Waking Nightmares: Remix Heart

by KnightMysterio

Chapter 2: Interrogations and Infodumps

All characters copyrighted to their original owners. If you like my work, please support me on Patreon or with a one-time Paypal donation!

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Friendship Castle...
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The mercenaries and Miss Pauling all sat in a prison cell. After nearly leading the flaming timber wolf into town, they had all been locked up pending an investigation. Their weapons, spare ammunition, and grenades had been confiscated, the guards responsible for moving Sasha destined to suffer nightmares caused by Heavy's hateful gaze. A pair of guards armored with heavy halberds stood by the prison cell holding them, not responding to any verbal jabs or goading. Attempts to fake sickness were countered with a healing spell. Attempts to sabotage the bars were med with freezing spells.

Pyro, Medic, and Engineer had suppressors placed around their horns, cold iron rings that kept them from using magic. Pyro was laying face down on the floor, grumpy that she couldn't make fire anymore. Engineer and Medic were talking quietly, discussing what to do. Sniper's wings were tied down, the pegasus marksman fidgeting nervously. Demoman and Heavy had cold iron boots placed on their feet, and were watching the doorway cautiously. Scout and Spy both had necklaces placed around their necks, a gemstone radiating green energy that made it hard for both of them to focus, Spy lamenting that his transformation had cost him all the supplies hidden in his teeth. Miss Pauling was handcuffed, and had her wings bound and her mouth muzzled, a weight placed around the spike on her tail.

Soldier was bound head to tail, muzzled completely. By a body cast. He had resisted the entire time, repeatedly attempting to snap Barricade's neck, annoying the giant pegasus to the point where she decided to use him as a basketball. She only mildly sorry, as the move had made the others cooperative.

They had been fed, the group eating the simple breads, fruits, and vegetables provided, ignoring the flowers that had been left there, thinking them garnish. Spy, Miss Pauling, and Scout had been promised they would be fed properly later, which confused them.

After a few hours, a door opened, a purple pony with wings and a horn entering, a crown on her head. Her mane and tail were dark blue with purple and pink streaks in them, and her 'cutie mark,' if the mercenaries were remembering the term correctly, was a large star with smaller stars clustered around it. Barricade followed her in, the elephantine pegasus' armor mostly removed, revealing her steel wall cutie mark and her long, dark pink mane.

The third pony to follow them in was Soldier.

“Hello everyone! I have returned from the MASH unit and am ready for battle once again!” he said happily, noshing on another muffin.

The mercenaries stared, turning to the Soldier in the jail with them. With a flash of green fire, he changed into a rather smallish changeling with a ladybug-like coloration. “Sorry about that,” it said, grinning sheepishly. “But his injuries were pretty bad, and we figured you wouldn't want to worry about your comrade, so...”

“Thank you, Ladybug,” Twilight said, smiling. She opened the door, letting the real Soldier in to join his comrades while Ladybug came out. She nuzzled Twilight, who hugged her in return. Both Scout and Spy sensed something, turning back towards Twilight in surprise.

“What just happened?” Spy asked.

“I fed her some love as a reward for keeping you all company,” Twilight said as Ladybug left the room.

“For impersonating me best mate, you mean,” Demoman snarled, angry.

“It's fine,” Soldier said, smiling. “They fed me muffins, and I got to talk to that nice lady with the goofy eyes some more.”

Demoman grumbled incoherently.

“'Fed her some love?'” Scout asked. “The heck you talking about?”

“Changelings, such as you and your friend here, feed on love,” Twilight said.

“Not my friend,” Scout muttered.

Twilight continued, not hearing what Scout said. “Specifically, they feed on the pheromones generated by love,” she said. “Changelings can eat anything and digest it without issue, but they generally only get nutrition from absorbing love.”

“Yeesh... Punny names, cutesy colors, and now this...” Scout muttered.

Twilight gave Scout a confused look, but decided to just press on. “Anyway. I am Princess Twilight Sparkle. I serve Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, the rulers of the Equestria. I know most of the story from what you've told Derpy,” she said. “And... well, Soldier was hard to interpret.”

“That I'll buy,” Scout said.

Soldier didn't notice the dig. He simply attempted to pick his nose with his hoof, failing miserably.

Twilight nodded. “I believe you when you say you didn't mean to bring that fiery timber wolf here, but I do have some questions. I...”

“MISTER BALLOONICORN!” Pyro said suddenly. “That is HIGHLY inappropriate!”

Twilight and Barricade blinked. The others looked at Pyro with moderate amusement, the lunatic glaring at something only she could see. “No, I don't care how pretty she is, she's a princess! You heard her introduce herself just now!” She gestured to Twilight, glaring at whatever it was she was looking at. She gasped. “Mister Balloonicorn! What a thing to say! I just... no, no, you apologize immediately! I don't care if she can't see you, APOLOGIZE ANYWAY!” Pyro paused for a moment, and blushed. “Well, thank you for the compliment, but we've known each other for years now! That's still highly inappropriate!” Pyro turned to Twilight, an apologetic expression on her face. “I'm terribly sorry. He's still not over his wife leaving him. He...” She paused, turning back to 'Balloonicorn.' “Okay. Thank you, that's much better.” Pyro calmed down, going back to laying on the floor.

“...What in blazes was all that?” Barricade said.

“Pyro is completely insane,” Engineer said. “She experiences a constant, highly detailed hallucination called Pyroland which makes everything she does seem cheerful and happy and colorful, such as turning her flames into brightly colored rainbows. Her hallucinations also include a very diverse cast of characters, including her best friend, Balloonicorn, who's the municipal ombudsman of Pyroland. He's... well, he's a big pink balloon in the shape of a unicorn.”

“Who's also a perv, apparently,” Scout quipped.

“How do you know this?” Twilight asked.

“Engineer and I developed a device which allows us to view the world as Pyro sees it. As none of us have ever heard her properly talk until recently, her voice muffled by the mask she usually wears, we didn't know that she's aware that her fire is actually fire. It... makes things worse, honestly...” Medic explained.

“You just jealous that you can't make things pretty like I can,” Pyro said, giggling.

“The thing about Pyro's hallucinations is that they are SO detailed and elaborate that they're interactive,” Spy said. “I myself sometimes have tea with the constable of Pyroland, a cartoon cat named Sir Whiskers Meowington the Fifth.”

“...You have tea with a cat that exists only in the hallucinatory world of your dangerously insane teammate?” Barricade asked.

Spy quirked an eyeridge. “I enjoy intelligent conversation. My teammates consist of a filthy bushman who hates me,” Spy started.

Sniper tipped his hat.

“A loudmouth brat who hates me,” Spy continued.

“Hi!” Scout said.

“Three maniacs,” Spy continued.

“Me, Soldier, and Pyro,” Medic clarified, smiling.

“A drunkard,” Spy continued.

“A pleasure, lass,” Demoman said, chuckling.

“A taciturn brute of a man,” Spy continued.

Heavy grunted, smirking.

“And Engineer,” Spy finished.

“Howdy,” Engineer said.

Spy smirked. “I can sometimes manage a conversation with Miss Pauling in the rare instances she's not doing the Administrator's dirty work, such as burying bodies, hiding evidence, and killing witnesses. But as busy as she and Engineer usually are, I have to get my intelligent conversation from SOMEWHERE.”

Barricade snickered. “I like you,” she said.

Twilight decided to just roll with it. “Okay then... Tell me about the brothers.”

“Two overbearing maggots who hate each other, make us fight over crap, and refuse to die,” Soldier snapped.

“...Pretty much that, yeah,” Engineer conceded. “They're the two idiot twin sons of a scumbag of a man named Zephaniah Mann. Blutarch and Redmond. They convinced their father to buy a bunch of useless land only good for making gravel. When he died, he left all the land to his sons so they could fight over all that junk forever. They kept hiring mercenaries to kill each other, eventually coming up with a really dumb plan to use clones to fight their neverending battle, using machines that my granddaddy designed to keep themselves alive. Although they don't know that granddaddy was working for both of them through the Administrator, who got a more efficient version of the immortality machine.”

Miss Pauling, frustrated that everyone was just TELLING them things, spoke up then, deciding to give up on a cover story. “This particular group is officially called Team Fortress, and is the second incarnation of the team. Administrator sold the two on the group, and used a procedure that I'm not really sure how to explain to make it so that each one would have their own version of the mercenaries, dressed in their colors. At the end of each battle, the winning team would be allowed to exist while the other would be killed, not spawning again until the next match. As you can see, the team representing Blutarch Mann's organization, Builders League United, has won the most recent match.”

“As for the matches themselves,” Medic said, “we used a device to bring us back over and over again from death to stay alive, this one developed by Engineer's father. The brothers realized that having to replace mercenaries each battle was expensive, so they just made each battle about accomplishing objectives instead. Controlling points, retrieving a briefcase, moving a bomb down a track, that sort of thing.”

“Again with the Administrator...” Twilight asked. “Who is she?”

“Evil incarnate,” rumbled Sniper. “Brilliant, but good lord is she evil.”

“...Yeah, that's fair,” Miss Pauling said. “I work for her directly, doing everything Spy mentioned earlier and then some, so I can pretty much confirm that.”

“She hates friendship,” Demoman said. “Solly and RED Demoman became friends, she did everything in her power to break up the two of them. Because we're basically the same person, me and Solly became friends too, and the whole plan backfired.”

“She is wicked,” Heavy rumbled. “Has horrible plans. Provides us with weapons so we can kill each other for her enjoyment. We adjust to mental trauma of this, so she starts looking for other plans.”

“She enjoys starting wars between pigeons she feeds in a park as a pasttime,” Miss Pauling said. “She calls it 'one of the few frivolous pleasures she allows herself.'”

Barricade and Twilight's ears both drooped, the other two guards looking alarmed. “...She sounds like one of the most horrible people ever,” Twilight said.

“Da,” Heavy agreed.

“Yes, pretty much,” Miss Pauling admitted.

“Sexy voice, though,” Sniper said.

Everyone turned to stare at him. “What?” Sniper said. “I know she's evil. Doesn't mean I can't find her voice sexy.”

Spy rubbed his temples, biting back a sigh.

Twilight frowned, considering a few things. “Could you elaborate on how you got here? All I could get from Soldier was him babbling about someone named Merasmus being a bad roommate.”

“He is!” Soldier said. “COMPLETELY terrible. And he kept clogging the toilet! NO respect for my privacy!”

Demoman decided not to comment on Soldier's constant violations of the wizard's privacy. “Merasmus is a wizard. He's a loser, one that we smack around from time to time when he tries to kill us. Somehow, though, he fought the Administrator and won, apparently sending her to this world. He's possessed or something, a lot stronger than usual.”

“Wizard capture us all. Says he trying to appease 'something.' Try to damn us all to Hell, ends up sending us here instead,” Heavy rumbled, growling. “Sacrifice all our pets to power magic.”

“That's horrible...” Twilight Sparkle said. “And completely unnecessary. Ritual sacrifice is only used to give cruel demons entertainment.”

Medic blinked. “Really?”

Twilight nodded. Medic looked thoughtful. “Fascinating... My theories were wrong...” he said.

Twilight sighed. “What are your intentions?” Barricade asked sternly.

“Find the Administrator and go home,” Miss Pauling said. “That's it. Nothing against your world, we just... This isn't our world, these aren't our bodies. We're human, all of us. We want to get back to our world. It's been a month since the Administrator vanished and we all just want to get back to normal.”

Twilight and Barricade looked at each other again, uncertain. After a moment, Twilight Sparkle spoke. “You are aware of recent events from what Derpy told you, correct?”

Miss Pauling nodded. “Something about a major criminal being put on trial, with a lot of world leaders coming to town,” she said.

Twilight nodded. “Chrysalis is the former queen of the changeling race, and a very dangerous terrorist. It's important that she go on trial for her crimes against the world, especially Equestria. Our nation's society is founded on the virtues of friendship, kindness, laughter, loyalty, honesty, and generosity. Is it possible that the Administrator would side with those who'd want to disrupt the trial?”

The mercenaries cringed. “Good God yes,” Engineer said. “Pyro's hallucinations are uncomfortably similar to how this world looks. We showed her what Pyro sees one time and it made her PHYSICALLY ILL from how cheerful it was. There's no question that she'd side with your nations enemies while she was here.”

“Which brings to mind a rather important question,” Spy said, glaring at Miss Pauling.

“Whoah, hey, hang on,” Scout said, realizing where Spy was going with this. “Miss Pauling ain't the type to just turn on us like that.”

“You have a rather inaccurate viewpoint of my character, Scout, and I appreciate how well you think of me. But Spy's right. My first and only loyalty is to the Administrator. Which is why I'm going to help you all defeat her so we can get home,” Miss Pauling said.

“...Surprising,” Barricade said. “An evil minion siding against her mistress?”

Miss Pauling shook her head. “I've served the Administrator since I was a child,” she said. “I owe her everything. I KNOW her, and I know her limits. This place isn't something she can control, and it'll devour her if she's not careful. I can feel it.” She looked directly at Twilight Sparkle. “If need be, I will swear service to you. But only long enough to get the Administrator out of here. And I will kill anyone that tries to hurt her.”

Everypony stared at her for a long moment. Twilight nodded, and sighed. “It'll have to do, I guess. What about all of you?”

“We want to go home,” Heavy rumbled. “Some of us have families. If helping you makes that get done quicker, then so be it.”

“Aye, that's pretty much what we all feel like,” Demoman added. The others nodded as well.

“Hm...” Twilight said, looking thoughtful. “I need to discuss a few things with my friends. I'll be back...” She turned, leaving the room, Barricade following her.

Miss Pauling sighed. “...What's your read on her?” the dragoness asked after a moment.

Spy stared at her thoughtfully. It took a moment to gather his thoughts, the restraint necklace that suppressed his changeling magic making it difficult to focus. “She's cautious,” Spy said. “There's a hint of bags under her eyes that make me think she's a chronic worrier.”

“It could be just this trial that's coming up,” Engineer suggested.

“No, I get the impression that she worries overmuch about things,” Spy said, stroking his chin thoughtfully. “She wants to trust us, but she's being very careful.”

“Is good idea. We are not nice people,” Heavy rumbled.

“I dunno. I think I'm pretty nice,” Scout said.

“Nice and annoying,” Demoman cracked, he and Soldier chuckling.

Pyro rolled over so she was facing heads up. “It's... weird,” Pyro said. “But this place... It feels like Pyroland. I get... flashes, sometimes... Are we in a jail cell made of crystal?”

Engineer blinked. “Yeah, we are. Are you starting to see reality?”

Pyro giggled. “Either that, or we're actually IN Pyroland and it's starting to override my hallucinations.”

Miss Pauling blinked. “...Am I the only one terrified by that thought?” she asked.

“NO,” Heavy rumbled.

“Hmph,” Soldier said. “Wish Purple Smart wouldn't call herself a Princess so much.”

“Why's that, lad?” Demoman asked.

“Because this is AMERICA, soldier!” Soldier declared, the others rolling their eyes. “We do not recognize royalty, for we have a system of election to decide who's in charge! AND BY GOD IT WORKS PERFECTLY!”

“Sure it does,” Scout muttered.

“Soldier, she wasn't saying Princess,” Spy said.

Soldier blinked. “She wasn't?”

Spy shook his head. “No. Princess Twilight is the Vice-President,” he said. “Didn't you know that?”

Soldier faltered, the others giggling. The two guards on the other side of the bars traded incredulous looks.

“...I knew that,” Soldier said. “I was just testing you.” And in his demented mind, he believed it.

“Of course,” Spy said. “And if you're good, maybe you'll get to meet President Celestia and President Luna when they come to visit.”

Soldier gasped, bringing his hooves up to his face in excitement. “I might get to meet the Presidents?!” he said in an excited squeak.

“Eeyup,” Engineer said, chuckling.

“But you have to be on your best behavior,” Spy added, smirking.

“EEEE!” Soldier squeed, flailing. Demoman cackled merrily.

“Oh my God,” Scout said, chuckling.

“I swear, I'd have a harder time playing the kazoo,” Spy muttered, shaking his head.

One of the guards chuckled, the other giving her a stern look.

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Elsewhere in the castle...
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Twilight sat down at a large, round table showing a map of Equestria, the princess's seat a large, crystalline throne. Six other thrones were around it, one for each of the five ponies and teenage purple dragon around it. At the entrance to the room, Barricade stood beside a smaller pinkish-lavender unicorn with a stylized star and magical glimmer cutie mark, her mane in a stylish cut. Above the map floated an image of the prison cell, showing the mercenaries.

“Well, girls, Spike... You all were listening in,” Twilight said. “What's your read on them?”

A sporty-looking sky-blue pegasus with a messy, rainbow-colored mane scowled at the image. “I dunno,” she said. “They're all completely loyal to each other, I can tell that. But they kinda give me the creeps. Plus that Scout guy gets on my nerves a little.”

A muscular orange earth pony wearing a stetson over her blonde mane nodded. “They weren't lyin,' so that's somethin' in their favor. I believe them when they said they just wanna get their boss and go home. But still, all that they talked about...” She shook her head. “They're violent. Very violent. I know we forgave Discord, and Starlight over there,” she said, gesturing to the small unicorn near the door, “but these ponies are something else.”

A fair-faced yellow pegasus with a long, pink mane looked at them thoughtfully. “...I won't deny that they scare me. But there's something about them... I guess I can see the potential for great goodness in them.”

Next to the pegasus, a white unicorn with her purple mane in a stylish curl chuckled. “And here I thought I was supposed to be the generous one, Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy blushed, smiling. “Well... Sometimes being generous is a part of being kind, Rarity,” she said.

Rarity nodded, flipping her stylish mane out of her face. “True, true... And honestly, I'm inclined to agree on this. I believe them when they said that leading the timber wolf to town was an accident. Perhaps we should give them a chance?”

“Yeah!” said a bouncy pink earth pony with a decidedly puffy dark pink tail and mane. “Just because they do bad things from time to time, doesn't mean they're bad guys!”

“You're talking about the Anti-Hero Principle, aren't you Pinkie Pie?” Twilight asked.

Pinkie Pie blinked. “Sure, why not?” she said, having no idea what Twilight was talking about.

A tallish purple dragon with green spikes going down his back stared at the image thoughtfully. “If nothing else,” he said. “We might be able to make use of them as extra security. Under supervision, of course.”

“That's a decent idea, Spike,” Twilight said, the dragon smiling.

The rainbow-maned pegasus frowned. “I still don't know...” she said. She turned to the two near the door. “Starlight Glimmer? Barricade? What's your take on them?”

Barricade sighed. “They're all trained soldiers. I can tell from the way they move. And they all have a look in their eyes of someone who's killed. Plus, Soldier, Medic, and Pyro are openly psychotic. I have... severe reservations,” she said.

“Well, mom,” Fluttershy said, “we took a chance on Discord, didn't we? And Starlight? And the changelings?”

Barricade sighed. “This is different. Discord... he's a force of nature. I don't think he even knew any better until you started being his friend. And Starlight was just badly misguided. Yeah, she nearly committed an atrocity, but she backed down willingly when she was shown she was wrong, and has done everything she could to make up for what she's done since then. To the point where even I, Little Miss Suspicious, completely trust her.”

Starlight grinned happily. “Coming from you, that's high praise. Thank you,” she said.

“Little? Ain't nothing little about you,” the hat-wearing earth pony said, smirking.

“From your lips to my tush, Applejack,” Barricade said, smirking back at her. She then sighed, finishing her thought. “The changelings, for their part, were under the command of a bad leader, and she's in custody in the maximum security prison underground. With Thorax in charge, especially after Dragonlord Ember helped him toughen up, the changelings have become valuable allies with a thriving society. Especially after the remaining outliers were convinced to switch to our side. These mercenaries, though, they're killers. They speak of murder so casually...” She shook her head. “You know my feelings about killing, and why I have them.”

“I know,” Twilight said. “And I can understand that... Starlight?”

Starlight Glimmer sighed. “...This is gonna sound dumb, and possibly offensive to Spike, but the only one of them I feel can't be trusted in some way is the dragoness,” she said. “I get the feeling she's the only one of the group that's actually evil.”

The rainbow-maned pegasus blinked. “...Even with the three lunatics in the group?”

Starlight nodded. “Yeah, Rainbow Dash,” she said. “Medic makes me nervous, but I get the feeling he genuinely loves his teammates. Pyro's more innocent crazy, and from observing her I think she can be controlled. And Soldier's too dumb to do anything too dangerous. I mean, Spy just now convinced him that Twilight was a Vice-President in just a few sentences.”

The girls giggled. Spike sighed. “Yeah, I think Miss Pauling is going to be the wildcard. She openly stated that her first loyalty is to this Administrator crazy, whom may be teaming up with whatever may be working against us in the upcoming trial,” he said. “Plus, as much as I hate to disparage my own species, she turned into a dragon coming over.”

Rarity frowned. “Darling, just because...”

“Rarity, I love you, but I know full well what my kind is like. Even Dragonlord Ember, as friendly as she is, is still incredibly vicious, and prone to greed at times,” Spike said, fluffing his wings idly. “And Miss Pauling openly admits that she's an evil minion with a specialty in 'disposal.'” He shook his head. “If we do let them out, I think I want to be the one to primarily keep an eye on her.”

“If Scout will let you,” Rainbow Dash snickered. “It's obvious he's got a crush on her.”

“I don't need a girlfriend,” Spike said. “I've got Rarity.”

Rarity grinned. “And you most certainly have matured into quite the handsome beast,” she said, making Spike blush.

“If... if I may?” Fluttershy asked.

Twilight nodded. “Go ahead,” she said.

“I think we should let them use the mirror portal,” Fluttershy said. “Some of them said they have families... I think it'd be nice if they could contact them, let them know that they're okay. I mean, if what they said about how they got here is true, they would have disappeared quite suddenly.”

“It also may expose us to this Merasmus feller,” Applejack said, worried. “We don't know the limits of his magic.”

“Which means he's gotta face Sunset!” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully. “She's got rainbow magic over there, too! And you know how effective it is against meanie-pants magic!”

Twilight looked down, thinking over things. “...There are valid concerns about the mercenaries, but there's also the potential for good they can do. Plus, they said they just want to retrieve their employer and go home, which means they want to spend as little time here as possible. Let's put it to a vote. Starlight and Barricade, you vote too. The matter in question is letting the mercenaries go free, under certain conditions, to help us potentially fight the Administrator and go home. All in favor?”

Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Spike, Starlight, Twilight, and after a moment, Rainbow Dash raised their hooves. Applejack and Barricade frowned.

“Guess it's just the two of us opposing,” Applejack said.

“I'll trust your judgment on this, your Highness,” Barricade said, “and I'll go along with your plan. But I would like to once again note my objections to it.”

“So noted,” Twilight said, nodding. “I promise you, I Pinkie Promise you, that I'll do what I can to keep everypony safe.”

Pinkie Pie giggled, hopping over the table to hug Twilight. “And you know that I always hold ponies to Pinkie Promises!”

Everyone there chuckled. Twilight stood up. “All right,” she said. “Barricade? Spike? Come with me.”

Barricade and Spike followed Twilight out of the room as they headed back to the cell that contained the mercenaries. The conversation they walked in on, however...

“...I still can't believe you trust him,” Miss Pauling said incredulously. “He STOLE your SOULS and surgically grafted them to his own!”

“Eh. We kinda expect that sorta thing from him at this point,” Scout said. “Plus, transferring us over to this world also gave us all back our souls, so no harm done.”

“Um... what?” Twilight said, she, Barricade, and Spike giving the mercenaries confused looks.

Medic smiled. “Yes, I can understand how this would be confusing to walk in on,” he said. “Well, for starters, I like to perform surgery on my teammates, see what enhancements I can give them. Consent is... well, sometimes, for the sake of Science, I just don't bother with consent. And while my enhancements don't always take, the Respawn fixed everything right up.”

“Which we don't have no more,” Engineer said. “So no inserting anything into us or anyone else while we're asleep.”

“You wouldn't have complained if that dolphin lung I tried to add to you made you amphibious,” Medic said, smirking.

“That's beside the point,” Engineer said, grinning.

“But what does that have to do with souls?” Spike asked.

“Oh, that,” Medic said. “I sold my soul to the ruler of Hell in exchange for becoming the greatest medical genius of all time. No matter how ridiculous it is, if I can justify it in my head as a medical procedure, I can do it.”

Barricade, Spike, Twilight, and the guards gave Medic an alarmed look. Medic just smiled, and continued. “Anyway, as I did not want to be damned to Hell when I died permanently, I decided to exploit a loophole in the contract. It specifically said the the devil must own 'majority stock' in my soul. So I stole my teammates' souls and grafted them to my own. Surgically.”

“...And you're NOT mad about this?” Barricade asked, shocked.

“If you think about it, it would have worked out for us as well,” Spy said casually.

Medic nodded. “While the souls were mine, they were all essentially a part of my own soul. The devil wouldn't be able to claim it, as he only had a claim on a ninth of it. Which means I get a free pass to Heaven, and take my friends souls with me!” he said, beaming.

A long moment passed. Twilight, looking fascinated, asked, “How do you graft multiple souls together?”

“Well,” Medic started. “It's really quite a fascinating process. You see...”

“Twilight? Please don't ask the mad scientist how to do things,” Spike pleaded, Twilight flinching and blushing.

“'Insane' scientist, please. Mad has connotations of anger, and really, I'm not the type to be in a bad mood very often,” Medic said, smiling. “I also don't mind being called crazy, bonkers, nutso, batshit fucking loopy, 'oh God you horrible monster,' or any synonym for insane you can think of except mad.”

“Works for me,” Spike muttered.

“Anyway,” Medic said, “the procedure, along with every other enhancement I've given my friends, was undone. Everyone has their souls back, so I'll have to find a new way to beat the devil.”

“Doctor can take Heavy's soul again,” Heavy rumbled, “if he wants. Heavy trusts you.”

Medic smiled. “That's sweet of you, my friend, but no, I think I will work on something different,” he said.

“Why do you perform such insane surgeries on your teammates?” Twilight asked.

Medic looked genuinely confused at the question. “...They are my friends,” he said. “Why would I not want to make them stronger, more powerful?”

Twilight stared at Medic for a moment, and smiled. “Moving on,” Twilight said. “We've decided to let you go on a conditional basis. Your melee weapons will be returned to you, but not your firearms and explosives. We'll need to see if we can trust you more before we return them.”

Heavy growled angrily. Barricade silenced him with her Glare.

“As a condition of your release, you're all going to be temporarily conscripted into the Royal Guard,” Twilight continued.

“Wait,” Soldier said suddenly. “Are you telling me that we are being drafted into military service?”

Twilight blinked. “Yes. Is that a problem?”

The mercenaries all smiled at that. Soldier, a blissful look on his face, lay back against the wall. “No ma'am. None whatsoever,” he said softly. To Barricade's surprise, tears were in his eyes.

“We'll explain later,” Demoman said, hugging Soldier and smiling back at Twilight. “Suffice to say, you just made him very happy, and I thank you for that.”

“Well, that worked out,” Twilight said. “Miss Pauling, as we have greater concerns about you, you'll be working directly for my personal assistant, Spike.” She gestured to Spike, who nodded.

“That's fine,” Miss Pauling said, nodding. “Personal assistant is basically my job to begin with.”

Twilight nodded. “And also, as a gesture of good faith, we'll be allowing you to use the mirror portal to return home long enough to contact your families,” she said.

Demoman, Sniper, Scout, Heavy, and Engineer brightened. “You... you have a way for us to go home?” Scout said, excited. “I mean, I remember that muffin girl saying something about it, but... it's real?”

Twilight grinned. “We aren't about to make you stay in our world against your will,” she said. “We have a portal to the human world. Someone from our world works as an ambassador there.”

The mercenaries cheered. “Sunny Flare, Sandalwood, let them out,” Twilight said. The female unicorn nodded, pulling a key that had been mounted in a panel out and unlocking the door, using her magic to remove their restraining devices as well. Gratefully, the mercenaries followed Twilight and company as they led them through the castle, the two guards following behind the mercenaries.

They eventually came to a room with a large, shining mirror in it. Engineer, to his surprise, could sense several levels of enchantment on the mirror. Next to the mirror was a large device holding a journal in it.

“You'll be reappearing out of a statue in front of a high school,” Twilight said. “Fortunately, classes aren't in session, so you shouldn't raise too many questions.”

“Thank you, lass,” Demoman said gratefully.

Twilight nodded, removing the journal from the device. “Let me write Sunset Shimmer, our ambassador in that world, and let her know you're coming. She'll take you to a place where you can use a phone to call your families.” She wrote in the journal, and after a few moments, the journal glowed, words appearing magically in it. “Okay,” Twilight said, sticking the journal back into the device. “You're all set. She'll meet you there with her van.”

Heavy smiled. “You are good pony,” he said, trundling through the portal, disappearing in a flash. Scout, Demoman, Engineer, and Sniper followed soon after.

Sandalwood chuckled. “Heh... I wonder if they'll meet my counterpart over there,” he said.

Spy and Miss Pauling turned towards the guard, alarmed. “I'm... sorry, did you say you have a double over there?” Spy asked.

Sandalwood nodded. “Yeah. Me and Sunny both do,” he said. “So does Twilight, Spike, and all her friends.” He shook his head. “Boy, it was weird finding that out. I can't even imagine what human me looks like.”

A sinking feeling came over Miss Pauling and the remaining mercenaries. “This double... He has the same name as you?” Miss Pauling asked.

Sandalwood nodded, frowning. “Yeah... Princess Twilight said that everything there looked like human versions of most ponies she knew here...” he said.

“Including coloring?” Medic asked, alarmed.

“Y-yes?” Sandalwood said, disturbed now, Sunny Flare moving in front of him protectively as the mercenaries got in his face.

“Oh no...” Spy said softly.

“What's going on? What's wrong?” Barricade asked.

“Princess...” Miss Pauling said. “I don't think that's our world...”

“WHAT?!” Twilight said, her wings spreading in shock.

The portal flashed just then, a furious Demoman charging through. “YOU! LIED!”

Soldier immediately ran to keep the raging demolitions expert from attacking Twilight. Heavy came through next, also looking furious, but more controlled. Scout, Engineer, and Sniper's expressions were haunted and frightened.

“It... it wasn't our world! We were human, but we were still weird-colored!” Scout said. “What the hell's going on!?!”

Heavy growled, stomping forward. “Was not our world. Still felt like THIS world! Tiny princess will explain NOW!” he roared, Barricade moving to block Heavy.

“I swear to you, I didn't know that wasn't your world!” Twilight said, looking stricken. “That is the ONLY alternate dimension we've ever had contact with! The only world I know that has humans!”

“So, what, you don't know how to get us home?!” Sniper demanded.

“I...” Twilight grimaced, starting to cry. “I'm sorry, I don't...”

The mercenaries, especially the ones with families, looked horrified at that. “No... No, that can't be right! I can't be stuck here without my brothers or my ma! Not with him!” Scout said, Spy flinching in pain.

“My daughter...” Engineer said, starting to hyperventilate. “I can't... I have to be there for her! If I miss a visitation, the courts will give sole custody to my ex, and she...” He broke up into sobs, Pyro nuzzling him to try and comfort him. “I can't leave my baby girl to Irene! I can't!”

“I cannae leave me mum!” Demoman roared, his accent getting thicker as he fought against Soldier holding him back “I have t'be there for her! She's old, and blind!”

“Heavy swore he would always be there for his mother, his sisters...” Heavy rumbled. “Heavy cannot be stuck here!”

“My folks...” Sniper said, taking to the air reflexively in a panic. “They're old. They need the money I bring in, I can't be stuck here!”

Twilight was in tears, unable to decide what to do. The mercenaries were panicking, and starting to argue. Barricade, Sandalwood, and Sunny Flare were all preparing for a fight. The alicorn, so shocked by this, was struggling to think of what to do, what to say.

And then Spike intervened.

“ENOUGH!!!” he roared, the force of his shout shaking the room. The mercenaries were startled into silence, staring at the dragon. He huffed, folding his arms. “Look. I know you're scared. I know you want to get out of here. But PANICKING isn't helping! I'm sorry that wasn't your world, but yelling and fighting won't solve anything!”

The mercenaries, looking abashed, started to calm down. “They're our families, yo,” Scout said softly.

“I know. I sympathize,” Spike said. “But you have to give us a chance.”

Sniper took a deep breath, landing again. “You... You're right, mate. Sorry, that wasn't professional.”

“Yeah... yeah, I just...” Scout shook his head. “Not exactly in a good place mentally right now. Sorry.”

Heavy grunted. “Hnrh... I apologize. Too much bad is happening all at once...” he said, looking away.

Engineer removed his goggles, wiping his eyes. “S-Sorry... Things are just bad between me and my ex-wife. It wasn't proper of me to break down like that.”

Demoman, reluctantly, backed down. “Hngh... Sorry. I'll... I'll be fine, if ye can find me something te drink. Something strong.”

Twilight hugged Spike gratefully, kissing the dragon the cheek. “Thank you...” she said softly, turning her attention then to the mercenaries. “I honestly didn't know that that wasn't your world. I'm sorry for what happened. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now. And I swear, on everything that I am, no matter what, we'll find a way for you to get home.”

“Thank you...” Engineer said, putting his goggles back on. “I'm so sorry, this... this is all happening just too damn quickly.”

Barricade sighed in relief, glad a fight was averted. “The most we can do right now is make you comfortable in town. We'll find a place for you all to live,” she said. “After what has happened, if you don't want to take part in the security team...”

“No,” Soldier said firmly. “I'm not giving this opportunity up.”

Demoman sighed, and said, “Aye. Doing something will help me take my mind off of things.”

Sniper shook his head. “We agreed to the contract. We're not abandoning it until finished,” he said.

The other mercenaries and Miss Pauling also agreed. Barricade nodded. “Then I'll also give you the full briefing on who's coming, and what procedures to follow.”

The journal glowed again. “I'll join you shortly. Spike, Captain Barricade? Would you be willing to start the tour of Ponyville without me?” Twilight asked.

“Sure thing,” Spike said. “C'mon! Ponyville's a great place.”

Barricade, Spike, and the mercenaries left, Sunny Flare heading back to her post. Sandalwood hesitated. “Your Highness, I'm sorry, I...”

Twilight shook her head as she opened the journal. “You couldn't have known. And even if you hadn't spoke up, they would have found out,” she said, smiling. “You're not in trouble.”

Sandalwood bowed. “Thank you, your Highness,” he said, going to join Sunny Flare.

Twilight smiled, and turned to the journal.

“Twilight, did something happen? Those guys I was supposed to meet aren't here,” Sunset had written.

Twilight sighed, writing back. “It was a mistake sending them. Your world isn't the same as theirs, and they panicked. The situation was defused, thankfully.”

After a moment, Sunset wrote back. “Oh no... Are they going to be okay?”

“I hope so,” Twilight wrote. “It's just one thing after another...”

“Do you want me to come over early? I can bring my notes on dimensional travel and alternate realities...” Sunset offered.

Twilight thought for a moment, and shook her head. “Stick to the schedule for now,” she wrote. “I'm going to see what I can look up on my end first.”

“Okay,” Sunset wrote. “Good luck.”

“Same to you,” Twilight wrote. “See you in a couple days. And say hi to the other me for me.”

She placed the journal back in the device, shaking her head. “Okay, Twilight... Let's see if we can salvage this, and at least make them feel at home...”