//------------------------------// // More history altering. Pony #218: Sonabula, and the Sphinx // Story: Deadpool in Equestria // by MrAquino //------------------------------// Deadpool woke up with a bunch of pancakes on him. The sudden heat was enough for him to get up, almost blinded by the scorching sun above him. "Ugh... what happened?" He asked himself. You were doing the worst PSAs for a talk show in another fanfic. That's held by FrostTheWolf, the same guy with that lightning gun guy that refused to let us to take Non-Moondancer. "Oh yeah! But how did we get here?" Beats me. Ditto. Deadpool looked around, seeing miles upon miles of desert... except in one direction was a pyramid. "Ooh! Want to see if we can reboot the Dark Universe?" Perhaps if it has Brendan Fraser. Who? ...The main guy from the Mummy. Tom Cruise is a stage name!? The OTHER Mummy movie. With a Trilogy. Oh! "I'm sure I can be just as a bland action as Brendan was." Deadpool spoke before teleporting all the way to the pyramid. From far away, it looked like an ordinary pyramid, but up close, near the front entrance, it looked to have 'horns' on top with a spiked collar, with 2 Marble sphinx statues at the sides. Ooh! Cool! I have many questions about the Architecture. "Eh, who cares." Deadpool spoke, wearing a Lara Croft outfit with balloons over where the 'boobs' should be at. "Let's raid this tomb!" He ran in with both guns in hand, down the hall, and stopped at what he saw. In Taking about a quarter of the large tomb was a gigantic, purple sphinx, complete with a Pharaoh like-headress and wearing various golden jewelry. "Who dares enter my tomb to solve my riddle?" She growled with a sultry sounding voice. "... Oh... my... SHE'S SO CUTE!!!" Deadpool squeed, running and jumping onto the Sphinx's face. "Who's a good kitty!? Who's a good kitty!?" "Hey! Get off!" The Sphinx shooked her head, though it proved to be ineffective. She used her paws to wipe Deadpool off, which worked, followed by her stomping on the Merc. "Consider this as a warning! Solve my riddle, or face the consequences." "Is the punishment getting to eat that p****y? Oh! Giggity giggity giggity goo!" Who else but Wade Wilson!? Who else but Wade Wilson!? ♬He's Wade Wilson, Wade Wilson You never really know what He's gonna do next He's Wade Wilson, Wade Wilson♬ Giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity, let's have sex! "I do hope nothing happens to spoil this fancy dinner party." Fancy Pants spoke as he and a few other guests had tea. Deadpool took off his clothes and danced on the table. "Giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-goo!" Who else but Wade Wilson!? Who else but Wade Wilson!? ♬He's Wade Wilson, Wade Wilson♬ Giggity giggity goo! The Sphinx just stared blankly with the most confused face. "Uh... not to be rude," the tied-up-to-a-pillar, Egyptian looking Stallion spoke. "But can you solve the riddle and help me get out!" "... Eh, nah." "What!?" The Stallion and Sphinx asked in unison. "I've seen The Prince of Egypt before. Trust me, I'm doing you a favor, since I will go Moses on yo ass and call down the plagues to f**k yo s**t up until you let the Jews go." "They are our slaves!" "... See what I mean, folks? See how history is biased? You think the Sphinx is evil, but the Egyptian ponies are worst." "I am evil!" The sphinx roared. I have enslaved this kingdom! Everyone bows to me, or else I-" Deadpool pulled a laser pointer out and shined it on the floor. The sphinx's eyes widened and she tried to catch the red dot. "Pretty! Come here, pretty!" "Yeah... evil..." Deadpool rolled his eyes, making the laser pointer go everywhere for a bit. The sphinx let out some small, adorable meows as she attempted to catch the fast moving menace. This went on for a minute or two, but the sphinx panted, tired out, even with her wings. The tomb was kinda in ruin, with various holes and dents busted into the walls. As soon as the light was gone, the Sphinx shook her head and approached to Deadpool. "Your tricks won't work on me! I am a god here, and you are-!" Deadpool pulled out some catnip. "... Is... is that-?" "Yep. Want some?" "... After that, you'll face your fears!" Sonabula approached to the tomb, ready to save her brother, but stopped and stared in confusion as she saw the evil sphinx sleeping and purring away with Deadpool behind her head, scratching behind her ear. Deadpool looked to the pegasus and shushed. "Shh... the kitty is sleeping." "... Right..." Sonabula approached to her brother and untied him. They both escaped rather silently. "And that's how Deadpool defeated the Evil sphinx!" The old stallion spoke. "He's the reason we-" He paused. "Wait... who was I talking about?" "Me!" Deadpool spoke, walking in. The people gasped. "HE'S ALIVE!!!" "Of course I am!" He approached to the hooded figure. "And this N***a right here is Dr. Caballeron!" "Dr. Who?" The hooded figure asked. "I don't know anything about this-" Deadpool kicked him in the nuts. The figure fell to the floor, wheezing and tearing up as his hoodie fell, revealing him to be the evil doctor. "What!?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Sheesh, and you say I'm stupid. Just as the obvious guys hiding behind the rubble with the stack of gems." He reached behind the destroyed statue and pulled out the goons, with the sack of their precious metals. The crowd gasped. "And finally." He pulled out Daring Do books. "The person that wrote these books is Daring Do! A.K. Yearling! And she's right there!" He pointed to the disguised pony. "W-what!?" A.K. Yearling asked in shock. "How can you assume I'm-" Deadpool simply took her hat and glasses off. Her mane turned into Daring Do. The crowd gasped. "Question. Why are you selling books of yourself to Equestria when, in fact, you're already getting rich by selling all these artifacts to museums? I would think everypony would catch up on how you're both already, what with news spreading faster than what you think. In fact, Frost, if you're reading this, make this an episode for LWTWD. Something about how Equestria is ignorant from the other countries and their problems to be considered 'The country for all'." Daring Do stared, then tackled Deadpool, choking him. "MY CAREERS ARE RUINED NOW BECAUSE OF YOU!!!" A picture was taken, then posted to the news about Daring Do/A.K. Yearling trying to assassinate the legend, Deadpool.