I've always wanted the pony of my dreams, to keep me company in my dark and lonely life.
Not one of those plain and boring old nags in the rundown stable downtown, who kicked your skull to bits because they felt like it. Those brutish mounts were not meant to be ridden by poor, clueless young children or anyone in their right mind for that matter.
If you so much as sneezed by accident, they would grumble and throw you to the earth. That was how brutal some of those nasty horses were.
I tried my best to appease the last horse I had bought in desperation to give myself a companion in my time of need. Gave him his own room, his own well made and carefully designed bed both of which were once mine. I had consigned myself to sleeping on the lumpy couch so that the beast might be content and comfortable, and he repaid me generously by breaking the windows in a fit of rage as he rampaged around the room I had worked so hard to tidy and renovate, breaking chairs, tables and wardrobes indiscriminately as he roared his disapproval in a blind fury.
Then he turned on his crying carer who was by now trembling with shock and grief, and kicked him hard in the chest before galloping angrily down the stairs ,growling ferociously.
Three weeks in hospital felt bad, but the loneliness that had descended over me once more was what really killed the mood in that empty room where no one came to see me. I pressed the button for the doctor. She told me to shut up and be quiet, and that I was not worth the space I took up in the ward.
I was you see, not a very attractive man to many people despite my best efforts. And when the three weeks was over, it was the emptiness in my heart that gave my ribs the sensation of pain rather than any actual damage left.
As bad as that experience was, I had been through worse in my desperate attempt to find the pony friend for me. I felt that without any hope of an actual human friend, that a friendly pony would be the next best thing.
I once had yet another pony whose fluffy mane drew me to him in the marketplace. His mane may have been the softest thing in the whole wide world for me then, but it was but a facade. A facade put up in vain to hide the hard and steely shell that was his heart.
My company with him lasted not even a day. I had for this occasion spent a small fortune preparing the most delicious feast anyone could ask for in my mind, including but not ending with pepperoni pizza heated to exactly the perfect temperature and a gigantic basted turkey showered in gravy alongside some delicious mash potatoes and Brussels sprouts. There was a triple layered cherry cake sprinkled in coconut cream, and divine iced frappes which cost a bomb to find, buy and store. But I did it all in the hopes that my new pony friend would have a lovely supper and a good impression of his buyer as well as a restorative meal to restore him back to health after seeing how hard he had been worked by the farmer who sold him to me. He was almost skin and bone by the time I found him.
And how did the sorry excuse of a beggar thank his host who sought only to appease his ravenous hunger and gift to him a better life. He tipped the table over so that it made a horrible mess on the long oriental carpet laid out just for the occasion, and timed his attack just right for a large pile of the delicacies to splat onto what would have been his carer and best friend.
Not content with the destruction already caused, it leaped up with a tremendous jump and brought the a thousand dollar crystal chandelier down causing it to smash into the ground with a terrible crash which shook the earth itself and forced me to shield my ears.
He then took one last look at the man who had saved him from the abusive farmer who planned to work him till he collapsed under exhaustion, and took his leave.
I never saw him again though I searched all over town for my lost friend.
Two weeks of frantic searching later, I returned to my humble abode weeping my heart out. I banged my head on the wall several times, cursing fate for refusing to grant me the slightest hope at finding a friend in either a fellow human or any pet I might find and try to befriend.
I had done everything to the best of my ability and now, lady luck had deserted me. She clearly loved me as much as any woman might, when they saw me frantically waving to them, trying anything I could to make them see how badly I wanted just to have a conversation with someone not myself.
So now I sat, staring at my broken window and trashed up house, eyeing the empty money jar on the mantle which had somehow not been broken too. And taking out of a well hidden pocket in my shabby uniform, a photo of the beautiful goddess I referred to as "Fluttershy the pony.", I sighed.
Fluttershy, an angel from heaven disguised as a humble yet adorable little horsie.
Fluttershy, the one thing that stopped me from changing channels when that overrated show about magical ponies in an alternate dimension came on once more, interrupting my favorite show about the cunning spy and by extension ruining my evening.
The Rainbow maned pony was cool, funny and all and the apple farming pony had a really nice accent but it was the pink maned Fluttershy which truly put a spell over me that made me drop my remote when I raised it to change to a better show about anything but the adorable ponies I would never get to see anywhere but from behind a glass screen. A glass screen, that even if I smashed it would not grant me entryway into that beautiful, peaceful world.
But Fltuttershy's beautiful gaze as she logically and smartly resolved whatever conflict her friends brewed up, kept me staring at the screen unable to to take my eyes away from the fantasy I knew all too well was nothing but a lie made to insult me and make me feel worse.
Fluttershy was clever too. While the other ponies were stumbling and flailing when they had been turned to humans after crossing a magic barrier into a human inhabited world, Fluttershy was walking smoothly and smartly betraying no hint whatsoever that she had until then been a quadruped.
And while the other ponies had spent the next few episodes complaining how the human world stunk, Fluttershy had spent it reflecting on how much better still an already nearly perfect world could be if humans and talking ponies could meet. If like humans, ponies walked on two lane traffic lanes of tarmac rather than boring one lane roads crudely forged from rough asphalt.
If ponies quit their obsolete abodes of huts and brownstone houses which had at most only one or two floors, and moved into modern high rises which would each house at least 10 if not more families in the same building, saving a tremendous amount of space.
And most of all, if the ponies of Equestria (their world) armed themselves with human weapons such as machine guns and ICBM's rather than relying on the extremely outdated spears and javelins that their race had been forced to contend with. It would make keeping the peace far easier.
She was shy, but her shyness made her all the more attractive at least to me. She called herself out for her own flaws, rather than waste time finding flaws in others. And most of all, she did not mind in the slightest to be referred to as "Horsie" rather than pony, and even liked it greatly when the young colts and fillies asked her for a ride.
Never were the words "let me ride you." spoken out of her lips which would have been rude and abrasive. Only the words "Let me give you a ride." and "Ride me! Ride me!" both of which made me blush uncontrollably as I battled to resist the urge to smash the screen apart with a sledge, and to jump through the gap.
"But our love can never be." I sobbed, as I very reluctantly switched the device off, seeing that the show was over and that the next airing would not involve Fluttershy. "It's an impossible love."
Very reluctantly, I sighed as I switched off the television, after seeing the show end and reading that the next episode would star no Fluttershy. Don't get me wrong, I loved every pony especially the rainbow one but it was Fluttershy alone that drew me in.
I looked out of my window, to observe how my neighbor hastily drew the curtains when he saw me peeking at him. And sighed, as I muttered sadly to myself.
"Friendship isn't magic. Not for me anyway."
I realized long ago that a human friend for me was impossible when I saw just how badly flawed I was as a being. I struggled to see myself as anything but a primitive beast who never successfully made the jump from animal to man.
So I sought a pony. I wanted a good, friendly equine who could give me the companionship that no sane man would ever want to give me. But I struggled to see how any pony whose name wasn't Fluttershy or the name of one of Fluttershy's close friends, could ever feel anything towards me but indifference and spite.
They didn't value friendship either. And I didn't expect them to.