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// Schadencord (Technically Part 2 but Also Technically Eat Me) 
// Story: The Adventures of Schadenfreude 
// by Daemon McRae 
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Chapter 12: Schadencord (Technically Part 2 but Also Technically Eat Me)

So, for those of you who are curious, Twilight’s Castle does have a dungeon. However, I find myself in a strange position this time: I’m not the one locked in it.

Twilight is. I think she thinks it’s a panic room. With bars.

Look I don’t know she’s the Princess of Books or something shouldn’t she know this stuff?

“Twilight, you’re overreacting,” Discord says with what sounds like genuine concern. Well, -ish. “All Schadie and I did was say ‘hello.’”

She glares at him from the cot she’s curled up on. “Your version of ‘hello’ was to exchange heads and talk for an hour!”

Dizzy nods emphatically, as if Twilight had endorsed the idea. His mane sways while he does so. “Yes, and it’s been a wondrous conversation! I never knew how exciting catching up with an old friend could be!”

I feel my fang poke my lip when I smile. Takes some getting used to. “I agree. I have missed you, old pal. Although I must admit this antler is mighty awkward. I can’t imagine what kind of cleaner you use.” I scratch the appendage, punctuating the idea.

He waves a paw dismissively. “Oh, you get used to it after the first century or so. Although you do look mighty off-balance. Even for me,” he muses, amused. I think he also wrote that sentence. Maybe.

I shrug, which takes some effort given my neck and back muscles don’t technically align properly anymore. It’s like having the world’s stiffest muscles. Returning my attention to the Princess, I tap the bars curiously. “So why exactly did you feel the need to lock yourself away in prison? You know, for exposition’s sake.”

Discord chuckles, but Twilight ignores him. “Because it’s safer in my panic room until you two get out of your system whatever awful thing it is you’re going to do so I can go topside when your done and fix it!”

“Ok, first off, words hurt, Sparkle,” I deadpan, feigning an emotional wound. “Second. This is not a panic room! Believe me when I say I’ve seen plenty of them. Panic rooms don’t have big gaping holes in the door that make them look like, oh I don’t know, prison bars!”

She looks around, nonplussed. “It’s a work in progress!”

I roll my eyes, which seem to travel in different directions at different speeds. Which is mightily distracting. “Uh, Dizzy? Tag out?”

He nods, scratching an ear with his claw. “Agreed. Your head is mighty boring. No offense.”

“None taken.”

*POOF*

“Oh good, that’s where my sense of balance was,” I muse, taking a moment to regain my bearings. “I don’t think I’d make a very good draconequis.”

“Oh, pushaw,” says the actual draconequis. “Don’t sell yourself short. You’d do fine after the first decade or so!”

I feign a blush, which is much easier with my original face, and wave a bashful hoof. “Oh, you old charmer, you. So, Princess, you’re not coming out?”

“NO!”

I tap my chin, and an idea springs to mind. Which, thirty seconds ago, might have actually made my mind spring out of my head. That would have been extremely… interesting. “Well, Discord, I don’t think there’s anything we can do.”

Dizzy looks at me, surprised. “But we haven’t even tried anything yet! I have a whole bunch of ways we could-”

“Nope. It’s no use. She’s made up her mind. Come on old friend, let’s go help clean up. The party’s been over for a bit now, and we wouldn’t want to be ungrateful,” I say matter-of-factly, turning to leave. I can feel the suspicion coming off of Twilight.

Discord looks ready to protest, until I give him a sideways glance and a wink. Then he cues up. “Why yes, that would be rather shameful of us, to sit here and do nothing while everypony works so hard to clean the castle. Where do you think we should start?”

I tap my chin again. “Oh, I think maybe the library.”

*BAKOOM* The cell door flies across the room as Twilight bursts out of her cell. “SCHADENFREUDE VON DOUCHEHORSE! YOU WILL STAY. OUT. OF MY LIBRARY!”

Discord claps and whistles appreciatively. “Why Princess, I didn’t know you could be so… assertive! I’m all aflutter!”

I turn around slowly, a big smug grin on my face. “You broke your panic room.”

Twilight glares broadswords at me, then looks around at the huge whole in the wall where the door used to be, then at the crumpled mass of door. She takes a deep, ragged breath, and settles down. “Schadenfreude, just… just go clean up. AWAY FROM THE LIBRARY.”

I nod, and start trotting up the stairs. Discord follows me. “...von Douchehorse?”

“My dad was a strange and wonderful stallion.”