Vinyl Scratch Gets Ultimatum: Shape Up, or Ship Out!
You’re in luck, Pinkie Pie! The old queen of wild parties has been dethroned! After years of some of the most wild and crazy parties in Equestria (many of which have been covered in this very column), it seems that Vinyl Scratch may have gone too far this time! After several juicy comments regarding the upper management of Wave Records (details in last wednesday’s column!), Sound Wave, Vinyl’s producer, has finally had enough and is trying to reign in Vinyl’s crazy antics.
“We’ve put up with a lot over the years, but this time she’s gone too far,” said Wave in an exclusive interview with the Canterlot Press. “I sat down with her and made it very clear that this company is built on family values, and her ridiculous antics fly in the face of everything we stand for here at Wave Records. Luckily, we’ve reached an agreement. She’s agreed to tone down her parties a bit, while I’ve agreed to give her some time to focus on her personal life a bit more. That way, it’s a win-win for both of us.”
When asked to elaborate on what he meant by “personal life,” Wave replied, “Well, her and I are very close, and it seems she’s been eying a cute mare for quite some time now. Who knows, maybe you’ll be hearing some love songs from her in a few months!” The Canterlot Press has confirmed that Wave did indeed wink knowingly after that sentence.
Well readers, it sounds like we’ve got some juicy gossip ahead of us! Who is this mystery mare that Vinyl Scratch is seeing? Will we have ourselves a celebrity couple on our hands, or will Vinyl be crushed when his crush doesn’t return her feelings? You’ll find out here first, on Equestria’s #1 gossip column! Signing off, xoxo, Flabby Gums (Any relation to the columnist “Gabby Gums” is purely coincidental. Implying that Flabby Gums and Gabby Gums are in any way related constitutes slander and will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of our legal team.)
Tomorrow: Who keeps Celestia’s hair waving? Find out in this exclusive, tell-all interview from one of the Princess’s most well-kept secrets!
After Octavia opened the door to her penthouse suite in Canterlot, she grabbed a cider from the minibar, sat down at her chair by the window, and sighed. After years in the music business, it seemed like she’d done everything. She’d played in concerts, she’d sang, she’d made records, and there was even that time she made a dubstep collaboration piece. She shuddered, then quickly pushed the memory out of her mind.
Even with all her wealth and fame (“the soundtrack to life!” she remembered being called by one review), there was still something missing in her life. Everything just seemed so… empty.
“Hmm, empty. Just like this bottle of cider,” she thought. “I am way too sober to be sitting here staring out the window like this.”
Luckily her minibar was well-stocked, and she rose briefly to go get another bottle of cider. A brief hesitation later, and she was walking back to her spot at the window carrying three bottles, trying not to drop them as she awkwardly cradled them in her hooves.
“Stupid unicorns. Have it so easy,” she internally grumbled, plopping onto her spot with a thump and opening one of her bottles. She took a long swig, and then returned to staring out the window, alone with her thoughts.
“Well, they’re not all bad,” she thought, spying a blue unicorn on the street corner. He was a harpist for the Canterlot Orchestra, among other groups she had played with him in, and through their conversations after they performed together, it had become obvious to her that he wasn’t like most Canterlot ponies. He was a high-class pony, for sure, but he always had a certain amount of compassion that Octavia found rather sweet, unlike the usual uptight snobbiness that usually came out of Canterlot nobility.
He wasn’t afraid to try new things at their shows, but while he was wonderful at improvising, he always made sure the rest of the band could keep up. She had found that out one night after one of their concerts, when he began playing a tune backstage that he had played onstage earlier, but this time it seemed so much more complex. The intricate patterns of notes he created, seamlessly blending together into one simple melody, it made Octavia’s heart soar. She had been enraptured while he played, bringing her to the feelings of raw passion she felt for music when she first went into the business. It made her feel so alive, so wonderful, and she had wished she could listen to him play forever, the sounds surrounding her and—
Her thoughts were interrupted when she reached for another bottle of cider and found that all of them were empty. She sighed again, realizing it was going to be one of those nights. She really shouldn’t be drinking that much, she thought, but one more cider wouldn’t be the death of her. As she walked over to the minibar once again, she decided that another after that wouldn’t hurt either, and grabbed a second cider before returning to her chair. Another sigh and it was back to her thoughts again.
While she had admired Solo Heartstrings for quite some time now, she had never quite worked up the nerve to tell him. She’d dropped hints now and then, of course (voluntary and otherwise), but she wasn’t completely sure whether he felt the same way about her. She was… pretty sure. But it was that uncertainty that made her hesitate. And that hesitation meant he might be grabbed by somepony else, lost to her forever. She couldn’t stand for that to happen, but she knew it would eventually. She couldn’t lose him, not a stallion like that. Not someone that nice, and passionate, and handsome...
She mentally smacked herself, realizing she’d been staring at his flank again. True, nopony could see her though her one-way windows (specially installed to keep paparazzi away), but it was still bad manners. Although it would be nice to have a suite on a lower floor, so that she could have a better look now and then…
Another mental smack and a shake of the head later, Octavia sighed once again. Maybe she would ask him later, but for now, she was tired. She gathered up her empty bottles, threw them into her pile for room service to take care of, and headed off to bed. Unfortunately, her thoughts of sweet, sweet rest were interrupted by a very loud, very rapid series of knocks on her door.
“I am way too drunk to be talking to fans right now,” she thought, shaking her head and making her way to the door. She was pulled out of her half-awake state, however, when she opened her door to see a very excited looking Sound Wave before he rushed inside.
“I- Mr. Wave, hello! I wasn’t expecting you!” she stuttered, trying to appear as sober as possible. “What brings you here, at this hou-” She glanced at the clock. It was barely 2:00. She could’ve sworn it was later. “Er, I mean, so suddenly?”
“Well, Ms. Melody, today is your lucky day!” said Wave, beaming at her. He looked like he was about to burst from excitement, and his enthusiasm seemed to fill the whole room and make it a few shades brighter. Octavia grimaced. “Now, you know how I like to take care of my employees, and I can tell you’ve been feeling a bit lonely lately, maybe a little down.” Octavia just rolled her eyes as he glanced at the pile of cider bottles in the corner. “So, I’ve made some arrangements and set up a date with somepony I can tell you’ve had your eyes on for quite some time.”
Octavia’s eyes widened. How did he know? Had some of her lingering been noticed by the press? These questions, however, were shoved to the side as an overwhelming sense of happiness began to bubble up inside her.
“Mr. Wave, I don’t know what to say,” she stammered. “This is the kindest, most generous thing anypony has done for me in my entire life! I’m so excited, oh goodness, what am I going to wear, what am I going to say?” Tears began to slowly form in her eyes as she grabbed Wave and hugged him as hard as she could. “I just didn’t know how to approach him, and I thought I’d never work up the nerve, but you’ve done all that for me, and he said yes! Thank you, thank you so much! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you, Mr. Wave!”
“Him?” asked Wave, a puzzled look on his face. “I’m talking about a mare, Vinyl Scratch. You know, the one you worked with on that dubstep collaboration. Ever since I saw you two together, I knew you’d be the perfect couple.”
There was a profound silence as Octavia slowly released Wave from her grasp.
“What.”
“Well, I know you’ve been looking for that special somepony. I can tell from your eyes when you perform, they have a sort of far-off look, like there’s a part of you you’re still searching for. But it seems your search is over, since Vinyl is such a perfect match for you! It’s like you two were made for each other, really.”
There was another long silence as the gears in Octavia’s head tried to work through the alcohol to process what had just been said.
“Pardon?”
“I’ve gotten you reservations for 4:00 at the Tasty Treat tomorrow. Those were not easy to get, so I expect you to show up on time for your date.”
“With… A mare?” said Octavia slowly. Was there something she wasn’t getting? She was way too drunk to understand what was going on.
“Of course! The two perfect mares for each other!”
A mental slap later, and Octavia’s brain shuddered to life and began to function somewhat normally. “No,” she thought, “I’m pretty sure this isn’t a dream. If I were dreaming, there would be spiders. A lot more spiders.” As she finally began to piece together what was happening, there was one thing she still couldn’t understand.
“Why… why would I ever do any of this?”
Wave’s face instantly transformed from one of bubbly excitement to harsh seriousness. “Because, Ms. Melody,” he said, “I have decided that you two will be together, and therefore you will be together. Don’t forget, I got you where you are today, and I can take it all away if I so desired. Besides…” He slowly pulled a small, gray notecard from his pocket and handed it to her. “I know things that you don’t want anypony knowing.”
Octavia’s face paled as she read the sentence written on the notecard. This… How could he possibly know about this? She had never told anypony, and there was nopony around when it happened. There was no possible way, and yet there it was. That single sentence that told her everything. A scowl started to form on her face as she reread the line over and over again.
“Buck you,” she spat at him, the words vicious and biting.
“I’m sorry, what was that? I couldn’t quite hear you,” said Wave, smirking.
Octavia opened her mouth, then slowly closed it again. Her face fell, the anger in it slowly draining to be replaced by a look of complete and utter defeat as she turned away from him. She sighed.
“Nothing.”
“Good. That’s what I thought. Remember, 4:00 at the Tasty Treat tomorrow. Don’t be late.” He turned and began walking out the door, then paused. Turning back, he cheerfully added, “After all, you wouldn’t want to disappoint your hot date!”
After Wave closed the door behind him, Octavia sat and stared at the notecard for a few minutes longer. “The best way to get rid of it would be to burn it,” she thought to herself. Unfortunately, she didn’t have anything to burn it with on hoof. As she stared at the card, the anger inside of her slowly grew to a boil. Suddenly she lashed out, screaming and ripping the card to shreds with her teeth. She crumpled it into a tiny ball, then stomped on it, then scattered the pieces around her, all the while screaming at the top of her lungs. Finally she collapsed onto the ground, exhausted. When she finally gathered enough energy to stand again, one thing became very, very clear to her.
“I am way too sober to be dealing with this,” she muttered, dragging herself to the minibar and sitting down in front of it. It was definitely going to be one of those nights.