Spike solemnly strolled, shoulders slumped to the side, through the front door of the Crystal Castle. His large grimace gave the world plenty of warning as to how he was currently feeling, and it was not pleasant.
“Meh.” The dragon took a few more steps to the living area and flopped onto a nearby love seat, across from one Starlight Glimmer, who was intently peering through a magazine of some sort.
“Hey, Spike. How’d everything g— Woah.” Starlight had to pause upon seeing Spike’s lackluster appearance in full form. “Everything alright, buddy?”
Spike let out a breathy sigh. “Eh.”
“I’ll take that as a ‘no’.” Starlight set her magazine aside. “Alright, champ, spill the beans, the whole beans, and nothin' but the beans. What happened?”
Spike shook his head. “Nothing you need concern yourself with. Just the indisputable laws of nature once again working against me and my attempts at living a successful life. Why did it turn out this way? I had such promise.”
“Yeah, okay. Spill it.” Starlight leaned forward. “I haven't seen you looking this bad since that one Power Ponies comic where Humdrum got rejected by… whoever it was.”
“Radiance.”
“Yeah, that one.” The mare nodded and leaned back in her chair. “So, talk about it. I’m all ears.”
Spike sat up and rolled his eyes. “If you insist, but I'd like to point out I was doing just fine stewing in my misery.”
“Be that as it may, Twilight allows a strict five-minute misery stewage time. We all know this and you’ve just about reached your limit.”
Spike huffed but knew he was matched. Given that face, he prepared himself to regale the tale of the date gone wrong. “Alright, so you know how I was going to that lunch date thing with Derpy and Twilight?”
Starlight nodded. “Yeah. Did everything go okay? I’m assuming not. Did Twilight go on some geo-political rant again?”
“No, even worse than that. Much, much worse.” Spike frowned. “Twilight wasn’t even there. The Mayor came calling as soon as we left the hospital and whisked Twilight away to talk to some business ponies.”
“I see…” Starlight said, putting the pieces together in her head. “So, wait a second. It was just you and Derpy, then?”
“Yep.”
“Eating lunch together?”
“You got it.”
“Alone?”
“Very good. You want a cookie?”
“That’s intense,” Starlight said with a snicker. “So basically, you two had a full-fledged date, didn’t you? Hmm, didn't think you had it in you.”
Spike felt his face heat up ever so slightly and nodded. “I guess so, technically speaking, of course.”
“Nice one. She’s cute!” Starlight held out a hoof awaiting a hoof-bump.
Spike waved it off and slouched back once more. “Sorry, Starlight. But I have not earned the right to reciprocate that hoof-bump.”
Starlight pulled her hoof back. “Oh? I take it things didn’t go so well?”
“And we have a winner,” Spike replied. “To say it was a failure would be the understatement of the century, honestly.”
“Oh, come on, Spike,” Starlight said with a warm smile. “It couldn’t have been that bad.”
“She ran out of the restaurant crying,” Spike said flatly.
“Ouch. Okay, maybe it was that bad.” Starlight got up and traversed across the living room carpet to take a seat next to the dragon. “Scooch over. This conversation is gonna require a more personal touch. I can already tell.”
Spike obliged and made room for her. “Do you really wanna hear what happened and help? Or are you just bored and in need of some gossip to share with Trixie? The latter wouln't surprise me, so feel free to be honest.”
Starlight rubbed her chin for a moment. “A little of both, honestly. I have been bored since coming home. Hence the PQ magazine I was leafing through. But, I do like to think of myself as your friend, so I’d like to help if possible.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Well, your honesty is appreciated. But, I doubt you could help me anyhow. You’re not exactly a ‘date expert’.”
Starlight gasped. “Excuse me, but I’m more than qualified to help you out here. I’ll have you know I’ve been through my fair share of awkward dates. Not to mention you’re forgetting a very important fact here.”
“And that would be...?”
Starlight nudged his shoulder. “You’re having mare problems, and I’m a mare. I may be the equivalent of your pushy older cousin at this point, but I do know a thing or two about how the female mind works. Tell me what happened and I’ll give you my take on it, okay? It's not like it'd hurt anything and talking about it might make you feel better.”
Spike nodded. “Fine, but be prepared. It's not pretty.”
"The truth rarely is." Starlight twisted around to get comfortable. “I’m ready.”
Spike did the same and began. “So, long story short, Derpy and I are on this friendly lunch date thing, right? It was just a friendly lunch, no biggie, but there was definitely some tension in the air. I don’t wanna say love was involved or anything like that. I barely know her, you know? But here’s the deal, I could definitely feel something going on.”
Starlight eyed him with a pensive look. “I see… Continue.”
“Anyway,” Spike went on. “We ordered our food, found the table and so on. There were a few awkward minutes of silence, the occasional unintentional eye contact, you know.”
“The usual suspects of a first date.”
“Exactly. So, we eventually found ways to break the silence, talked about this, joked about that. We even had a full blown laugh about the questionable and rootless origins of root beer. Things were going great, but then—”
“Actually, root beer was originally made with roots. And alcohol. Fun fact.”
Spike tapped his claws on the arm of the loveseat, peering at her with a steely gaze.
“Sorry, I’ll shut up now.”
“Thank you.” Spike rolled his eyes. “Anyhow, we got our food, enjoyed it.”
“Was there food sharing involved?’ Starlight asked.
“Uh, yes. A little. I tried a bit of hers and she tried some of mine.”
“Did you wait for her to use her fork or did you give her a bite from your own silverware?”
Spike looked up as he tried to remember. “Uh, I gave her a bite from mine. I didn’t want her to mess up her fork with the mustard and onion from my burger. Actually, she didn’t even try to use her fork. When I asked she just nodded and waited.”
“Hmm, interesting. Continue.”
“Well, after dinner was over, she was talking about the tough stuff she was going through and whatnot. I honestly felt bad for her. But at the same time, she was smiling and doing her best to seem positive. But, of course, that’s when it happened.”
“‘It’? Please, do explain.”
Spike steeled himself as he finally prepared to unveil his failure. “Well, I’ve been wanting to ask her about her parents for awhile. I’ve always found it interesting that it’s her taking care of Dinky as opposed to their parents. So, I figured the conversation was in a good place to bring it up.”
“And you decided to throw caution out the window and bring it up?”
“Eeyup.” Spike shook his head. “I asked her about it, she scooted back in her chair and ran away in a stream of tears. It was quite the sight, to be honest. It’s not very often one has the opportunity to see failure in its most pure state.”
“Well, I live with you, so…”
Spike shot her a cold stare.
Starlight chuckled. “Sorry, I couldn’t help it.”
“Anyway… That’s what happened.” Spike rested his head against the back of the sofa. “I’m pretty sure I ruined her day and any chance of friendship that may have been there before.”
Starlight shook her head. “No, Spike, that’s not the case at all. Do you want my take on all this?”
“I’m listening.”
“First things first, forget the ‘friend date’ crap. At least to her, this was definitely a date. And considering the multiple times you mentioned awkwardness and the slump you’re feeling now, I’d say it was a date to you, too. On that note, that doesn’t mean it has to evolve into anything serious at this point, but it was significant for the two of you.”
Spike blinked a few times and thought about it. A date? A date date? He couldn’t argue with her logic, and he didn’t exactly want to either.
“Now, as to the second point of this,” Starlight continued. “You’re right, you did mess things up.”
Spike frowned. “Thank you for that, Dr. Starlight. Your abilities of encouragement know no ends.”
He was quickly shut up by a whack to the top of his head. “Shut up and let me finish. You did mess things up, but not in any serious way. It’s obvious her parents are a sensitive subject. Why that is, I don’t know. But, I’d recommend you seek her out and apologize at some point tomorrow and then never bring it up again. If your guys’ friendship ever evolves further, she’ll tell you when she’s ready. So, you specifically are not the reason she left. I think she just felt on the spot and didn’t want you to see her in a more fragile state. Honestly, that probably speaks to her feelings toward you rather than against. You feel me?”
Spike was now sitting at full attention and nodded. “Yeah, I think I do. But are you sure? Maybe she just realized she didn’t want to be seen hanging out with a total loser.”
“Well, that hasn’t stopped her from hanging out with you, before.”
This time Starlight got a bump on the shoulder.
“Sorry, too soon,” she stated. “The point is, you’re just gonna have to apologize and see where things go from there, alright? Nothing was ruined or damaged, you just learned a little more about her is all. That’s the point of a date, anyway, right?”
Spike smiled. “I guess you’re right. Wow, who’d have thought you’d be such an expert on friendship problems? You need to hang out with Twilight less.”
“Psh, what can I say? I guess she kinda rubbed off on me the past few years. Anyway, I’m gonna go grab a snack. You down to play a game of RISK this afternoon? I’ve been itching for some world domination. As long as we keep things on the down low, it should be okay, right?”
“You’re on,” Spike said with a cocky grin. “But you’ll be lucky to even get Saddle Arabia this time around. I’m feeling lucky tonight.”
“Heh, sure,” Starlight replied getting up from the seat. “You said that last time and I won in less than twenty rounds. Remember, I was a full on dictator for years. You’ve got nothing on me.”
Spike got up as well and began following her to the kitchen. “Yeah, well, I’m a dragon. The pinnacle of evolution and masters of war. Beat that!”
“You put all of your forces on Fillydelphia last time. Game, set and match.”
Spike grimaced but was clearly beaten. “Fine, but we’ll just see what happens ton—”
Their petty argument was cut off by the sound of the Castle door flying open, revealing a clearly disheveled Twilight behind. Her mane was twisted and turned in every direction and her eyes were bloodshot to the point of no return.
“Those ponies… are never… coming back to Ponyville again!”
Starlight and Spike both glanced at each other before turning their attention to Twilight.
“Uhh, you alright, Twilight?” Spike asked. “Did the, um, business meeting go well?”
Twilight put on a clearly mocking smile. “Oh, sure! But only if two hours of yelling, moaning and disputing over a two percent property tax counts as great. If that’s the case, then yeah! Everything's just peachy keen!” She began huffing erratically at the mere thought of what had transpired.
“Hey, uh, Twilight?” Starlight spoke up. “Do you need me to get you anything from the kitchen? Some chips, donuts… maybe some vodka?”
She shook her head and began trekking toward the stairs. “No, but thank you. I just need to spend some time alone, please. If anyone comes calling, I’m unavailable until tomorrow. Understood?”
Spike and Starlight both nodded as Twilight stormed up the stairs, followed by a loud slam as her bedroom door shut behind her.
“She really needs a vacation,” Starlight said.
“No joke,” Spike responded. “We really need to work something out and soon.”
The two shared a nod before quietly making their way into the kitchen to get their snacks and hopefully have a fun afternoon together.