Left 4 Derpy
Chapter 8: A Surprise Surplus of Sweets
Zoey had let Ditzy sit down by the wall as she and Francis waited for Bill and Louis to catch up. They were standing in another short hallway with a door at the opposite end from the stairs. Bill came panting up the steps. He stopped and bent over to catch his breath when he reached the top. “Took you long enough,” Francis stated sarcastically.
“Where’s Louis,” Zoey asked with a concerned look on her face. Before Bill could answer, the group felt the ground shake beneath them as a loud explosion sounded out from down the stairs. “And what the hell was that?!”
“Louis found some C-4 in the safe house… -wheeze- …and he blew the entrance so they couldn’t follow us,” Bill replied, still having some trouble catching his breath. Zoey looked past him to a cloud of dust rising up from the stairs.
“Louis…”
“Ugh…” Louis groaned as he emerged from the cloud of dust. Zoey beamed at the sight of the survivor. She rushed to him and gave him a firm hug. “Ow! Careful please, I’m hurting pretty bad.”
Zoey quickly retracted. “Oh, um… sorry.” She rubbed her arm. “You uh… You want me to look at that?”
“Yea, thanks.”
“Glad to see you’re alright, kid. Thought you had a death wish there for a minute,” Bill said after he was able to breathe again.
“Naw man. Ah!” He winced as Zoey lifted up his shirt to examine the injuries. “The last thing I want is to die, trust me. Hey, how’s Ditzy doin’?” He looked over to the grey Pegasus curled up against the wall.
“Not as bad as before,” Zoey replied. “She stopped throwing up. I also need to change her bandages again. She got absolutely drenched by that boomer.” Francis chuckled a bit, but Zoey shot him a menacing glance. He stopped.
“Well,” Zoey continued as she stood back up, “You got one or two cracked ribs and some pretty bad bruising. Looks like you got it easy, all things considered.”
“Heh, I guess you could say that.”
Zoey walked over and knelt down beside Ditzy. “Ok then, let’s see what we got.” Ditzy looked up at her. Her eyes were beginning to return to their ‘normal,’ cockeyed positions. The pills must have been wearing off.
Zoey gave her a comforting smile before gently unwrapping the bandages. When she had removed them all, she paused. “…What the hell?”
“What is it,” Ditzy asked, a touch of concern and worry in her voice.
Zoey remained silent for a second before she snapped out of it. “Your wound, it’s… it’s healed.”
Louis walked up beside Zoey to look at the wound. It was healed, just like she had said. All that remained were three pink lines of fresh scar tissue in its place. “How is that even possible?”
“Still makes for one hell of a scar,” Francis stated matter-of-factly. He had walked up while they were ogling over Ditzy’s miraculous recovery. Zoey looked up to him, her surprised expression unwavering. Francis suddenly began looking around nervously. “Err… That is, if it wasn’t on a stupid pony. Heh…” He rubbed the back of his neck before walking back to where he had been leaning against the wall.
Zoey looked back to Ditzy. “Um, how does it feel?”
Ditzy rolled her shoulders a bit and spread her wing cautiously. She didn’t wince and pull it back in this time. “Its… actually feeling ok.” She flapped her wing a few times as a grin began to spread across her face. “Yea! It doesn’t hurt at all! Dang Bill, you didn’t say pills had super healing powers!”
“That’s because they don’t.”
“Well what else could it have been?”
Bill shrugged. “The hell if I know. Though I highly doubt that Boomer bile had anything to do with it.”
“I don’t know…” Zoey rubbed her chin as she thought. Her thoughts were interrupted as Louis let out a quick laugh.
“Who cares how it happened. She’s healed! That’s all that really matters, right?”
“I suppose,” Zoey replied reluctantly. She stood up and turned to Francis. “I don’t suppose your wound has magically healed either, huh?”
Francis rolled his eyes and smirked. “Just toss me a damn roll of gauze. I can wrap it just as good as you can.” Zoey obliged.
He took a few steps towards the other end of the hallway, away from the group. He steadily unwrapped his ‘rash’ as the others continued talking amongst themselves about Ditzy. As he finished unwrapping the ruined gauze, he froze up. He was so taken aback that even dropped the roll of fresh gauze. Not only had the swelling spread, but there were several small patches of grey fur beginning to sprout up around Ditzy’s bite.
Francis’s eye twitched. That damn pony had infected him with… something. It wasn’t the green flu. It couldn’t be; he was immune. But then what the fuck was this happening to his arm?! Was he turning into a zombie?
He looked over to the others. What if they found out? Would they try and kill him before he turned entirely? If that’s what it came to, he was confident that he could take them on. An old man, a scrawny black guy, and a chick? Not exactly much of a threat for him.
He grinned at this thought of arrogance.
But that still didn’t answer the question nagging at his mind. What was he going to do? He picked up the fresh roll of gauze as nonchalantly as possible and began wrapping up his ‘rash.’ All the while he was contemplating what he would do about his predicament.
There was no way in HELL he would amputate. He wasn’t about to cut off an entire arm of tattoos. They cost way too much to just disregard. That and the process would hurt like a bitch.
As he finished wrapping the fresh gauze, he came to a conclusion. He just wouldn’t tell them about it. Hell, it might actually be interesting to see what happened before he mutated into… well, whatever he was mutating into. “Fucking ponies,” he thought to himself with a snarl.
Francis grabbed his shotgun from where it was leaning against the wall and turned to the rest of the group. “If you’re all done with your stupid little conversation, I’d like to get to the next safe house.”
Bill rolled his eyes. “Fine, if it’ll keep you from whining.”
“How’s the arm,” Zoey asked casually. Francis scowled and turned towards the door.
“It’s fine.”
“Alright, if you say so.”
Francis opened the door, which led directly into the generator room. There was a path between two of the large generators leading to another stairway. At the top of the stairs, there was a balcony with a door that read “Control Room.”
“There.” Bill pointed to the door. “We can access the offices through there and make our way to the street.”
“Seems simple enough,” Louis said confidently.
While the others made their way to the exit, Ditzy decided to try flying some in the large open room. She launched herself into the air effortlessly, and without even the slightest hint of pain. If it had not been for the scar, she never would have been able to tell that she had been injured. It felt good to be flying again, despite the rather stuffy air. Pegasi were not meant to be underground.
Ditzy did a few loopdy-loops before landing on the balcony. The others were almost up the stairs now, so she decided to step inside and wait for them there. Inside the room there were several panels and big metal boxes, all with dozens of little lights and monitors and buttons. …She loved buttons, especially when she got to push them. And this was button heaven!
She walked up to one large machine in particular, and looked eagerly at the colorful buttons lining its right side. After staring at them in awe for a second, she began mashing the machine’s buttons frantically.
Ditzy stepped back from the machine and watched intently to see what would happen. Suddenly it sounded like there was something tumbling inside the large box-machine. The tumbling stopped almost immediately after it began as whatever was making the noise fell into an open compartment near the bottom. She tried to reach into the compartment, but her hoof wouldn’t fit.
“Whatchya’ doing Ditzy,” Zoey asked as she entered the room, followed by the others. Ditzy pulled her hoof back quickly, as if she was caught stealing a cookie.
“Um, nothing.”
“Oh really?” Zoey walked up to the machine and easily reached into the compartment, before pulling out a silver cylinder. “This doesn’t look like nothing to me.”
Ditzy blushed and looked to the floor. Pushing those buttons must have been a bad thing. “I’m sorry; I just can’t help pushing buttons.”
Zoey laughed and ruffled her mane. “Sorry? Why are you sorry? You got this soda machine to spit out a free one!”
Ditzy looked back up, a confused expression on her face. “Soda machine?”
“Yea. It’s a machine that you pay to give you a drink. I’m surprised they kept one in the control room. Don’t know how you got one without paying though.” Zoey cracked open the can with a pop. “Here, you want it?”
Ditzy took the can between her forehooves and eyed the title. “Diet Coke,” it read. “Is it any good,” she asked curiously.
“See for yourself.”
If humans drank these so often they had to make machines for them, surely it couldn’t be bad, right? Ditzy put the can’s opening to her mouth and tilted it up. The cold liquid tickled her tongue and throat as she drank, filling her mouth with a sweet sensation; the likes of which she had never tasted. True, the drinks from Sugarcube Corner were a lot sweeter in taste, but the fizz added a much more interesting texture to the drink. It was amazing.
Ditzy kept tilting the can higher and higher, chugging its contents. The next thing she knew, the can was empty. She shook the can in hopes of getting any remaining drops, but there were none left to be had. “Aw, it’s empty.”
Zoey shrugged. “That’s why you gotta make them last.”
“Can I have another?”
“Well…” Zoey rubbed the back of her neck. “What with the zombies and all, there’s not really much point in carrying around money anymore. So I can’t really pay for one, unless of course you can get another one for free.”
Ditzy beamed as she turned around and began mashing the buttons faster than before. Unfortunately, there were no tumbling sounds this time. She waited a moment before turning and bucking the machine as hard as she could. Suddenly there was a multitude of tumbling as several cans fell into the compartment.
Zoey crossed her arms. “Wow, nice job!”
“Now we can all have one,” Ditzy said happily.
“Oh man,” Louis said as he grabbed a regular coke from the overflowing compartment. “They’re ice cold too!” He cracked his cola open and chugged almost the entire can.
Zoey gave Louis a light slap on the back, causing him to choke a bit as some soda went up into his nostrils. “Easy there killer, if we drink them all up now we won’t have any for later.” Louis nodded as he wiped some remaining soda from around his lips.
While Louis and Zoey were discussing the looted sodas Bill had begun to look for a bag of some sorts to carry them in. After a quick moment of searching, he managed to find a satchel big enough to carry about five extra sodas in. It would be just enough for each of them to have one later.
When he had filled the satchel with the extras, Bill handed a Mountain Dew to Francis before grabbing one for himself. “It’s about damn time we get something to drink,” the veteran said to himself.
Francis eyed his unopened can for a second before looking up to Ditzy. She smiled back to him innocently. He scowled a bit before cracking open the drink and taking a swig.
After the group had finished their sodas, except for the extras, they had made their way back to the street. It was a rather trifling time finding their way through the offices, but they emerged unto the streets after some trial and error with several lawyer-zombies. Francis found a particular enjoyment in blowing massive holes through them.
Now, back outside, Bill pulled the map out of his jacket pocket once again.
“It should be just inside that pawn shop,” he said as he pointed down the street to their right. The building indicated by Bill was facing them from about a block down the road, where the street made a ninety degree turn to the left.
“It’s about damn time,” Francis said gruffly.
About half way to the pawn shop, Ditzy stopped dead in her tracks. Unfortunately, since she was at the back of the group, nobody noticed when she did so.
A large, neon muffin glowed from behind a window of the bakery across the street. Ditzy couldn’t help but smack her lips at the tantalizing promise written on a sign below the decorative light. “Muffins! All kinds! All you can eat!”
Before Ditzy knew it, she had her face plastered against the glass, reading the sign over and over to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. She looked past the sign into the shop. It was pitch black, except for a small glint of light creeping around a door behind the abandoned showcases.
The storage room’s light was on? Maybe some of the muffins had survived the apocalypse! The mere possibility was more than enough to entice Ditzy. With a sudden flash of grey and yellow, she zipped into the bakery to “rescue” as many muffins as she could.
Zoey slammed the safe house door behind her after the others rushed inside. “Wow, that was surprisingly easy.”
Louis set the satchel of sodas on a desk beside some boxes of ammo. “I know! I was worried there would be ALOT more zombies in the subways then there actually were.” He paused. “Well… until Francis shot that Boomer. Then all hell broke loose.”
“Yea, but you stopped them by caving in the hallway. Then not only was Ditzy healed, somehow, but she also got us a dozen free sodas!”
“Hey yea! Thanks again for that, Ditzy!” Louis waited for a response. “…Ditzy?”
Zoey looked around the small room as she took a head count. “Oh no… Where is she?!”
“I don’t know!”
“Francis, where is she?!”
Francis blinked at his sudden involvement. “W-what? How the hell would I know?”
“She was behind you when we left the offices! I thought you were keeping track of her!”
“Well that was stupid of you to assume.”
“…Obviously. So am I to understand that she is still out there?”
“Oh shit,” Louis chimed in, returning to the conversation. “We gotta go help her!”
“Damn right we do.”
“WAIT.” Zoey and Louis looked to Bill. “Here,” he said as he tossed them fresh ammo clips from the desk. “You’re gonna’ need these. And backup.”
“Alright.” Louis stepped to the door. “Francis, you coming?”
“You guys want to go back the way we came for that stupid animal, be my guest. I’m staying here.”
Louis shook his head and sighed. He was about to kick the door open, but stopped when something began banging on it. “Wait, maybe that’s her!”
“Or it could be one of those damn zombies. It could even that fucking hunter that’s been stalking us,” Francis pointed out dryly. Louis ignored him.
“Zoey, you cover the door while I open it.” She nodded. “Alright, be ready…” Louis slowly unlatched the door and pushed it open. Suddenly it jerked open the rest of the way. Zoey and Bill aimed their weapons at the sudden movement, but were quick to lower them.
Ditzy stood in the doorway beaming one of the biggest smiles they had seen. Several lumpy plastic bags hung from around her neck and shoulders. “You all will NOT believe what I found!”
“First aid?”
“Guns?”
“Pills?”
“Vests?” Everyone turned to Francis. “…What?”
“Even better,” Ditzy continued, getting their attention again. “MUFFINS!”
There was a brief pause.
“…And they’re still good! Here, I brought everyone a bag! I don’t really know what kinds you prefer, so I tried to get some of each.” Bill, Zoey, and Louis each grabbed a muffin bag. There was a wide variety of muffins inside each one. Some were big, some were small, and some even had colorful wrappers.
“Damn, where did you even find these,” Louis ask anxiously before taking a big bite out of what could only be described as a ‘jumbo muffin.’ Ditzy chuckled.
“There’s a bakery back down the street. It had a sign advertising ‘all you can eat muffins,’ and I couldn’t help but check it out. I absolutely LOVE muffins,” she said giddily. “Lucky there weren’t and zombies around!”
“Yea…” Francis muttered from the corner he was leaning in. Ditzy walked up to the biker and held a bag up. He eyed the bag for a moment before looking up to the others.
“What if they’re bad, huh? How can any of us trust these muffins!?”
Zoey’s expression deadpanned. “Fwansis, why the hewl wud Ditze do somethun to thes muwfins,” she asked through the muffin bulging in her cheeks.
“I didn’t say she did anything. These things have been sitting out for over a week! They probably have a better chance at killing us than the fucking zombies do!” The others stopped chewing suddenly. Ditzy set the muffin bag on the desk and looked up to Francis.
“Hey,” she said in a surprisingly stern tone of voice. “I know for a fact that these muffins are just as good now as they were when they first came out of the oven.”
“Oh really? And just how is that?”
“It’s supposed to be a secret, but…” Ditzy paused. She couldn’t just go and spill the beans about this, but the situation called for it. “…They were locked safely in an airtight safe.”
Francis stared at her blankly. “…A locked safe.”
“Yes. A safe that has the same password as the ones in Equestria, luckily.” Francis continued to glare at her with a confused expression. She sighed. “Alright, in Equestria there is a secret society known as ‘the Mares of the Muffin.’ They strive at making, protecting, and selling muffins of all kinds. There is a hidden vault in every bakery in case something bad should happen.”
“Like what,” Louis asked.
“I don’t know… anything. Maybe even the apocalypse. Point is, there would always be an extra supply of muffins available to the society’s members.”
“Hold on,” Bill asked after swallowing another bite. “How exactly does this have to do with the bakery down the street? In case you couldn’t tell, we’re not exactly in Equestria.”
“Well yea… but I figured it was worth a shot. And wouldn’t you know it, I was right! I’m sure it’s not the same society as the one in Equestria, but their safes have the same password.”
“How do you know all of this,” Zoey asked suddenly.
“Oh, I’m actually a highly ranked member.” She said proudly.
“But I thought that you said you were a mailman. Err… mailmare. Wouldn’t you be working in a bakery if you were a high ranked member? …Assuming that’s how your society works.”
“Right…” Ditzy chuckled nervously. “I actually did work at a bakery at one point. However, they reassigned me after I accidentally ate half the muffins in stock.” Her cheeks began to blush. “I just… really love muffins.”
The room grew quiet as the four humans contemplated the new discovery about Ditzy. Eventually Francis took his bag of muffins from the desk and began munching on them. They were actually very good, much to his surprise. Soon he was so caught up in how delicious they were, he stopped scowling. He was still cranky, mind you, but the muffins were just too delicious to hate.
“Hey Zoey, mind handing me one of those sodas,” Louis asked, breaking the silence.
“Sure.” She handed him a Mountain Dew from the soda satchel. “Anybody else want one?” The others agreed and took their pick of the remaining sodas. Zoey cracked open another Diet Coke and handed it to Ditzy.
“You know, now may not be the best time,” Bill began as he rubbed the back of his neck, “And I’m not really good at this sort of thing, but I’d like to make a toast.” He held his soda up. “To Ditzy. Not only for getting us some decent grub, but also for being one tough bastard.”
Ditzy blushed again. She knew Bill meant it as a compliment, truly, but she still didn’t really like being called that.
“To Ditzy,” Louis and Zoey said simultaneously. Francis silently took a swig from his cola.
Ditzy raised her soda as high as she could with it between her front hooves. “To rescue.”
The room feel silent for a moment as the humans thought of what ‘rescue’ meant to each of them. One at a time, the survivors put their soda up to Ditzy’s and repeated “To rescue.” Even Francis toasted his soda.
With one last “To rescue” from the five survivors, the group chugged down their remaining soda confidently.