer.” Coco said seductively. “The time for the destructor is upon us.” “And how does that go down exactly?” Swift asked. “A carnal arcane ritual.” Coco replied. She grabbed Swift and pulled him to her room. Swift noted the ectoplasm on the walls of the apartment and the destroyed ponyquines. Coco threw him on the bed. He looked around, light appearing to have been drained from the room. “I think my dungeon comment was more of a joke than a suggestion.”  Swift said. Coco pinned Swift’s hooves with her own. “Oh, this would have been the best story if you weren’t this kind of crazy.” Swift said. “But I know you have it in you Coco, and I’ll be wanting another visit with you after this mess.” “There is no Coco, only Zuul.” Coco replied “Now, I know she’s in there Zuul.” Swift said. “She seems like the type to have these kinds of repressed urges.” Now I want to talk to Coco.” “THERE IS NO COCO, ONLY ZUUL!” the entity asserted. Coco’s face distorted into a widened grin with long sharpened teeth briefly before returning to normal. The mare then began to rise above the bed, it was so unnatural, even for a pegasus to witness. Pegasi or levitating unicorns usually bobbed slightly to hover and there was the sound of wings or magic. This however, was completely silent. It wasn’t until she stopped rising and started growling. “Tell you what, Zuul.” Swift said. “Mortals have actually gotten some pretty mean advancements in our medicines. There are substances for say…virility. I’d wager that this abode probably has something to make the ritual more enjoyable.” “Do not delay.” Coco said, with a satisfactory grin. She levitated back down. She moved a hoof along the covers. Swift ran to the kitchen. “Please have sleeping pills, please have sleeping pills.” He needed to make sure Coco wouldn’t hurt him or any other pony. //// “I must find the Gatekeeper!” Poindexter said. “If you cannot aid me in the ritual, then I will find her myself!” “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Becky asked. “You sure you don’t have to wait for a sign or something?” Neutrona looked at Becky incredulously at the attempt to buy more time. Poindexter blinked and then his eyes grew wide and glowed red. “The sign! Oh, how could I have forgotten?!” he put a hoof to his face. “Great,” Neutrona said. “I think there’s a few more tests I would like to run.” Just then, the door to the firehouse opened with a resounding crash. “Vay and Firm Ground are back.” Neutrona said. The three ponies moved downstairs. “Good, I needed you two to-“ Gawker Peck, a police pony, and Dean Hayger were on their way to the basement. “Hold on a moment.” Becky said, jumping down and landing in front of the intruders. “What do you think you’re doing?” “We’re terminating the necromancy, once and for all!” Peck said. “I should have known it was a trick by Dr. Swift Guess. He was trying to trick me into not thinking this was where the necromantic energy occurring in this place!” “I’m sure that Princess Celestia has to be the one to see to matters of necromancy.” Neutrona said. “These are extenuating circumstances.” Peck said “The princesses are indisposed at the moment and The Elements of Harmony are out on duty who knows where. If you haven’t heard, terrible things are occurring across Equestira and your little scheme is just one of them!” Gawker took a step forward. “Not if I can help it.” Swift flew into the firehouse.  “Is there a problem here” he asked. “You’re not going to play your little games with me anymore!” Gawker said. “We’re not going to stand by and let your ritual be complete!” “Ritual?” Poindexter said. “The ritual must be complete!” “See! Stop it now!” Gawker Peck said and ordered the Dean to inspect the containment unit. “I know you were always up to no good Neutrona.” Hayger said. “Well, a device like this shouldn’t be too difficult to dismantle.” “I’m just going to get my pack and blast him. “Swift said. “Only minor tissue damage, right Neutrona?” he was about to take off. The sound of the switch being pulled caught the Ghostbuster’s ears. A siren followed. Neutrona eyed her colleagues with widened eyes.  Moments later, everypony, dragon, and griffon ran straight out of the firehouse. Slimer was upstairs enjoying Swift’s lunch when rumbling occurred and then a blast of energy blew him away from the kitchen. The energy formed a pillar of light that shot into the air. “This is it, this is the sign!” Poindexter said. “It’s a sign all right,  I should have invested in life insurance.” Becky said. Firm Ground and Valence had just arrived to witness the scene of chaos. “What happened?” Firm Ground asked. “Gawker Peck shut down the containment grid.” Neutrona said. “And it explodes when you do that?” Firm Ground asked. “Well, you’re not supposed to turn it off.” Vay said. “Wait, where did the Keymaster go?” Swift asked. The Ghostbusters looked around. “We’ve got to find him before he gets to Coco Pommel” But before they could cover any ground, Gawker Peck threw himself in front of the team. “Arrest these ponies!” he demanded. “They just set off a necromantic ritual with all the ghosts they’ve been catching. This explosion is a direct result of it!” “Horse shit!” Neutrona yelled and lunged at the griffon. A fight broke out between the Ghostbusters and the police, ending with the team hoofcuffed and unichained.