//------------------------------// // Chapter 26 // Story: Borrowed Time // by Gambit Prawn //------------------------------// The school day played out like a movie as I watched from the sidelines. This took something of an effort, as my morning commute had consisted, unsurprisingly, of Pink Diamond chattering nonstop about how excited she was for summer camp. She had eight or nine activities she really wanted to do, and she couldn’t decide between them. Clearly she was the opposite of Squirt and me, who would struggle to come up with activities that we wouldn’t hate. “I was going to take social dancing as my green choice, but the only times it’s offered would mess up my horticulture and treasure hunting sessions,” Pink Diamond relayed. “So why don’t you move around those classes instead? I’ve found that in dealing with camp schedules, it’s best to pencil in the less-offered classes first,” Star offered, participating in my stead. The filly giggled. “I suppose I should have tried that! I feel silly now. I spent all afternoon balancing my activities, but when I fixed one thing something else broke! And when I fixed that, I couldn’t do another activity I wanted to do! It’s really hard trying to keep all my favorites available, especially when I haven’t narrowed it down yet.” Star looked at me expectantly, clearly expecting a sarcastic rejoinder in response to the filly’s obviously flawed methodology. But I simply wasn’t in the mood. “I’m okay with it, though,” Pink Diamond said. “I’m already a pretty good dancer anyway. I just wish they offered more advanced dance classes—like the squaretrot, the salsa, or maybe even the Twilight! Star put a hoof to her mouth to conceal a giggle at the last item. When she recovered she said, “Well, it all depends on who is available to be a camp counselor. It’s hard to get ponies who are qualified to teach the less common skills. At the same time, it’s hard to gauge interest before finalizing the catalog. Almost nopony signed up for my astronomy class back when I was involved…” “You were a camp counselor!?” Pink Diamond asked gleefully. Star smiled. “Most ponies want to keep the camp tradition going. In fact, when you’re fifty or so, you can sign up to be an assistant and prepare to take over for the ponies who will move onto other things.” “I can’t wait!” the filly proclaimed, jumping and waving her limbs for emphasis. “Being a counselor sounds great. I don’t understand why why anypony would stop.” It felt like a kick to the stomach as my mind once more jumped to the horrible truth. Compounding it, Pink Diamond turned to me and asked, “What do you think, River?” “Uhh... ummm—well, it’s probably some boring adult thing. Like—like a big meeting.” She seemed uncertain, and I silently pleaded with her to believe me. “Trusty?” The crystal filly asked incisively, knowing full well which of the two adults was more likely to let something slip. “N—no—but, yeah, it’s something almost... boring…” he rubbed his neck, laughing. “But it’s part of being an adult, I guess.” Star dissected his every word and gestured with her eyes, nodding when she came to the conclusion that his answer was acceptable. “That really stinks,” my fellow exchange student lamented. “Growing up sounds like no fun.” “It isn’t all that bad,” Trusty said with a grin. “After all, I’ll get to see Wallflower again!” Star jabbed him in the ribcage, causing him to yelp and cover his mouth. The damage was done, however as Pink Diamond furrowed her brow. “And why are you meeting up with your marefriend to do something boring?” she asked, suspicious. The stallion started shuffling his hooves. “I’m not going to do anything with Wallflower—I mean, I just happen to be going to the Crystal Empire to do that really boring adult thing. Yeah, and after that, if I’m lucky, I might be able to visit her.” Star shook her head in disbelief. After pondering it for a moment, Pink Diamond gave an oblivious smile. “Okay! Thank you for telling me, Trusty!” She stopped walking for a moment to gather her thoughts. “Hang on, if it’s a boring adult responsibility, then how come some ponies get to keep supervising the camps year after year?” ‘“Oh, look: we’re here,” Star said abruptly, feigning disappointment. “We’ll talk about this later. Have a good day at school, you two!” “Oh boy!” the filly said. “I can’t wait to see what my friends picked!” I grinned at Star knowingly. There was little chance that the crystal pony’s curiosity would last longer than a few minutes, let alone the whole school day. I took a moment to wave goodbye to our escort, and Pink Diamond was gone before I could look back at the school. Bounding through the door, she pounced on Annuity while shouting, “good morning!” startling her prospective best friend. The bronze filly sprung into the air and screeched like a cat thrown into an acid bath, convulsing in the air for a solid second before landing. “Hehe. Sorry, Annuity,” she apologized, as a good portion of the class laughed. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” “Hmmph. I wasn’t scared,” she said unconvincingly, combing her frazzled mane back into place. “You weren’t?” the earth filly asked, cocking her head naively. Somehow, Annuity kept a straight face. “Actually, I was practicing my screaming for Nightmare Night.” “Oh, neato!” “So, I assume you wanted something?” my nemesis asked. “Oh, nothing much. I just wanted to ask what activities you were thinking about picking. So far I’ve decided on session D of pottery, session G of horticulture, and—” “I’m going to stop you there. Weren’t you listening to what I was asking yesterday?” “Something about transferring out?” “Yes…” Annuity articulated in a drawn-out fashion. “Wait? You mean you weren’t asking for somepony else?” Annuity’s forehoof jerked towards her face in what I recognized as an aborted facehoof. “You know I’m super rich, right?” Pink Diamond nodded. “Then why would I go to some generic camp that takes anypony when I can put on my own? My daddy hires some of the most talented ponies to give me and my friends private lessons. This year, my daddy’s invited a craftspony from Prance, a former Marathon Equestria champion, Sapphire Shores’s own choreographer, and even a personal beautician!” “That’s really neat!” Pink Diamond exclaimed, completely free of envy. “Yeah, I know. So, do you want to come?” Annuity challenged. “Can I?” the filly asked uncertainly. “You tell me. It’s a camp for my friends, so of course you can come—if you’re my friend that is.” “Of course I want to come, but I was also really looking forward to meeting lots of new ponies from Canterlot Second. I even helped Cake Slice choose some of her activities…” Annuity looked insecure for a moment, having lost control. “Of course you want to come,” she declared, as if trying to convince herself. “Zap’s coming too. Right, Zap?” “I don’t know...” the pegasus said, genuinely distraught. “I want to spend camp with all my friends. Besides, I’m really excited for stunt flying!” “I can beat that! I’ll ask my daddy to get a Wonderbolt coach for you. It’ll be much better than anypony a dinky place like Ponyville could get.” “Well…” I could see that Zap was certainly tempted. “Why stop there?” Pestle asked sardonically. “Everypony that attends my snooty mega-moolah camp will receive a year’s supply of toothpaste. But wait! There’s more! Enroll in the next ten minutes and we’ll throw in this solid-gold kazoo! All for the low, low price of your principles and dignity as a pony.” Pink Diamond’s giggles filled the room. “That’s not remotely funny, Pestle. And I don’t sound like that!” Keep telling yourself that. I don’t think she could have done that impression better if she had made a potion. “Okay, everypony,” Fizzle said, gesturing in her trademark manner. “I know you’re all excited about summer camp, and it is Friday, so I’ve planned something fun for today.” The class reacted with mixed suspicion and excitement. I was definitely in the former category, as I doubted I would much enjoy what Fizzle Spark would consider fun. I smirked to myself. It was strange: hearing her full name just once was enough to dispel some of the aura of her station. “Anyway, since I’m sure you’re tired of just doing cold reads, so we’re going to take the next step. We’re going to spend today on”—she paused for dramatic effect—”making the costumes and props!” Compared to her own enthusiasm the cheers she received in response were lukewarm. “Aww man,” Squirt mumbled. “I actually have to do something this time...” “But before that, I have a reminder for everypony. As I’m sure you know, Tuesday is Career Day,” Fizzle began. The class mostly cheered. I decided Squirt was a good bellwether and watched the colt’s reaction to decide on my own. He was smiling broadly, so I took that as a good omen. “If you’re still looking for a role model, I can help. Does everypony have somepony to shadow?” Dozens of voices mumbled affirmations. “Let me see a show of hooves,” she requested. My eyes darted around the room and within seconds I was the only one who hadn’t responded. I made the flash decision to mimic; the justification came after my hoof was already in the air. Either Celestia would let me skip this obligation, or if I were less lucky, I was sure she would have more resources than a schoolteacher to set me up with a “role model.” “Okay then. We can start divvying up the work. Who here can sew?” To my mild surprise, four hooves went up. Bubble Bauble was expected, but Stardust, Daybreak and Granite were unexpected. “Four seems like the perfect number for—” Fizzle smiled to herself in an unsettling manner. “What am I doing here? I already assigned somepony to be in charge of this part of the production! Squirt, you’re up!” She stepped aside from the lectern and gestured for Squirt to take her place. The props manager sighed and dragged his hooves  to the front of the room. Half a minute passed with Fizzle just smiling patiently at Squirt. “Okay, you four will handle any new costumes that need to be made,” Squirt finally said, unenthused. He eventually picked up some steam though and powered through the rest of the delegating. I ended up being assigned to painting some of the backdrop set pieces. The relatively loose nature of the project planning turned me off, but I managed to limp through the day. All in all, it was the perfect day for me at that time, letting me unwind a bit from yesterday’s unpleasant shock. However, that wasn’t to last for long, as I was slated to be around even more children for the rest of the day. As planned, I flitted between hiding spots as I followed Squirt and his sister to their home. They took an unusual detour, and I recognized it as my chance to get ahead of them. I wasn’t sure what excuse she had given Squirt, but he seemed to have bought it. As planned I knocked three times on the door of the red clay house. The other Swirl twin opened the door just a crack to stick her head out and snatched me up. “Hey!” I objected. She mumbled an apology before setting me down behind the couch in the den along with three colts. “Sorry,” she said weakly. “That didn’t really hurt; it’s just unsettling to be grabbed like that. I mean, I get why you don’t want me lingering by the doorway, but this is a surprise party, not a speakeasy.” The brown-maned unicorn mare flicked off the lights and crouched behind the couch herself. A minute later she was joined by a caramel maned gray mare and a white stallion with a turquoise mane not too different from Squirt’s. It didn’t take much to put together that these were Squirt’s parents, so I took a better look: the mare had her mane in a bun and wore square-framed, red glasses. Meanwhile, her presumed husband was one of the smallest stallions I had seen in Equestria. I wasn’t quite sure if he or Bulwark was the taller, but the fact that it was even in doubt said a lot. The three colts seemed to vaguely be acquainted, as they whispered awkward small talk, but when that well dried up they were left forcing laughter to fill the void. Mercifully, Squirt and his remaining sister arrived about five minutes later. The lights flicked on. “Surprise!” everypony behind the couch shouted out of sync. Squirt smiled when he saw who his guests were, but he remained silent, stoically studying the balloons and banners bearing his cutie mark. Failing to read the room, the twins flanked Squirt and set off a pair of party poppers, covering him in confetti. “A surprise cuteceanera… Wow. You shouldn’t have…” His mother chuckled. “At least let us have this moment, Dear. Besides, are you sure you want to write off this party before you open your”—she pulled a gaudy square package out of nowhere—”present!” Squirt tried to maintain his skepticism, but I nonetheless saw his eyes light up with interest. “Really? I can open it now? I mean, how things normally work is you make me sit through a ton of buildup before I get to the punchline—like on Hearth’s Warming Eve.” “It’s your cuteceanera,” Squirt’s mother said, putting a hoof on his withers, “so we’re doing things your way.” Squirt accepted the package and turned it about looking for the weakest point in the wrapping paper. Finding none, a childish greed overcame him and he ripped the wrapping paper off with his teeth. When the sisters moved enough for me to see what had been inside, I found myself just as clueless as I had been when it was fully wrapped. I only had Squirt’s reaction to go by, and clearly he was intrigued. It was a black box with various golden insignia on the sides. As he turned it around in his hooves I saw a scene of battle between a small group of ponies and what looked to be extremely ugly centaurs. “What—what is it?” Squirt asked, awestruck. “Save your guesses,” Squirt’s mom said. “It’s our company’s newest product. It’s not even on the market yet. Basically, it’s a pre-generated single-dungeon campaign. It includes everything you need to jump into a game of Ogres and Oubliettes without having to spend weeks building up to that point. It has a dozen pre-created characters with accompanying minifigures, each meticulously tested to be balanced for this particular dungeon. Or you can make your own. And to add replay value, it includes over one-hundred event cards with all sorts of dynamic twists.” Squirt was speechless, but the fact that he was already gnawing on the plastic wrap spoke for itself. Mrs. Squirt giggled. “The only thing that’s not included are friends to play it with, but we’ve got you covered there!” The three other foals started to walk towards Squirt, so I followed them and put on my best, forced smile. Squirt returned the smile, but it quickly disappeared. “Is something the matter?” his mother asked. He shook his head. “Uhh… it’s not that. I love the gift—really. But… umm… I suppose you’re going to make me pin the tail on the pony now, or dance the Pony Polka.” His parents both shook their heads. He looked to Coffee and Latte, who were mimicking their parents. “Nope,” the leftmost twin said. “It’s your cuteceanera,” Right said. “Why would we make you do something you don’t like?” Right added. Squirt looked baffled. “Really?” He scanned his whole family one more time. “You guys are the best,” he said, giddy. His family congregated around him in a big pony group hug. I didn’t know whether to be off-put by the sappiness, or grateful that I wasn’t invited to join in. “Then again…” Squirt’s mother said ominously. “What?” Squirt asked, a little bit nervous. “It wouldn’t quite be a cuteceanera without cake and other goodies…” “Is the cake buttercream?” Squirt asked, hopeful. “That it is, Dear,” Mom said, ruffling his mane. “Now go have a blast with your friends!” Despite being advertised as minimal setup, we still had some hurdles to overcome. After picking one of the pre-made characters, I had to choose a specialization, an aura type, and even an animal familiar. “Why do I need a pet, anyway?” I asked. The others looked at me like I just suggested a song to liven things up. “You’re Tuskus, the mountaineer druid. Of course you would have a familiar. In canon it’s a hawk, but he did in fact befriend a bear as well. I’d personally take the mountain goat for extra storage pockets, but it’s up to you,” said Golden Thimble. “Fine, I’ll take the bear,” I relented. “All right, then,” Squirt said, rubbing his hooves together excitedly. “As DM I’ll start things off with a secret event card.” He took a card from the deck and grinned ominously. “I now roll to randomly generate treasure, traps and other secrets.” He rolled eight or nine times. “And away we go!” He cleared his throat. “You find yourself in a dingy chamber, your vision aided only by the weak glow of the torches. You feel a subtle draft despite your party being deep underground. What you see in front of you is—.” “I search for traps!” Daft Hat declared. Squirt furrowed his brow at that. “Really? You don’t want more information first. What the room looks like? What’s in front of your faces?” “So? I’m the master of detection!” “Your awareness is the lowest in the party by a longshot.” Daft Hat rolled anyway. “Twenty! Yes! Super-critical! That means I have to succeed.” “Fine,” Squirt conceded. “You successfully detect all zero traps.” The brown unicorn colt did a hoof pump while Squirt sighed. Oh boy. Looks like the odds of this being anything more than a long couple hours are very low indeed… “And I pivot on my left back hoof and gallop up my familiar’s back!” I proclaimed. “Uhh… okay, roll for an agility check, being off balance and all,” Squirt offered. I rolled and got a seventeen. “Good enough I g—“ “And I jump from atop her head, letting loose a savage roar as I activate my Natural Affinity skill, endowing my horseshoes with the essence of razor-sharp claws!” I rolled before being prompted, getting a fifteen this time. “Okay, subtracting two for using an off-type transmutation ability gives thirteen. Obviously that’s enough for your ability to work. Now roll for damage.” I beamed as I rolled a perfect twenty. Squirt took his turn with his dice, rolling a five and an eight. “Neither weapon can parry your overwhelming strike. Lord Ulwat’s off-hand axe shatters in his grip exposing his heart to your faux claws. Ulwat falls to the ground sputtering curses as his dark spell over the dungeon releases. The whole world seems to lighten up as peace is restored to the surrounding area.” “YES!!” I cried, jumping out of my seat and running around the table twice. I popped up behind my comrades and pantomimed a series of hoofbumps. “And I couldn’t have done it without you guys!” The three of them just exchanged prolonged perplexed looks. “Yeah, it was fun—really, but…” The third of Squirt’s friends, Iron Press, let his eyes wander towards me as he considered how to tactfully put it. I rubbed my temple and chuckled awkwardly. “Heh I guess I got a little carried away, didn’t I?” “It’s fine,” Hat said. “You having fun was contagious. It’s just… different from how our sessions normally are.” “Yeah,” Iron said. “Normally it’s just us four geeky colts, but you’re more personable I can see.” “No, not really,” I said, confused. Iron shrugged. “Oh well. I guess we’re all shut-ins, and that makes you look gregarious in comparison.” Squirt’s mom popped into the kitchen. “You boys having fun?” “We just finished!” Squirt announced triumphantly. “Let it be known that as your first beta tester, I can gladly give this new product The Squirt Seal of Approval.” She petted his head. “I’m happy to hear that, Dear. Oh my! You all devoured the cake. I take it it was a hit?” Hat pointed at me, and I looked down and away. One slice had become two, and before I knew it, I had eaten a good fraction of the buttercream cake. “Nothing wrong with that!” Squirt’s mother, Table Top, said. “Since you’re having so much fun, what do you say we make this into a sleepover? “Yeah!” Thimble cheered. “Is that okay?” Iron asked hopefully. Table smiled. “I’ve already made the arrangements with your parents/guardsponies.” Well there goes my excuse… I thought. Though I was having fun… “But there is a minor snag…” Table intoned, catching everypony’s interest as she built the suspense. “You see, I can’t get away with feeding you only cake, so what would you say to dinner courtesy of—Oh I don’t know… Taco Power?" Squirt actually jumped out of his chair. “Yes! I mean... yeah, sounds good, Mom.” Table giggled. Meanwhile, at the other end of the kitchen, Latte popped in. I was fairly sure it was her this time, as I had come to the conclusion that the twins parted their manes in opposite directions. “River, do you have a moment?” she asked me. Eager to get some air, I hopped out of my chair and trotted over to her. Without breaking eye-contact, she back-pedaled into the den. “Yeah, is there something you need?” I asked, somewhat wary. “Thank you so much for coming!” “Oh, it’s no big deal,” I said, loathe to admit how much fun I was having. Latte started to shuffle her hooves. “So I hate to have to ask you another favor, especially one so big, but…” I felt anxiety well in the pit of my stomach. What stupid pony thing was I going to be forced into now? “Latte, dear,” Table Top said. "Squirt wants to get take out so he can play a Runecraft round-robin tournament. Would you mind making a supply run for us?” “Oh, no problem,” Latte said. “We’ll talk later,” she whispered to me. “Actually, do you mind if I come with you?” I asked. “But you’ll miss the next stage of the party.” I shook my head. “It’s fine. I don’t play runecraft; I don’t even have a deck.” “You don’t need one,” Table reassured me. “It’s a booster draft.” “Please,” I said. “I need some air.” Latte put a hoof on my withers. “I could use the company,” she testified. “Besides, I’ll need help carrying all the food.” “Be safe you two,” Squirt’s mother shouted as we stepped outside. When we were about a block away, I let out a long sigh. What had gotten into me? “Something the matter?” the guardsmare asked as we strolled through Canterlot. “Well, I’m not too happy with how I acted there. Normally, I’m calm and reserved, but I got completely carried away with the roleplaying.” “You had fun, though, right? There’s nothing wrong with that.” “It was fun, but that’s not the issue. I was acting like a normal pony in there, all energetic and such.” “Well, in general fillies do tend to be more rambunctious than colts.” My facial features sunk. That made it so much worse. Latte caught herself. “I didn’t mean it like that; that’s likely only one factor. You did eat a lot of sugar.” “That’s true…” I began, “but it wasn’t like I can say I lost control over myself. While I did have more energy, I could have just jostled around in my seat to burn it off. Instead, I channeled it into the game, and I got carried away completely.” “Well, why did you make that choice then?” Latte asked with a friendly smile. I stopped mid-trot and started to think. Why had I played with so much energy in there? When I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach, I figured I had the unpleasant, correct answer. “I think it’s because I felt out of place… because I’m a filly. “Oh?” Latte queried, mixing sympathy and curiosity. “It’s just that those are four colts who are fairly very low-key and reserved. I realized within the first few minutes that their enthrallment with fantasy games was something I didn’t share.” Latte giggled. “Well, you sure fooled me.” I shook my head. “That’s different. What I was doing was relating it to my battle experience. The obsession with numbers and skill points wasn’t something I could relate to. I have to admit the tactical component was enjoyable, though. It was a throwback to war games. In any event, being the only one not interested in fantasy emphasized my other differences, so I think that made me self-conscious about the  biggest difference of all.” I reflexively trotted around the corner towards school and was embarrassed when Latte went the other way. “I do that sort of thing all the time, despite living here for as long as I have. Anyway, why did you make yourself stand-out even more if you were feeling that way?” This, too, stumped me and I took several minutes before answering. “It’s like I felt pressure to keep my secret, so I changed the attention on me to a different type.” I paused. “Although… there was a weird feeling like the room was too quiet. Wait… has turning into a pony made me lose my appreciation for quiescence?” Latte shrugged before happily remarking, “We’re here! Lucky! No line today.” I scanned the establishment. Like many buildings in Canterlot, it made no secret about what it’s speciality was, sporting a giant taco on the roof behind its name. Latte led us around a small gravel path and past a beautifully rendered menu with pictures of every dish offered. “Oh thank goodness!” The yellow unicorn stallion manning the takeout window said. “Welcome to Taco Power. How may I help you?” “Hello, Habanero,” Latte greeted. “I’ll have your standard, sixty bit catering package.” “Coming right up!” Habanero said. Latte craned her neck to look at me. “I heard from Star that you’re not too picky an eater, so forgive me for ordering without asking you. This package is a great value and has something for everypony. Besides, whatever we don’t eat makes for great leftovers!” “All right,” I said, knowing I could at least trust the food here. I was then left awkwardly shuffling my hooves in place; after all, I couldn’t exactly start talking candidly about my secret here. “All right, we’ve already started on your order,” Habanero said. “If there’s nothing else that will be one-hundred and fifty bits for the ultra-deluxe catering package.” “Ultra-deluxe!” Latte echoed, dropping the bits she had ready to pay. “I ordered the standard. How did you get ultra-deluxe?” The stallion looked like he was on the verge of tears. “But we already started making the order.” The guardsmare looked down, torn. “Use what you can use for the standard package. I don’t have the bits for anything else.” The service pony sighed. “Yes, ma’am.” Suddenly I heard a familiar bit of shrill laughter. “HAHAHAHA. How brilliant am I! With my Dementia Dial, I will systematically destroy the Canterlot fast food industry by rendering them incapable of remembering even the simplest of orders. AND THEN I, Maniacal Laughter, will be undisputed queen of food on the go. And—somehow—I will rule the world! And there’s NOPONY who can stop me!” Sure enough, a familiar supervillainess was perched on the roof alongside a device that looked like a complicated sort of viewfinder. Before I could even guess what would happen next, an orange blur came hurtling towards her. She blocked with a front foreleg and Rising Sun did a backflip to deccelerate. “Ah, Rising Sun, we meet again. You may have bested me the last seventeen times, but you know what they say: the eighteenth time’s the charm!” Does that mean she’s broken out of prison seventeen times? Somepony’s really dropped the ball… “A supervillain…” Latte murmured. “This is what I’ve been trained for, but what do I do? I can’t be sure of my aim from this distance, and it’s not like I have wings…” “You have protocol for this?” I asked rhetorically. I suppose it made sense. Then again, considering Maniacal Laughter’s apparent penchant for raining down mayhem from Canterlot rooftops, it certainly didn’t strike me as sufficiently thorough. But on the other hand, I had no obvious solution to the unicorn’s quandary. As soon as I remembered them, I looked up expecting the squad assigned to my protection. Sure enough, Star was flying at the point of a V-formation along with four armored stallions. “Stop right there,” Star shouted. “You are under arrest for—” Reacting instantaneously, the supervillainess seized her contraption and fired a barrage of magical energy at the pegasus squadron. I had a miniature panic attack as I remembered my firsthand experience with mind-altering magics. “Wait a second…” Star voiced, puzzled as she landed on a roof across from the comic book shenanigans. “Do we even have a law against using evil contraptions against fast-food workers? I feel there should be a law, but I can’t remember for the life of me.” Suddenly Latte jolted in realization and grabbed me by the neck. “I gotta get you safe,” she mumbled through a mouthful of my fur. Whereas being carried in this manner previously had been slightly embarrassing at worst, Latte’s gallop caused me to oscillate uncomfortably in her grip. Fortunately, she soon decided to pop inside some sort of boutique. A brown stallion with a gray mane greeted us with a creepy smile. “Welcome to The Safe Space, where your foal’s learning is our number one priority. How can I help you.” Latte finally spat me out. “Yes, I’m with the Royal Guards. We have a supervillain incident ongoing and I need to get backup. Would you mind watching River Glade here in the meantime?” The stallion’s smile grew broader. “Of course, ma’am.” “Thank you!” Latte said quickly, dashing out before I could object. Unnerved, I slowly turned my head towards my temporary caretaker. He chuckled. “My, that was easy,” he said snapping his hoof. I didn’t have even a moment to ponder this apparent impossibility as the room around us seemed to melt away. The cheery wall paperseemed to peeled away and was replaced with aged wood. The long hallway in front of me filled in to become a solid wall. Even the air seemed to suddenly take on a musty taste. Before I had registered all of this I had instinctively started to charge up my horn. “Oh, there’s no need for that, My Little Pony,” the stallion said in an entirely different, familiar voice. I just want to have a little fun with you is all. After all, you’re harder to get an audience with than the princesses themselves.” I stared and doubled the mana pooled in my horn. The false shopkeeper snapped his hooves again, and a draconequus appeared as the illusion faded. “Oh, right,” he said as a facemask appeared to cover his mouth and nose. “Almost forgot about that. I can’t exactly have any stray magic of mine flying your way.” “Anyway, to cut to the chase, I have a present for you,” Discord said, pulling a unicycle shaped package out from behind his back. “You’ll never guess what it is!” I continued to stare. “I don’t trust you,” I said defiantly. He wave his claw. “Pah, you’re no fun,” he said as he began to unwrap it himself. The seemingly solid mass underneath dissipated into nothing as he tore the paper off. When he was finished, he held out a costume I had hoped to never see again. In surprise, I almost unleashed the pooled mana, so I started to funnel it into my crystal instead. “Really? You grabbed that out of the trash? Were you under the impression that I enjoyed being a sidekick?” “Come now, let me finish first,” the draconequus said. “I made a special improvement. He tapped a button on the barrel of the costume, and the whole outfit collapsed into a magical mist and took on the form of a ring. Discord brushed my mane aside with a smirk. “I figured your horn could use some more decoration,” he said as he slid it on despite my body language begging him not to. “Wait, one more thing!” he said upon finishing. He pulled out a large star ornament and slid it over the tip of my horn. “Perfect!” Not a second later it fell off and broke. “I don’t get it…” I said blankly. “Oh, fine. I’ll cut to the chase. Basically. I installed your sidekick costume into a ring similar to the one you have already. By just willing it and directing a little bit of magic to it, you will be able to instantaneously change in and out of your costume. Is that dry enough for you?” I took a closer look at the strange creature, taking a moment to feel disbelief at what I was having a conversation with, before continuing. “I don’t understand why I even need another ring. It’s not like I plan to masquerade as a bird’s sidekick on a regular basis.” “Really?” Discord said, slithering closer to me. “I thought for sure you would be able to see the advantages of having a ready-made disguise.” Discord’s mane and goatee suddenly shifted to a hot pink and his patch-like scales turned monochrome white. “Why would I need a disguise?” I asked. “Come to think of it, I can already take off the ring and virtually become a different pony.” Discord’s whole body seemed to dramatically deflate as he slumped to let out a sigh. “You really don’t get what I’m implying, do you? I guess I’ll have to spell it out for you. Look: you’re constantly being watched and coddled by the princesses. But with this ring, you can temporarily abscond from their supervision. Does that make sense?” I frowned at his patronizing treatment, but he did have a point. There were times when Celestia’s demands did get to me, but… “I can’t exactly go vanishing when I have a full contingent assigned to ensure my safety. As tempting as it is, I don’t want to cause trouble for Star.” Discord’s mane and goatee turned red and purple symbols of the four playing card suits appeared on his body. “High-strung and overly serious—you’re a conjurer all right…” “Wait a second! Were you spying on me this whole time!? During Ogres and Oubliettes! You have been, haven’t you!?” “Pardon?” Discord said, genuinely confused. “How else could you reference my character in the game?” Discord’s eyes lit up in understanding. “Oh, so you got that gag? Good. That line felt a bit weird, but it turned out to be worth saying.” I groaned before asking for clarification—again. Talking to Discord turned out to be more tedious than anything. “Okay, what?” He once more floated closer to me. “You see, as a draconequus, context-appropriate punchlines spontaneously pop into my head from time to time. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to be a universal humorist.” Upon saying this last part, Discord conjured a tie around his neck and tightened it with both claws. “You know what, forget it…” “Pinkie Pie gets it at least,” said Discord. “Enough chatter; time to spring into action!” Snapping his claws, the (newest) ring on my horn lit up and I found myself in restricting spandex once more before being teleported away. When I had reoriented myself, I found myself on the same rooftop Star had alighted on earlier; though she had thankfully moved. I looked across to the scene of battle and saw the usual stalemate between mare and bird. Looking down, I saw Star’s group had relocated, joining up with Latte. “Can we maybe arrest her for unlicensed magical devices?” Latte offered. “No, that only applies to a narrow list of devices, certainly not to something so weirdly specific.” “What about for public brawling?” “Unfortunately, Rising Sun technically struck first, so she’s technically engaged in self-defense.” “Hmm…” I shook my head. How could they ever be an effective fighting force if they are so encumbered by procedure? Sighing I realized if I wanted to get on with my day, I would have to intervene. Making a quick judgment call about the distance, I got a running start and jumped the gap between the two rooftops. Not knowing how the new ring would affect my magic, I simply charged into the melee, extending my front hooves to strike. Adrenaline surged through my system as I anticipated the onset of combat once more… With a thud, I bounced off Maniacal Laughter and tumbled head-over-hooves towards the edge. With mild bemusement, the villainess turned to look at me and cracked a smile. “Ahh, Eclipse, I was wondering when you would show up. Then again, punctuality was never your forte.” I cocked my head in confusion. “You’ve met me exactly once…” She was about to answer before the Phoenix sucker-punched her and she fell back on the defensive. Nevertheless, the damage was done and Rising Sun had firmly seized the initiative in both talons. Embarrassed by my earlier feeble showing, I could do little more than watch. Suddenly, the villainess pounced on me. I was quick enough to jump away, but, alas, she was a unicorn, and I found myself gripped and pulled closer by her Turquoise magic. Rising Sun flew up to prepare a disruptive strike, but as she started to descend, the crafty mare had the sense to use me as a filly shield, forcing the superhero to swerve at the last second. “AHAHAHAHAHA! Now the horseshoe’s on the other hoof. The best part of being a villain is I have no pesky principles barring me from the more unseemly strategies! What now, Rising Sun?” The Phoenix idly fluttered, at a complete loss. “Then again, just because I can use such tactics doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad about it. Sorry, Eclipse, it’s nothing personal.” I responded by unleashing my crystal’s stored mana, but the crafty mare casually moved her head to the side, smiling broadly. She pushed her muzzle closer to mine. “Say, your mane looks an awfully lot like that colt’s at the drive-thru. Could it be?” I gasped. Ponyfeathers! The mask doesn’t hide my longer mane! What do I do? What do I do? I clamped my eyes shut and started to think. I can’t let her recognize me! I have to do something! I felt an unusual sensation reverberate through my skull. Somehow there was something familiar about it… Opening my eyes again, I looked around for anything I could use to my advantage “On second glance, maybe I was mistaken…” Maniacal Laughter said. However, I wasn’t about to wait for her to change her mind again. Remembering the hamstrung pegasus battalion I yelled, ”Help! Foal in danger!” Star finally looked up again and smiled at me. “I know for sure I can arrest her for that!” Star nodded towards Latte, and the unicorn’s horn lit up. The magic surrounding me dissipated, and in an instant Maniacal Laughter was tackled by five pegasus guards. In the process, the Dementia Dial was knocked off the rooftop, snapping in two. Star’s eyes seemed to glow with intelligence once more. “Oh man, what was I thinking!? Disturbing the peace. Duh!” She turned to me and my partner in crimefighting. “Thanks for your help, Eclipse, Rising Sun.” “All in a day’s work,” I said unenthusiastically. Philomena saluted and flew off, leaving me to fend for myself. Fortunately there was a slanted roof of sorts over the pick-up window which was able to take me close enough to the ground to jump down. For lack of better options, I returned to where I met Discord to dematerialize my costume. No sooner had I arrived then I heard the door creak open. “Alice, are you in here?” Star asked. “I’m here,” I responded. “This place sure looks a lot different than I remember,” Latte commented. I walked closer to them and both of their mouths gaped. “Alice…” “Your eyes…” “What?” I asked. “Your eyes—they’ve turned yellow,” Star explained. “Celestia thought a color change might happen when you became a filly, but not to this extent. We’ll need to run a battery of tests to make sure this isn’t a sign of something much worse.” Discord’s laughter filled the room as he appeared with a smile. “Actually, ladies, there’s a far simpler explanation…”