A Study In Nonsense

by Professor Piggy


Parallels

The Prompt: “What is the wish that you will pay for with your soul?”

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Temples, she had decided a very long time ago as she lay in a hospital bed covered from head to hoof in bandages, were all the same. Sure, they didn’t all look the same – the layout and the meaning and the stupid statues were usually pretty different, but where it mattered? They were all the same. Like, there were always traps. Always. If somepony had asked her if Celestia’s own sun temple was trapped, she’d have bet all her bits that it was and walked away richer. Sure, the traps were different – sometimes it was snakes and spears, other times it was explosives and magic and that one time in that old tomb there’d been a confetti cannon.

But that wasn’t the point. The point was there were always traps. And there was always treasure too, because if you’re gonna have traps well heck, why not dump your powerful magical artifacts in there too – surely the traps’ll catch anyone who tries to get ‘em. No need for any, y’know, ponies guarding the ancient relics. Nope. Those traps were just too devious. Recipe for converting rock into gold? Put it in the temple. And make it only usable by unicorns. Jerks. Elixir of Life? Give it a stupid, misleading name – healing potion, how hard was that? – and chuck it in this other, identical temple!

And now here she was, in the only Pegasus temple she’d ever seen - she hadn’t even known there were cloud temples – standing before statues of the greatest of her ancestors. And it was exactly the damn same. It was a majestic, floating temple that would never, ever decay. It hung above the everfree forest, hidden amongst the constant swirling storm clouds that covered just one part – something about bolt apples. She didn’t care. They could have done so much with the place, and it’s just been the same old boring stuff. And now, staring across the enormous room at the enormous yellow gem on the other side, she couldn’t help but let out a groan.

Her companion noticed. Of course she did. Her companion hadn’t shut up since they’d started. “What’s up?” The Pegasus asked, and Daring could hear real concern in her voice. Somehow, that annoyed her more than if she’d just snarked again.

“Nothing.” Daring snapped, “Everything’s just fine. I just thought maybe our ancestors’d be a bit more creative than this. It’s just the same old thing.”

Her friend said nothing, but she could feel the eyes burning into the side of her head. Whirling around she found herself staring into Rainbow Dash’s eyes. It took everything she had not to immediately look away as bile rose in her throat. If there was any reason – any damn reason – Fluttershy’d chosen her as a stand in, it was those eyes. The expression didn’t hurt either – the flat, you’re-a-moron stare Dash was giving her was one she’d seen in the mirror way too many times.

“Sooooo… what you’re saying is that we broke into this kickass cloud temple dealie, worked our way past all the traps – because you knew where they’d be – figured out exactly how we could use that doohickey to save ‘Shy – because you’re an egghead – and now all we gotta do is fly over there and grab the thing – ‘cause you got us this far – and you’re complaining because it was too easy?” Dash snorted, “What, you wanted us not to make it or something?”

Well, maybe she’d wanted Dash not to make it. Maybe. Except not. Stupid Rainbow Dash. Being charming and fun and lovable and all those things Daring wasn’t. Being her friend. Ugh. She’d never forgive herself for that one – if she had one big regret, it was that she wasn’t going to die hating Rainbow Dash. Or maybe it was the dopey grin that’d appeared on her face just now. Whichever.

“Don’t be dumb,” She heard herself laugh, and then stopped. Reaching into her pack, she pulled out a pair of canteens and offered one to Dash. When she spoke again her voice was quieter. More solemn. “One last drink, as friends?”

Dash didn’t say a word, but she took canteen offered and began to drink. Good. Perfect. As she did, Daring continued. “I know it’s dumb, okay? I just… I wanted my last hoorah to be something special. Something new. I wanted to go down in history.”

Dash swallowed, and blinked at her. “What the heck are you talking about? I told you already, I’m the one who’s gonna use the stupid thing. I get my wish, ‘Shy get better and then…” She trailed off.

“And then you’re dead and off dancing with Discord in Tartarus and I take care of ‘Shy.” Daring finished for her, rolling her eyes. “Yeah. That’s what you told me. And like I told you that leaves ‘Shy an unhappy wreck. She’ll spend her whole life blaming herself and never, ever smile again.”

“But –“

“Shut up. No buts. You know I’m right. It has to be me.” She bit her tongue, and tried to make the next words sound casual. “It won’t matter if it’s me. My fans’ll whine about it, but noone’ll really care. You’re important – element of harmony an’ all that. The world needs you. And – more importantly – ‘Shy needs you.”

She’d expected a lot of reactions. Anger, disbelief, arguing. She hadn’t expected to be punched in the face. Given that she was basically talking to her, that had probably been dumb of her. Lifting herself to her hooves with a scowl, she opened her mouth to tell Dash exactly where to go. But this time, she was the one who got cut off.

“No, shut up. You’re wrong. Plenty of people’ll care. Sure, there’s your fans and all – but then there’s your friends. Y’know, us? The nice folks in Ponyville who all love you and think you’re the greatest thing ever? Me? ‘Shy? Pinkie? Pinkie’s got it bad for you, you know. And you’re just gonna leave her?”

“Hypocrite.” She hissed.

“Yeah, maybe. But the thing is, I’m the element of loyalty. This whole never let my friends down, never give up, self sacrificing deal? That’s my job. It’s what I was born for.” Dash, Daring noticed, was swaying a little now. Perfect. “You? You’re awesome. You’re a good friend. But it isn’t your job. You’re not going to beat yourself up if you… if you let me do this… you’re not gonna regret it forever.”

“That’s dumb. You’re dumb. I’ll totally regret it. Only I’ll have more to regret, because you’re throwing away something you actually care about! Me?” Daring smirked, “I’m throwing away a whole life of hurting everyone I love or watching ‘em be miserable. Oh yeah, I’m a real hero!”

Those eyes, exactly like her own, flashed in anger. “I won’t let you. You know I’m faster than you. You know I’m stronger than you. And you know I’m every bit as much of a stubborn jerkface as you’re being! And your… eggheadness can’t help you! You can’t stop me. So what are you going to do!?”

Daring looked away. “You’re right. About all of it. Almost all of it. I can’t outfly you. I can’t outfight you. Most of the time, I can’t outthink you. But you’re right about something else, too.” She looked up, waving her still sealed canteen at the other Pegasus, “I’m not the element of loyalty. And I’m totally smarter than you.”

The betrayal in those eyes as the her friend took a step towards her would be the last thing she saw. Last memory of her friends. Celestia, sacrificing yourself sucked. “You drugged me!?” Dash roared, “You…. You….”

“Yeah. I drugged you. And I kept you talking just long enough for it to kick in, too.” Daring nodded, never breaking eye contact. “I’d say I’m sorry. But I’m not. You’re gonna live, and you’re gonna make ‘Shy happy. Or I’m gonna crawl my way back out of Tartarus, and I’m gonna buck you in the face.”

Dash fell, then, and Daring didn’t bother to catch her. She stared down at the one she’d hated for so long. Rainbow Dash was glaring. Furious. Whether about not being able to be the hero or not being able to save her Daring didn’t know. It didn’t matter, really. “Look.” She said softly, “For what it’s worth… you’re probably the best friend I ever had. And… tell Pinks I’m sorry I couldn’t make our date. Pinks is awesome.”

And then she was across the room, the jewel in her hooves – she wasn’t quite sure how she had gotten there, which meant she was running on instinct again. Probably for the best – she’d probably chicken out again otherwise. She felt the magic pulse through her, overwhelm her. It drove out all thought and left only the knowledge of absolute, overwhelming power. And then the voice. Echoing from all around.

“Well well. It’s been forever since one of you little ponies found one of my little surprises! I have to say, I was starting to think none of you ever would. Oh, and I see you already know the rules. Well. That’s no fun.” The tone, initially jovial, became darker, “No fun at all. I’m going to punish you for that, you know. It’ll be like a game! Isn’t that exciting?”

Daring didn’t respond. That was one of the rules, too. Anything she said – anything – could be used as her wish. The taunts went on for what felt like hours. Promises that she would see her friends die a thousand times over, subtle promises of ice cream that were somehow even more ominous, and above it all the constant, unfathomable rambling. And then, eventually, it stopped.

“Ugh.” Hissed the voice – hissed Discord. “You’re so boring. Fine! Make your silly wish, and I’ll make it come true.”

Daring smiled.

“I want Fluttershy to live a long life, and be happy.”

The anger that flared in Discord then was like nothing she had ever felt.

And then there was nothing at all.