//------------------------------// // Paul's Boss Explains Everything // Story: Pictures for Sad Ponies // by Hooves Like Jagger //------------------------------// Paul’s Boss Explains Everything “So why are we changing the company we get our temps from?” Paul asked, only because the current temps were very hassle free. He wasn’t eager to see his days filled with training people who have aspirations or delusions of a steady job. “Well, it seems the operation to solder a person’s tear ducts shut is illegal in America,” Paul’s boss explained, taking out a booklet from inside his desk. “I don’t see why that would be a problem.” “For the temp company it’s not, but it raises prices for us. I did a little shopping around and found an agency that’s far cheaper.” Paul’s boss slid the booklet across to Paul. Paul picked it up and began leafing through the pages. He read through the entire booklet very carefully before setting it back down. “I’m not even sure how to react to this. We’re hiring horses?” Paul’s boss nodded, confirming what Paul had just read. “This is a call center… you need to be able to speak to work here.” “Don’t worry Paul, these ponies are capable of speech. I didn’t believe it myself at first, but the head of their company came to speak to me in person. She could speak, read, write, everything.” “The booklet didn’t say anything about them being dead to the world. Are they dead to the world?” “I don’t know how I never heard of these ponies before.” Paul’s boss ignored his question, the one question Paul cared about. “How have we never heard of this place called Equestria? It sounds interesting.” “It’s just another terrible place. Look, I’m going back to work.” Paul turned to leave, but his boss called him before he could escape. “There is one other thing I forgot to mention, Paul.” Paul turned around, hoping his boss was going to clear up the mystery of whether or not the ponies had aspirations. “The company tells me the ponies don’t have any experiences with humans at all, so they wanted to make sure the temps could feel comfortable around you.” “I’m a ghost. I’m the last person to make them feel comfortable.” “Yes, I explained your being dead to them, so they came up with something to help you relate to the ponies.” “I don’t want to relate to them,” Paul explained. “I don’t even want to train them.” “Just hold still.” Paul’s boss removed a large bucket from under his desk and promptly doused Paul and his sheet with its contents. Paul dripped on the floor while his boss watched him intently. It didn’t take long before a horse’s back half emerged from under Paul’s now dripping sheet. Paul turned his head and very calmly looked over at the new development. “Did you turn me into a horse?” “I turned you into a pony.” “Why is there a picture of a half-empty glass on my butt?” “You’re a pony and that’s your first question?” “Reminds me of when I died, just less painful and wetter. Look, I gotta get back to work, so are we done here?” “Don’t you want to know why there’s a picture of a half-empty glass on your butt?” Paul’s boss asked. Paul didn’t respond; he simply awaited his boss’s explanation. “Ponies in Equestria get a special mark that indicates their special talent or passion.” Paul glanced back at his flank. “Sure. I’m going back to work now.” Paul turned and trotted out of his boss’s office. As he shut the door behind himself, the phone on his boss’s desk rang. Paul’s boss answered once he read the caller ID. “Hello again… yes… perfect. Our training staff is ready to receive, so you can send them as soon as they’re ready.”