Rainbow could only stare dumbly at Pinkie, who had apparently grown bored of the bombshell she had just dropped, and was now entertaining herself by seeing how many times she could jump over her own leg.
Her record so far was zero.
It was as if time was standing still. Rainbow knew that sooner or later, she would have to look over at her companions and start answering a whole lot of awkward questions. How could her brilliant plan have gone so wrong? It was all Applejack’s fault, obviously! If she had just agreed to the plan when Rainbow first came up with it, it would have happened before Dash and A.J had gone out of town! Then there wouldn’t have been any mix up and Rainbow wouldn’t now be standing here, willing herself to grow her wings back so she could just fly away from the whole mess.
Although…
If everything had gone off without a hitch, Rainbow supposed that would mean she and Applejack wouldn’t have gone on that date. That would have been a shame, the date had been kind of fun. Especially that last kiss…
Gah! No! Focus! That date was a complete disaster and could have been totally avoided! And it was all Applejack’s fault. Stupid Applejack! She was dumb and an idiot and a dumb idiot!
“Uhh...” It seemed that Dash was finally finding her voice. “What the heck is going on here?”
Applejack watched A.J turn to her. She drew a breath and braced herself. It was time to face the music. She growled to herself. Of course this would all go wrong. How could this ridiculous plan have ever gone right? It was all Rainbow’s fault, naturally! If she had just agreed that her idea was stupid and gone with the boring yet practical solution of talking the problem out, they wouldn’t be in this mess!
Well...probably...
If Dash was anywhere near as stubborn as Rainbow, she probably wouldn’t have wanted to talk things out. Rainbow was always so easily embarrassed. Try and bring up a subject like this with her and she’d probably clam up and refuse to talk. Either change the subject and make a dumb joke, or just run away. Stupid Pegagsus...
...And if Applejack was going to be completely honest with herself...well maybe this wasn’t her strong suite either. If somepony approached her to try and start a conversation about such an embarrassing subject...well Applejack wouldn’t just run away, no sir! But she would probably have to be dragged kicking and screaming into it...
But here they were. There was no getting away from the conversation now. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, maybe Rainbow’s actions might end up serving them after all.
And hey, even if the whole event was terrible, at least she had got a nice date out of it, right? It might not have been quite like the stories she had heard of her parents, but it would certainly be a nice yarn to tell to her own children one day...
Urgh! Darn it! Pay attention! She had to deal with the situation at hoof, not get all misty eyed at one of Rainbow’s brainless stunts!
“Sugarcube?” It seemed A.J had questions. “I thought you said you and Rainbow weren’t-”
“We ain’t.” Applejack cut her twin off. “Pinkie got it wrong, we ain’t datin’.”
“Pinkie got it wrong?” Dash mumbled sarcastically. “Well there’s a first.”
A.J silenced her with a nudge and then turned back to Applejack. “So what’s goin’ on here?”
Applejack took a deep breath. No going back now. “We know you two wanna get back together.”
She paused to observe the effects of her words. It was immediate. Dash and A.J were spluttering and blushing madly. Any attempt they made at protest or denial was impossible to make out over their indignant cries.
“I understand!” She shouted over them. “I get that it’s embarrassin’ to talk about this stuff! But you gotta face up to it, or you ain’t never gonna get back together!”
“Woah, woah, woah!” Dash cut in. “Who says I even want to get back together? You don’t know what I want!”
“Well duh!” Rainbow spoke up. “That’s why the Map sent us here!”
Dash turned to her, bug eyed. “Seriously? That’s what your stupid Map does? It’s got nothing better to do than mess with other people’s lives?”
“Um...well...pretty much.” Rainbow replied, scratching the back of her head. “Seriously, it’s like, always sending us to places to fix other ponies’ problems. Bunch of ponies not getting along? The Map sends us in to sort it out.”
“That’s...really, really dumb.”
“Eh, y’know...gotta keep busy...”
“The Map picks us to sort out problems that only we can sort out.” Applejack cut in. “I think that’s why it was Rainbow and me who got picked for this one. You two are similar to us in a lot o’ ways. I figure the Map knew you two would be embarrassed to talk about your problems and sent us cuz we’d know what it was like to be you. Better than anypony.”
“Anybody.” Rainbow corrected.
“What. Ever.”
“Just trying to help.”
“Anyway,” Applejack took a moment to steady herself, “I can tell you miss each other. And I know it’s hard to go back on things that were said a long time ago. But you gotta push through. The last couple o’ days have been a lesson in facin’ up to embarrassment, both for Rainbow and for me. Things may have got...weird...but we can’t let that stop us from chasin’ the things we want out o’ life. Now you two broke up over a misunderstandin’, I get it. There’s been lot o’ misunderstandin’s goin’ round lately.” She shot a look at Rainbow who grinned sheepishly. “But there ain’t no other way out o’ this. You gotta talk to each other about how you feel. You gotta reach a point where you understand-”
SMOOCH
...
Applejack was rendered speechless by Dash suddenly grabbing A.J with both hands and planting the biggest kiss on her lips possible.
“What....what...what....” Applejack was barely able to speak. “What in tarnation are you doin’?”
“What?” Dash replied. “You said we need to get back together, so yeah, gettin’ back together.”
“But you can’t do it like that!”
“Just did it.”
“But you’re s’posed to talk about your feelin’s and problems and stuff!”
“You said that was gonna be embarrassing.”
“That’s the point!” Applejack roared. “You’re s’posed to push through that and understand each other better!”
“Or we could skip all the embarrassing stuff and cut straight to begin back together.” Dash replied, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.
“But...but...you can’t do that!”
“Oh yeah? Watch.” Dash turned to A.J. “Hey babe, you wanna get back together?”
A.J looked back and forth between Applejack, now close to foaming at the mouth with anger, and Dash, giving her the best bedroom eyes she could muster. “Um...o-okay?” She responded nervously. She then grinned and leant in for another kiss.
“WHAT THE HAY??” Rainbow roared at the top of her voice. “You mean we went through all that stuff pretending to be you guys, going out on a fake date and getting found out by Pinkie, just for you girls to get back together because we told you to??”
A.J pulled back from Dash, sheepish but still smiling. “You really went through all that?”
“YES!”
“Well...I’m sorry you two went to so much trouble...but maybe that was the Map’s plan the whole time!”
“What do you mean?” Rainbow asked, folding her arms defensively.
“Well...I guess you’re right, we can both be a mite stubborn at times, “A.J ignored Rainbow’s incredulous snort, “so maybe the Map knew we were too embarrassed to approach each other. So maybe it figured if the two o’ you did somethin’ embarrassin’, it would show us to not make the same mistake...”
All the rage building up in Rainbow suddenly vanished, replaced by sheer astonishment. “So you mean to say, the Map chose us not because we would know you and understand you better than anypony-”
“Anybody.” Applejack cut in helpfully.
“WHATEVER! You’re saying the Map chose us because it knew we would screw things up badly enough that you two would just decide not to make the same mistake??”
“Well when you put it that way, it seems kind o’ harsh...” A.J chuckled nervously. “Maybe it’s a combination of the two?”
“I...hate...that...Map...”
Applejack and Rainbow could only stare as their doubles eagerly returned to their make out session, Pinkie even stirring from her leg jumping competition to give them a massive group hug. The two stepped away to give them some privacy.
The awkward silence was broken before it could really set in, by a familiar buzzing sound.
“Well I guess that settles it.” Applejack murmured, rubbing her thigh as the Cutie Mark beneath her clothing signalled their victory. “Congratulations, partner?”
Rainbow flinched. “Can you...not call me ‘partner’ right now?”
“Sorry...”
The night passed more or less without event for Applejack. A.J had been nice enough to not ask questions about the events of the past few days, leaving Applejack to wallow in her humiliation in peace. It had grown a little tiresome when A.J had spent hours on her device, ‘tecksting’ Dash nonstop. Eventually Granny Smith herself had to come in and tell A.J to turn it off and go to sleep. She didn’t seem to pay any attention to Applejack. Applejack wasn’t sure if Granny simply didn’t understand the concept, or just didn’t care.
Still, it had gone better than Rainbow’s night. Dash had pestered her with incessant questions about her pretend date, collapsing in hysterics every time Rainbow had admitted even the slightest detail. Eventually Rainbow could take it no more and an epic pillow fight ensued. It turned out scrapping with herself was a lot rougher than her usual fights with Applejack, seeing as Dash had no interest in enforcing Applejack’s usual ‘no biting’ rules. Eventually the two burned themselves out, but there were a rather shocking amount of bruises the following morning.
After breakfast, Applejack, Rainbow, A.J and Dash met up at the portal. The human girls had offered to introduce the pony girls to some of their other friends and show them more of their world, but the two ponies politely declined. They were eager to get home and return to their normal lives.
More importantly, they were especially eager to be out of each other’s company for a while. The two had barely spoken a word to each other all morning, and whenever one caught the other’s eye, they were quick to look in opposite directions, blushing furiously.
Nonetheless, they were willing to give their human selves big hugs as they finally stepped towards the portal. But as Applejack turned to leave...
“One more thing.” A.J spoke up. “Um...I know it ain’t exactly the same but... I was thinkin’...maybe... you might like to keep this.” She held out a small slip of paper.
Applejack took it and looked. It was one of the pictures from the album A.J had shown her on their first day here. It was very simple. Just her, Applebloom, Big Mac and Granny Smith. And two other faces. Different, but not unfamiliar. They were all standing together in front of a big red barn. No tears came, but Applejack felt her throat tighten.
“I...I can’t take this,” she said, “it belongs to you-”
“I got plenty o‘ pictures of ‘em.” A.J cut her off. “I think they’d want you to have it.”
Applejack didn’t know what to say. So instead, she gave her other a big hug.
“Make out!”
Both Applejacks turned and regarded Dash with a flat look.
What?” She asked. “It’s not cheating!”
“Good luck with that ‘un.” Applejack said to herself, laughing.
“Don’t worry.” A.J winked at her. “I’ll soon put ‘er in her place.”
Applejack nodded and removed her hat. She placed the photograph securely inside and returned it to her head.
“Okay, well it’s been fun,” Rainbow called, while pushing Applejack towards the portal, “but if you’ll excuse us, we need to not be here anymore, so bye!”
“Rainbow!” Applejack admonished her. “Don’t be so-”
Before she could finish the sentence, the two disappeared through the portal. Dash and A.J stood together, hand in hand as they looked over the statue for a moment.
“We really should check out the pony world sometime.” Dash said. “It’s gotta be so cool to be able to fly all the time.”
“Eeyup.” A.J agreed. “Sure sounds a lot easier to pick apples by buckin’ the trees instead o’ pickin’ ‘em one by one.”
“Oh yeah?” Dash raised her eyebrows suggestively. “You wanna come back to my place and try a little ‘bucking’ of our own?”
A.J laughed and gave Dash a light punch to the shoulder. “Maybe in a couple o’ years. But let’s go anyhow. Betcha I can kick your butt on that Darin’ Do game o’ yours!”
“Oh you are on! Last one there has to use the player two controller!”
And with that, the two girls sprinted off, laughing together.
“-rude!” Applejack suddenly found herself falling forwards and landed on her hands. Except they weren’t hands anymore, they were hooves again. She looked up and breathed a sigh of relief to find she was back in the castle.
“You’re back!” Twilight was looking up from the Map, a book laid out in front of her, of course. “How did it go? What was the mission? Did you guys get up to any fun while you were there??”
Applejack looked at Rainbow.
Rainbow looked at Applejack.
“I gotta get home!” Applejack blurted out. “Lotta chores on the farm to catch up on!”
“I need to check in at the base!” Rainbow was quick to add. “If I make it in time, Spitfire won’t cut me out of the show!”
“B-but wait!” Twilight called as the two raced for the door. “I have so many questions!”
SLAM
“Aww...”
Outside the doors of the castle, Applejack and Rainbow stared at each other for a moment.
“Never happened?” Applejack asked.
“Never happened.” Rainbow confirmed.
With that, the two ponies turned on their heels and immediately walked away from each other.
It was a good twenty seconds before they each realised they were heading in the wrong direction and were forced to turn around.
“Never happened.” They both agreed as they briefly passed each other.
TO BE CONCLUDED...