Chapter 13: Welcome to Ponyville (Part 4)
I move along contentedly as I push a broom with my mouth, sweeping the confetti, bits of food, and assorted party debris into a neat pile. Some of the waitstaff had decided to stay behind and help clean, some were out in town seeing the sights, and one or two had gone to bed early. I didn’t begrudge the latter, being the cooks, who had to get up at a small hour to prepare breakfast.
The ones who left for Ponyville while us more responsible types stayed behind to clean, however, would be getting… ‘special attention’ this week. I smiled to myself as I thought of something rather distinct for each of them. I didn’t know them all very well, so I’d have to fall back on some more generic tricks, but I had ideas.
Something that was relatively apparent, as the pinkish unicorn trotted up to me, giving me a suspicious look. “You’re smiling. Twilight says that’s a bad thing.”
I scoff at her. “Why, that’s quite rude. Implying somepony isn’t allowed to smile! HEY PINKIE PIE!”
Starlight (I think that’s her name, can’t remember the last name) shudders. “Oh please, Celestia, no.”
Pinkie hops into the room, “What’s up, Schadendendenden?”
I point an accusing hoof at Starlight, and pout. “She said I’m not allowed to smile!”
“OhdearLunawhy,” the unicorn whimpers.
“UUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pinkie gasps, practically inflating herself. “STARLIGHT! Of COURSE he’s allowed to smile! EVERYPONY is allowed to smile! I even have a whole SONG ABOUT SMILES!”
“No,” Starlight whispers, retreating into herself.
“Oh my gosh!” I gasp. “You DO?!”
“please stop.”
“Well, duuuhhhhhhhhhh,” Pinkie exclaims, hopping over to wrap a foreleg around each of us. “Wanna hear it?!”
“No please no no no,” Starlight mutters.
I smile really really big. The kind of smile that most ponies who know me run away from. In fact, a couple of maids who had been working in the room and slowly edging towards the door decide to just turn around and run.
“Of COURSE I do!”
“Schaden, why?”
“UUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-”
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Twilight Sparkle walks down the hallway, muttering to herself. Well, more like grumbling, really. “Stupid Schaden and his stupid psychology and Discord and stuff...” she trailed off, the rest an unintelligible string of dissatisfied grunts. She stops, however, when she passed by the door to the main foyer.
There’s a loud noise emanating from the other side of the door. It’s harmonic, melodic, and very chipper. It also sounds very familiar. She cracks the door open just a little, and the song floods the hallway:
”Cause I love to make you smile, smile, smile!
(Yes I do!)
It fills my heart wit sunshine all the while!
(Yes it does!)
Cause all I really need’s a smile, smile, smile!
From these happy friends of mine!”
Twilight stares on in awe as Pinkie and I sing together in not-terrible harmony at the top of our lungs, while Starlight cowers between us, trying to make herself so small as to blow away in the wind. We both pause, and Twilight opens her mouth to ask one of many, many questions, until I yell out enthusiastically, “Twelfth verse, same as the first!”
“UUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAA-” Pinkie inhales, until Twilight interrupts.
“Guys! GUYS!” she barks, not being heard the first time. We stop, and look at the newcomer with big, welcome grins. “Hi Twilight!” Pinkie cheers. “You wanna join us? We’ve been singing the Smile Song!”
Twilight rubs her temples with her wingtips. “Oh, believe me, I know. But listen, Pinkie...” she trails off, trying to think of something to distract the party horse. “oh! Can you go help Rainbow Dash, um… do whatever Rainbow Dash is doing?”
Pinkie looks with concern at Starlight, who’s just kind of cowering and shaking. “But what about Starlight? She needs to learn all about how ponies can smile!”
Twilight looks at me with a measure of surprise as I turn to Pinkie and say, “Well, Pinkie, I know all about smiles now, and I’m sure Twilight’s read a bunch of books on the subject,” I drip in a bit of sarcasm that Twilight doesn’t miss, but Pinkie does, “So how about we teach her all about smiles while you go help Rainbow Dash?”
Seemingly complacent with the idea, Pinkie hops out of the room. “Okie-doki-loki!” she squeaks, rounding the corner and disappearing down the hall.
Twilight and I help Starlight to her hooves, as she slowly regains her composure amidst the now peaceful room. The pink unicorn looks to me with a pleading look. “Thank you. I, um… I think.”
The princess gives me an accusatory stare. “What exactly was that about?”
“Well, Princess,” I explain, “Starlight decided to come out of nowhere while I was cleaning and accused me of smiling, which she says I’m not supposed to do! So I asked Pinkie Pie for help in explaining why it’s so important that everypony be allowed to smile!” I'm more proud of this than I should be.
Twilight looks from Starlight to me and back, and sighs heavily. “Schaden, as much as I can understand that you were, for lack of a better term, provoked, maybe you could try going a little easier on the ponies that don’t know you? Like, give them some time to adjust to your… youness before dropping them in the deep end like that? I mean, just look at Starlight! She looks traumatized!”
I look meaningfully at Glimmer, who now has the expression of somepony who just wants to be anywhere else, really, and sighs. “Well, you do have a point. Ok, Starlight. I’m sorry I… did whatever it is you want to call what just happened. Maybe eleven renditions of Pinkie’s Smile Song is a little much for one sitting,” I apologize. I do feel a bit guilty. There is such a thing as overkill. But I mean, come on. Who tells somepony they can't smile?
The pink unicorn shakes herself off, and offers a small smile. “It’s ok. I really shouldn’t be so suspicious around ponies I don’t know, anyway.”
I drag them both into a big group hug. “See? Friendship Lesson learned!”
My hoof, and in fact, whole body is removed from the hug by a purple glow of telekinesis as Twilight drops me a good distance away. “Ok, now that that’s out of the way, I wanted to- wait. Where is Discord?”
I turn my head with an innocent smile. “Dizzy? Oh he’s cleaning the library!”
“WHAT?!”
“Don’t worry, I let him a bunch of notes! I know how particular you are,” I add with a wink.
“SCHADENFREUDE!”